


souhait accordé cycle 4

by littlemsmessy, ndnickerson



Series: souhait accordé [6]
Category: Nancy Drew - Carolyn Keene
Genre: Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Assault, Attempted Rape, Cocaine, Comfort Sex, Couch Sex, Cunnilingus, Drug Use, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fights, Home, Honeypot, Infertility, Makeup Sex, Married Couple, Married Sex, Missionary Position, Morning Sex, Oral Sex, Party, Recreational Drug Use, Reunions, Reverse Cowgirl, Sex Toys, Spooning, Spooning Sex, Standing Sex, Temptation, Wall Sex, Woman on Top
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-03
Updated: 2012-12-26
Packaged: 2017-11-15 14:07:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 141,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/528122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlemsmessy/pseuds/littlemsmessy, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ndnickerson/pseuds/ndnickerson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nancy leaves her life in Illinois behind to join Ned in California.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_"Moving?"_

For a brief insane second Nancy wanted to pull out her cell phone and take a shot of her father-in-law's dismayed expression. She had wanted Ned to come along with her for this little revelation, but part of her agreement had been to get this process started as soon as possible, so waiting until her husband was back in Chicago—to help with the packing—wasn't really an option.

In a very small corner of her head, she realized, she was hoping that if she tied everything up in a neat little bow, smiling all the while, Ned would say they didn't have to be so hasty. He would call it off like some insane bluff. But every conversation they'd had since she had agreed to move to Los Angeles had been delighted on his end. He couldn't wait for her to be out there with him. And that, at least, was some small consolation.

They would be together. Even in the face of everything else, job hunting, her friends and family thousands of miles away, they'd be together.

Nancy shook herself a little, trying to concentrate. James's brow was still furrowed. While she knew it would be disastrous to share her own misgivings with him, she was gratified to find that he seemed to feel just as disappointed as she felt, contemplating living in California. James had helped Nancy and Ned get a great deal on the house when they had moved in, and she knew a huge draw for him had been its proximity to their own house. And now they would be a plane ride away.

She nodded. "Ned really loves his job out there and we decided it was time to stop making two house payments, and..."

James looked at her and Nancy resisted the urge to touch her cheek, to make sure her concealer was still in place. The ordeal she had gone through in Montreal had left her looking like a prisoner of war, which wasn't too far off. She had winced in front of the bathroom mirror, smoothing on layer after layer of corrector, until she looked somewhere near normal.

And she had risen that morning in their empty bed, telling herself that at least in Los Angeles, he would be there. If she dragged herself home, bruised and bleeding, he would be there.

_To scowl and start an argument about it_ , she didn't let herself think.

"Well, that makes sense... I just thought that it was a temporary move, that he was in California so he'd be able to move up when he came back to Chicago..."

_So did I._ Nancy swallowed the bitterness and smiled. "And maybe it will be like that... if Ned and I do have a child, we'll be moving back here."

James relaxed a little. "That changes things, actually. Not to be—well, are you two trying right now?"

Nancy shrugged. "We will be soon. Unless we change our minds."

"If you think you might be moving back within a year... well, I know that's twelve mortgage payments you could be spending on something else, but that house was such a great deal and the market is so lousy right now that I'd hate to see you lose it, especially if you'll be back soon. You two have a few options. I can put it on the market, no strings attached, but that's the worst option for you right now; if you want to sell with no other considerations, you might end up taking a terrible offer. You could lease or rent the house on a short-term basis, too. Unless you know of someone who's been looking for a temporary living situation. Managing a rental property..." James sighed. "It can be a nightmare, and if your background check isn't thorough enough you might have to get a hazmat crew in there before you can even go back inside, but if you decide to go that route, I can handle it on this end." He shook his head again. "It's set in stone, that you two are really moving? I know Ned's been out there, but it was nice to have you nearby..."

Nancy smiled at James. "It has been nice. I'll talk to Ned about the options and let you know, and once we get settled into a place out there—" she so badly wanted to say _if_ , but it was hard enough without tormenting herself. "You and Edith are more than welcome to come visit."

James managed a small smile in return. "To be perfectly honest with you, Nancy... I always thought you were the one who would be out there, traveling to all corners of the world, barely coming home long enough to pack a new suitcase."

"Well, I have done my share of that."

"And if this is what the two of you want... well, I'll just hope you two decide to come back and visit all you can. You know you're welcome to come stay with us whenever you're here, too."

She nodded. "I'll let you know what Ned decides to do." _And I'll make sure he doesn't want to sell outright_ , she silently vowed, as James picked up the check. _With any luck six months from now we'll be back here and California will be something else we had to get through together._

After everything else—Eric, that terrible night with Frank in the New York hotel room, fucking _Montreal_ —six months of sun and sleeping next to her husband every night would actually feel like a break.

\--

For the past forty-five minutes, Bess and George had been staring at Nancy, spellbound. They were her best friends, and it hadn't felt right to talk to them about what had happened through email or over a fragmented cell phone conversation, so she had waited. Nancy had only managed to scarf down two bites of her chicken enchiladas; Bess and George's plates had already been cleared.

"And so I'm gonna move to Los Angeles."

Bess's mouth dropped open. George's brow furrowed. Nancy felt a small pang of pleasure at their obvious shock.

"So... let me get this straight," George said, and Nancy took the opportunity to eat some more of her enchilada, and to take a sip of her diet soda. The pain pills she was on were so strong she didn't think a full-strength margarita would be a good idea. "Frank Hardy, who's had a hard-on for you since we were in high school, gets drunk and makes a move on you—and he and Ned have been in the same room since then and Frank's still _alive_?"

"Yeah, but, in fairness, they were tracking me down, and Ned would never kill Frank. He might _want_ to, but he wouldn't do that." Nancy used the side of her fork to cut through the slice of tomato on her guacamole salad.

"And then you run out to Los Angeles and Ned spends the next two weeks trying to convince you to move out there with him—and then this psychopath you've been chasing tells you they'll kill Ned unless you go to Montreal. Where they beat the shit out of you."

Nancy nodded.

"And after _all that_ ," Bess added, "he still basically _insists_ that you move out there? Away from us? _Ugh._ "

Nancy swallowed her bite of tortilla chip and salsa. "He does love his job, I know he does," she admitted. "And us being apart like this... it wasn't fucking working. We can't be married when we live two thousand miles apart. I can find another job out there..."

"But you love the agency," George said, her gaze intent on Nancy's face. "Maybe he loves his work too but you love where you are, and he can't even consider that?"

Nancy had to take a deep breath before she could keep talking. She knew that Bess and George loved her and would have her back no matter what decision she made, but on top of the turmoil she was feeling, Nancy couldn't deal with hearing her own misgivings coming out of their mouths. "He's sacrificed so much for me," she said quietly. "You know that. And this is just for a little while. If I'm not happy in six months we'll talk about our arrangement... and I've already told him that if we decide to have kids, I am _not_ going to raise them in Los Angeles." Nancy looked down at her half-finished plate, her stomach tensing with worry, her appetite vanishing. "Look, guys, I know it's not perfect, but we need to be together, and if this is how it has to be, I'll take it." She managed a watery smile. "And you guys have to come visit, okay? Once we find a bigger place, you can come and we'll go to Santa Monica or Catalina. Just hang out and relax."

Bess and George exchanged a glance. Nancy had never stopped believing that the three—or four of them, or maybe even just her and Ned—could eventually take a vacation that didn't involve a case, a mystery, or some assignment. Bess and George had known her for a long time, though, and had come to view that prospect as tantalizing, if statistically impossible. "So that's it? End of discussion?"

Nancy bit her lip. "It has to be," she murmured. "I can't lose him. And if this is what it takes, then I'll go out there to be with him. Just, please... come visit, okay?"

Bess and George each nodded. "Of course," Bess said finally. "You're our best friend. Of course we'll come out there. It's just... I know how rough things have been since he took that job, and I just don't want to see you unhappy."

"Maybe going out there is exactly what it'll take," Nancy said, trying to make her smile genuine. "And besides, if I'm not happy... then we'll come home."

_Home._ She couldn't forget that he had referred to his apartment in L.A. as _home_. Like everything they had built together, everything they had in Chicago was pointless.

They had to find a way to be happy together. They had to. She couldn't bear the thought of the alternative.

\--

"Honey!"

At the sound of his voice Nancy wanted to run, but she still wasn't quite up to it. She made her way to the stairs and grabbed the handrail, and Ned met her when she was halfway down, pulling her into his arms. She buried her face against his neck and hugged him hard, and it hadn't been so long since they had last seen each other, but they had come so fucking close, during that last argument, and every moment she spent in his arms was another she hoped the echo of that terrible word she had spoken would grow fainter.

_Divorce._

Nothing was worth that. Nothing.

"Hey," she whispered. His aftershave was different, and while she missed the old one, the new was a deep, rich, masculine scent that was enough to drive her crazy.

He pulled back and they went upstairs holding hands, and she noticed the bag slung over his shoulder. He shouldn't need a damn bag when he was coming home; everything he needed should already be here for him—

She shook her head. She had promised him that she was going to do her best, and she was.

"So. What's the plan?"

His sunglasses were new.

Nancy swallowed and made herself look into his eyes, just to see him looking down at her legs. She wore an old threadbare t-shirt and a pair of cutoffs and the bruises and scrapes on her legs were fading, but the flesh there was still tender to the touch. Ned's jaw tightened but he looked back up at her without saying anything, just squeezing her hand.

"Uh..." Nancy shoved a loose strand of hair off her cheek, hooking it behind her ear. "The nonessentials first—the guest bedroom, the china. All your DVDs."

"Nonessential?" Ned said with a chuckle. "Those are _very_ essential, Nan. And, before I forget... I have to fly back Sunday afternoon, so let me know what you need me to definitely do before I go."

"You mean... order you around, that kind of thing?" she asked, a sparkle in her eye.

"Uh, ma'am, I don't know what you're talking about. I'm just here to pack boxes. You want to give me a little lingerie fashion show, that's on your own." His lips curved up a little at the end of it.

Given the state of her—and while packing she had bashed her knee into a sharp-cornered box and opened up a sore scab, and _that_ had hurt like a son of a bitch—she wouldn't mind so much sleeping with him in the dark. "Well, my husband didn't leave me any money for a tip," she said, biting her lip a little. "Guess I'll have to pay you back _somehow_..."

He leaned down and gave her a kiss, soft and sweet. "That mean you're going to the bachelorette party?"

Nancy sighed. Shayna had practically _begged_ her to go, saying that Nancy would be invaluable on the scavenger hunt the maid of honor had planned, and maybe because she was afraid some of the other girls weren't going to opt into the rest of the evening's entertainment. A new club had just opened on the other side of Chicago, conspicuously advertising their all-male dance revue every weekend, and Shayna thought it sounded like a lot of fun. "They see girls walking in wearing veils and it's like catnip," she said. "Plus, Howie and the boys are going to be at a strip club too... and what fun is that?"

Ned had said that he wouldn't go unless she said she was okay with it, mindful of the fight they'd had. The only caveat he attached was that if, by some one-in-a-million chance, Frank Hardy was somehow undercover as one of the dancers, she was supposed to call him immediately. And Nancy didn't say it, but even though she wasn't a hundred percent on board with him going to a strip club, at least it was with Howie and the other guys—and at least Carly and the girls like her wouldn't be there.

Ned left her pondering it, unpacking his small bag, and she followed him, standing in the door of the bathroom. "Ugh. Shayna practically begged me to go, and... look. _If_ I say I'm okay with you going—and honestly I hate the idea of you surrounded by half-naked girls who aren't me—then, just... no touching, okay? No slipping some crumpled ones into some nasty g-string."

"Same goes for you too, then," Ned said with a little grin.

"Well, sometimes they pull people up there, and..."

"Dance up on them, but yeah. That's not the same as paying for a lap dance. And if I get in the mood for one... then I'll wait until I get home, and get one from you."

She smiled at him. "Okay. But I'm really not expecting any of them to be nearly as hot as you."

Ned looped an arm around her waist. "And I _know_ none of them are gonna be as gorgeous as you," he murmured, then nipped at her neck until she squealed, squirming out of his arms.

\--

Jan didn't say anything until the two of them were in the bathroom at the restaurant. The girls had done a few shots with the bride already, and Nancy had joined in just to fortify her for the rest of the night, and her face was gleaming faintly when she checked it in the mirror. And Ned would be home later, and Nancy felt such a fucking tightness in her chest when she imagined him at the other club, watching other girls gyrate and prance for him in the low light—

"Um." Jan looked as uncomfortable as Nancy had ever seen her, and they had known each other for a long time. "Are you okay?"

Nancy turned and saw that Jan was nodding at her leg. Nancy had gingerly put concealer over the worst of her bruises, but she had missed one. "Oh, yeah," Nancy said dismissively, smiling at Jan. "We've been packing and moving furniture is a bitch." And it wasn't a lie, just not all of the truth, and she hated the expressions she saw on people's faces when she had to talk about fucking Montreal, about any time she was put through the wringer. _Why do you do it? Why do you put yourself through this?_ their faces always said, even when they didn't.

Jan returned the smile. "Yeah, Mike told me you're moving out to L.A."

"Yeah." The tequila put the words in her mouth faster than she could push them back down again. "It'll make things better, moving out there with him."

"And you won't miss Chicago, not even a little bit?" Jan said, pulling out her tube of lipstick.

"God, I know I will," Nancy admitted. "Our families and our closest friends are here and..."

She trailed off, looking at her reflection, swallowing the lump in her throat. It was Shayna's fucking bachelorette party. She and Jan and Mike and Ned were in the wedding. It wasn't about her, not at all, but they had all been drinking and Shayna was emotional and _shit_ , she shouldn't have had the tequila on top of her pills.

Jan patted her shoulder sympathetically. "It's gotta be hard. I'm glad Mike stuck around here..." She shook her head. "I'm sorry. I really am."

After dinner and another few rounds of shots, they crammed into Rachel's SUV. Rachel was the designated driver since she was three months pregnant, and because she was Shayna's cousin she was practically required to stick with her the rest of the night. The radio turned on, blaring, as Nancy pulled the seat belt over her and handed the end to Jan. A pair of voices filled the car.

_I don't have a choice but I still choose you_

_Oh I don't love you but I always will_

"Turn it!" Mikayla shrieked. "No sad music tonight! I want to hear something with a _beat!_ "

Between them Shayna and Mikayla tried to help an exasperated Rachel navigate, trying to keep track of the other car behind them, but Nancy heard it echo in her head.

_I don't have a choice but I still choose you._

She hadn't had a choice, not really. If it was a choice between losing him and anything else, she would always choose him. Always.

Just like she had thought he would always choose her.

Nancy shook her head when they walked into the club. Shayna had left her Bride-To-Be sash in the car, along with the button, business card, and souvenir plastic sword she had collected as part of the scavenger hunt, but the veil was still on, and their party was seated near the stage.

"Don't act embarrassed," Jan advised Nancy. "That's like a magnet."

"Yeah," Nancy agreed, chuckling at Jan's raised eyebrow. "Uh, Bess dragged me to one of these things... So I'm just gonna get a martini and find out if Ned is drunk enough to take suggestions later."

Jan giggled, her eyes shining when the waiter responded to her glance and came over to the table. The black pants and bow tie ensemble just felt cheap to Nancy, but the set of washboard abs the guy had on display was fantastic, she had to admit. "So we have a bride-to-be over here?" the waiter asked with an exaggerated leer, and the girls all giggled at him. "I hope you ladies have a great time tonight. Can I get anyone a drink?"

Their round of daiquiris, margaritas, and martinis were delivered before the lights went down and the pulsing bass beat began to throb throughout the club. Nancy pulled her cell phone out and held it under the lip of the table, glancing up only briefly when Jan nudged her. The announcer came out in his own tight pants, wearing a black fedora.

_Just got to the club & I already want to get home & wait for you._

Six dancers emerged from behind the curtain and lined up on stage, the music rising as the girls greeted them with catcalls, whistles, and drunken slurred cries of "Take it off!" and "I got something for you over here, baby!" Shayna cast a half-eager, half-anxious glance over her shoulder at the rest of the table.

_They suck that much ? Oooh bad word choice u know what I mean._

Nancy chuckled at that. The guys on stage began gyrating in time with the music, their gazes traveling around the crowd. Nancy kept her own up, but not directly on any of them, praying that none of them came over to her. Shayna was undoubtedly going to be the magnet, so she wasn't too worried.

And then one of them came down and led a petite brunette on stage, grabbing her and tossing her into the air so he could nip at the fly of her jeans, and Nancy paled at that thought. Her injuries would make that a nightmare. Plus, Ned's were the arms she wanted around her.

_They aren't too bad but I've been wet for YOU since you left._

Nancy flipped her phone over as soon as she saw that the text had gone through. A guy in a cowboy hat walked over and picked Shayna up in a bridal carry, one arm under her knees, the other behind her back, and brought her up on stage. Nancy tipped back the rest of her martini and signaled for another.

Despite all her cautions, Jan ended up being pulled on stage, where a particularly muscular and athletic guy stripped down to a thong and drew screams from the crowd, and from Jan, by gyrating his hips a few inches from her face. Shayna came back to the table with her veil askew, a rose in her hand and the color high in her cheeks.

_Tell me when you're on the way home. I'll race you._

By the time they finally left the club, once the show was over, Nancy could feel herself sobering up, which wasn't all bad. She texted Ned as soon as they were in the car, and when Mikayla asked if they could swing through a drive-thru for a drink, Nancy ordered one too and swallowed another pain pill.

She slammed the door behind her when she left the car, and by the time she reached their front door, Ned had it open, his tall, muscular silhouette showing against the living room light. Jan, Shayna, and the other girls cheered and called out to him, and Nancy threw them a little wave before Ned took her hand and pulled her inside.

"Sex swing?" Ned said hopefully as he began to pull her dress off. She hadn't bothered covering the marks on her chest, and she hated the expression on his face when he saw them again.

She shook her head, just as disappointed as he was. "Not yet. But as soon as I'm up for it I'll definitely let you know. Got another idea?"

Ned opened his mouth, then saw her glance over at the couch. "Uh, looks like maybe you do?"

Nancy pushed her panties down, reaching for the hem of her husband's shirt, and he hastily stripped out of his pants and underwear. Nancy tossed her bra onto the pile of their clothes and walked over to the couch. When Ned followed, she shook her head and motioned for him to walk around it. She climbed up and stood on the cushions facing him, uncomfortably aware that all the marks on her naked body—the ones that weren't covered with her half-smeared concealer, anyway—were visible to Ned.

"How do you want to do this, baby?"

Nancy shook her head. "I just watched Jan get her face dry-humped by a stripper in a thong—don't you dare repeat that," she said, when Ned laughed. "And I want to try this but I may not be able to hold out that long," she admitted.

"Well, I've gotta say that the more times I go to the club... the faster I want to get home to you."

"Just because you don't have to pay me," she teased him, holding onto his hands as she put one foot on the back of the couch. "You been to the club a lot lately, Nickerson?"

He shrugged, looking uncomfortable. "With clients."

"Who's your client, Howard Stern?" she responded, sliding her foot forward to rest her weight on her heel as she brought the other up. She linked her hands behind his head and sank to a squatting position, tilting her hips, and Ned stepped in close to her.

"Damn," Ned breathed, gently stroking his hands down her back, cupping her ass. "Hotter than hell, baby. You okay?"

She nodded, and when he took her ankles and pushed them further apart, she tightened her grip on him. He grabbed her ass again, tilting her, and she gazed at him, tipping her head to the side to kiss him as he pressed his hips to hers. He gently parted her sex, rubbing against her, and when the head of his cock rubbed against her clit, she shivered, gasping into his mouth.

"God, you're wet," he whispered, as she arched her back to give him better access. "I can't wait until you're out there with me, baby. It's gonna be so good... you are so good, sweetheart."

She kissed the side of his neck, his stubble rasping against her lips, her sex throbbing with need as his erection stroked against her sensitive flesh. "Mmmm," she said in answer, closing her eyes. "I need you, baby, _please_... I love you so much..."

"I love you too," he told her, reaching down to angle himself for her, and she extended her arms, opening her legs as wide as she could, crying out as he slipped inside her.

"Oh God _yes_ ," she moaned, shuddering as he pressed the full length of his cock into her. "Mmm, _yes._ "

"Okay? Harder?"

She nodded, and when he thrust into her again, grasping her ass, she cried out again. He tilted the angle of her hips slightly and she let her head fall back, the slam of his hips jolting her entire body every time he moved inside her. He kept one hand on her ass and slipped his hand against her belly, his thumb moving down to her crotch, and she tightened against him as he flicked her clit.

"Oh _shit_ , oh yes," she sobbed out, her breasts trembling with his next thrust. "Oh yes, baby, so fucking good... _mmmmmm_..."

Her panted breaths turned to high, desperate cries as he stroked her clit with a hard regular rhythm, as he stroked rapidly in and out of her, until only her grip at the back of his neck kept her from tumbling backward onto the couch, sprawled open to him. Her legs were wobbling, her thighs protesting, but he felt so fucking good inside her, and at the deepest part of his next thrust she intentionally tightened hard against his cock, and he let out a groan. "Yeah, baby," he growled, giving her ass a little slap, and she tightened against him again. "Feels fucking amazing..."

She whimpered as he fucked her harder, faster, and with her legs spread so wide she was completely vulnerable to him. She bent her knees a little more and her ass was perched on the very edge of the back of the couch, and swiftly she wrapped her legs around her husband's waist, her brow creasing at the pleasure of it as the new angle made him feel even bigger inside her. She tossed her hair back and Ned bent a little to give himself more leverage as he pounded into her, and she could fucking hear how wet she was with his every thrust.

"Mmm," she begged, her mouth falling open as he began to frantically rub her clit. " _Mmmmm, yes oh God oh God_ —"

"So good, baby," he gasped, his thrusts faster now. "Feels so good."

When she came she released her grip and fell backwards, her hips up in the air and all the blood rushing to her head, and his angle changed inside her and she let out a full-throated scream when he plunged hilt-deep into her. He kept stroking her clit and she writhed, gasping out her whimpering cries, begging him to come, and he let out a groan, pinning her hips under his as he followed.

"Shit," he panted, one of his hands still on her ass as he tried to catch his breath. "God, that was good. You okay?"

She nodded, wincing, and he reached down to help pull her up. She slipped off the couch and onto her feet, and he padded slowly to the kitchen, returning with a paper towel so she could clean herself up. She sighed as she wiped the trace of them from her thighs.

Then she glanced up at him. Ned was gleaming, flushed, and he looked incredibly sexy.

"I... in the morning," she said softly. "I was thinking about... not taking my pill."

He met her eyes, drawing in a long breath, then reached for her, pulling her into his arms. "Think we're ready?"

She nodded, touching his cheek as she rested her head against his shoulder. "As ready as we'll ever be," she murmured. "As long as what we talked about still stands."

"Oh?"

She moved back, to look up into his face, and she hated that for a second she didn't want to say it, didn't want to do anything that could make him angry at her. She could swallow almost anything else, but this was one of the few things that she could not let herself back down on. "We—if we do get pregnant, we raise our child here," she told him. "With our work and everything, we're going to need help... so we will do that."

He brushed her cheek with his fingertips. "People do raise children in California," he pointed out, a half-smile on his face.

"I know that," she said, taking a step back from him, crossing her arms under her bare breasts. "But we won't." She frowned, and her voice was a little softer as she murmured, "Promise me, Ned."

Ned sighed. "Once you're pregnant, we'll talk about it, okay?" he said. "But, Nan, we're going to find some amazing house out there, and there are some really nice neighborhoods out around Echo Park..."

She tilted her head. "We can talk about it," she said. "But I'm not going to change my mind."

Ned patted her shoulder, and when he touched her hand she let him take it and lead her to the stairs, flipping off the lights as they went. "Okay," he murmured. "But let's get some rest. It's going to be a damn long weekend, between packing and the wedding."

\--

Nancy supposed that it was in the nature of the event, that standing up at the front of the church, at the altar, clad in a long dress with flowers in her hand again, would make her remember the day she had married her husband. He stood on the other side of Howie and Shayna, and from the second she had seen him in his tux, her mouth had been dry at the sheer fact of how gorgeous he looked. From the expression on his face, she knew he felt close to the same way.

And she was fully off the pill now, and while she had always loved the idea of making love to him, of expressing her love to her husband... knowing, now, that the act could leave her pregnant made her shiver. A child, a part of both of them.

"Do you have the rings?" the pastor asked, and Nancy focused on Howie and Shayna, facing each other, smiles on their faces. She remembered how nervous she had been on the day of her own wedding, but not because she had any doubt about the man standing beside her. She had always known Ned was the only man she could ever truly be happy with. Maybe they had hit a few bumps along the way, but her love for him had only grown.

_Would you marry me still? Even knowing everything?_

Maybe he had changed, maybe both of them had changed some, but she resolved again that she was going to make the best of their move to California. She owed it to him. And if she was lucky enough to get pregnant quickly, they would be back here, in their _home_ —

_Stop it,_ she told herself. _Home is with him. Home is where he is. You can suck it up for six months. Make a few new friends, find somewhere new to work_ —

She felt a fresh wave of despair at that thought, and tightened her grip on her bouquet, her thumb brushing against the curve of her wedding and engagement rings.

"...for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death do us part," Howie repeated, sliding the ring onto Shayna's finger.

_I don't have a choice but I still choose you_

Nancy glanced over at her husband and saw his brown eyes burning with intensity as he gazed back at her.

_I love you, baby._

She mouthed the words in reply, smiling at the end, and felt her eyes burn with unshed tears.

_I love you too._

They would be okay again. They had promised the rest of their lives to each other and they would get over the nightmare of their separation and they would be okay again. Because she _had_ no choice. She couldn't lose him without losing half of herself.

The pastor pronounced Howie and Shayna husband and wife, and as soon as they paired up to follow the couple out of the church, Nancy's arm tucked through Ned's, she glanced up into his eyes.

_I always will._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter by killingstreak and littlemsmessy.

“If you come this way, you’ll see that the kitchen has all-new stainless steel appliances, granite countertops…” 

The high heels of their real estate agent, Audrey, clicked against the polished hardwood floor of the home she was showing them. It was the fourth house they had visited that day, after already seeing six the previous weekend. Ned guessed that Audrey had to be frustrated by now; to her credit, she didn’t let it show on her face. 

Nancy had been with him in California for almost two months, and the apartment that he had originally selected when he had been living here on his own was entirely too small for two people. However, getting her to pick a place for them to live was a much more difficult task than he had anticipated. First, she couldn’t seem to find a neighborhood that she liked; then, she wasn’t crazy about the homes their agent had taken them to tour.  

Now they were in Hancock Park, an upscale area of Los Angeles that was filled with tree-lined streets and nice homes that weren’t too ostentatious. Nancy hadn’t outright rejected it, which Ned had taken as a good sign. 

As a compromise, Ned had agreed to rent a home rather than buy one. This way, they could get out of their lease if they really hated the place; if they loved it, then they could talk about buying. Real estate was significantly more expensive here in the Los Angeles area than it had been in River Heights, and Ned was also hesitant about committing to a mortgage for a home that Nancy could change her mind about in a few months. 

“Hey, isn’t this nice, Nan?” he asked, nudging Nancy with his elbow. “I know that you weren’t crazy about the kitchens in the last two houses we saw today, but this one’s nice and big.”

“I guess,” Nancy replied, less than enthusiastically. “At least this one has counter space. What’s out there?” she asked, pointing to the glass French door against one wall of the kitchen. 

“A lovely backyard, complete with an in-ground pool – which I think was one of the items on your wish list, if I remember correctly?”  Beaming, Audrey walked to the door and opened it. 

Nancy and Ned followed her out to the flagstone patio, which gave them a perfect view of the pool, its blue water gleaming invitingly in the early afternoon sun. 

“Gorgeous, right, babe?” Ned asked.

“Kind of a small backyard, don’t you think?” Nancy told him. 

Ned bit back the retort on his tongue, knowing that it wouldn’t be smart for him to voice it. “Nah, I think it’s kinda nice – we could definitely fit a grill and a table and some chairs out here.”

“I guess,” she shrugged noncommittally. 

“Why don’t we go upstairs and look at the rest of the house?” the agent asked them diplomatically. 

He and Nancy let Audrey lead the way through two medium-sized bedrooms, each with hardwood floors and large windows that faced the front of the property. “Perfect for when you’re ready to start a family!” Audrey exclaimed when they got to the second bedroom. 

Ned was waiting for Nancy to either shut down at the reminder that she wasn’t yet pregnant or mention that she had no intention of raising her children in California, but she kept silent, her expression blank as she pulled open the closet door to peer inside. 

When they got to the master bedroom, Audrey was all but dancing with excitement. “Huge walk-in closet, en suite bathroom with sunken tub and water jets, nice-sized shower… This master suite and the kitchen are really the main selling points of this house.” 

As they walked into the bathroom, Ned came up behind his wife and wrapped his arms around her waist. “Hmm, I can imagine us doing some really dirty things while we get clean in that tub,” he murmured, his lips next to her ear. 

He was gratified to hear Nancy chuckle. “You can imagine us doing dirty things anywhere,” she whispered back. 

“Well, maybe we could try it out beforehand – you figure out a way to distract Audrey into leaving us alone here, and I figure out a way to fuck you in it while it’s empty.”  He nuzzled at her neck. 

Behind them, Audrey discreetly cleared her throat. “Beautiful, isn’t it?”

Ned reluctantly released Nancy so they could face the real estate agent.  “It’s very nice,” Nancy replied, but there wasn’t much emphasis behind her words. 

“Do you have any questions for me? Any other concerns?” Audrey queried.

They both shook their heads. “Audrey, can you give us a few days to decide?” Ned asked. “Maybe think about all of the places you’ve already shown us and get back to you?”

“Of course, Ned. I want you to pick a place where you’ll both be happy.”

“I’m sorry, Audrey,” Nancy said, appearing genuinely contrite. “You’ve been so patient with us – with _me_.”

The other woman waved her hand dismissively. “I understand - it’s a very big decision. Deciding to move is stressful enough; deciding to move halfway across the country to for your husband’s job has to be even more so. 

“Look, Ned’s suggestion is a good one – talk it over for a few days and then call me to let me know what you want to do. If the ones you’ve seen still aren’t right for you, then we’ll start from square one. How does that sound?”

“Great,” Nancy told her, obviously relieved. She headed down the steps towards the front door.

Ned caught Audrey’s eye and mouthed the words _thank you_ , giving her a grateful smile. Audrey returned it and patted him on the arm. 

“She’ll pick a place, Ned,” the woman reassured him. “Once Nancy gets used to the idea of living out here, she’ll choose a house and be very happy in it.”

That was it, though – Ned still wasn’t sure if Nancy would ever get used to it. On the drive to a small local café that Audrey had suggested for lunch, Ned thought about how different Nancy had seemed since she had come to join him permanently in Los Angeles. In the beginning, she had been glad to be with him every day, glad that they were now living in the same place after so many months apart. 

Now, though, Nancy seemed almost depressed – she was often quiet and lost in thought. He had thought the house search would make her more enthusiastic about making a life in California; instead, it seemed to make things worse. She was never satisfied with anything that Audrey showed them and always seemed to find fault with something – the number of closets, the color of paint on the walls, the size of the patio…Although, lately, she hadn’t seemed thrilled about anything,  really. 

Ned attributed some of Nancy’s general mopiness to the fact that she hadn’t yet found a job. The agencies where she had initially applied weren’t hiring, and she had no desire to take a position at a security firm. He knew that Nancy had some interviews during the upcoming week, and that she was anxious about them. 

 If he were honest with himself, Ned had to admit that he liked the fact that she wasn’t working – it meant that she wasn’t putting herself into danger, and that she wasn’t coming home to him with bruises and scratches. He definitely didn’t expect her to stay home permanently – that would go against everything that defined her. However, he felt like he could breathe easily whenever she was out of his sight, a sensation that he had never before experienced in all the years they had been together. 

It also meant that she had the freedom to attend his office functions with him and be there when he came home from work at night. Ned wasn’t used to having Nancy available to him whenever he wanted or needed her, and it was kind of nice. Even if it was making her slightly miserable.

\-- 

After they had placed their lunch orders, Ned took a sip of iced tea to prepare himself for the conversation he wanted to have with Nancy. He knew he had to be careful; otherwise, it could turn into a nasty argument that would make her even more stubborn about selecting a place to live.  His chief motivation for even talking to her about this in the restaurant was that he didn’t think she’d blow up in a public place.  At least he hoped not.

“Baby, can I ask you something?” he asked, reaching across the table to take her hand.

“Of course,” Nancy replied, looking somewhat surprised. 

“Do you still want to live with me?”

She looked at him, a wary expression in her blue eyes. “Ned, what do you mean?”

“Well, it’s just that you’ve been turning down every house that Audrey’s shown us, and I wasn’t sure if there was some other reason behind it.” He tried to keep his voice neutral.

“What are you talking about?” Her voice took on a slightly sharp quality, and Ned winced inwardly. This was already taking a wrong turn.

“I was just wondering if you’d changed your mind. About California. Nan, we promised we’d be honest with each other, and I—”

“Ned, don’t be silly.” She cut him off with a smile that seemed to him to be forced. “Of course I want to live with you – you’re my husband and I love you. We already acknowledged that our marriage couldn’t survive the long-distance thing, and the job that you love is in California, so here we are. Like Audrey said, it’s just kind of stressful to move to a brand-new place that’s so far away from our friends and family.”

Ned felt a stab of guilt at her words, aware of all that she was sacrificing for him.  After all, he had been the one making all of the sacrifices before this, hadn’t he? 

“I know it is, baby, and I’m sorry. I’ve told you this before, but I really do appreciate you doing this for me.” He picked up their linked hands and brushed his lips against her knuckles, glad to see her give him a more genuine smile this time around. 

“I know you do, Ned.  But I’m glad to do it, because I love you. And, I’ve been thinking – that last place Audrey showed us _was_ pretty nice, and it was in our price range. Maybe we should call her today and tell her that we want to sign the papers.”

“Really?” Ned asked hopefully. “Baby, I meant it when I said that we could take time to think things over. If you weren’t happy with the houses we’ve seen so far, we can ask Audrey to show us more places until we find one that’s perfect.”

Nancy shook her head. “No, I don’t think we’ll need to.  It had the pool, the nice kitchen, the great bathroom, extra bedrooms for people to come visit us… And Hancock Park does seem like a real neighborhood, as opposed to those other areas where we’ve looked.  I mean, there are restaurants like this one, little shops, parks…“

“Are you sure, Nan?” He couldn’t hold back a wide grin as he carefully scanned her face to be certain that she was really okay with this.

She nodded. “I am. And I’m already looking forward to having you fuck me in that fabulous bathtub, just like you mentioned earlier.” 

Her teasing smile helped considerably to ease Ned’s feelings of nerves and anxiety.  Suddenly he felt like everything would be better, now that they had a great place to live. Nancy would settle in and it would feel like home when they were surrounded by all of their furniture and pictures and other things. 

“Baby, my goal is to fuck you in every damn room and closet in that place,” he growled. “In that tub, on the laundry room cabinet, on the outdoor furniture that we’ll put on the patio, on the floor of our new living room, in the walk-in closet in our bedroom…”

“So, we’ll christen it just like we did the old place?” she joked, taking a sip of her Diet Coke. 

He nodded enthusiastically. “That’s a promise.” He was about to say more when his cell phone went off in his pocket. He pulled it out and groaned aloud when he saw Lindsey’s name appear on the screen. 

“Let me guess – your office?” Nancy asked, and his heart sank as he caught the look of annoyance cross her face.

“Sorry, Nan – I have to take this,” he said apologetically. “It’s Lindsey.”

“And it’s Saturday,” he heard Nancy mumble under her breath just as he pressed the answer button. 

“Hey, Lindsey – what’s up?” he said into his phone. 

Ned listened to his boss talk for a minute before he rose from his chair, covering over the mouthpiece of his phone as he mouthed the word ‘ _sorry’_ to his wife. He hurriedly left the bustling restaurant to take the call on the sidewalk outside.

\-- 

After five minutes, Ned disconnected the call and put his phone back into his pocket. He was already dreading having to tell Nancy that he had to go into the office today. Since she’d been with him in California, he’d had to work late or on weekends with much more frequency than he had in the past. However, as he’d pointed out to her, it was because Lindsey kept assigning him to more and more high-profile projects. This meant more opportunities for bonuses, and a greater likelihood of a promotion in the very near future. 

Nancy, however, didn’t seem to grasp the long-term implications; all she cared about was that he seemed to be gone more than he was with her. Ned couldn’t help but think about all of the broken dates and the weekends that had been hijacked in the past by her detective work.  _Now she knows what it felt like for me_ , his inner voice whispered nastily. 

Immediately, Ned felt ashamed by his thoughts. He only wanted Nancy to enjoy herself out here so she’d start to feel like it was home.  He realized that this was the longest she had ever been away from her father and Hannah, and that she missed them terribly. She also hadn’t seen Bess and George since she’d left, and he noticed that, aside from Melissa, Nancy hadn’t yet made any new friends in California.  He had never before seen her like this – drifting aimlessly, almost clingy when it came to him – and he didn’t quite know how to fix it. 

He sat back down at the table, noticing that the waitress had already delivered their meals. “Baby, I’m so sorry about that. I hope you didn’t wait for me to dig into your salad?”

She picked up her fork and began to pick through the greens on her plate. “I did – I thought it would be nice for us to eat lunch together. So, what did Lindsey want?”

He shrugged slightly before taking a bite of his prime rib sandwich. “She needs me to come in for a few hours.  Derek’s team expressed some concerns about the stuff that Jack and Kesey put together for him, and Lindsey wants me to work with them to sharpen it up. But it should only be for a few hours, babe,” he added hastily. 

Ned could tell that Nancy was disappointed. “Should I drop you off at the office after we’re done eating, then?”

He nodded, giving her a grateful smile. “While I’m gone, maybe you could call Audrey and ask her when we can sign the lease for the house?”

“Sure,” she said, her tone slightly flat as she moved her fork through the spring mix without actually eating it. 

“Tell you what – when you come pick me up, we can go to a nice restaurant to celebrate our new place. We’ll order champagne, have a romantic dinner…then go back to the apartment and _really_ celebrate. What do you think, baby?”

Nancy nodded, still not looking very happy. 

“I know, it sucks. I’m really sorry, Nan. I promise to make it up to you later, though.” He purposely brushed his leg against hers under the table, relieved when she gave him a grin. 

“Who knows – maybe this’ll be the time when you’ll finally knock me up?” she teased. 

“Well, I’ll try my damnedest, sweetheart,” he teased back. “Believe me.”

\--

She loved the feel of his arms around her.

Nancy opened her eyes on Monday morning to find that sometime during the night Ned had slung one arm around her waist, pulling her close to him, one leg thrown over her hip. 

_This_ was what it was like to be married, to wake up in each other's arms. She had no idea how they had survived those long, difficult months of waking up cold and alone in empty beds. She shifted slightly and Ned mumbled something as he buried his face against the crook of her neck and held her tighter.

_Forever._ And she had come so close to losing him.

Noiselessly, she slid out of bed, easing herself gently out of his arms before she headed to the bathroom to wash up. 

Nancy had just finished washing her face when she felt the weight of a gaze on her back. Straightening, she saw Ned leaning against the doorframe, barechested and just looking at her. The corners of his lips were curved up and she felt hers creeping up as well, even as she scrunched her nose at him.

“What?”

He shook his head and oh, he looked so adorable with his hair all mussed. “Morning,” Ned murmured as he looped an arm around her waist and planted a kiss on the crown of her head. He reached for his toothbrush and she smiled up at him as he gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze before picking up the toothpaste.

It was just like how they had been back in Chicago. 

She wiped her face dry and turned and he spanked her ass, just like she knew he would. She cut her eyes at him and he grinned back at her, his mouth full of toothpaste, and her heart clenched a little at how genuinely happy he seemed, now that she was here. 

Yesterday had been perfect, even she had to admit. For once, Ned hadn’t had to go into the office or log in from home, and they had spent the day on the beach before going out for some drinks and a leisurely dinner at a place that overlooked the ocean. She felt like she had had his undivided attention for the first time in ages, and they had laughed and flirted before coming home to make love. Ned had teased her about how she had kept her legs up after they’d had sex, and she had told him that she just wanted to make sure that his sperm didn’t get lost. 

Nancy stepped into his kitchen, and again marveled at how new his appliances looked. Shaking her head, she heated up the frying pan as her fingers tapped an irregular rhythm against the countertop. 

His kitchen – that was how she still thought of it, _his_ kitchen - was nothing like _their_ kitchen back at home. Or, what used to be their home. It was small, but mostly because he had converted most of the floor space into an extended living room.

At least their new place would have a decent-sized kitchen; she had made sure of that. Nancy liked the last house that Audrey had shown them, she had to admit, but it still paled in comparison to their home back in Illinois.  To be honest, part of her motivation for choosing it was because she had been tired of looking. Nothing, absolutely nothing about the houses she had casually browsed through online had caught her eye, nor were the houses they had visited in person any better. They were either too swanky or cost too much or just weren’t _it._  

Home was Chicago. It was impossible for her to call somewhere else _home_ if she already had one.

She cracked the eggs into the pan and as they sizzled, she closed her eyes.

_But home is where Ned is. And if it's going to be Los Angeles, then it is. I’ll eventually get used to being here. I guess._

Sighing, she deftly flipped the eggs and as she turned to look for the salt and pepper, she felt a pair of arms slide around her waist.

“Breakfast in bed?” Ned murmured, his lips brushing her ear, his stubble grazing against her skin.

“Where did you put the salt?” Nancy asked, her eyes low-lidded as his lips moved up to kiss her temple.

“Cabinet to your right,” Ned replied as his palm slid under the hem of her shirt to cup against her hip bone. When his thumb stroked her bare skin, she shivered.

His hips were snug against hers and she was just beginning to feel his arousal when he moved away to get her a plate. Ned's stomach growled and he gave her a sheepish smile as she shook her head.

“Coffee?” Nancy asked. Ned shook his head as he took the plate from her hands, catching her by surprise when he ducked in to give her a sweet kiss on the lips.

She blinked and he gave her a small smile.

“That's to thank you for making breakfast.”

Nancy laughed as she hopped up onto the kitchen counter. For an apartment as nice as his, Ned hadn't bothered to get himself a dining table, always opting to eat in front of the television set.

Ned widened his eyes a fraction before shaking his head, smirking. “You don't want to get up there.”

“And why's that?” Nancy asked, one eyebrow raised as she leaned forward to accept a bite of egg.

“I'll want to fuck you there again,” Ned said evenly, holding her gaze, and her throat felt dry as she swallowed.

“Really,” Nancy murmured as she pushed herself to the edge, her legs swinging. “In that case...”

She hopped down and Ned let out a small growl as he crammed the remaining egg into his mouth and swiftly curved one arm around her waist to stop her. She looked up at him, her eyes dancing as she watched Ned chewing furiously, and she couldn't help herself as she put her arms around his neck.

“I love you,” Nancy said seriously. She loved the way he lowered his face to hers as he kissed her in the middle of his small kitchen, the warm California sunshine streaming in through the binds. 

He lifted her off her feet and she squealed mid-kiss as he carried her to the bedroom.

“You'll be late.” 

“Don't care,” Ned murmured as he crawled towards her, his knee nudging her legs apart as she leaned down slowly. He kissed her, softly at first, then harder, and when he pulled back, she had her legs wrapped tightly around his waist, her hips surging. He tugged at her shirt—one of his old shirts, easily three sizes too big for her—and she lifted her arms obediently.

Nancy arched and his gaze immediately dropped to her chest. When he leaned down to lightly flick one of her nipples with his tongue, she moaned softly. He took it in his mouth and she threw her head back, groaning as his tongue ran around the pebbled flesh. “Babe.” 

“Hmm,” Ned murmured as his other hand ran down the flat plane of her stomach before dipping under her panties. He nudged her legs open and when his hand grazed her, she shivered. He crooked his finger and when the edge of his nail circled around her clit, she gasped, her hips bucking. Ned chuckled as he pulled back and then he was standing on his knees as he tugged her panties down. The intensity of his gaze sent chills down her spine.

“For agreeing to come to LA.” Ned grinned as he dragged her to the edge of the bed and knelt down, one palm flat against her inner thigh as he placed feather-light kisses from her inner knee, trailing up to her inner thigh. Nancy loved the look of intense concentration on his face as he ran his lips over her bare skin.

Sighing, she opened her legs wider to give him better access as she propped herself up on her elbows. A wicked grin stole over his lips as she positioned herself for him, and he gave her a smoldering look before he used the tip of his tongue to trace her clit. 

“Well, if I had known that this was how you were going to thank me, I would’ve agreed to come live here a long time ago.” 

She felt the rumble of Ned’s chuckle against her sensitive inner flesh just before he placed a kiss there. When his tongue pressed deeper into her, she moaned and tilted her head all the way back, her throat exposed and her hair cascading down her bare back. 

Ned alternated between flicking his tongue back and forth and licking her clit, the exquisite torture of it causing Nancy to sigh and moan with pleasure.  Shifting her weight to one arm, she moved the other hand to pluck at her erect nipples. Nancy screwed her eyes shut and just concentrated on the sensation of his mouth between her legs as she continued to work her fingers over her breasts. Just when she thought she couldn’t take it anymore, he moved his head up so that the stubble on his unshaved chin brushed against the tight bud of flesh.  

Unable to hold back, Nancy let out a cry of ecstasy as she felt her orgasm hit, her hips bucking wildly as he continued to rub his stubble over her. She collapsed onto her back on the bed, panting wildly as he pulled back and sat back on his haunches on the floor. 

She opened her eyes to find him staring at her intently. “What?” she managed to get out between breaths. 

“Nothing,” he told her with a little smile. “You just look really sexy, that’s all.”

“Well, my husband just made me feel incredibly good,” Nancy replied, smiling back. “And I’m sure that he’s probably already late for work.” She flexed and unflexed her toes, her head lolling to the side as she studied him.

“He probably is, but he also has a huge hard-on right now and won’t be able to concentrate on anything all day if he doesn’t get inside of his wife right now,” Ned responded seriously.

“Oh, well, I wouldn’t want that to happen,” she cooed, beckoning him with one finger. “Get over here, Mr. Nickerson.”

Shedding his boxers, Ned pounced on top of her. “Now, I don’t have a lot of time, so...”

Nancy laughed. “Well, since you already gave me a thorough fucking last night, I’m okay with making this a quickie.”

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, he slipped one hand down to touch her clit. The flesh there was still sensitive, and she gasped as he began rubbing it with his thumb. She was still wet from when he had gone down on her, and Ned used his other hand to guide his cock into her opening. Nancy parted her legs and let out a soft moan as he slid inside her. 

Ned began thrusting in smooth, deep strokes, all the while still thumbing her clit. Gasping, she hitched her legs up and grabbed her ankles, enjoying how huge he felt inside her from that angle. 

“Baby,” he panted, “baby, please tell me you’re almost there.”

“God, just a little bit more, Ned,” she groaned, pushing her ankles even further apart. 

“Mmm, you feel so damn good. And you look so fucking sexy when you’re spread out like that.”

Nancy began to whimper as his strokes went even deeper. Once she felt that familiar tightening of her inner muscles, she arched her back, the crown of her head brushing the comforter.  “Fuck, yeah. Oh, yeah. _Oh, fuck. Yes_!” she chanted as she climaxed. “Oh, Ned, yeah! That’s it, it’s _soooo_ good!” 

“Shit, Nan, I can’t hold out any more.” Ned let out a hoarse cry of satisfaction as she felt him come inside her, still giving a few more thrusts before collapsing on top of her. 

“Fuck, that was a great way to start the morning,” he said, his voice muffled by the comforter. 

Nancy laughed. “Tell me about it – I got oral and a great fuck? Nickerson, you know how to kick off the week.”

Ned propped himself up on his hands and grinned at her before crawling backwards to stand on his feet. “I’d love to spend all day with you like this, believe me, but I’ve got to get a move on so I’m not too late for work.”

She sighed, still sprawled out on her back with her legs up,  as she watched him go to the closet and take out yet another of his new designer suits, this one a charcoal gray. Once he selected a matching silk tie, he pulled out a crisp white shirt and laid out all of the clothing on the bed next to her. 

“Join me for a shower, babe?” Ned asked, reaching out to rub her shin. 

“If I do that, you’ll never make it into the office,” she replied, reluctantly pushing herself up into a sitting position.

“True,” he said, looking regretful. “Okay, then, I guess I’m on my own.” He leaned down and gave her a brief kiss before padding to the bathroom in his bare feet. 

Thirty minutes later, fully-dressed and smelling of his new aftershave, Ned slid into his expensive Italian leather loafers and gave her a smile. 

“What are your plans for today, Nan?” 

Still naked, Nancy drew up her knees, encircling them with her arms. “Not sure. I know we need some stuff at the grocery store, and I have to pick up my suit at the dry cleaners for my interview tomorrow…”

“Hopefully, you can find something fun to do besides just some boring errands.” He playfully tapped his index finger against the tip of her nose. “Now, I really have to go. Bye, babe – I love you.” He bent down and kissed her.

“Any idea what time you’ll be home?” she asked, making sure not to sound needy or clingy as she asked the question. 

Ned shrugged. “Honestly, I’m not sure. I’ll call you later and let you know, okay?”

Nancy knew there was no use in her complaining – it would just start an argument. “Okay. I’ll be sure to make something for dinner that’ll reheat well, just in case you don’t get back until late.”

He gave her a grateful smile. “Thanks, baby – you’re the best.” After one more kiss, he walked out of the bedroom, and Nancy heard the front door close behind him a minute later. 

Sighing, Nancy got off of the bed. Yet another day where she had no idea how to occupy her time. Briefly, she toyed with the idea of going to the gym. She had always prided herself on keeping in shape, but it seemed especially important now that they were living in California, where they were surrounded by gorgeous women with incredible bodies. She knew that it was critical for her to keep her figure – while Ned would still love her no matter her size, she didn’t want to give him any excuse to look elsewhere. 

Nancy had already been to every museum and cultural attraction in the greater Los Angeles area, and shopping wasn’t very much fun without Bess around to help her. She could take in a movie or search for a new recipe to tackle for dinner, but those options didn’t sound very appealing, either.  

As someone as fiercely independent as she was, Nancy hated that she had to rely on her husband as her sole source of amusement and entertainment. Of course, she was incredibly happy to see him when he came home from work, as always - it was just that his presence was the only bright spot in days filled with loneliness and boredom.  The fact that he was working longer and longer hours only made it worse. She had no job, no friends nearby – really, she had no life of her own. 

She made her way to the bathroom for her shower, sending up a silent prayer that either tomorrow’s job interview or the one that she had scheduled on Thursday would lead to a great new opportunity. 

  


\--

On Thursday afternoon, Nancy slowly trudged to her small powder-blue Mercedes convertible, feeling completely depressed and defeated. She clicked the unlock button on her keyfob and shrugged out of her suit jacket, tossing it into the backseat before climbing into the driver’s seat. Fishing into her leather tote bag, Nancy pulled out her iPhone and saw that she had missed a call from Ned. _Probably wants to know how the interview went,_ she thought. 

She leaned back against the driver’s seat, sighing. The interview itself had been fine – Nancy knew that she always made a good impression and that she was more than qualified for the position for which she had applied – it was just that the job itself sounded incredibly dull. Running background checks and rooting through databases was definitely not her idea of a challenge.  

_At least it went better than Tuesday’s interview_ , she reminded herself. That had been for a position she had really wanted, at a firm that specialized in investigating corporate espionage and some mid-level government work. However, once she had stepped into the office of the person interviewing her, Nancy had known it would be a disaster.  When he rose to greet her, she had felt the man’s eyes slowly travel up and down her body, clearly assessing her assets. She had felt naked, exposed, despite her conservative suit and button-down shirt underneath.  

From there, it had only gotten worse. The interviewer made it perfectly clear that he didn’t think a woman like her would be cut out for that type of job, in spite of her resume and glowing recommendations from her former boss and various law-enforcement types. 

Nancy put her key into the ignition and drove aimlessly, not yet ready to talk to Ned or to go back to an empty apartment. She normally wasn’t one to drink alone on a Thursday afternoon, but today might just have to be an exception. 

\--

She was just checking the temperature of the chicken, parmesan cheese, and sundried tomato casserole that she had placed into the oven to warm when she heard the front door open. 

“Hey, baby,” Ned called out. “I’m home!”

She glanced at the clock, noting that it was well past eight. “Hey, baby,” she called back, resigned.  After her interview for the boring job, Nancy had gotten a call from her old boss. She had been eager to discuss it with Ned, and disappointed when he had told her he’d be late yet again. 

He walked into the kitchen, loosening his tie. “I’m sorry I’m late, Nan.” When he held out his arms, she walked into them gratefully, savoring the feel of his solid chest beneath his shirt. “And I’m sorry that your interview sucked.” He brushed his lips over the crown of her head.

“The interview didn’t suck – the job did.” Her voice was muffled against his shirt front.  She pulled back, tilting her head up to look at him. “But I may have gotten some good news.”

“And what’s that?”

“Brown called me after I got home today. He knows someone out here who’s looking for an investigator who’s good at surveillance and undercover stuff.”

“Really? I thought that you had applied for all of the places that specialized in that.” 

Nancy couldn’t read his expression to tell if he was happy for her or not. She continued on hurriedly. “I did, but this is a very small firm and they aren’t high-profile because they work with the TV and movie studios – where discretion is key. One of Brown’s friends opened the agency a few years ago and just happened to call him yesterday to say hi. Well, they got to talking, and Brown mentioned that I was looking for a job…” She trailed off as she saw the slight frown appear on Ned’s face.

“And just what kind of stuff would you be doing, Nan?”

She took a step backwards, getting a premonition that the conversation wouldn’t turn out the way she had hoped it would.  She was glad that she had only had one drink earlier – having a clear head would be essential right now. “Like I said, Ned – surveillance. Along with some possible undercover work, some background checks, busting philandering spouses here and there, maybe a little bodyguard work…”

“Didn’t you say that the job you interviewed for today would’ve involved background checks, and that you weren’t interested? And that you weren’t looking for something where you had to trail cheating husbands or wives or stuff like that?”

Nancy fought to keep her patience. “I did, but today’s job would’ve been _all_ office stuff - I would’ve been behind a desk all day. You know that I’m not into that, Ned. And, yeah, I originally said that I wasn’t really into the idea of tracking cheaters or whatever, but at least it’s better than nothing.”

Ned’s frown grew deeper. “So is the job you went for today.”

“I don’t get it, Ned,” she said, still trying not to shout. “Why are you being so argumentative? I’m genuinely excited about this, and you’re being a downer. Tell me why.”

“Because maybe the job you interviewed for today sounds less dangerous?” he asked, raising his voice. 

Nancy threw up her arms, exasperated. “Are we really having this discussion again, Ned? When we had that huge fight and I agreed to come out here and live with you, didn’t you say that you’d stop giving me shit about the risks that come with my job?”

“And didn’t you say that you’d get the subdermal tracker, which you still haven’t?” he countered. 

She rolled her eyes. “Since I haven’t been working, I haven’t needed it! So tell me again – why are you being so difficult? What has changed between now and then?”

“Because you’re now trying to get pregnant? Did it ever occur to you that it might be a good idea to take a job that’s less dangerous?”

Nancy’s breath caught in her throat. “So is that how it’s gonna be now? Once I get pregnant and have a baby, you’ll just expect me to sit in the corner and knit? Wrap myself up in bubble wrap?”

Ned’s expression turned darker. “Stop it with that shit, and stop putting words in my mouth, Nancy. You know damn well what I mean. Since we’re trying to have a baby, I don’t know why you’d want to put yourself into situations where you could be in physical harm!”

“And after knowing me for so many years, I don’t know why you’d expect me to take some boring desk job!” she snapped back. “And the fact that we’re even having this argument is ridiculous, Ned. We don’t even know if I’ll get the job.”

“And if you don’t? Will you take the ‘boring’ desk job?” he countered, curling his fingers into air quotes.

She shook her head violently. “No! I would be miserable with something like that, and you know it.  If I don’t get the job with Brown’s friend, I’ll keep looking…I was even thinking of applying to the police academy.”

“What?” Ned demanded, his disbelief clearly etched across his face. “You have got to be kidding.”

“Why?” she asked, lifting her chin up in defiance. “You know I’d pass the exam and the physical and that I know how to use a firearm.”

“That’s not the issue, and you know it!” he shouted. “I tell you that I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to take a job where you could be in danger; you tell me that you’re thinking about being a cop! You know, sometimes I just don’t get you, Nancy.” 

Nancy angrily folded her arms underneath her breasts. “And I don’t get you, Ned! You know that I’ve been restless and bored, and now I finally have the chance to take a job that could be interesting – something where I can use my skills. Is it the ideal job? No,” she answered her own question. “But at least I can get out of the house and do something that I could possibly enjoy! Don’t you want me to be happy?”

“Of course I do!” he thundered, his arms crossed in an imitation of her stance. “But if we’re going to have a baby, you have to take your personal safety into consideration! After all, it won’t just be you who’s in danger anymore!”

“Don’t you think I know that? God, Ned, you act like I don’t have any sense!”

“When it comes to shit like this, Nancy, sometimes you don’t!”

They stood toe-to-toe and glared at each other in the small kitchen. When she realized that Ned had no intention of backing down, Nancy decided to change her approach. 

“Look, Ned,” she said, her tone softer, “I haven’t even talked to the guy yet, and there’s no guarantee that he’d even offer the job to me. Who knows - I may hate it, once he gives me the details. And even if I do wind up taking the job, who’s to say that I’ll actually have any dangerous assignments? All of this arguing could be about nothing.” 

“Well, since you seem to be a danger magnet, I wouldn’t bet against it,” he grumbled, although his expression seemed to be less hostile. 

“Let me talk to the guy and see what he has to say, okay? I need something where I’ll be able to use my brain – you know that I’ve been miserable just hanging around this apartment and looking for new ways to keep myself occupied.  Please, Ned?” 

Nancy was aware that she was pleading, but it was incredibly important for her to at least explore the opportunity, and she wanted her husband to be on board with it. Another few weeks of wandering aimlessly through Los Angeles or pacing the apartment and she’d lose her mind, for sure. 

“And if it doesn’t pan out, can I ask you not to apply for the LAPD as your backup plan? Which, I’m not sure it ever really was,” he said, the ghost of a smile on his lips.

She nodded, not surprised that he had called her on her bluff. She had had no intention of actually becoming a cop, but had known that the thought it would drive him crazy enough that the new job would look appealing in comparison. 

“Deal. If I don’t get the job with Brown’s friend, then I’ll keep looking.”

Ned reached out and gathered her into his arms again. Relieved, Nancy wrapped her arms around his waist and squeezed.

“The only reason I worry about you so damn much is because I love you so damn much,” he told her, squeezing back. 

“I know,” she said, turning her face to the side. “And I love you for being so understanding.”

He placed his hands on her shoulders and gently pushed her back so he could see her face. “The thought of you going through something like what happened in Montreal again, or something happening to you while you’re carrying our baby… Nan, I couldn’t handle it. You are so precious to me.”

“I know,” she repeated, cupping her hand against the side of his face. “And I promise not to do anything stupid when I actually do get pregnant, Ned. I want a baby as much as you do, and I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize having a happy, healthy child. I swear it.”

Ned leaned forward and brushed his lips against hers. “Thank you.” 

“Now,” Nancy said, reluctantly pulling out of his arms, “I don’t know about you, but I’m starving. Why don’t you get changed while I set the table, hmm?”

Playfully swatting her on the rear, Ned gave her one more kiss before heading to the bedroom. 

When he was gone, Nancy took the casserole out of the oven and began assembling utensils, plates and glasses. _God, please let this job with Brown’s friend be halfway decent_ , she thought to herself.  _Because if I have to keep playing Suzy Homemaker, I’ll scream._


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter by littlemsmessy.

“Nancy, I’m so sorry I’m late!” Melissa called out as she rushed towards Nancy, a huge, buttery leather satchel draped over one forearm. Her stiletto heels clacked on the shiny hardwood floors of the restaurant’s entranceway. 

When the other woman leaned in for a brief hug, Nancy could smell the soft, powdery floral tones of an expensive perfume. “It’s okay. I’ve only been here a few minutes myself,” she fibbed. 

“I was walking out the door to leave the office when there was an urgent phone call that I just had to take,” Melissa sighed. “I’m really sorry, Nancy.”

“It’s okay!” Nancy repeated with a light chuckle. “Really. I know what it’s like. After all, my dad’s a lawyer, and I have the kind of career that comes with an unpredictable schedule, so I completely understand.” 

“Well, I’m still sorry I kept you waiting. And I don’t know about you, but I’m starving! Lunch was hours ago!”  

Once the hostess had led them to their table and they had placed their order, Melissa gave Nancy a genuinely warm smile. “I’m so glad that we’re able to get together. I just wish that we had been able to do it sooner. “

“Same here,” Nancy smiled back, and she meant it. “Things have been crazy, though – putting our house back in Illinois up for rent, packing, finding a place here and moving in… It’s been a lot. Things are just now calming down.”

“I can imagine,” Melissa said sympathetically. “Ned must be so happy that you’ve come here to join him for good, though. Anyone who looks at him can see how crazy he is about you.”

“He’s thrilled,” Nancy agreed. _When he’s home, that is_ , she thought to herself. _When he’s not working late, like he normally does most nights - like he is tonight. Or working on weekends._

“And you?” 

Surprised, Nancy looked up from unrolling her napkin. “What?”

“Are you thrilled to be here? Because Los Angeles is very different from Chicago.”

“I’m happy to be with Ned every day,” she told Melissa truthfully. _When I get to see him._

“Well, it’s nice to spend time with your husband, but what about the job search? It must drive you crazy not to have to go to work every day.” 

“No, I finally took a job,” Nancy said before taking sip of her water. “It’s not quite what I wanted, but at least it’s something to keep me occupied. My old boss knows someone out here and he got me the interview. I can’t be an official P.I. because I need to take the test to be licensed here in California, but I can tail people and act as a bodyguard or whatever.”

“Sounds exciting to me!” Melissa bubbled. “Better than sitting at a desk all day.”

_But not nearly as exciting as government work or espionage_ , Nancy thought, forcing herself to keep a smile on her face. “We’ll see how it goes.”

“And the house?”

“It’s fine,” Nancy said neutrally. “It has just about everything we wanted and the location is great. My commute to my new job isn’t great, but I’ll get used to it.”

“And I’m sure you had a nice case of sticker shock when you went looking,” Melissa nodded knowingly. “Everything’s a fortune out here, and you get half the house that you would somewhere in the Midwest.”

“It’s amazing,” Nancy shook her head. “Right now, we’re just renting while we decide if this is the house we really want. And, we’re also renting out the house back in Illinois because we couldn’t sell it, so it’s not like we have that money to help buy something here.”

“That’s a shame. But I’m sure it’ll all work out. Must’ve been hard for you to just pick up and move, though, considering that you and Ned were pretty much settled out there.”

“It’s been hard,” Nancy admitted, taking a sip of her wine. “That is – _was_ \- our home. It’s where we celebrated holidays and various family events, had parties and barbecues… We have history there.”

“I know what you mean. When Derek and I first got married, we lived in this tiny little house in the Valley. More like a cottage, actually.  Not at all fancy, but it was cozy and it was ours.

“Then we both became successful at our jobs, and Derek thought it would be better if we got a bigger place. Now we live in this big, extravagant house with lots of rooms, in this pretentious neighborhood, and still I miss that first place. Like you said, it was where we started our married lives together. Where, as newlyweds, we had sex in every room,” Melissa confided with a wink. 

Nancy chuckled. “Now, that definitely sounds like Ned and me.” _Or, like we used to be._

“So, it sounds like you really are adjusting nicely,” Melissa beamed. 

Nancy hesitated, unsure how much she should confide in the other woman. After all, she was Ned’s client’s wife, and while she liked her very much, Nancy had no idea whether she could trust Melissa to keep quiet. Would anything she said get back to Derek, or worse, to Ned? 

For the millionth time since she had moved out there, Nancy longed for Bess and George’s presence. She just wanted to talk about the problems she was having with Ned, problems she had thought would go away now that they were both living in California. 

How they hardly ever saw each other anymore, even though they were both living in the same place.  How she didn’t feel comfortable with talking to him about her new job –he still wasn’t thrilled that she had taken it, and she didn’t want  to waste what little time they had together on an argument. How they were supposed to be trying to get pregnant but didn’t have sex nearly as frequently as they used to. How she still resented Ned for making her give up the life they’d created in Illinois. Bess and George would either reassure her that everything would be all right, or they’d somehow help her to fix things. 

_But Melissa’s the only friend you have out here right now,_ she reminded herself glumly. For the first time in her life, Nancy was having a hard time making friends. Normally, people gravitated towards her and she was easily able to form connections, but she felt very lonely and isolated in Los Angeles. The other women she met only cared about their appearances and material things; she sure as hell couldn’t talk to them about her cases. 

Deciding to keep silent about how she was really feeling, Nancy instead plastered a smile onto her face and nodded. “So, how was that new resort you and Derek visited in La Jolla?”

\--

The next morning, Nancy reported to one of the big TV studios, ready to take on her latest assignment. The thought of having to trail some idiot actor who wasn’t smart enough to keep his pants zipped was less than appealing to her, but it was better than nothing, she supposed.  Besides, this particular subject was also rumored to have a drug problem, which is why the studio wanted to keep tabs on him. 

She adjusted her aqua blazer and knocked on the door to the security office where she had been directed to report. 

“Ms. Drew Nickerson?” the tall, bearded man who answered the door asked in greeting. Even though his hair was more gray than brown, Nancy would put his age as late twenties or early thirties. 

“Yes, but please call me Nancy. Are you Rick Sullivan?”

“I am,” he confirmed with a nod. “I have to say that I was surprised when the agency provided me with your contact information. I thought for sure that they would send someone older. And more… male. Definitely not as pretty, either.”

Nancy chuckled despite her irritation. She was already prepared for this type of response; after all, it had already come up in her job interview. And when she had reported for her first day of work. “Yes, I’m full of surprises. But I assure you that I have extensive experience with this type of work. I have a resume and a summary of some of my more high-profile cases, if you’d like to see it?” She smiled sweetly to deflect any sting that her words might have. 

“No, no - no need,” Rick assured her, waving his hand dismissively. “I’m sure you’ll be fine. Now, let me give you the details of why you were hired for this job.”

She withdrew a notebook and pen from her leather tote bag. “I understand that I’ll need to tail someone who works here to determine if he’s doing things that he shouldn’t be.”

Rick grinned. “I like how you put that. But, yeah, that’s it in a nutshell. Familiar with the show _That’s My Dad_?” Nancy shook her head. “Yeah, didn’t think so – you’re not their target demo. Anyway, it’s a show that’s shot on this lot – heartwarming family sitcom, blah blah blah. It’s more like a shitcom, it’s so awful, but it’s popular as hell and makes the studio a ton of money.”

“And someone on the show is misbehaving?” Nancy guessed. 

He nodded, the grin still on his face. “You could say that. It’s the star - Austin McMichael.”

“I don’t watch the show, but I know who he is. Wasn’t he on _Dancing with the Stars_ a few years ago?” Nancy had vaguely remembered Bess chattering on and on about the good-looking star while she made her watch the reality show one night. 

“Sure was. And he plays the handsome, young, and devoted father on the show – and in real life. There are always pictures of him with his beautiful, ex-model wife and their perfect kids in the magazines. The picture of the perfect family. 

“But in both cases, it’s just an act. In reality, he’s a perpetually horny fuck-up whose main hobbies are screwing as many women as he can – paid or otherwise – and doing blow. Not necessarily in that order.”

Nancy blinked. “So if you know this, what do you need me for?”

“The studio has been covering up his dirt for quite a while now – paying women to keep quiet, putting the publicity machine in overdrive to keep those glowing articles in those glossy magazines… But a few years ago, there was a major incident that cost them a shitload of money to keep quiet. Somehow, they managed to do it, but it came with another price for our star – the contract that McMichael signed last year included a morality clause.”

“Uh huh…”  

“And that clause includes a provision that if he’s ever caught in any type of compromising situation again, the studio has the right to terminate his contract. Or, you know, fire his ass.”

“So why are you hiring me to track him now?” Nancy asked, curious. 

“Because he seemed to be a good boy for a while – not sure if he really was, or if he was just better at covering it up. But lately, the studio’s starting to hear rumors again. Not just women, but drugs. Again.”

“And you want me to tail him and see what he’s up to,” she guessed. 

“That’s right. Where he goes, who he talks to, what he does. ‘Cause I don’t care what he says in those articles, I’d bet my car that he ain’t going home to make cookies with his wife and tuck in his adorable kids when he leaves this lot. “

“Okay,” Nancy replied taking a deep breath. “Do you want me to tail him discreetly, or will I have some kind of made-up job title here at the studio?” 

Rick stared at her, pursing his lips thoughtfully. “You are good – I never even thought about that, but I like it. After all, he’s always hitting on production assistants and interns and every other person with two ‘X’ chromosomes. Thank God that the girl who plays his daughter on the show is over the legal age and isn’t afraid to tell him to fuck off, but that’s a different story. 

“Anyway, we can definitely use the fact that you’re young and hot to our advantage – Austin’ll love having a new target for his charm. That way, you’ll have access to his trailer and he won’t suspect a thing. Good thinking.”

“Uh, he won’t do anything to threaten me or force me if I turn down his advances, will he?” she asked nervously, thinking of Eric. And Frank Hardy. 

“Nah," Rick shrugged dismissively. “In his mind, it would be your loss. He’d just move on to the next woman. He’s a stupid and morally bankrupt human being, but not a dangerous one.”

“Good to know,” Nancy said solemnly. “So, when do I start?”

“Probably tomorrow? Now that we’re having you go undercover, I have to set up your security clearances and get you a job as our newest production assistant. I’ll give you a call a little later and tell you when you should report for duty.” 

He rose from his desk, which Nancy took as a signal that the meeting was over. She stood up as well and shook his outstretched hand, turning to leave before Rick called out her name.

”I almost forgot,” he told her. “I have a buddy on the LAPD who you should probably talk to about the whole drug thing that happened a few years ago.  The studio did such a damn good job with covering it up that even I don’t know the details. But Ben should be able to help you out. In fact, you may want to go over to the precinct today. Tell him I sent you.” 

Rick hastily scribbled a name and phone number onto a Post-It and handed it to Nancy across the desk. 

“Thanks," Nancy told him as she took the piece of paper. Already she could feel the tingle of anticipation that came with starting a new case, no matter how stupid or trivial it was. 

 --

An hour later, Nancy walked through the front doors of the precinct where Ben Wilson worked. She had thought about calling first, but decided that the element of surprise might work in her favor. She made her way to the reception area. 

“Yes, hi, I’d like to see Detective Ben Wilson – is he here, by any chance?” Nancy asked, her best winning smile in place. 

“Head on back,” the older officer passing by told her, gesturing behind him. “Hey, Wilson!” he suddenly yelled. “Pretty redhead here to see you!” The other officers made noises of approval as she walked through the bullpen. 

“Hey, honey,” a bald, pudgy middle-aged officer smiled at her. “Are you sure that I can’t help you instead of Wilson? He always seems to get all of the cute girls.”

“Sorry,” Nancy chuckled, “but no. Next time, I’ll come to you.” 

A golden-haired officer who looked about Nancy’s age came out from behind a desk at the back of the room.  He was tall and resembled a younger version of Brad Pitt, and his muscular frame was nicely shown off by his close-fitting suit. “I’m Ben Wilson,” he said, looking puzzled as he struggled to recognize Nancy.

“Hi, I’m Nancy Drew. Um, Nancy Drew Nickerson,” she hastily corrected. _Why did I just do that?_ she chided herself. “Rick Sullivan from Clover Studios suggested I come and talk to you about an investigation I’m working on. Do you have some time to speak with me?”

Ben visibly relaxed at the mention of Rick’s name. “Yeah, Ricky and I go way back. We went through the academy together and he was a cop here for a while before he was lured over to the dark side of private security.” Ben was handsome before; when he smiled, though, he became truly gorgeous. Nancy immediately felt guilty about her thoughts. _You have a husband who’s truly gorgeous, so forget it._

“So, what can I help you with?” Ben was asking. 

Nancy flushed when she realized that she was probably staring at his perfectly white, perfectly even teeth. “I need some background information about someone who’s working at the studio. Can you assist?”

“Sure,” he replied easily, giving her another one of his million-dollar smiles. “You caught me at a perfect time –I was just about to go on break. Plus, I wouldn’t want it to get around that I said no to a pretty redhead.”

She flushed again. “Great. Did you want to talk here, or did you want to get a cup of coffee somewhere?” Nancy hoped that her tone sounded friendly but professional. 

“Well, the coffee here is terrible and it’s a beautiful day outside, so let’s get out of here. I know just the place.”

Ben led her outside and across the street to a tiny café, and Nancy was charmed to find that it had a courtyard in the back. Despite her protests, he bought her cup of coffee, and the two of them settled into a table in the nearly-deserted courtyard.

“So, just how is it that I can help you, Ms…Drew, is it?” After taking a sip from his cup, Ben sat back in his chair, one hand casually splayed across his muscular thigh.

Nancy tried not to stare at that hand. “Actually, it’s _Mrs._ Drew Nickerson, “she replied, emphasizing the _Mrs_. “But you can call me Nancy.”

“Shame – all of the beautiful ones are married. Although, what kind of detective am I, since I didn’t even notice those diamond rings on your left hand? But maybe my subconscious tried to pretend they weren’t there,” he answered his own question, grinning flirtatiously at her. 

She looked down at her ring finger. “But they are,” she said, hating the primness creeping into her voice. 

Ben raised one blonde eyebrow. “Point taken. Anyway, I’m pretty sure you didn’t ask me here to talk about your marital status. What are you working on for Rick?”

Nancy was glad that he got her back on track. “It’s confidential, of course, but I was hired to keep tabs on Austin McMichael.” She took a sip of her coffee. 

He chuckled at the mention of the star’s name. “Why am I not surprised?”

“So, I’m assuming that you remember his case?”

Ben chuckled again. “Oh, yes, Mrs. Drew Nickerson, I sure do. Talk about one lucky bastard.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well – and as you said, this is all off-the-record – he was involved in a huge drug bust about a year ago. Not just as a buyer, either. Sales and distribution, too.”

“Wow,” Nancy replied, surprised. “So why didn’t I find this information when I did a web search or a background check on him?”

“That’s what I meant when I said he was lucky. Apparently, it doesn’t matter how shitty your TV show is, you still get paid the big bucks. ‘Cause he hired some big-shot defense attorney. You know what those guys are like - scum of the earth, taking on any case for the money.”

Nancy felt her hackles rise, but tried to keep a polite smile on her face. “Actually, my father’s a criminal defense attorney.”

Ben had the good grace to flush. “Sorry,” he mumbled. “I just haven’t had good experiences with the ones I’ve encountered.”

Since Ben was trying to assist her, she didn’t want to risk alienating him any further. “It’s okay,” she fibbed. “I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

Shrugging, he continued. “Not much more to tell. He hired a shark who got him off on a fucking technicality. Sorry,” he apologized again for his language. 

Nancy made a dismissive gesture, prompting him to continue. “So, since he was just brought in for questioning and was never formally charged, it all went away. I have no idea who the hell they paid off, but McMichael emerged totally unscathed. It was all hushed up so that he could keep his rep as the perfect family man. Meanwhile, I know better.”  

“So now it seems that he’s up to his old tricks," she mused, “because the studio has asked me to trail him to check his extracurricular activities. They were already aware that he’s a generous financial supporter of L.A.’s hooker population, but they’ve also heard some recent rumblings about drugs again. And now they’ve got him under a morality clause. Given what you’ve just told me, it’s not surprising that they’re nervous.”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t blame them. McMichael was involved in some nasty shit the last time, and if he’s back in business, then their precious TV star may just be on the brink of fucking up again- only worse this time.” 

“Any suggestions about where I should start digging?”

Ben thought for a moment, rubbing his index finger horizontally across his chin. Nancy could see the light stubble growing there and briefly imagined how it would feel against her cheek. _Stop it!_ she hissed to herself. 

“I’d try a club called Harvard & Stone. Or Bar Marmont at the Chateau Marmont. That’s where a lot of his old contacts seem to hang out, and I’d be surprised if he found a new group to provide him with his supply. Seems like too much effort, you know?” He looked down at his watch. “I hate to say this, but I need to head back.”

 “Well, I wouldn’t want to make you late coming back from your break. Thanks so much for talking to me – I really appreciate it.” She gave him a genuine smile.

“It was my pleasure,” he told her as they both rose from the table. “Believe me. Talking to a beautiful woman is always a nice way to spend my time. And if you ever need my help again, just call.” Ben put a hand into his pocket and scissored one of his cards between his index and middle fingers as he held it out to her. 

“Feel free to call anytime – day, night, whenever. I mean it, Nancy.” His voice was husky as he said her name, and Nancy was shocked at the tingle that traveled down her spine from the intensity of his gaze on her. She knew that his invitation didn’t just involve work, and her reaction to it shocked and horrified her at the same time. 

When she got back to her car, Nancy had to take several deep breaths to calm her pulse. _You are being ridiculous_ , she told herself angrily. _You are a married woman – even though you’re going through a rough patch right now, you still love your husband. Screwing around would make things even worse – Ned would never forgive you. Ever._

Once she got her thoughts and her pulse rate under control, Nancy picked up her cell phone to call her husband, just to hear his voice. 

\--

“Please, please tell me we’re almost done,” Jack pleaded.  It was eight o’clock the following evening, and Ned and his team had been in the conference room for hours working on a new ad campaign for Derek.

Ned looked up from his laptop. “Uh, maybe another hour or so?”

The group around the table groaned. “Shit, are you kidding?” Kesey grumbled.

“I know it sucks, but we have to get this out to Derek tonight. Look on the bright side, though – at least you’re not going home to a wife who’s probably pissed about what time you’re walking in the door.”

“See, that’s why I’m still single, man,” Kesey told him, smirking. “Granted, your wife’s hot as hell, but still…”

“Damn right she is,” Ned responded lightly. 

“So, if Nancy’s gonna be mad, does that mean that you aren’t coming with us to the bar tonight?” Rower asked, taking a slug of Pepsi from the can in front of him. 

Kesey made the sound of someone cracking a whip, and Ned looked up warningly. “I’m just saying – a guy deserves a little downtime to relax and unwind sometimes.”

“Well, that usually happens _after_ he finishes his work,” Ned replied pointedly. “So, let’s get back to it.”

Two hours later, Ned was standing at the bar of a trendy West Hollywood bar with his co-workers. He still felt vaguely guilty about telling Nancy that he was still at work, but if he had told her the truth, she would either start snapping at him or go silent, and he honestly didn’t know which would be worse. Remembering the promise they had made to be honest and open made him pause before telling her the lie, but he decided it was best that she didn’t know, just this once. 

“Hey, man, check that out,” Rower said, elbowing Ned in the ribs. 

Ned looked up to find a beautiful young Asian woman smiling at him in an inviting manner. She gave a little half-wave and beckoned for him to join her at her table. Ned smiled back but shook his head. 

“Damn, are you serious?” Kesey said incredulously. “She is giving you the ‘all clear for landing’ signals and you turned her down?”

Ned wiggled the fingers of his left hand in front of Kesey’s face. “It’s called being married, son.”

“But still – your wife’s not here, is she? Just because you’re married, doesn’t mean that all the fun's over.”

“Just because she’s out of sight, doesn’t mean she’s out of mind,” Ned countered.

“If you just went over and talked to that girl, your wife would never know.”

“You forget that my wife’s an investigator – she can find out anything she wants to. And she carries a firearm,” Ned said lightly. 

The group negotiated their way through the crowd to get a table of their own. 

“Here’s what I don’t get, man,” Rower said, gesturing with the hand that held his beer. “Sex with the same woman every night for the rest of your life?” The rest of the unmarried guys at the table groaned.  “That’s like telling someone that you can only have vanilla ice cream, when you know damn well there’s rocky road, mint chip, strawberry, butter pecan…”

Ned shook his head stubbornly. “If you think it’s boring, then you lack creativity, man. There’s all kinds of stuff you can do to make it interesting and spice it up.”

“Plus, I’m guessing that Rower’s never had a redhead, because, _damn,_ they’re incredible in bed. All kinds of freaky,” Jack piped up, wiggling his eyebrows lasciviously. “Am I right, Nickerson?”

The other guys hooted as Jack grinned knowingly. “He’s not admitting it, but I’ll bet I’m right… The very sexy Mrs. Nickerson probably knows how to keep it hot.”

“Okay, I’m not discussing this with you guys…” Ned started, but he couldn’t quite keep the grin off his face. Although, they hadn’t exactly had hot sex over the last several weeks. Most nights, he came home way too tired for anything more than climbing on top of her for a quickie; he even suspected that she had faked her orgasm a time or two, which made him feel guilty as hell. The only reason she was probably doing with him at all was to get pregnant. 

“That means yes, in case you guys couldn’t tell,” Jack snickered. 

“Look,” Ned said, taking a slug of his scotch, “all I’ll say is that I am very happy and more than satisfied, and I’m not looking for anything else, believe me.”

“Not even Carly?” Rower piped up.

Ned looked at him in surprise. “What?”

“Scorching hot client Carly who is approaching this table with another hot chick as we speak?” Rower pointed to the brunette who was making her way to the table, a beautiful blonde woman in tow. Carly’s gaze had a laser-like intensity as she directed it at Ned, a wicked grin turning up her ruby-colored lips. 

“Hey, boys,” she cooed. “Do the women of Los Angeles know what kind of trouble they’re in for tonight, with all of you here in one place?”

“Hey, Carly,” Kesey grinned at the woman flirtatiously, obviously trying to get her attention.  She ignored him, her eyes only for Ned. 

“Well, fancy finding you here,” she cooed.

“Hi, Carly,” Ned responded, trying to keep his tone neutral. It wasn’t easy, though – she looked especially sexy tonight in her skintight jeans, high heels, and a formfitting top that plunged low enough to show off the creamy tops of her ample breasts. 

“Ned, I must say that I’m surprised to see you out and about this evening. I thought for sure that your wife would have you on a very close leash, now that she’s living here in L.A.” 

Ned’s response was cut off by the cocktail waitress who came to their table. 

“So, gentlemen, can we join you?” Carly asked once the waitress had taken their orders. “Oh, and by the way, this is Angelica.” Her blonde friend smiled and seemed to hone in on Kesey, who gave her a lascivious grin. 

“Sure, “Jack said eagerly, standing up and offering Carly his chair. 

_Of course she’d have to sit next to me_ , Ned groaned internally.  As Carly settled into her seat, her thigh brushed Ned’s in what he was certain wasn’t an accident. 

Carly continued to banter with the guys at the table, but it was evident that most of her comments and jokes were meant for Ned’s benefit. 

After a while, Ned drained the last of the scotch from his glass and stood up. “Well, gang, it’s been fun, but I think it’s time for me to get out of here. I think it would be nice for me to see my _wife_ tonight before she goes to sleep.” He deliberately made a reference to Nancy so Carly wouldn’t forget he was married. Not that she seemed to care, but Ned at least needed to make it clear. 

“Hey, it is kind of late,” Carly said suddenly. “Do you think you could take me home, Ned?” she asked, also getting to her feet. 

“What about your friend?”

“Oh, I’m fine,” Angelica said sweetly. “I’m the one who drove, so it’s no big deal.” She leaned in closer to Kesey and giggled at whatever comment he made. 

“Where do you live?” he asked Carly, stalling for time, for an excuse to tell her no.

“Just right off Wilshire Boulevard.”

“Oh, that’s definitely on Nickerson’s way home,” Rower chimed in. “After all, he’s in Hancock Park.” He gave Ned a look that meant he thought he was helping the situation. 

_Great_ , Ned thought ruefully. _This is just what I needed tonight._

“Perfect,” Carly cooed. “Then, it’s set – Ned, you’re going to give me a ride tonight.” Her double meaning was clear as she raised her eyebrows and twitched her lips upward.  

Ned could see no way to escape. “I’ll drop you off and then head home myself.” He wanted to make it clear to everyone that he would not be staying at Carly’s that night. Or any other night, either. 

\--

Carly tried to engage Ned in flirtatious small talk on the ride to her home, but he was careful to provide her with neutral, one-word answers, trying his best not to engage her.

“So, how is Mrs. Nickerson?” she asked when they were almost there. “Is she enjoying herself in L.A.? Or is she having a hard time fitting in?”

Ned took his glance off the road long enough to give Carly a look, his eyebrow raised. “Nancy’s great. She’s happy to be here because we’re together. And why would you make that comment about her fitting in?”

“Oh, just because she’s very different from the women out here. I would imagine that she’d find it difficult to adjust – the Midwest _definitely_ isn’t Los Angeles.”

“You make her sound like some country bumpkin,” Ned protested, feeling the need to defend his wife’s honor. “She speaks multiple languages, has traveled around the world, and she’s absolutely brilliant. Why wouldn’t she fit in here?”

“Oh, of course, and I didn’t mean anything by it, Ned,” Carly said hastily, although he could tell she had. “But the way you just described her… I mean, you have to admit that you couldn’t find anyone else like her around here.”

“And that’s a good thing,” Ned told her firmly. “Nan’s unique and amazing.”

“She’s very pretty, I’ll admit,” Carly said reluctantly. “Nice hair. And has a good body, if you like that sort of subtle curves thing. “

“Which I do,” Ned replied. “I find my wife gorgeous and sexy.”

“I get it, Ned. Really. I think she’d be kind of hot to be with – sexually.  To find out if it’s true what they say about redheads being spicy. By the way, we've never talked about it – is that something you’d be into? A threesome?” The word turned into a purr.  “Or maybe you’d just like to watch your wife and I together?”

Ned hated himself for entertaining the brief thought of Nancy and Carly naked in bed together, with or without him joining in. “Look,” he said, clearing his throat when he heard his voice get husky, “I am in love with Nancy, and nothing or no one could prevent me from being faithful to her. End of story.”  He pulled into Carly’s driveway and unlocked the doors, keeping the car running as a not-so-subtle hint that he had no intention of staying. 

“Oh, I doubt that’s true,” she chuckled. “Every man swears that he’ll behave, but it’s just a matter of time until he strays. All it takes is the right set of circumstances and the right kind of temptation.” Her eyes gleamed in the darkness of the car’s interior.

“You may think so, but not every guy is like that, Carly,” he replied almost wearily. 

“We’ll see, Ned. After all, I know you’re attracted to me, and I’m extremely attracted to you. One night, I’ll make you an offer that you just won’t be able to refuse.” Her gaze was dead on, and there was no mistaking her message. 

Suddenly, she leaned in, her breasts brushing his arm as she let her lips graze over his cheek. She pulled back slightly, so that their faces were only a breath apart. Ned couldn’t help but let his gaze trail down to her mouth and for one brief, insane second, imagined fusing his mouth to hers and letting his tongue slide between those pillowy, inviting red lips.  Then slipping something else between those lips and watching her suck, her lipstick leaving marks around his… 

_Fuck, what are you thinking?_ he hissed to himself. 

Carly was the one to break the spell. “Good night, Ned,” she whispered huskily, a knowing grin on those lips. “Sleep well.”  She opened the door to the car, got out, and turned back. 

“Oh, and by the way, that offer for the threesome? You should know that I was serious.” She slammed the door shut and put an extra little wiggle in her hips as she walked up the driveway, knowing damn well that he’d be watching. 

Ned sat in her driveway and watched as she opened the door to her house, giving a little wave before she went inside. He just sat there a few minutes more, trying to regulate his breathing, shocked and horrified to find that his cock had begun to stir as the result of his closeness to Carly. And her offer. 

\--

Nancy was mildly annoyed when she got home and found that Ned still hadn’t returned from work. He had called to say he’d be late, but still – it was after eleven, and he was usually home by now. 

She had to admit that she had been looking forward to spending some time with her husband before going to sleep. He had been working late so regularly that he would only have time to talk to her a few minutes every night before bed – if she was still awake when he got home, that was.  

Nancy was frustrated because his late hours definitely had an impact on her pregnancy plan.  They were still having sex, though not nearly as frequently and not nearly as creatively.  Lately, it was a few minutes of missionary before he’d roll off of her and fall asleep within minutes. The last time they’d had sex, she actually had to fake her orgasm, which was something she had rarely had to do in all of the years of their marriage. She had had high hopes for some quality time with him last night, but she’d been so tired after her dinner with Melissa that she had been sound asleep when he got home; when she woke up in the morning, he was already gone.  

Nancy slowly walked up the stairs to the bedroom and began undressing. As she slipped out of her blazer, something fluttered to the hardwood floor, and she bent to pick it up. Her heart began pounding when she realized that it was Detective Ben Wilson’s card. Nancy was still surprised at the visceral reaction she seemed to have when it came to the handsome cop. 

She sat down on the edge of the bed and stared at Ben’s card for a full two minutes. Leaning over to her nightstand, she picked up the cordless phone and held it in her hand, deliberating. On impulse, she dialed the number on the card, immediately disconnecting the call once it had gone through. Before she could stop herself, though, she hit the redial button and listened to the phone ring on the other end, not sure whether she wanted him to answer or not. 

A sense of relief washed over her when Ben’s voicemail picked up, which was replaced by a sense of panic when she couldn’t think of a good excuse to leave him a message. Before she knew it, though, the voicemail beeped and it was time for her to speak.

“Hi Ben, this is Nancy Drew… Nickerson,” she added hastily. _Shit, why do you keep doing that?_ she berated herself. “We met earlier today about the Austin McMichael case? I just had a, uh, question that I hoped you could help me with,” she improvised quickly. “Can you give me a call back when you get the chance?” She left him her cell phone number and thanked him before disconnecting the call. 

Nancy rose from the bed and continued undressing, trying to push the thoughts of Ben out of her mind. She was in her bra and panties and was deliberating whether to put on a sexy nightgown for Ned when she heard his keys in the front door.  Quickly stripping off her underwear and slipping a sheer pink lace nightgown over her head, she propped herself up on one elbow and lay spread out on the bed in an inviting pose.

Ned’s footsteps were in the hallway and then he was in their bedroom, his eyes lit up with desire as he took in the sight of her. “Well, this is quite a welcome home, baby. I thought for sure you’d be pissed.”

“Well, I was,” Nancy admitted. “But then I heard you come in and thought you could spend some time making up to me for being so late.”

“That sounds perfect,” Ned grinned, hastily shrugging out of his own clothing. When he was down to his boxers, he walked over to the bed and leaned down to pinch one of Nancy’s nipples through the lace of her gown. 

“Mmm, you feel like being a little rough tonight?” she asked, eyebrows raised. 

Ned leaned down again, this time grabbing the lace between her breasts in his fist and yanking down. She blinked in surprise when she heard the fabric tear. 

“Well, damn,” she murmured. She put out her hand and began to stroke his already-erect cock through the cotton of his boxers. 

“That’s it, baby,” he muttered. Ned sat down on the edge of the bed next to her and forced her head down to his crotch. 

Nancy blinked, caught by surprise. Ned never pushed her down when he wanted a blow job – he just asked. She didn’t want to say no, though. Having slightly rough sex – any kind of sex, really - tonight would be just the thing to help get her pregnant. And would probably result in her having a real orgasm. 

She took his hint and pulled out his erection through his open fly.  One of her hands played with his balls while she twisted the other around his shaft as she sucked him into her mouth. 

“That’s good, baby,” Ned told her, tightening his hands in her hair. “That’s the way I like it.”

His fingernails were digging into her scalp, but she didn’t stop. She kept licking and sucking as he continued to make noises of encouragement. When she felt his balls tighten in her hand, she pulled away. 

“Fuck, come on,” he growled impatiently. “I was almost there!”

“Too bad,” she told him, straddling his lap in reverse. “I want you inside me. Now take off your boxers.” 

“Reverse cowgirl? Nice.” She could sense the approval in his tone as he quickly slid down his underwear. 

She was on her knees as she tried to guide his cock to her opening, frustrated when she couldn’t seem to get a good angle. As Nancy attempted to get to her feet to crouch over him, Ned reached out to help her keep her balance. She squatted all the way down, hissing with pleasure as he began to enter her. 

“Shit, that’s good,” he panted, thrusting his hips up. “That’s it, baby.”

Nancy let out a low moan as one of his hands stole around her to roughly pinch and rub her nipples while she fucked him. “Mmm, like that,” she told him, closing her eyes. 

As she bounced up and down backwards on Ned’s cock, hearing his cries of pleasure from behind her, Nancy suddenly found herself imagining a tall, well-built blonde man, naked against crisp light blue sheets as she rode him. His fingers and mouth were working her erect pink nipples, and as his eyes closed, his white-blonde eyelashes were a direct contrast to the bronzed skin on his cheeks.  

Horrified, Nancy opened her eyes, forcing herself to focus on the deeply tanned legs of her husband and the dark hair curling on them. _Ben!_ she thought, astonished. _You were fantasizing about Ben while making love to your husband! What the fuck is wrong with you?_

Suddenly she stopped, Ned letting out a sound of disapproval as she climbed off of him. “Fuck, Nan, why do you keep stopping?” he demanded, almost angrily. 

Nancy reversed her position so that she was facing him and again mounted his cock, tossing her hair back over her shoulder as she began to ride him again. “Just wanted to see your handsome face while I fuck you,” she replied lightly, hoping that her traitorous fantasies weren’t somehow reflected in her expression. “I miss looking at it, you know.”

At that, Ned gave her a smile. “Just like I miss seeing your beautiful face. And those spectacular breasts,” he teased, giving one a tweak with his index finger and thumb.

She relaxed, drinking in the lust and desire she saw in his brown eyes as she slid up and down on him. _Look how sexy he is – his body is incredible, and he's gorgeous. Women would kill to be able to be in bed with him – you love it, and you love him. You love your husband, Nancy – however much you’re frustrated with the situation he’s put you into, you know still love Ned._

When his hand slipped between them to toy with her clit, Nancy leaned backwards and braced herself on her hands. Ned took his other hand and began slapping her ass, rearing up to suck on her nipples. Moaning loudly, she tipped her head back, enjoying the feel of her building orgasm. 

“God, yeah,” she whimpered after his thumbnail scratched over her clit. “That’s it, Ned.”

“Shit, you feel good,” he hissed as she tightened around his cock. “Nan, baby, this is so good.”

“I love you,” she cried out as she came to climax. “Ned, I love you so much.”

“I love you, too, Nan – God, I love you,” he told her hoarsely as he came with a shuddering thrust. 

Nancy blindly continued to ride him for another few thrusts, until she pitched forward on top of him, utterly spent. 

\--

Ned finally gained the strength to pick up a hand and use it to stroke Nancy’s hair. She had draped herself over his chest, and he enjoyed the feel of her heartbeat against his as they both recovered from the best sex they had had in at least a month. 

When he had come home to find Nancy waiting for him in a sexy nightgown, it was a great surprise. The encounter he’d had with Carly in his car had left him shaken, and more than a little aroused. A hot bout of sex with his wife was just the thing they needed to help reconnect with each other. 

_So why was I still thinking of Carly when I was having sex with Nancy?_ he silently wondered.  For just a brief moment, he had pictured Carly as the one who had been sucking his cock; for another quick second, he had imagined a dark-haired woman with a great ass, instead of his beautiful strawberry blonde wife, as the woman who had been riding him backwards. It was the first time that he had ever imagined being with anyone other than his wife while they were in bed or out of it, and it had upset Ned. A lot.

Despite his complaints when Nancy had kept switching positions, he had secretly been glad that she had stopped, because it had allowed him to wipe the thoughts of Carly from his brain. It had also helped to see Nancy’s face while they were fucking. It reminded him how much he loved her and how much he would lose if he ever crossed the line with another woman. 

Still feeling guilty and ashamed, Ned placed his hands on Nancy’s shoulders and gently pulled her up so they were face-to-face. He tipped his head up and gave her a sweet kiss.

“What was that for?” she asked, clearly surprised. “After the way we just went at it, I thought kissing was the last thing on the menu tonight.”

He brushed his lips against hers again. “Why, baby?”

“Because we didn’t kiss once, before or during?” Her voice held a slight note of hurt. 

“We didn’t?” Ned asked, pretending that he hadn’t noticed. 

Nancy shook her head. “No. For a minute there, I thought that I was having sex with a stranger, Ned.” She suddenly ducked her head down and rested it on his shoulder.

Ned actually felt himself stop breathing for a second. _Does she know? How would she know?_ he thought frantically, his thoughts bouncing around as he tried not to panic.  He forced himself to chuckle. “Nope. We’ve already played out the stranger scenario twice – remember, Nan?”

He was relieved to hear her laugh in response.  “I was just teasing you, Ned.” 

“I know, babe. Now,” he said, shifting to roll her onto her back, “what do you say we try it again, this time with lots of kissing?”  

Nancy’s eyes were dancing as he settled on top of her. “Well, I’m tired, but I think if you tried hard to persuade me…”

“Nan, I’m already getting hard at the thought of trying hard to persuade you.” He buried his head in her neck and brushed his palm over her breast, enjoying her squeals of delight.  

_You need to remember this the next time Carly starts pulling her shit_ , he told himself sternly.  _Nancy is the love of your life. Nothing or no one would be worth losing her, and you know it. She’s just going through something right now – once she gets more accustomed to her new life here, things will get better. Eventually._  


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter by ndnickerson.

Nancy strolled through the community grocery store, feeling just a little self-conscious, as though any of the other shoppers could sense her trepidation. Shopping for herself and her husband was always an ordeal, because half the time he wasn't home for dinner, and the other half of the time she had to grab her meals on the road, before or after stakeouts or tracking down leads. Ned had so many client lunches and dinners that he never needed her to pack a lunch for him, and that meant half the time she had elaborate plans for meals that never materialized and a freezer full of roasts.

She had taken the opportunity to dress down, too, in a pair of well-washed matchstick jeans, a loose grey top, and flats. The women she saw in the aisles were wearing name-brand jeans, carrying purses that had probably cost the equivalent of one of her Mercedes payments. Bess would have been in heaven. Nancy just felt a little uneasy, like she was out of place—the same way she felt when they went almost anywhere, where women dressed like these approached Ned, in his expensive suit and Italian loafers, and gave him air kisses and empty smiles.

He was accustomed to moving around these kinds of people. Nancy just saw them the other way. They were catty and petty and spiteful, superficial, concerned only with appearances. It didn't matter so much what someone else was doing as it did whether the knowledge was worth anything; the studio hadn't cared so much about McMichael, as it had whether he was about to be _caught_. If he could have kept his vices to himself, she had no doubt they would have continued to look the other way until _That's My Dad_ was in the running for syndication.

And she hadn't investigated a single mystery in _weeks_ , a single case that challenged her as much as a crossword puzzle.

Despite the sex they'd had a few weeks before—and she didn't really like to look back on that night, remembering that brief vision she'd had of someone else while she had been making love to her husband—their lovemaking had become almost desultory again. They just kept not connecting, and on the rare night he had come home before she had gone to sleep _and_ he was in the mood, she had been distracted by the smell of scotch on his breath and her growing, nagging suspicion that he was...

She wasn't sure, and her uncertainty made her worried. Too often she could feel an edge that hadn't been there before.

And there was no one she could talk to about it. Ned had been her best friend for so long, but she couldn't talk to him about her work or his own—those talks disintegrated into accusations and hurt feelings. When she admitted that she was frustrated by her assignments, Ned always pointed out that she could quit, that he was making more than enough money to support them both. When he talked about his work, she couldn't help suggesting that, if he was doing so well, then they could afford to give him more time off. From there it became the old argument, that when she was home he wasn't, that when he was home he was tired...

A young mother wearing a khaki-and-black shirtdress stood in the aisle considering two brands of diapers. A chubby baby with mocha skin, seated in the shopping cart, blinked a pair of gorgeous dark eyes at Nancy, a spellbound expression on his face. Nancy gave him a little wave and a smile as she passed, but as soon as she was in the next aisle, a cramp hit her.

She was about to start her period. So she still wasn't pregnant.

Every month, in the days leading up to the start of her period, Nancy had grown more and more apprehensive, almost frantic with anxiety. She had considered buying early-warning pregnancy tests, but a part of her felt like that would be jinxing it.

And then, every month, when her period began, she felt it again.

_I'm stuck here. Another month._

And _fuck_ , she didn't want to feel that way. She didn't want to feel trapped and depressed. She was with her husband; that was supposed to fix everything.

But it hadn't. It hadn't fixed anything at all. And she was marooned on an island and, for all intents and purposes, she saw Ned _less_ than she had when they had lived apart. Because at least before, when he had come to Chicago to see her, when she had come to L.A. to see him, he had made time for her. Now, though...

She couldn't talk to Melissa, not really. She couldn't shake the feeling that Melissa might mention something to Derek, that Derek might mention something to Ned, that it would just end in another fight.

But Ben... Ben was so damn easy to talk to, and he was cute

( _drop dead handsome, more like_ , she didn't quite let herself think)

and funny and charming, and his entire face lit up when he saw her, in a way that Ned's didn't anymore, the way Ned's face hadn't in a while.

Nancy had told Ned she would try the move for six months, but she didn't know if she could last that long, not with their life the way it was. It felt like a marathon instead of a sprint, her time in Los Angeles with him, and if she wasn't pregnant at the end of six months—

Just that thought was enough to make her feel almost unbearably anxious. The thought of spending a day over six months with him out here—and she was trying, for God's sake, for _their_ sake, she was trying, but she knew the fight they would have at the end of the six months, when she started packing up to return to Chicago...

She had to get pregnant. _Had_ to. Then there wouldn't be a question, wouldn't be an argument that would leave her terrified that if she moved back to Chicago, he might not follow. And that thought, she couldn't bear.

She made a decision, blinking until her vision cleared, and steered her shopping cart toward the meat display. She and Ned had to have a talk. Tonight.

By the time Ned keyed into their front door, Nancy had the table set, the potatoes and the spinach-and-parmesan dish done, and she was only waiting on him so she could prepare the steaks. She ignored the fact that he was thirty minutes late; lately she had been lucky if he was home before eleven. "Hey baby," she told him, her heart rising when he wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed the crown of her head. "Want to go get changed? The steaks will be ready in a few minutes."

"Mmm. I like where this is going," he told her, smiling as he headed for the stairs.

She had even stopped by the bakery for a richly decadent chocolate cake, and Ned looked pleased when he finally sat back, his plate empty save a few chocolate crumbs. "So," he said with a sigh, "you had something to tell me...? Let me get a drink. Did you want one, or...?"

She shook her head and saw the unspoken question in his eyes. "No, it's okay. I just started my period today; I'm just gonna stick to Diet Coke, though."

She couldn't tell whether he was relieved or not, that she wasn't pregnant. He came back with a tumbler of scotch, and she didn't like to think of the number of empty scotch bottles she had put out with the recycling since she had arrived.

It was okay, though. He had always liked to drink, and as long as he wasn't driving afterward, she didn't want to fight that battle.

She waited until Ned took the first sip and put the glass back down to swallow hard and gaze up into his dark eyes. And God, she could feel it even now, even through her anxiety. She had always loved him, always, and it was killing her that his presence wasn't enough to make her happy to be in Los Angeles.

Nancy ran a hand through her hair. "I've been thinking," she began carefully. "And it's really important to me... to do this."

Ned visibly relaxed, his gaze a little less intense.

"Melissa gave me a recommendation for a good one, and I'm going to go to an OBGYN out here. If there's something..." She took a deep breath. "If there's something wrong, some reason we haven't been able to get pregnant yet, I want to find out now."

Ned raised his eyebrows. "What? Nan, that's... we haven't even been _trying_ that long."

She sighed. "I know. But if there's something we could be doing differently, if there are any other issues... they'll be able to tell us. And I just don't want to waste any more time."

Ned frowned. "So this feels like a waste of time to you?"

"That's not what I said," she replied, fighting to keep her voice even. Recently her temper had felt like it was on a hair trigger, especially where he was concerned. "This is just really important to me. Is it not to you?"

Ned made an irritated sound, then tossed back a large slug of his scotch. "Of course it's important to me, Nan, but they're going to ask how long we've been trying, then laugh us out of the place when we say it's only been a few months. You're overreacting, sweetheart. It'll happen."

Nancy's brows drew together in irritation. "And if it _doesn't_?" she asked.

"Then it doesn't," he replied.

She stared at him. "I can't believe you," she finally said.

Ned stared directly back at her. "And I can't believe _you_ ," he replied, shaking his head. "As defensive as you get when I say that maybe you might want to look at taking another job? You _really_ think the answer is to bring a child into the situation?"

"I won't _be_ bringing a child into this situation," she told him angrily, crossing her arms. "I won't be raising a child here."

"And, see, that's fucking it," he said, shaking his head again. "Why don't you just fucking admit it. You want to get pregnant so badly because from the fucking _second_ you got here, you haven't wanted to be here."

Nancy stood up. "So this is all just a goddamn means to an end for me, huh."

Ned nodded, standing up too. "Because you're not going to be happy unless you're putting yourself in danger," he said, his voice rising, his eyes flashing. "And even though I've fucking _begged_ for you to find something else—it's not enough that I'm worried about you. All that matters is that you're chasing fucking _drug dealers_ —"

"Yeah, the only reason I took this job was to piss you off," she shouted, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "You're right, Ned. You're so right. I can't get off unless some asshole has a gun to my head."

Ned opened his arms with a shrug. "I'm beginning to think you can't," he replied, his jaw tight. "Montreal scared the shit out of me, and there you are, calling me from the fucking hospital—"

Nancy's face was flushed. "Because you wouldn't _pick up the fucking phone_ when I called," she shouted.

"That's not the _goddamn point,"_ he yelled, taking a step in close to her. "That's not the point and you know it, Nancy. You didn't _have_ to go into that situation."

She hadn't. She hadn't needed to go in, but—

But Ben had been there. He'd asked if she wanted to be in on the sting, when they took down McMichael's suppliers. And she had. She just hadn't known that the guns would come out that quickly, that there would be so little warning before the entire situation had gone south. Ben had been the one to drive her to the hospital to get checked out; the wound had just been a graze.

And she hadn't even wanted to call Ned again from the hospital. She hadn't wanted to have this argument then, and she sure as fuck didn't want to have it now.

"And that's how you're fucking _built_ ," he said, just a little more quietly. "Wherever you are, Nan. So you'd quit this job if you got pregnant."

She nodded. "I told you. This is just the best thing I could find. Once I'm back in Chicago..."

"Once you're back in Chicago—" Nancy hated that he said _you_ and not _us,_ until she realized she'd said _I_ and not _we_ — "you'll spend a week keeping house before you go out of your mind. Do you think I didn't see how stir crazy you were getting when you first got out here?"

"And you kept saying how much you loved having me home—"

"I _did_ ," he told her. "Fuck, Nan. Since you started being an investigator, how much have you been _home_ , really?"

"And how much are _you_ home?" she replied, her eyes narrowing. "I could be here twenty-four hours a day and I'd still get forty-five minutes of time with you conscious. _Maybe_."

"Don't you fucking _dare_ ," Ned shouted.

"You get mad that I won't change for you but you won't change for me either," she shouted. "And I'm supposed to think that after the baby's born, you'll actually make time to see it every now and then when it's all I can do to stay awake long enough to see you?"

"I'm here right fucking now, aren't I?"

"Yeah," she replied, and she suddenly felt almost infinitely weary. "But you know what? It shouldn't be an exception to the rule, for us to have dinner together. Because I'm not a fucking high enough priority for you to make the time to do that."

Ned's hands tightened into fists. "And you can't fucking stand that I'm finally successful," he accused her. "You begrudge me every fucking second I spend at work. Fucking hypocrite."

"I do _not_ ," she screamed. "But what the fuck are you _working for_ , if every single second you're awake you're _there_?"

"For _us_ ," he yelled back. "For our family!"

Even though every fiber of her being was warning her not to, Nancy deliberately stepped into her husband's personal space. "So prove it," she told him. "I'm going to make the appointment and I want you there with me."

Ned's mouth dropped open. "Look, if you just want someone in a white coat to tell you that it's way too fucking soon to be worried about this, go ahead. Why do you need _me_ there?"

Nancy's eyes were stinging. "Because you're my goddamn _husband_!" she shouted. "Because I want to find out what's wrong and you need to be there."

Ned's eyes widened. "Because you think there's something fucking wrong with _me_?" he finally asked.

She shrugged, her eyes blazing. "I won't know, will I?"

"There's _nothing_ wrong with me."

"Yeah, that's why you're always _'tired,'_ " she said, snarling. "Because there's nothing wrong with you. 'Oh, Nan, I have a big meeting tomorrow.' I remember when we used to have sex for _hours_ and stumble in to work exhausted as hell, but oh, not anymore."

"Maybe because we're not twenty anymore and it's irresponsible as hell to walk into work punchy on four hours of sleep?"

"Yeah, and it's totally professional to walk in hungover as shit."

Ned's gaze darkened. "Fuck you," he said. "I don't do that. But I guess it doesn't fucking matter because nothing I do is good enough for you, is it. I'll never be good enough for you. I get you that car, I sign the lease on this house, and it's _still_ not enough!"

" _I never asked for it!"_ she screamed, a pair of angry tears slipping down her cheeks, her mouth shaking. "I never _asked_ for the car, I never fucking asked for _any_ of it! I don't _want_ any of it, Ned!"

His dark eyes were locked to hers. "Yeah, you don't, do you," he said, his voice cold. "I don't know why I fucking bother anymore."

Nancy's heart was beating painfully hard in her chest. She could feel it, how terribly close they were to something she would regret. "There's just one thing I want," she told him, her voice quiet, almost hoarse. "And you're the only person who can give it to me. I want you there with me during that appointment." When he opened his mouth, she shook her head, holding up a hand. "Not because I think there's something wrong with you. It's just, if I get bad news... I need you there." She swallowed against the painful lump in her throat. "Because this is _us_ , Ned. Not the fucking car, not this house, not any of it. This is _us_. And I need you there."

Ned folded his arms, his jaw still tight, and when he spoke it was like the words hurt him to speak. "Then I'll be there."

\--

_Friday at 10:30. Don't forget._

_I won't._

Nancy sighed. A part of her wanted to call Heather and make sure she pencilled it in for Ned, but that would just start another fight, she was sure, and she had never been so tired of fighting in her life.

She had thought she was miserable when she was living in Chicago and Ned was in Los Angeles without her. At least back then, though, he'd fly out to see her—and he wouldn't be fucking _working_ the whole time. At least when she had flown out to see him, he'd actually taken some time off. They shared the same house now, slept in the same bed, but she had never felt farther away from him.

Nancy tried to tell herself that Ned was just angry because he cared about her, but having that particular argument for the five thousandth time in their relationship was just making her tired. Her father's birthday was coming up, and rather than wishing him a happy one over a long-distance phone line or through first-class mail, the idea of going home—just for a weekend, just for a little while—and seeing her father and Hannah and Bess and George, had become insanely appealing. While she had convinced him to go to the appointment with her, she could still feel the resentment in the air between them, and she wanted to believe that just a little bit of space might help.

He hated the work she was doing. Well, she fucking hated his too. She hated coming home to an empty house, infinitely more now than she had hated coming back to their empty home in Chicago, and when she stayed late at work just so she wouldn't be home drinking and waiting up for her husband, she started hating the feel of her own skin.

She had sold her fucking soul for him, to come here, and she couldn't shake the feeling that he was spending so much time at work because he wanted to avoid her. He denied it strenuously, turning it back on her whenever she brought it up. How many nights had _he_ stayed up waiting for her to come home?

But then, she hadn't come home four nights a week with the scent of scotch on her breath. _Drinks with clients_ , he had said, cutting his eyes at her. _Fucking drinks with clients. You said you were going to trust me, Nan._

She was trying. She was fucking trying.

Nancy's in-dash Bluetooth notifier went off with another text message. Nancy almost didn't want to open it, in case Ned was starting in on her again, saying she was just overreacting, but when she saw the name, a grin stole over her face, a soft blush coming to her cheeks.

_Ben Wilson._

She pressed the button and the computerized female voice began to recite his text message. _At the pre-cinct, Red. When-ev-er you're rea-dy._

Red. Ben had taken to calling her Red when they had been working on the McMichael case together, and she was grateful for every text message and email he sent her. Ben always seemed to make time for her.

And, she admitted to herself, she did find Ben's obvious interest in her just a little intoxicating. She would never let it get any further than the little crush he was nursing, and she had made it clear that he didn't have a chance with her, but the fact that he kept flirting with her anyway made her feel sexy and desired and a little dangerous again, something she hadn't felt with Ned. Not lately, anyway.

Before, at least they had been having sex to avoid talking about their problems. Now, even _that_ was the problem. He had never wanted to have sex while she was on her period, and she wasn't upset about that. But he was practically treating her like it was a communicable disease, like he couldn't stand the thought of touching her, and her moodiness amplified the hurt she felt when he wouldn't even hold her in their bed.

She wished she could take it back, all of it, and go back to a time before they had become like this—but the enormity of it made her want to cry. She couldn't think of a single thing that made her happy about being in Los Angeles, not when her anxiety kicked up five notches when her husband walked in over her worry that they might have another argument; not when her work was a step above glorified babysitting.

The only bright spot in her entire day, lately, seemed to be Ben.

"Hey, Wilson! Your girlfriend's here!" The receptionist gave Nancy a smile as she called back to Ben, gesturing for Nancy to pass. Nancy shook her head, but the corners of her lips turned up a little bit. She had worked around cops for the majority of her professional career; the scent of stale coffee and toner, the faded industrial carpet and squealing file cabinets, all felt familiar to her, far more familiar than the halls at Ned's advertising agency.

"Hey Red!" Ben stood up and stretched, and Nancy pointedly ignored the sight of his muscles straining against the tailored lines of his pants and his button-down shirt. "Let's get out of here."

Nancy raised her eyebrows. "Really?"

He nodded, reaching for his attaché. "Talk about it over lunch. My treat." He winked at her.

Nancy gave up on her protests when they walked out of the precinct house. The weather, as always, was that mild gorgeous Southern California sunshine, and she had never thought that would get old. The way the light caught in Ben's hair, though...

Nancy shook her head, running her fingers through her own hair. His ego was already big enough; he definitely didn't need her feeding it.

"So." Ben opened his attaché after they had been seated and placed their orders. "What do you already know about the case?"

Nancy took a sip of her water. "Kristen Cyren," she said quietly. "Threatening notes, wide field of suspects. And she already has a set of defensive linemen-slash-bodyguards basically following her around, so _my_ job is just to track down whoever's sending the notes. Guess it's hard for linemen to multitask that much."

Ben smirked at her. "Any other information?"

Nancy shrugged. "Uh... to be honest, she dresses like a hooker and would give the least pleasant woman I know a run for her money. And that's pretty much it. Oh, plus she is way, _way_ too attached to that little furball she carries around with her."

Ben's smirk widened into a grin. "Ahh. So it might not surprise you all that much to learn it's practically common knowledge she's shopping around a sex tape."

"Oh?"

Ben nodded. "Well, it was 'stolen,'" he said, wiggling his eyebrows, "which is code for 'waiting for the highest bidder.' And she might have mentioned something about what happened last year?"

"Only to say that this was a lot more serious than that. Whatever 'that' was."

Ben chuckled. "Her publicist had the bright idea to show Kristen was in 'danger' by planting a few scary comments on some entertainment blogs. They were all traced back to the publicist's IP address. She played it off like it was a viral marketing campaign for a movie Kristen was 'unofficially' cast in." Ben took a sip of his own drink.

"So, little girl who cried wolf," Nancy said slowly.

"Exactly."

"Mind if I look at the notes anyway?"

Ben sighed, but his eyes were dancing. "Didn't think you'd take my word for it," he said, handing over two evidence bags, and Nancy kept her gaze down when his skin brushed hers. She felt a wave of gooseflesh ripple down her arms, over her chest...

Swallowing hard, she skimmed the first letter. "So you think they're trying to set up plausible deniability for the sex tape release?"

"Probably."

Nancy shook her head slowly. "But... that doesn't really make sense, with what these letters say. 'You belong to me'... 'I can feel you stirring in my blood'... 'No one will ever love you the way I do'..."

Her voice faded a little at the end. Usually she was good at compartmentalizing, but her moodiness meant she was remembering Ned instead of focusing on the task at hand.

_"Tell me. Say it, no one else,_ no one _—"_

_"Baby, you know you're the only one. Forever. No one else could ever make me feel the way you do."_

Nancy covered for her pause by pushing her hair back again, feeling the weight of her wedding rings.

"It's a publicity stunt. Doesn't matter if it makes sense or not; all anyone cares about are the headlines." Ben gave their waitress a dazzling smile as she came by with a basket of thin, crispy multigrain crackers in lieu of bread.

"And if it's not?"

"Then it will probably escalate. And then we'll know. All we have so far is two letters; that's hardly enough call to send out the National Guard."

_And if the next thing this stalker does is sneak into her bedroom?_ Nancy thought, but didn't say.

_I'll prove my love to you, Kristen. You'll see._

Nancy made a soft noise and handed the letters back. "Could I get copies—"

Ben handed over copies of both. "Before you ask, no fingerprints, and of course she threw away the envelopes so we have no postmark."

Nancy nodded. "Thanks. So, humor me for a minute or two. Pretend these are legit. Who would you like for it?"

They paused when the waitress delivered Nancy's chicken piccata and Ben's eggplant parmesan. "Assuming the publicist isn't behind it all..."

"Maybe the other party—parties?—involved on the sex tape?"

Ben chuckled at the phrasing of Nancy's question. "I checked the initial report—since we did a little digging before we figured out the whole thing was a scam last time. Kristen's fired her share of agents and managers; her father isn't a candidate for Dad of the Year, either. This isn't his brand of creepy, though. The usual string of ex-boyfriends, couple of ex-girlfriends."

Nancy nodded. "So, tons of suspects."

Ben's eyes lingered on hers. "Hey, if you want to waste your time chasing this down, Red... I'd be happy to help."

"So you can expense another meal?" She shook her head, smiling. "Don't think I didn't know what you were doing. You're a bad boy, Ben."

"What can I say." He was grinning, but his gaze was still locked to hers. "Guess you just bring it out in me."

After their lunch, Nancy went to the office and checked in with her boss—Kristen hadn't reported any new threatening letters, but she had still left a hysterical voicemail for good measure—then headed home to do some research. She had just opened her laptop and pulled up a search engine when her cell phone rang.

"Bess!" Nancy chirped happily when she answered the phone.

"Nan! How's it going?"

"Great," Nancy said with a smile. She had a new case—or the appearance of one, anyway—and she was talking to her best friend. And she and Ned hadn't had an argument.

Not in the past twelve hours, anyway.

Nancy shook her head. She was going to be positive. As soon as they talked to the obstetrician, as soon as she had some answers, she would be able to relax.

"That's great, Nan. I know you weren't having an awesome day the last time I called. Or the time before that."

"Well, you caught me at a good time."

"You're on a new case," Bess said knowingly. "Ahh. Anyway! I was downtown yesterday..."

Nancy typed 'Kristen Cyren' into the search engine box as she listened to Bess's story. She was expecting to hear about _the_ perfect cropped peacoat find, or the most _perfect_ pair of metallic eggplant pumps, but instead Bess had been in a little out-of-the-way cafe near downtown when an insanely famous actor filming nearby had come in and ordered a sandwich. Bess had turned on all her charm and introduced herself, and snapped a shot of herself with the " _insanely_ , I mean _so amazingly,_ Nan," down-to-earth and personable star. "And you _have_ to go look at it, like, right now. It's up on Facebook."

Nancy chuckled. "I will. Next research break, I promise."

Bess made an irritated sound. "Yeah, I know how you get, Nan. And I forgot, you're rubbing elbows with movie stars all day long. You probably wouldn't have even batted an eyelash if you'd been there with me. Lucky bitch."

"Trust me, I'd much rather have been there with you," Nancy admitted, then swallowed.

"So... you and Ned doing okay?"

Nancy looked away from the computer screen, up at the large black rectangle of the widescreen television. She had everything, everything she had ever thought she wanted. For a moment she was ashamed of the tears that rose to her eyes. She was reluctant to say anything, but Bess was one of her best friends, and they had seen each other through so much. "We keep fighting," Nancy admitted. "But... it'll get better. We have a doctor's appointment Friday..."

Bess made sympathetic clucking sounds. "Well, I hope you get good news, and on a happy note, I think I'm going to be able to come visit you soon! Me and George both, if her schedule works out."

"Oh, Bess, that would be amazing," Nancy admitted. "Really. As soon as you know for sure, please let me know."

Three hours later, Nancy had sketched out a list of suspects and possible motives, and found one who wasn't on the list Ben had given her earlier. She found a few references on a celebrity gossip blog to the fact that Kristen—back when she went by Krissy, when she looked a lot more fresh-faced than she did now—had a quickie marriage to a childhood sweetheart. The marriage had lasted under a year, and Kristen never referred to it in interviews or anywhere, really.

Then Nancy hit on a plan, and took some of the more esoteric phrases from the threatening letters. None of the hits she found had anything to do with Kristen, so she decided that if it _was_ a publicity stunt, it hadn't yet gone public.

A hunger pang struck her, and Nancy stood, stretching her legs, her mind still racing. She ate a cream-filled chocolate cupcake, absently, found a can of diet soda in the refrigerator and padded back to the couch.

Too many possibilities. Too many. She needed someone to help her narrow it down.

She picked up her cell phone and felt anxiety tighten over her belly, but tamped it down and pulled up the screen to send Ned a text message.

_Hey sweetheart, wondered if you'd be home for dinner tonight - I'd love if you could help me do a little brainstorming._

Nancy had just pulled up a lead story about Kristen posted on a popular entertainment blog when her phone chirped with a new text, about thirty minutes after she'd sent the first.

_Sorry, honey, but I know I'm gonna be here late tonight. Big presentation tomorrow._

Nancy frowned at her phone. _Next time, then._

He said he was working for them. How could he be working for them if he was never _home_?

In another hour, the suspect list had only grown, and Nancy was feeling tired and hungry and irritated. Nothing in the refrigerator looked good to her, and she hated cooking for one. She sighed and looked over at her phone. She would have called Bess or George, maybe even her father, but if one of them asked how she was doing...

God, fucking mood swings. She had been okay a few hours earlier. Now she just wanted to eat all the chocolate she could find, go to bed and pull the covers over her head and hope that Ned would be home for dinner at least _once_ this week.

A tingle went down her spine when she thought about calling Ben. Well, he had said he'd be happy to go over the case with her. And he was probably busy, anyway; they could just set up a time to meet tomorrow, no problem.

_Hey, busy?_

A flutter of anxiety filled her belly, and Nancy put the phone down, reaching for the remote so she wouldn't just stare at it until he responded.

_Kinda, but for you, Red, I can be un-busy. :)_

_No, that's okay, it can wait._

_I'll untangle myself. Dinner in an hour?_

She tried to talk herself and him out of it, but she didn't really try _too_ hard. The prospect of spending a boring, stir-crazed evening at home didn't appeal to her whatsoever. Plus, Ned was going to be out late working. He couldn't object if she was doing the same.

The dress she selected, she realized, hung a little bit loose on her. She belted it a little tighter, nodding at her reflection, and when she walked into the restaurant a minute after their arranged time, Ben was waiting for her with a smile on his face.

"Two meals with a gorgeous redhead in one day? Must have died and gone to heaven."

Nancy rolled her eyes at him. "Business dinner," she reminded him, draping her napkin over her lap.

"Sure," Ben said, a mock innocent look on his face. "So those rings on your finger are just for show, right?"

Nancy's gaze snapped from the menu up to Ben's face. "What?" she asked, a little sharply.

Ben held up a hand and began to tick off fingers. "Well, one, I have yet to meet this so-called 'husband' of yours, and here you are, having dinner with me instead of 'him.' Two, any guy who lets a gorgeous girl like you out of his sight around here is just asking for her gaze to start wandering. Three, I think you just bought those rings and put them on your finger to keep the guys away—but what you don't realize is that they make you look even more gorgeous."

Nancy raised her eyebrows. "One, he works at a very demanding ad agency and he doesn't have a lot of time off. Two, he trusts me. And three, any guy who sees these rings on my finger as a challenge is in for a rude awakening."

Ben tipped his chin up. "You don't really talk about him," he pointed out. "So he's an ad man?"

They paused to let the waitress take their drink orders, and when Ben asked about a bottle of wine and raised his eyebrows, Nancy went against her better judgement and nodded. The grin that lit Ben's face after told her that she had made a mistake, but if Ned could come home with alcohol on his breath practically every night after his own business meetings, she didn't really care. She had taken a cab, anyway.

"He's an ad man," Nancy confirmed as the waitress left to find their bottle of wine.

"And how long have you known him?"

"We've been dating since I was fifteen."

Ben's eyebrows went up. "You have to be fucking kidding me."

Nancy tilted her head at his casual profanity—they had stopped apologizing for it around each other—and chuckled. "Nope. He was sixteen and I was fifteen. We fell in love pretty much at first sight and we've been together ever since. He's an amazing guy; he's sweet, intelligent, and very handsome."

"Maybe before he got into advertising." Ben shook his head, reaching for the rolls and butter. "I didn't take you for one of those."

"One of what?"

"One of the high-school-sweetheart girls. Oh—was it a shotgun wedding?"

"I'm from Illinois, not the 1950s," she told him with a smirk. "And no, it wasn't shotgun. We were married a year after he graduated college."

Ben shook his head again, and when the waitress approached with their wine and poured their glasses, he took an appreciative sip. Remembering that her dress had felt a little loose, Nancy opted for the duck comfit instead of her usual salad. Ben nodded in approval, and she hated that she gave any sort of damn whatsoever about his opinion.

"Marriage... don't get me wrong, it's fine for people who need it," Ben said, sitting back in his chair, obviously enjoying himself. "But staying with _one person_ the rest of your life? _Forever_? I don't know about you, but I'm definitely not the same person I was ten years ago, or even five years ago. The girl who was perfect for me in high school? Ugh. Definitely not now. How can you stand up there and vow to love someone forever when you don't even know who they're going to _be_ in a year?"

Nancy was already shaking her head before he finished. "So that whole 'love, honor, cherish, sickness and health,' that means nothing? Sometimes people change and it isn't their fault; you could wake up tomorrow with a chronic disease, in a wheelchair..."

Ben shook his head. "I'm not talking about that—even though yeah, marrying someone who ended up disabled or totally different? That would suck too. I mean like the fact that everyone changes. It's just who we are. And when two people change and they're no longer compatible... why drag it out? Why act like a piece of paper is all it takes to make two people right for each other?"

"Because marriage is _work_ ," she told him, and she couldn't believe how passionate she was getting about this, about convincing a guy who clearly would never believe himself the marrying type. "Just like anything worth having. And if you love someone, part of loving them is loving who they are under the bad haircut or the..."

_Drinking_ , she stopped herself from adding, a small frown crossing her face.

"And if you get married at eighteen and then at twenty-eight meet someone who is even more perfect for you?" Ben propped his chin on his hand. "Oh well?"

"You can't walk in with that mentality," she told him. " _That's_ when things are in trouble."

"So you've just decided. This guy you're married to, last guy you want to sleep with, last guy you want to be with, forever. That's it. Done." He swept the blade of his hand in a cut-off gesture.

Nancy didn't even want to know how incredulous Ben would be if she admitted Ned was the only man she had ever slept with. "Yep," she said lightly. "And if you've decided you're never going to actually commit yourself to anyone, I feel sorry for you."

Ben shrugged. "I'd commit," he said, his arms crossed. "But with the understanding that neither of us is in it to be miserable. If she found someone else who made her happier, or if I did, no hard feelings."

"How could there not be hard feelings?"

"Because," Ben raised an eyebrow, "we would both be adult enough to know when it was time to walk away."

"And if you spent the entire relationship that way, it's like you have one foot firmly out the door."

"Better than being locked into something that no longer works."

Nancy shook her head and finished off her glass of wine. "One day you'll meet a girl," she told him. "And for you there will be no one else."

Ben smirked. "I really don't think so, Red. But are you offering to change my mind?" He raised an eyebrow at her. "You guys have been married for long enough that the honeymoon's over. I just can't imagine never having that rush again, of getting to know someone so incredibly fascinating, figuring out how to get her in bed..."

Nancy felt a blush rise to her cheeks and blamed the wine for it. "When you meet the right person, that's not important," she told him, feeling suddenly very prim. Besides, when she looked back on their courtship, it definitely hadn't been normal in any sense of the word.

"So the magic has definitely waned, huh," Ben said with a grin. "And you're trying to tell me you don't want to feel that thrill again, the thrill of falling into bed with someone new..."

"No," Nancy said firmly. "I think we were here to talk about the case?"

Ben reached for the wine bottle to refill her glass. "Sorry, Red. You're just too gorgeous, and life's too short, to spend any of it unhappy."

While she was with Ben through the rest of the meal—and they did eventually talk through the suspects she had found, Kristen's brief first marriage, and different scenarios, even though Ben was clearly humoring her—she felt almost unbearably aware of everything, of every time their gazes met, every time he intentionally misinterpreted something she said to turn it into something dirty. They teased and joked with each other, and even through that frisson of nervousness, Nancy couldn't remember the last time she'd had such a good time over a meal.

And that, she realized when she stood at the end of their dinner, was a little sad.

Ben guided her out, his fingertips resting lightly at the small of her back, and she felt a tingling warmth centered there that radiated through her. He hailed a cab for her, and when she opened the door, he clasped her arm, then leaned in and brushed a kiss against her cheek.

"Call or text me if you need me, Red." She saw only the faintest twinkle in his eye.

A dark mood settled over her during the cab ride. When her cell phone chirped, at first she wondered if Ben was sending her a message, then if Ned had miraculously somehow come home before eleven and found she wasn't there—and she felt guilty that she had thought of Ben first.

The message was from neither of them, though.

_Have you looked at the picture yet?!?!?_

Nancy chuckled faintly, then texted Bess back. _I will as soon as I get home. Pinky swear._

A half-finished bottle of red wine was in the refrigerator; when Ned came home and poured himself a drink, it was almost always scotch, so her wine was usually safe. Nancy could feel a small headache developing, so she poured herself a glass and stepped out of her heels on the way to the couch.

Their house was so empty, so fucking empty. They'd found the time to get into the pool once, and Ned hadn't yet made good on his threat to put their sunken tub to other uses. It still didn't feel totally like _home_ to her, and she was beginning to think it never really would.

Nancy left a suitably impressed comment on the photo Bess had put up on Facebook. She opened another tab so she could do some more Internet searching, but the wine and her mood had her distracted, and she found herself clicking through the rest of Bess's album.

Then she hit some photos Bess had scanned in, from before any of them had owned digital cameras. Preparing for a pep rally at RHHS, Nancy's hair up in a ponytail, George's face bearing a swipe of white paint, as they bent over paper banners in the gym. A tiny version of Bess on stage at the talent show their senior year.

Ned just before he left for Emerson, his arms wrapped around Nancy, both of them smiling at the camera.

_Ned + Nan forever!!!!_ read the caption Bess had placed on the image.

She clicked through the rest of Bess's album and found a few other photos of the two of them. They had looked so young, so in love. Bess had posted photos from their wedding too, a candid shot of the two of them dancing, sharing some private joke, safe in each other's arms.

She felt a sudden visceral _need_ for him so strong it was painful.

_More Photos of Ned Nickerson_

Nancy clicked that button, taking another sip of wine. The first photo she saw was a dark shot inside a bar, three men mugging for the camera, one of them her husband, a tumbler full of amber liquid in his hand. The next photo was one of those men with another she didn't recognize, and she didn't see Ned. She shrugged it off as careless tagging, until she recognized a silhouette.

Carly. Fucking Carly. She had a smirk on her face and a martini glass in front of her.

And Ned was sitting next to her, his face turned toward her, smiling.

For a second Nancy felt like she couldn't breathe.

_She was his client. Maybe it's an old picture,_ she tried to rationalize. But that suit was new, and the photo caption included a date stamp.

No. It wasn't an old picture. It was very recent, as a matter of fact.

The anger swept over Nancy so quickly that it left her cold. She reached for her cell phone and called Ned's direct line at the office and listened to it ring, then the switchboard, and with every quiet _burrr_ on the other end of the line, her heart beat a little faster, her anger growing.

Yeah. _Sure. Sure_ he had to work late on a goddamn project. _Sure_ he did.

She called his cell phone and when Ned didn't pick up, Nancy picked up her wine glass and finished the rest in one long sip, then went into the kitchen and threw the glass into the sink. The bowl shattered, leaving shards of glass glittering on the stainless steel, on her breakfast plate and fork. Her hands were shaking. Her mouth was shaking.

She went back to her phone and it took her five tries to pull up the GPS locator.

Ned's phone wasn't showing up.

Nancy went cold. The wine was hot in her belly, and painting terrible images in her mind's eye. Ned and Carly laughing over drinks after work, and those "work" meetings he kept talking about just being cover for spending time with her. Carly playing drunk at the end of the night, batting her lashes, tossing a wing of glossy hair over her shoulder. Her hand on his lapel, her lips parted, her legs wrapped around him—

And Carly responding to Ned in ways Nancy never had, ways Nancy had never even known.

_"And you're trying to tell me you don't want to feel that thrill again, the thrill of falling into bed with someone new..."_

It felt like it had been so long, so fucking long since they had touched each other with the same passion, even the same intensity they had shared when they were apart, when they were dating, when they had played their little game. She had tried everything, _everything_ to keep him satisfied, she had given up _so much_ , and he was _fucking Carly, she knew he was_ —

Nancy let out a loud, frustrated scream, tears spilling down her cheeks. She was going to go to that goddamn bar and if he was there with Carly, oh, that bitch was going to _wish_ their feud had ended in the swimming pool. She was going to take that slut _apart_.

When her phone rang, Nancy wiped her cheeks and picked it up. A paroxysm of anger clenched her fingers tight around the phone when she saw her husband's name.

"Babe?"

"Get your ass home _right now_ ," she said, her voice deadly cold.

"Nan? What's wrong?"

"If you're not here in fifteen minutes, you can find somewhere else to sleep tonight."

Ned showed up one minute late. As soon as she heard the car door slam, she stood, glaring at the door, her arms crossed. She had washed every bit of the makeup from her face, and she was dressed in a black t-shirt and jeans, so angry that it felt like it crackled in the air around her.

She had to be angry. Being afraid was worse.

"Nan?" She didn't even have to get close to him to know he'd been drinking, and she could see the worry in his eyes. He was worried that she knew.

But _what_.

"Is Carly one of your clients?" Her voice sounded almost shrill, and she swallowed hard.

Ned's brows drew together. "Are we seriously going to start this shit again?"

"Answer the question," Nancy said, her lips shaking.

Ned threw his keys down on the armchair. "She's a client of my firm, yes. Is she my personal client, no. As you _fucking_ know."

Nancy's eyes narrowed. "So you don't have that much to talk to her about."

Ned shrugged. "Not generally."

"When's the last time you talked to her?"

" _Really_?" Ned went into the kitchen, and she was relieved when he took only a bottle of water out of the refrigerator, instead of a glass for more scotch. "You want me to account for my entire damn day, is that what this is?"

"No, I just want you to _fucking_ tell me when you last talked to that bitch."

Ned took a long sip of water. His face was flushed. "A few weeks ago," he said, with an elaborate shrug. "I don't fucking know. She comes into the office because she has a fucking _account_ , Nan. I don't know what paranoid fantasies you're having—"

Nancy's eyes widened. " _Paranoid fantasies?_ " she screamed. "Fucking _paranoid fantasies_? You're a piece of shit, you know that?"

Ned's face darkened even further. He opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, she was laughing, her voice dark with sarcasm. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I really am. You had the bad luck to marry a fucking _private investigator_ and then try to pull this shit. Maybe before you have a fucking _affair_ , you should tell your coworkers not to fucking tag you in Facebook pictures having a drink with the slut you're banging behind your wife's back."

The look on Ned's face told her that she'd hit a nerve, and until that moment, she had been hoping, praying, that he'd be able to come up with some explanation, some reason. At his flinch, though, her heart sank below the floor, and tears rose to her eyes.

"I am _not_ having a _fucking affair_ ," Ned shouted, slamming the water down on the countertop. "Do I have to say it until I'm blue in the face? I'm not having a fucking _affair_!"

"Yeah, it's just more convenient to lie to me about where you are because Carly's there, that's all?"

"Well, you act like a crazy bitch when her name comes up—"

"You know the easy way around that? _Make sure her fucking name doesn't come up!_ "

"Yeah, I'll just tell my boss that because my wife turns into an insane jealous bitch every time she hears a name, we should just turn away some business. Yeah." Ned's voice was ice cold.

"So there's nothing between you. Just drinks together on nights you tell me you're 'working late.'" Nancy made sarcastic air quotes, her eyes blazing.

"No, there's nothing! What, do you want to be jammed up my ass all day making sure I'm being a good little boy?"

"I'd rather do that than be sitting here wondering what the fuck you're doing, since apparently you don't want me to know where you are! You turned the fucking locator thing off on your phone!"

Ned's eyes widened. "Oh, you want to start that shit? Where's your subdermal, Nan, huh? Remember our agreement?"

"At least I keep the _fucking program on my phone turned on, you son of a bitch!_ "

"Why are you _acting crazy?_ " Ned yelled in response. "You don't fucking trust me, you don't even _try_ to trust me—"

"You haven't given me _reason_ to trust you lately!"

Ned made a soft disgusted noise. "She's a client and sometimes we're at the same bar and I'm not fucking apologizing about that, Nancy. And I can't believe you're throwing this in my face after everything, after some of the guys you've worked with—"

Whether or not he intended it, the reminder of what had happened with Frank made Nancy shudder. "Fuck you," she said, her voice shaking. "At least I never fucking _lied about it!"_

Ned shook his head, then walked out of the kitchen. She followed just in time to see him pick up his keys and walk out the door, slamming it hard behind him.

\--

Nancy was upset about nothing.

Even so, once Ned worked up the nerve to pull up Facebook and check the photos he'd been tagged in, he felt a flush rise in his cheeks. He hadn't posted any damn pictures of Carly, that was for sure, but his coworkers apparently couldn't put their cameras down when they were off the job. Kesey in particular had posted a bunch of stalkeresque photos of Carly, and Ned recognized himself in a few of them, even if Kesey had only managed to catch his elbow or shoulder or hand.

Untagging himself would just make him look bad—and besides, he wasn't doing anything wrong. If Nancy had any idea how persistent Carly was, how tempting, she would have given him a fucking medal instead of leaping from a couple of incredibly innocent pictures to the accusation of an affair.

He would never, ever _ever_ sleep with Carly. Never. He'd told Nancy that over and over.

Nancy had been jealous of other women before their marriage; he remembered that vividly. Ned didn't know why, but the very fact that she'd been jealous at all had been insanely alluring to him. For so long she had been so cautious, keeping him at arm's length, that the very fact he could even make her jealous had been a pleasant surprise. He'd started thinking of it as a taste of her own medicine, really. She had no problem flirting with guys on cases, and yet if he so much as had a conversation with another girl, she had practically flown off the handle.

It had been cute when they were dating. It was infuriating now.

And he'd tell Kesey to stop posting so many pictures, but Kesey would smell blood in the water and zero in for the kill.

By the time he'd come in to work in the morning, his cell battery had been dead. When he'd plugged it into the charger, he had half expected to see a missed call from his wife, but no. She hadn't called. He had walked out and she hadn't called, not even to scream some more paranoid accusations.

Her silence was almost, _almost_ worse. But given the pitch they had coming up after lunch, he didn't need to be worried about what was going on with her, not right now.

Heather had just brought in the sandwich Ned had ordered for lunch when Ned's phone began to burr quietly to itself as it rang. Ned swallowed the first bite of his meal, his stomach clenching when he saw the name on the display.

Nancy.

He paused for a second before answering it. "Hello?"

"Hi," Nancy said quietly.

"Hi," Ned replied, then waited.

Nancy cleared her throat. "You at work?"

Ned bit back the retort that immediately rose to his lips. He didn't want to start another fight with her. "Yeah."

"How'd the presentation go?"

She'd actually remembered. He looked at the presentation boards propped against the wall. "It's after lunch, so I don't know yet. You at work?"

"Yeah, just tracking down some leads. An actress is being stalked. I have this feeling it's..." She trailed off. "Sorry. You don't care."

Ned's jaw tightened. "I do care," he told her.

"I'm sorry. I mean you don't know who I'm talking about... I was going to tell you about the case last night, but..."

"Yeah, we both know how that went," he said, his voice flat.

Nancy sighed. "I'm sorry," she said. "I... I overreacted. I know you can't just tell your firm to lose that business. It just drives me nuts that you have to spend time around her..."

"It doesn't matter how much time I spend around her; nothing is going to come of it," he told her firmly. "You know you're the only woman who's important to me."

She made a soft pleased sound. "And you know you're the only guy. The only one for me."

"I know you spend time around hot guys for your work, too, but I don't come home accusing you of—fucking them," Ned said, lowering his voice at the last.

"I know. I'm sorry." She dropped her voice a little, too. "I know you have that presentation today, but I was thinking we could maybe get dinner together? We haven't had a meal together all week."

She was gentle about it, and Ned closed his eyes to keep from snapping at her. Like it was his choice not to go home to her. "I'll try to get there by seven, okay? I'll try. I'll call you if it looks like I can't make it."

"Great!" The enthusiasm in her voice was genuine. "I'll stop by the store and make us something when I get home." She waited a beat. "I love you, Ned."

"I love you too," he told her before hanging up.

The presentation went well, or at least Ned thought it did, but the client had seen a similar ad campaign start in thirty-second spots a few days earlier and didn't want there to be any suspicion that theirs had been copied. Ned took a look at the concept and told the client they would work up something within the week, already internally sighing at the time _that_ would take on top of everything else, and then the client produced a sketch he'd made of an idea he had had during the cab ride on the way over...

It was eight-oh-five by the time Ned pulled into the garage and slid out of the car. Nancy had sounded okay when he'd called to say he was going to be late, but on the way out his boss had said it would be "very helpful" for him to be in on the transatlantic call they would be making at seven o'clock in the morning. At least they would be able to have dinner together before he'd have to get to bed.

Nancy was wearing a little robe when he walked in through the kitchen. "Hey sweetheart," she said with a smile, reaching for his briefcase as she gave him a kiss on the cheek. "So the presentation went well?"

Ned shrugged. "It did, but the client changed his mind, so we have to do at least a partial revamp by next week." He sighed and shook his head. "On top of everything else I have going on."

Nancy patted his shoulders sympathetically when he sat down at the table. "I'm sorry, babe."

"Thanks." He looked at the dinner in front of him. Nancy had put out the ingredients for tacos, along with Spanish rice and refried beans. When she asked if he wanted a margarita, he paused for a second before agreeing. When she handed it to him, her robe had come open a little, and he saw a flash of black lace underneath.

"Nan, mind if I turn on ESPN while we eat?"

He saw a flash of disappointment cross her face, but she quickly covered it with a smile. "I'll do it. Just go ahead and make your tacos."

Halfway through the meal he remembered that she was working on a case and asked about it. Luckily most of her work seemed to consist so far of Internet searches and comparing suspects with the cops—he didn't like the idea of her tracking down a stalker. He could well imagine that any guy who developed that kind of insane crush on a self-centered starlet would be intrigued by his wife.

Ned sat back from the table with a little sigh when he was finished, wiping his mouth. "That was great, Nan," he told her, and was gratified to see her smile as she finished off the rest of her margarita.

"Ready for dessert?"

He gave her a tired smile. "Sure, but then I have to get to bed. We have a fucking transatlantic call and I have to get in at six-thirty to make sure we have everything in order..."

The smile on her face faded a little. "Oh," she said quietly.

"Dessert?"

She parted the robe, showing him the front of her short black lace gown. "I just thought, since we haven't... it's been like a week and a half..."

Ned pushed his chair back. "Well, you can't get pregnant yet anyway, right? Plus, you were, you know," he said, making a vague gesture before he crossed to the television.

"On my period," she said, and folded her arms as she followed him. "You can say the words. As in didn't get pregnant again."

Ned frowned as he glanced at her. "Sweetheart, it's just gonna take time."

She pushed her hair back. "That mean you're not going to the appointment Friday?" she asked, an edge in her voice.

"I told you I'll be there," he replied, matching his tone to hers. "I'll be there. Even though it's a waste of time," he muttered.

"You think the OB/GYN won't be very interested in the fact that we hardly ever have sex because you're stressed and tired from work? Oh, yeah, that'd be a total waste of time. For someone else to tell you because you clearly don't believe me."

"I said I'll be there," Ned said, his voice tight.

"And you'll _listen_?" She followed him as he turned off the television and headed for the stairs. "If the doctor tells you that you might need to cut down on your hours, you might consider it?"

Ned shook his head. "Look, Nan, I'm tired. We can talk about this later."

"So, no, then."

He pulled down his tie. "Can you just calm down? I said _later_."

She shook her head as she gazed at him. "You say you're working all the time for _us_ , but I never see you anymore," she said. "And when I do... it used to be that all it would take was you seeing me in something like this," she shrugged the robe down, "and that would be it. What the hell is it supposed to take now, Ned? All that shit we tried isn't enough? Or—" She sucked in a hard breath, her voice rising. "Or does it just take you thirty seconds in the dark because you don't find me attractive anymore? You're bored with me?"

The tequila on top of the scotch, on top of his exhaustion, was all making him insanely irritated. All she seemed to do lately was nag him, and her insecurity was just making him feel tired. "Nan," he said, fighting his annoyance, "you know you're gorgeous. I'm just having a busy few weeks at work."

"Surrounded by anorexic tramps."

Ned's eyes darkened. "I think we both need some sleep."

"So what's it going to take to get you in the mood, if _this_ ," she gestured at her gown, "isn't enough anymore? I mean, fuck, am I gonna have to just take it up another notch? Get a whip?" Her eyes were blazing, her face flushed with anger. "If I come in wearing a strap-on will that get you hard?"

Ned's entire body went cold, then burning hot, as he stared at her, and before he knew it, he had crossed to her, one hand gripping her arm hard as he raised the other.

And his wife flinched away from him, even as the rage screamed in his head that he had to fucking _punish her_ for what she had just said. Make sure she never said it again.

How the hell could she even say that, knowing, _knowing_ how hard it had been for him to even tell her about it.

She started to jerk away from him, out of his grip, and tears were streaking down her cheeks. "Just do it!" she screamed at him. "Do it, you piece of shit!"

He released her and dropped both his hands, all of him shaking with rage, then pounded back down the stairs, afraid of what he would do if he stayed in the same room with her for a minute longer.

"Yeah, just run to her, you son of a bitch."

Her face was wet, contorted from her sobs, but he didn't care how much she cried. The way he felt right now...

He shook his head. "If I'd wanted that, I wouldn't have asked you to move out here," he told her, then slammed the door behind him.

When he drove by Carly's house a few minutes later, the porch light was on.

_She told you to_ , a nasty little voice in his head whispered, one he had been hearing a lot more lately.

Ned shook his head, running a hand through his hair as he passed it by.

\--

Nancy had wanted to hurt him. She knew that. But when she had heard those words come out of her mouth, she'd been horrified.

His reaction had scared her even more.

_So this is what we are now,_ she had thought after he'd walked out again, and even though she had bathed her face in cold water three times before she had changed and slipped under the covers, trying her best to sleep even though her mind was racing, she had felt the tears start to well up again.

They had promised that they wouldn't go to bed angry. Now they had done it two nights in a row.

And she didn't even know where he was.

She slept terribly that night, and felt lightheaded and sick when her alarm went off. At least, when they had been back at home and they had slept apart during that awful fight, she had known he was in the house. Knowing he wasn't even _in_ the house, that she truly was sleeping alone... She felt like a piece of her was missing.

Ben had made it sound like only an idiot would stay faithful to one person the rest of his or her life. Now that he was in Los Angeles, now that he had been for a while, she found herself wondering if eventually Ned would feel the same way, if he would regret that he had married her, that she was the only woman he would ever have sex with.

The thought made her crazy.

Nancy couldn't concentrate on anything at all, not on tracking down leads for her case, not anything. Midmorning she called Ned's office and asked for Heather, asking when Ned was free, if he even would be at all.

She dressed carefully, bathing her tired, puffy eyes until they looked almost normal again, pulling her hair back, and selected a blue wrap dress that emphasized her curves. She had spent an hour and a half at the gym the day before, her workout fueled by the stick-thin model-gorgeous women glowing with sweat as they paced furiously on the ellipticals and treadmills.

She hadn't bothered eating breakfast. Her stomach was too upset, knowing things were still so awful between her and her husband.

Heather gave Nancy a small smile when she approached, and Nancy wondered if Heather had an idea about what was going on. "Let me just tell him you're here," Heather said.

When the assistant gave her the nod, Nancy felt her anxiety spike to an impossible degree. When she pushed his office door open a little wider and stepped inside, Ned was standing near his desk, his face set when he caught sight of her.

She crossed to him, rapidly, and slipped her arms around him. "I'm sorry," she said, her voice shaking. "Baby, I'm so sorry."

Her heart fell when Ned moved out of her arms, and she watched him cross to the door. "Hold my calls," he told Heather, then shut and locked the door. He came back to her and Nancy blinked, sending a pair of tears sliding down her cheeks as her husband lifted her into his arms, squeezing her tight.

"Nan," he breathed. "Baby, what got into you?"

She shook her head. "You kept treating me like I had the plague or something and I just... I needed this," she admitted, her voice small. "I _need_ you, baby. And I get so scared when I think that maybe... maybe you think you missed out, and there's all these gorgeous women here just throwing themselves at you..." _Carly being the main one_ , Nancy didn't let herself say.

Ned made an irritated sound, moving back so he could look into her eyes, and her vision was blurred with tears. "Baby, for God's sake, how many times do I have to tell you..."

"I know," she whispered. "I know. And what I said last night—I didn't mean it. I swear I didn't."

Ned shook his head. "And I'm sorry... that I reacted the way I did," he said, his voice hushed. "That scared the shit out of me..."

She toyed with the hair at the back of his neck, and when she heard his computer chime with a new-message notification, her heart sank. He still didn't put her down, though. "I couldn't sleep at all last night," she whispered. "Baby, I hate sleeping without you."

"I'm sorry," he whispered, and tilted his head, his lips barely brushing hers. "I hate sleeping without you too..."

She moaned softly when he kissed her, another pair of tears slipping down her cheeks. She returned the kiss hard, almost brutally, and when he took the two steps to the wall and pressed her against it, she used the leverage to boost herself up, putting her hips on level with his.

His new-message notification went off again. Ned pulled away from her long enough to growl a "Shut up" in its direction, then flipped her skirt up, reaching between them. He kept his gaze locked to hers as he pushed her panties down, almost like he was daring her to stop him, but as soon as her underwear was on the floor she reached for his pants, pulling them open.

She released a soft cry, tipping her head back as he sheathed himself swiftly between her legs. "Oh God, _yes_ ," she breathed, impatiently working her hand under her skirt so she could rub her clit. "Oh God, yes, so good," she urged him on, tensing as her fingers found the sensitive nub between her legs.

"Mmm... God, you feel so good," he groaned, then ducked forward to claim a kiss as he began to pound into her. "Mmm, yeah, baby."

She flushed, her eyes low-lidded as her mouth fell open. "Oh God, I love you."

"Love you too," Ned growled as his cock slipped out of her, only to plunge against the sensitive press of her inner flesh again, and she shuddered at how amazing it felt, remembering how long the sheer length and girth of him had taken her to get used to. Now he felt perfect, and she couldn't imagine any other man being anywhere near so good at this, not when they were in sync, in love.

"Mmm." They heard a soft knock at Ned's office door, then the sound of Heather's voice, telling whoever was trying to interrupt that Ned couldn't be disturbed. One of Nancy's heels clattered to the floor and Nancy and Ned looked at each other, their eyes dancing. Every atom of her was centered in the glorious sensation of his strokes, especially after so many nights of their abbreviated, lackluster lovemaking.

She would have thought that this was all she had wanted, the intensity of the connection between them when they were making up, but it was more than that. She tingled as the tension of her impending orgasm began to rise, but God, it was all of him, the weight of his gaze on her, his skin against hers—

" _Oh_ ," she sobbed out, as she felt the first spasm of her inner flesh against his cock. "Oh God, _yes_ —"

Ned leaned down and kissed her hard as he pumped into her even harder, her fingers fluttering as she fondled her clit, and she screamed into his mouth as her climax rose. It felt amazing, and she dragged her nails down his back as she touched herself, as his thrusts became short sharp strokes. Her entire body shuddered as she finally came, and she nipped at his lip as she pulsed around him. Ned groaned and his angle made him feel so tight inside her that it was almost uncomfortable, but she savored it as she felt him shiver when he came.

His email notification had gone off three more times before they finally recovered enough to put themselves back in order. Nancy wiped her thighs and slowly pulled her panties back on, and Ned tucked his shirt back in, running his hand through his hair.

"You have to get back to work," she whispered.

He nodded, reluctance clear on his face. "I'd invite you to lunch but we're working through today..."

She nodded, then reached up and drew him down to her, kissing him hard. "It's okay," she said softly. "It's okay. I love you." She gave him a small smile.

"And I love you too, babe." He kissed her hard again. "Maybe things will ease off soon."

But she saw his face just before she let herself out, his serious expression before he looked up and gave her a little wave, then returned to whatever emails he had received.

He had told her that this was what he loved, this and her, and she had to understand that.

She did. She did understand. And she didn't know how to tell him that what he loved was starting to turn him into someone she didn't recognize anymore.

\--

Friday at ten o'clock, Nancy was on the way to the doctor's office. Since they had made love in his office, either he or she had been away from home until late, and they'd had time to brush their teeth and exchange kisses before they had slipped into bed. They had made up, but she hadn't had a true conversation with him in a while. A conversation that hadn't ended in an argument, anyway.

And the stalker case was heating up. Kristen had received another threatening letter, and the sender promised that she would soon see the depths of his love. Another reference made both Nancy and Ben think the stalker was going to target a public appearance she had scheduled for Saturday, and with any luck, they would be able to wrap up the case then, without anyone getting hurt.

She pressed Ned's speed-dial icon and listened to the call ring and ring, and fought down the nervousness that rose over the anxiety already roiling in her belly.

Fifteen minutes before her appointment, she tried again. Ten minutes before, five minutes before. His phone rang and rang. She tried his direct line, but that just rang, too. She was about to call Heather when the receptionist called her name.

"Nancy Drew Nickerson?"

Nancy cast a glance back at the parking lot, hoping against hope that she would see him jogging across the pavement, but he wasn't there. She swallowed hard, fighting back tears as the receptionist directed her to an examination room, staring at her cell phone the entire time. It stayed dim.

"So, Mrs. ...?" the gynecologist asked, as soon as the preliminaries were over.

"Drew Nickerson," Nancy answered, running her fingertip lightly under her eye.

The doctor smiled at her. "What seems to be the problem?"

Nancy sighed. "My husband and I are trying to get pregnant," she said. "I just want to make sure everything's... well, that everything is in proper order, because we haven't been successful yet."

"Have you been trying for under a year? Over? About how long?"

Oh, Ned would be cursing himself for missing this chance to say that he'd told her so. Nancy glanced over at the door, but he didn't appear. "Not even six months yet," she admitted, then took the doctor through their timeline. When the doctor asked if either of them had family histories of infertility, if they were under some inordinate amount of stress at work, she made a few notes on her clipboard at Nancy's answers.

"Are you expecting someone?"

"Uh... my husband said he was going to come," Nancy said, and blinked hard to keep from crying. "He has a lot going on at work," she explained quietly.

The doctor nodded. "Well, I don't generally refer couples to a fertility specialist until they've been trying for a year, but we can definitely run some tests, just to eliminate the usual suspects."

Nancy smiled. "That would be great," she said softly.

She was just buckling herself into the car after her appointment when her phone chirped.

_I am so incredibly sorry, babe. Pulled into emergency meeting. I can leave now if you want._

_No point_ , she replied. _Already finished._

_I'll make it up to you, I swear. I can take a half-day on Saturday, we can get away._

Nancy swallowed hard. She almost wished she felt angry, instead of numb. He just couldn't see that this was how the rest of their lives would be.

She merged onto the interstate, heading back toward downtown. _I don't think Saturday will work for me,_ she directed the speech-to-text function on her car's in-dash system.

His answer came back almost immediately. _Fine. Forget it._

And only then did the tears that had been threatening to spill over finally fall.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter by ndnickerson.

"Blake Whitney."

Nancy glanced up, a neutral expression on her face. Morgan Armwood Whitney rolled her eyes, making an exasperated sound. Nancy had no doubt that if Bess was nearby, she would have echoed it.

"Sorry. Nancy's new to L.A.," Justin apologized.

"Blake Whitney," Morgan repeated, and when her cell phone buzzed in her glossy pink quilted purse, she immediately interrupted herself and took the phone out to check it. She wore a tight white cashmere top and tight black leather pants, snakeskin platform heels, and an enormous teardrop ruby pendant on a gold chain. Her hands were covered with small tattoos—bands of ink circled some of her fingers, and Nancy saw flashes of script against the side of her hand. She even spotted some vague design behind Morgan's right ear. In the dead time, Justin began fiddling with his own cell phone. Nancy didn't even look at hers; she didn't want to respond to Ben's latest text message.

He thought he was being cute. She knew that. And under different circumstances, she might have fallen for it.

"Anyway," Morgan said with another eye-roll as she put her phone away. Kristen had apparently thrown Morgan's business their way after the "amazing" service they had provided her. Nancy had to agree that she pretty much _had_ gone above and beyond the call of duty when she had tackled Kristen to prevent the stalker's attack, and managed to gain a mild concussion and dislocate her own shoulder in the process. Her shoulder still ached.

She had a feeling Morgan might be an even bigger pain, though.

"Blake is, like... well, he _was_ this huge star twenty years ago. Then he started going gray and refusing to do nudity, and, eh." Morgan shrugged. "I mean, dude is loaded, don't get me wrong, and he's not stingy. His agent got him this _killer_ deal on syndication." Morgan's voice was dripping with envy. "And I'd love to get a piece of that."

Nancy raised her eyebrows and mentally crossed her fingers. _Please let her say there's fraud involved,_ she begged silently. _Switched at birth, stolen inheritance, something other than..._

"His asshole lawyer put together this bitch of a prenup," Morgan went on, popping something into her mouth. It looked like a breath mint. Nancy rather doubted it. "But if I can catch him red-handed cheating..." She grinned, making a wide gesture. "Then the past three years of putting up with his 'oh-my-glory-days' shit will have been worth it."

Justin was gracing Morgan with an understanding grin. Nancy found herself pitying the man who'd had the lack of foresight to marry Morgan, who had probably been a golddigger from the moment she first figured out how to flutter her eyelashes.

"Do you, by chance, know the exact terms of the prenup?" Justin asked.

"Yeah..." Morgan tapped a few buttons on her phone, splaying her fingers so she wouldn't mar her French manicure. "Uh, 'video-recorded or other... visual communication methods'? So... I guess if he sent someone pictures of his dick, I'd have him." Morgan curled her lip. "I will give him that. He's decent in bed."

Nancy found herself surprised that Morgan had even been able to partially interpret the language of the prenup. "And has he done that?"

"Been decent in bed?"

"No, the..." Nancy made a vague gesture. Back in Chicago she hadn't often found herself in need of such delicate language. "Sending of illicit images."

"Oh." Morgan's furrowed brow cleared. When she caught herself sardonically wondering why Morgan hadn't bothered with getting Botoxed yet, Nancy gave herself a mental slap. Morgan was a client, and this was a job, however dirty it felt. "Fuck if I know. His phone is so lame it probably can't even do that shit."

Nancy sighed silently. She still wasn't sure why she was in on this client meeting, other than the fact that she'd been in Justin's office discussing her shoulder injury when Morgan had been shown in. Planting bugs and just waiting for Whitney to slip sounded like pretty much half of what Nancy had been assigned since she'd taken this job.

"So he's got a girlfriend?"

Morgan tossed her hair. "I really don't think he does... but I've got a guy waiting who _definitely_ can't wait for me to get this over with."

Nancy's opinion of Morgan somehow managed to drop another notch. Justin smiled and extended his hand for Morgan to shake, promising that they'd see what they could do.

"Oh," Morgan said, pausing near the door, her eyes flashing. "You might get lucky if you dangle a redhead in front of him. A few times when he's been really drunk he asked me to wear a wig for him." She shrugged, then headed out of the office.

Nancy sighed and settled back in the chair facing Justin. "Hmm. Honeypot," he mused aloud. "Want to do the prelim for it?"

_Just as much as I'd love some bamboo shoots under my fingernails_ , Nancy thought, but covered what she was thinking with a smile. "Sure. I can plant some bugs as well as the next girl."

He arranged for her to coordinate with Lily, who had stumbled into a job at the agency while waiting for her big acting break. Just a single glance at Lily probably would have made Bess faint in sheer envy, and Nancy had to admit that knowing _Lily_ hadn't yet made it in Hollywood made her wonder what the hell it took to do it. Lily had flawless skin, a heart-shaped face, full pillowy lips, and the kind of curves that would give Scarlett Johansson a run for her money. Lily didn't have to work at seduction; all Lily had to do was _pout_ in a guy's direction and he was falling all over himself to buy her a drink or find the right pickup line.

Nancy felt almost bad that Lily would be going after Whitney. It hardly seemed fair. Lily was enough to make a _saint_ consider eternal damnation a fair price to pay.

Morgan had provided a list of Whitney's usual haunts. Friday nights he had a standing table at an older club downtown to meet with some friends of his, whom Morgan disparagingly referred to as "other washed-up sons of bitches." Thursday afternoons were spent at the gym. Nancy noted plenty of ways Lily could arrange a meeting between herself and Whitney in the actor's busy weekly routine, but if he wasn't keeping a love nest somewhere in or near the city, they'd have to get him into a hotel room. And Whitney had to be just as aware of the prenup conditions as his wife was. Lily would have to get him to fall hard for her, if they wanted him to throw caution to the wind. But she was up for the challenge, Nancy was sure.

_So Morgan's his_ third _wife_ , Nancy noticed that night when she was doing some more research. Whitney's first wife had been Joanna Anderson. Nancy couldn't find much information about her other than the marriage dates; he had apparently married her a few years before his arrival in Hollywood, but she hadn't been an actress or in the business herself that Nancy could find. His second marriage had been to a costar in _Vengeance_ , although the redhead in question, Miranda Salling, had played his daughter's best friend on the show, not his wife. Nancy found a few photos of him at the time, and when she was clicking through, she noticed two things: Blake had definitely looked the part of a dashing, roguish leading man, and her shoulder was hurting like a _bitch_.

Ned keyed in through the garage door, and Nancy quickly put her laptop to the side and stood, smoothing her shirt over her flat belly. After work she had headed to the gym and done as much as she could without reinjuring her arm. She had no intention of eating for two or looking like she was doing so, at least not until she absolutely had to.

"Hey honey."

"Hey," Nancy said brightly, walking over to him. She had set the table with fresh flowers just because she could, and she saw Ned's eyes widen a little in surprise when he saw it. She took his briefcase and laptop case, then slipped her good arm around his shoulders and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek.

She had been doing everything she could to make up for their fight, but she could still feel that subtle distance between them, and she knew it was her fault. He hadn't been happy to see her scrapes and bruises after the stalker case, either, or that she had given up his offer to get away together just so she could protect some ditzy starlet. And then she had brought up his missing the appointment after he had _sworn_ he would be there, and...

And it had just snowballed, terribly, from there. He had spent Saturday night on the couch, and that had made her heart hurt, but at least he hadn't left again.

She was so, so afraid to ask where he had gone those two nights, and even more afraid that he wouldn't tell her—or that she wouldn't like the answer.

They had decided to try to spend at least one night together every week, to coordinate their schedules so they could have dinner at home. Ned's work was almost always the problem, but more than a few times Nancy had been home late too. He was only thirty minutes late this time, and under the spearmint on his breath she could detect the faint odor of beer.

"So what are we having?"

"Pot roast," she said, going to the refrigerator. "What would you like to drink?"

Ned shrugged. "Soda's fine. I have a few emails to catch up on after dinner."

Ned didn't think any meal was complete without dessert, but Nancy hadn't had time to go by the bakery with everything else going on, so he scavenged in the pantry and brought out the container of Oreos. They sat on either side of the couch with the cookies on the table between them, and every now and then Nancy would dunk one in Ned's glass of milk and eat it.

Ned closed his laptop an hour later. "So what are you working on?"

Nancy shrugged. "Honeypot," she said, and when she glanced over at Ned, his face was darkening.

"Nan—"

She shook her head. "No, I'm just doing the background stuff. Lily's handling the... hands-on portion."

Ned relaxed a little. "Okay. I just don't want you in that kind of situation. Not after..." He made a vague gesture.

His protectiveness was charming, but she couldn't hide the note of annoyance in her voice. "I know, and as much as I don't like it either, it's part of my job."

Ned frowned again, although he didn't say what she knew he was thinking. _It doesn't have to be part of your job. You could be sitting behind a desk somewhere. Safe and bored to death._

Instead of giving in to the impulse to snap at him—she didn't want another argument, definitely not—Nancy closed her laptop and stood, arching her back in a stretch. "I was just thinking about trying out the tub," she said lightly, casting a carefully innocent glance in his direction. "And I seem to remember you said something about trying it out too..."

A smile flirted with Ned's lips. "I think I could be persuaded," he told her.

She started the water and went back into their bedroom, slowly taking her clothes off. She thought longingly of her sweaters and scarves and long-sleeved shirts, still packed; the mild weather meant she wouldn't need them here.

They would be back home by Christmas, maybe. The thought of it made her chest tighten a little. They would be back in Illinois together and she would be out of this waking nightmare...

But on nights like tonight, when she caught his frankly admiring glance lingering on her naked body, she was almost able to forget how miserable moving to Los Angeles had made her feel. She was able to remember how terrible the time without him had been, and at least they would have a night together every week, at least they had promised each other that they wouldn't leave.

Nancy slipped into the tub first, and Ned followed. Nancy's eyes closed as the jets began to work on her back, and she let out a little moan. Ned was smiling when she slowly opened her eyes again.

"Good, huh?"

She nodded, though it was with just a hint of reluctance. She would be sad to give this up... but Ned wasn't thinking that way at all. He maneuvered in the water, groaning in pleasure when the jets hit him just right. "Mmmmm. You picked a great house, babe."

She smiled. "Not as great as the guy sharing it with me," she said, and moved over near him. She had pinned up her hair to keep it from trailing in the water; Ned dipped his cupped hand in the water and poured it over her bare shoulders, and she shivered in anticipation when his fingertips circled the points of her shoulders, when he drew them over her collarbone.

Nancy sank down until her chin was just above the water, feeling him slide his hands down her sides, and reached over to grasp his leg. She gasped when a jet hit her in a particularly sensitive spot, and Ned was about to murmur something when they heard his cell phone go off in the bedroom.

Nancy's eyes were pleading, but his expression was apologetic when he began to push himself up. "I'm sorry, baby. I have to take that."

When he vanished into their bedroom, a towel wrapped around him, she considered asking if he was coming back, but she knew better than to ask; she considered exploring how good that jet felt, but she had never really enjoyed getting herself off if her husband was around to do it. She closed her eyes, sinking back down into the water, but after five minutes she still wasn't relaxed, and just sitting by herself in the tub was making her feel depressed.

She was relieved when he was both still in their room and still in the towel when she followed him. "Everything going okay?"

Ned nodded quickly. "Yeah. Everything's fine." He smiled at her. "Sorry about that. Get over here, sexy."

Nancy gave him a small, playfully shy smile as she dropped the towel into the laundry hamper. "You look significantly overdressed," she teased him, and while she was almost always aware of his gaze on her, for some reason this time it felt a little different. She walked over to turn off the overhead lights, and Ned flipped on the bedside lamp.

She thought with a pang of her crack about his having to make love to her in the dark, but she had always loved being able to see his face when they made love. He tossed his towel at the hamper and slipped onto the bed, and she let her own gaze wander over his body. Maybe he was getting home late, but he clearly had made the time to visit the gym regularly.

She wanted to do something new with him, something that would blow his mind, but the thought of using the sex swing with her injured arm made her cringe. When she came over to the bed, slipping one knee onto the mattress, Ned's eyes widened and he scrambled off the bed.

Nancy raised her eyebrows, hurt. Ned was shaking his head apologetically when he returned, a small container in his hand.

"Sorry. Forgot about this." He offered it to her. "I mean, if you want."

Nancy looked down at it. A pair of tubes of personal lubricant, one meant for each of them.

She glanced up at her husband. "Are you trying to say I don't get wet enough for you?"

"Oh, Nan," Ned scoffed. "You know you do. It's just... well, you said you wanted to... spice things up..." He was mumbling by the end of it, and he trailed off.

Nancy leaned forward and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "No, it's... it's great. I'm sure it's gonna be great."

Ned relaxed, turning his head, and when their lips brushed she felt her arousal spark again. She moved toward him and their kiss became harder, almost desperate. Just the sheer sensation of his bare skin against hers was enough to make her believe, if only for a moment, that they were getting over the turmoil they'd been in ever since her move, that they could get back to who they had been. She was so damn sick of fighting, sick of having to keep her defenses up all the time, and when he nipped at her neck she let out a little moan. "Mmm. More, baby," she breathed, and she ran her hand through his hair as he gently bit her breast.

She was rocking against him when he pulled back, reaching for the tubes she had left on the nightstand. "Ready?"

She nodded, moving onto her back so she could open her legs, and reached down to part herself for him. Ned's eyes darkened in arousal and approval when he saw her spread out for him like that.

"It says just a few drops."

She nodded, and when the lube dripped against her sensitive inner flesh, she hissed a little.

"Okay?"

"It feels... interesting," she said slowly, as he let a few drops fall from the other bottle onto his erection. He stroked it over his cock and she watched his face curiously, drawing her legs back together. The longer she was exposed to the air, the colder the lube seemed to feel.

"Ready?"

She nodded, giggling when he pulled her to the side of the bed so he could stand while he fucked her. She opened her legs wide to him, and when the tip of his cock was just barely inside her, when he brushed her clit, some of the warming lube was still on his fingertips, and she bucked under him when she first felt it.

"Mmmm," Ned said approvingly, and she had just pulled her knees back when his phone went off again.

Nancy's brow knit, but Ned shook his head. "It can wait," he told her, his gaze on hers as he pushed into her.

She didn't realize how anxious it had made her until she relaxed, reassured by his words, that maybe he'd let her have his attention long enough to get them both off. "Mmmm," she moaned, then gasped when a thrust of his hips sent his full length up into her. "Oh, so good," she whimpered.

"Can you feel it?" Ned was gritting his teeth. "Shit, Nan."

She hesitated for a second. "Not really, but holy shit, if you stop I'll kill you."

"More?"

She wrapped her legs around his waist, using the leverage to pull her ass half off the bed. "Fuck me," she begged him, and when he tilted down, driving hard into her, she tipped her head back, panting harshly. "Oh God oh God oh God _yes_ ," she whimpered.

" _Yeah_ ," Ned growled. "Yeah, baby. Come here."

He moved onto the bed, then maneuvered so he was on his back, and she looked down at him. She sank down onto his cock and he smacked her hip lightly, pushing up from the balls of his feet.

"Harder?" Nancy intentionally clenched hard around him before pulling herself back up.

Ned let out a long groan. "Hell yeah, Nan. _Mmmmm._ Is it still not working for you?"

She shrugged a little, propping herself up with her good hand as she began to ride him. "Just feels a little more wet."

Ned frowned. "I'm sorry, honey."

She shook her head a little, shifting the angle of her hips, and let out a quiet sob. "It's okay," she told him. "Can you, can you touch me..."

He smacked her hip again before he rubbed her clit, and she rode him harder, panting. "Oh God, _yes, so good_ ," she cried out, circling her hips. "Oh God, _yes, yes!_ "

She could tell he was working hard to hold back, and she closed her eyes, trying to give herself over to it, trying to feel whatever the lube was doing for him, but she was still hovering on the cusp when Ned shuddered and groaned under her. She rolled off him with a soft sigh, and his eyes were still closed when she reached down and tried frantically rubbing her clit, but the lube felt distractingly strange on her skin. She gave up with another sigh, her own eyes closed.

Ned made a soft sound. "I'm sorry, baby. You want to get a toy?"

_Yeah, I'm sure you'd like that_. Nancy bit back the retort and shook her head. "I'm okay," she lied, pushing herself off the bed. "Just need to get cleaned up."

"We can try something different next time," he promised, as she walked to their bathroom.

Nancy sighed as she wiped her thighs. They had _tried_ different, tried so many things different, and what the hell would they do when there was nothing left to try? She shook her head when she flipped the lights back off, going to her dresser for an oversized t-shirt, and slipped into it before she joined her husband in bed. He was just checking his phone, and he hurriedly put it down when she walked back in.

"You don't have to go, do you?"

Ned shook his head, and Nancy wished she hadn't been quite so harsh in the way she'd said it, but for God's sake, she didn't see what was so fucking hard about leaving him alone for twelve hours. No wonder so many of his colleagues seemed to be unmarried; it was taking the patience of a saint to put up with it.

And she definitely wasn't a saint.

He pulled her into his arms and she relaxed against him, closing her eyes tight. They would be okay. They would.

\--

Over the next week, Nancy spent her time tailing Whitney. She put a tracker on his car, but discovered that, especially at night, he preferred to use a car service. No common taxicab for him when he was drunk, that was for sure—but he didn't really drink that much, that Nancy saw. He went to the gym, and when she figured out that his sessions with the trainer there took at least an hour, she shrugged and just went at the same time. At least it was better than sitting in the car waiting on him.

It was only after three fellow gym attendees hit on her in one day that she figured Whitney was probably doing it for the ego boost of having fans recognize him in public. The guys asking for Nancy's number, ignoring the ring on her finger, definitely were assholes, but their attention still gave her a little rush.

Her work cell phone started ringing when she was pulling her duffel out of a locker. "Hello?"

"Anything yet?" Morgan smacked her gum loudly and Nancy wondered why no one had bothered slapping it out of her mouth before.

"Working on it," Nancy said casually, just in case. "What's going on?"

"There's this really great party Saturday night and if you guys can catch him before then, Alo and I can go together." Morgan's voice sounded like it was probably accompanied by an eye-roll.

_Alo?_ Nancy thought, then shook her head. Telling Morgan that her boyfriend's name sounded like a burn treatment probably wouldn't get on her good side. "We'll get on it," Nancy promised with a tight smile, then hung up the phone.

Lily looked more gorgeous than usual when she and Nancy met for lunch Thursday. "I'm in rehearsals for a play!" she explained, a wide grin on her face. "It's one of those weird experimental art-student things that casting people love."

"That's great," Nancy said. "Are you still going to be able to do this?"

"Oh, yeah. Definitely." Lily flipped her hair over her shoulder. She gave Nancy a grin. "So he's usually at Leon on Friday night?"

Nancy nodded. "With some friends, which could work in your favor."

Lily nodded. "How far are we going with this jackass?"

Nancy went over the prenup terms Morgan had given them. "Justin gave me the purse to carry the surveillance, so I can give that to you before you head in. And you have my number so you can call me if you get in trouble..."

Lily waved a dismissive hand. "That's why I wear stilettos," she told Nancy with a grin. "Great way to get him to shape up. Okay, sounds great—I'll call Justin and get all the other stuff in order. Wish me luck, okay?"

"Good luck," Nancy said with a smile, but as soon as Lily was slipping her sunglasses on and heading out the door, she let the smile drop off her face. She hadn't been watching him for a very long time, but Whitney really seemed to be decent. He had an ego, but everyone did; he seemed to spend his days going to the gym or shopping, spending time with male friends, and a few times she'd been close enough to hear him on the phone with his agent. He had a few projects in the works, but he was frustrated at the delays, and at least by keeping himself in circulation he was keeping his name out there. A few times Morgan had even lowered herself enough to step out with him, obviously delighting in the attention they garnered when they attended high-profile parties and red-carpet premieres. Even though she claimed she was only interested in the money, Nancy was pretty sure that when hanging on Alo's arm didn't get her into the same social circles Whitney did, Morgan would bitterly regret her decision to toss him over.

If there were any justice in the world, Nancy thought, she'd be able to go to Whitney, explain the situation, and get the evidence on _Morgan_... but that would be a great way to get herself totally shut out of the business forever.

Besides, she thought, maybe Whitney would surprise her. Maybe he'd be able to resist temptation. After all, she had seen more than a few women walk up to him with flirtatious smiles on their faces, and he'd been polite, but they'd left without the avaricious expression that meant the expectation of a meeting later.

He reminded her, just a little, in the slightest way, of her father; it was just something about his eyes.

But it was a job. A job she didn't relish in any way whatsoever, but a job.

_C'mon Red. I've been craving Angelini._

_Sounds like a personal problem_ , she texted him back, although she had a slight smile on her face. _I already gave my statement._

_Yeah but we need to go over it again. ;)_

Nancy managed to resist texting him back for another fifteen minutes. When she was parked half a block down from Whitney's place, making sure he didn't leave the property, she pulled out her phone again.

_Bad boy, trying 2 milk ur expense account._

_Well, Red, maybe I'll straighten up if u give me a little punishment._

Nancy grinned when she put her phone away. Ben was just a harmless little ego boost, but he was a good guy. Maybe on her next case she'd be able to work with him again...

She shook herself a little, returning her attention to Whitney's house. After their dinner together earlier in the week, she had been craving some more quality time with her husband, but all her damn surveillance had meant she wasn't home, even if he was. She just wanted to have sex the way they used to, before they'd needed anything to help them, just the two of them together, wrapped around each other. She wanted an hour of his undivided attention, without either of their cell phones going off.

Maybe she could make that a rule, she mused, but then she imagined Ned reacting negatively and frowned. He acted like his work was the end of the world, like he was out curing cancer instead of convincing housewives that their current cleaning solution was laughably weak and only this newly improved version could possibly redeem the nightmare of grimy linoleum.

Then she realized with a pang that she hadn't actually spoken to him in two days, other than to confirm that neither of them would be home for dinner.

On Friday night Nancy took the nondescript company sedan and began the drive to Leon, but when she pulled up her phone to double-check the location of the tracker, it wasn't there. So he'd taken the car service, she reassured herself, but when she pulled up, she decided to just do a quick circuit and make sure he was inside, so Lily wouldn't have anything to worry about once she arrived.

But Whitney wasn't there. He wasn't at Leon.

Nancy swallowed hard and widened the range on the tracker. It was at Whitney's house.

Nancy headed back to the car, sweeping her hair out of her face as she did a quick web search. She called Whitney's usual car service.

"Hey," she said breathlessly when the dispatcher picked up. "I'm Blake Whitney's PA and I've been trying to reach him all night but his cell's doing something weird. Do you know where he is?"

"We don't give out infor—"

Nancy kicked the tension in her voice up a couple of notches. "Okay look he _told_ me he'd be at Leon, okay, and I have to get him to sign off on this script in the next fucking _hour_ or he's going to have my ass—"

Eventually she wheedled the address out of the dispatcher, widening her eyes when she mapped it. _He's in Malibu_ , she texted Lily, and followed with the address. _Can you get out there ASAP?_

She didn't hear back from Lily, and when she arrived, she couldn't see into the bar, and it was already later than she'd wanted. Nancy took a look around, then took her emergency backup bag into a gas station restroom and emerged ten minutes later wearing a tight black dress and high heels, her eyes smoky, her lips a deep burgundy. She looked down at her wedding rings and debated for a long, agonized moment before she pulled them off, tucking them into a zippered compartment in her purse. Then she picked up the specially outfitted purse, debating for a few seconds before she put her gun inside. She had no place to hide it under the dress, and if she didn't take it, she knew she would probably need it.

The bar wasn't the chaotic crush of bodies she'd been half-expecting. Nancy had been following Whitney for so long that she zeroed in on him almost immediately. He was in a group with five other guys, and she had looked all of them up. They had worked with him on projects, and they were all old friends of his—and they were all similarly looking for work. One had done a few infomercials in the past year, she remembered.

Nancy ordered a martini and took a long sip, letting it linger in her mouth so her breath would smell like vodka, then walked over to their table. "Oh my _God_ ," she said loudly, gazing directly at the guy who had done the infomercials. "Chris _Nobles_? Seriously?"

Chris nodded with a little grin. "Guilty as charged," he told her.

"Oh my God I _love you_ ," she said, giggling, leaning over. The eyes of every guy at the table immediately went to her breasts; she knew they weren't huge, but she hadn't met a straight guy yet who _wouldn't_ stare at her when she leaned over in a low-cut dress. "Grace is gonna lose her _mind_ when she gets here. Can I buy you a drink?"

It was a good way to lay the groundwork, to bring Lily over and introduce her to the group—and a way to not immediately raise Whitney's suspicions, since she hadn't zeroed in on him. She shook hands with all of them in turn, introducing herself as Tricia, and even asked someone else to take a picture of her with them, on her cell phone camera. Then, with a little wave, she went over to the bar to order Chris's drink, and sent the whole table a round for good measure. Getting Whitney drunk, she was sure, would only help.

Lily still hadn't responded. _Let me know when you're on the way_ , Nancy texted her.

Thirty minutes later all the guys at the table were working on a bottle of what appeared to be obscenely expensive scotch, and Nancy's phone went off. She was keeping an eye on the table, giving flirtatious little grins to them, and when she pounced on her phone, she knew they would just think her delayed friend was texting her.

But it wasn't Lily. _If you and your "husband" aren't busy tonight, that table at Angelini's still stands, Red._

Nancy's heart sank as she ignored the message. If Lily didn't call her back soon, she was afraid their window was going to close, and she'd have to go through another week of surveillance. All she wanted to do was get through it, get to something more _interesting_...

At least in Chicago she had been able to take the kinds of cases that had appealed to her. Brown trusted her that much.

Nancy's gaze was drawn back to the table when the guys all stood, and she could tell from their faces that they had decided to call it a night. Soon only Chris and Blake were left.

Nancy had just pulled out her phone to text Justin, to ask if he had anyone else he could send, when she felt a hand on her elbow. She glanced up, full into Blake Whitney's face, and put a smile on her own, dismissing the messaging screen.

"Thanks for the drink, Tricia," Blake said with an easy smile. The scent of scotch on his breath was strong, and terribly familiar, from all the nights Ned had been coming home that way. Stupidly she felt herself become just a little aroused in response, from the association.

Blake wasn't unattractive, not by any means. If she'd had a thing for older men, anyway.

She drew him out with questions, the way she always did with her marks. Blake was a star, and just like every other star she had met, one of his favorite topics was himself. She didn't want to spoil his mood by bringing up his possible future projects, but he volunteered to talk about them anyway. He described a role that a young indie director was considering for him, a gritty, realistic role, one he was really looking forward to performing. Gradually, as Blake ordered more drinks, she began to flirt more and more outrageously. She was finding it harder to avoid drinking what he ordered for her, but she kept urging him to keep going.

He was clearly finding it hard to stand up as he slid off the barstool, clinging to the edge of the bar. "I'll be right back, gorgeous," he told her, tapping her nose with a grin. "Don't go anywhere."

"I won't," she promised. "Still waiting for my friend to show up, remember?"

Blake shook his head, and as soon as he was out of sight, Nancy sent Lily another frantic text, then began a text to Justin. _Justin, can't reach Lily, can you—_

She had to put her phone away when Blake came back. "There's this one thing," he told her, slurring just a little, "that's almost as pretty as you, Trish. You want to see it?"

Nancy raised her eyebrows, glancing down toward his waist. "Are we gonna have to go someplace more private for that?" she giggled.

Blake shrugged, and let his fingertips drift down her arm.

She had promised Ned she wouldn't do this. She didn't want to. And if Lily would just walk in before she had to walk out with Blake...

But Lily didn't. Nancy persuaded Blake to order another drink, telling him she had to freshen up, and went to the restroom. Well, Justin sending someone else out now to take over wouldn't make any sense... And if she called Ned, that would just start a fucking screaming match. But she needed backup; she had learned that lesson a long time ago.

Nancy swallowed hard and pulled up the messaging screen again. _If I don't text u back in 1 hr, can u back me up or get someone to, in Malibu?_

She had been sure Ben would immediately respond, and she wasn't disappointed. _Where in Malibu? What's going on?_

Blake's fingers were just a little clammy on hers when she rejoined him. "So where are we going, handsome?" Nancy purred as they walked out onto the sidewalk.

"It's a surprise," Blake said, and with him this drunk, Nancy was hoping that she'd be able to get her proof quickly, and maybe pretty much painlessly. Nancy had no intention of getting him past the declarations point; maybe Lily wouldn't mind giving a guy a hand job on tape, but as far as Nancy was concerned, once she talked him into putting on a condom, she'd have all the evidence she would need.

Nancy pouted. "Oh, come on. Please tell me?"

"But then you'll text your friend. And I'd hate if we were interrupted."

Nancy didn't like the sound of that, not at all, but she gave him her best grin. "Let me just tell her I'll meet up with her tomorrow. She'll just die when she finds out what she missed."

_I'm w/Blake Whitney. I'll leave my phone on, just track it._

_What if something happens to ur phone?_

Nancy swallowed her unease and turned back to Blake. "Now you have all my attention, handsome," she told him. "So, something pretty... is it jewelry?"

Blake's fingertips played over her collarbone, and Nancy tried harder to pretend she was Tricia, who would be utterly thrilled to be receiving this kind of attention from Whitney. He hadn't done anything too incriminating yet, but he clearly wanted to. _Guess there are no good men left,_ she thought, even as she grinned at Blake.

"Not quite, gorgeous."

"Well, whatever it is, I hope we can get some more to drink once we get there."

"I think that can be arranged."

With any luck they would still be in relative public—but a lot could happen in an hour, Nancy knew. The cab pulled up at the harbor and Nancy fought down her dismay.

He was taking her to a _boat?_ She tried to imagine a worse situation, but it was hard. Her every instinct was telling her that this was a mistake. Blake took her hand after he paid off the cab, and he had his own key to get through. He was also clearly drunk.

_Get it over with. Just get it over with._ Nancy swallowed hard, reaching into her purse to pop a breath mint, and made sure the gun was still there, along with her phone and the surveillance equipment. The recorder was black, and the interior of her purse was black; even if Whitney asked to look in her purse, it wouldn't be obvious to him. The small green light was on, indicating that it was running.

Blake took a deep breath once they were walking down the slats, down to the mooring for his boat. "God, I love the view out here," he told her. "So peaceful."

"It really is," she agreed. Under different circumstances, with a different man next to her, she really wouldn't mind being out here, even as homesick as she felt.

Her heartbeat sped up again when Blake took her hand and led her to a boat. _Whit's Revenge_ was printed on the back. Well, at least Ben wouldn't have any problem finding it once he came after her.

She found it frightening that she was already mentally counting on him, and that she was worried he wouldn't make it in time.

"This is a beautiful boat."

"It's my second one," he said, and once they were belowdecks, he went over to a gleaming bar set. "Name your poison, sweetheart."

"Oh... hmm. A rum and diet would be great."

Whitney was grinning when he shook his head. "Thought we were keeping the party going," he told her. "Come on, at least some vodka. Or..." He reached into his pocket. "Maybe you want some oxy?"

Her increased anxiety was making her shoulder hurt, but when she saw the small baggie in his hand, she had to fight to give him a casual shrug. She had no fucking idea what he was offering her, if it was OxyContin at all, but she had no intention of taking it. "Vodka's cool."

Blake had tipped back half his drink before he sat down on the sumptuous white leather couch, near her. "Come over here and sit in daddy's lap," he told her, and Nancy made sure to leave her purse where the camera could get a good view of both of them, then obeyed. She had been feeling just a little drunk earlier, but the anxiety had burned it off, and she felt stone sober even as he fed her the shot.

"Mmm, that's right. It'll make it easier, sweetheart."

_Probably_ , she thought to herself, then blinked in momentary confusion.

_Make what easier_?

As soon as the last drop of vodka was in her mouth, and it took all of her will to swallow, Blake's fingers were gripping hard in her hair and his lips were on hers.

_God_. This was why Lily was supposed to do this. Nancy's heart was beating hard against her ribs, and she felt like she was going to panic, especially when Blake's other hand came up and covered her breast.

She didn't want his hands on her. She didn't want his hands anywhere near her. She wanted to punch him in the face.

He moved back, breaking the kiss, his fingers trailing down her belly, and Nancy found to her horror that tears had risen to her eyes. "Uh—just let me go get ready," she forced out. She couldn't do this. She couldn't fucking do this. She would call Justin when she was in the bathroom and tell him it would take a little longer, he'd have to get someone else on this to take Lily's place, and maybe he'd get mad but she didn't fucking care.

"You telling daddy no, Susie?" Blake said, gripping her upper arm.

Nancy shook her head. "No—I just..."

Her voice was shaking, and she flinched when he reached up toward her face. Her stomach twisted into a knot when he dashed a tear from her lashes. "If you weren't so damn gorgeous, baby, I wouldn't have to do this."

He reached for his fly.

Nancy whimpered, trying to push herself off his lap, but his grip tightened until he was actually hurting her. He opened his legs and shoved her to the floor, and she was kneeling in front of him, her knees against the plush carpet, his fist tight in her hair.

"No," she whispered. "Please, no."

When he started trying to force her head down, the panic that had been rising since she had set foot on the boat finally bubbled over, and she started scrabbling at him, trying to get away. His grip was hard on her injured arm, though, and when he jerked it she thought she might pass out from the pain.

"You always try to fight it, Susie," he said, shaking his head. "But you never win, do you, baby."

He slapped her _hard_ and Nancy cried out at the pain, a pair of tears streaking down her cheeks in response as she tried to get away from him.

And he was fucking _smiling_.

"You're so beautiful when you cry," he told her.

She managed to get one leg under her, then took a deep trembling breath and slapped him hard, vaulting up from the floor and wrenching herself out of his grip. When he began to stand—and God, _God_ , he had seemed so much more drunk before—Nancy stabbed the heel of her stiletto hard against his shin, then scrambled for her purse.

"Come on, baby. You've been bad, very bad," he told her, his hands pulled into fists as she backed away from him. He was limping a little, but she still had to get past him to get to the door, and if he had any hope whatsoever of a career in Hollywood, for the foreseeable future anyway, he couldn't let her walk out.

Nancy pulled the gun out of her purse and trained it on him. "Get down on the ground!"

Blake's face darkened. "We were just... it was..."

"I said _get on the ground_!" she screamed at him, and she didn't realize she was still crying until she felt tears slide down her neck.

Blake was glaring at her as he sank to his knees.

"Down! Lay down, on your face, you asshole!"

She managed to use the blind pull to bind his hands, knotting it until she wouldn't even be able to untie it if she wanted to. When he protested again that it hadn't been anything, she rolled him onto his back, then knocked him out with three punches, her breathing ragged.

_U r off the hook_ , she texted Ben, her fingers shaking. The last thing she wanted was for him to show up with a squadron of cops to see her like this.

Next she called Justin. "Nancy?"

"Yeah," Nancy said, fighting to keep her voice even. "Whitney tried some shit. I'm gonna call the cops but I'll bring the tapes by after."

"If they let you," Justin said darkly. "But I'm sure Morgan will be happy. You okay?"

"I'll... I'll be okay. But I'm turning my phone off for the rest of the weekend," she told him.

As soon as she had called the cops and directed them to the boat, she checked on Whitney, who was still passed out. She stared at him for a full minute before she believed he was, then found the bathroom and threw up, her whole body trembling as she sobbed.

Her phone went off with another text message from Ben. _Everything go OK? Want 2 meet up?_

She didn't. She didn't want to talk, she didn't want to think. She didn't want to be conscious anymore.

The cops collected Whitney, along with the video camera, and Nancy promised she would come by in the morning to give them an official statement, but they were more than overjoyed that she had caught the whole incident on tape. Nancy flagged down a cab so she could get back to her car. When her phone rang she prayed it wasn't Ben, but Justin's name was on the display.

"Good, you didn't turn your phone off yet," he said. "Just so I can let Morgan know, uh, what kind of shit did he try?"

Nancy closed her eyes, frowning deeply. "He took me out to his boat, and he... he started calling me Susie," she said quietly. "Trying to force me... it was creepy." She sighed. "I'd thought he wasn't a bad guy."

"Susie... _Susie_. Oh shit."

"What?"

"This was back a long time ago—when he first got out here," Justin said. "He had a stepdaughter with his first wife, and her name was Susan. Pretty girl. Blue eyes and reddish hair."

Nancy's stomach flipped again. " _Was_?" she whispered.

"There was an accident, on the boat, when she was sixteen or so," he explained. "She drowned."

Nancy shook her head. "Then it wasn't an accident," she said. "Oh my _God_."

As soon as Justin ended the call, promising that he would alert the cops _and_ leave her alone until Monday morning, Nancy was standing on the street beside her car. She was trembling, and though she had refused the cops' offer to get her checked out, she knew that she was at least partially in shock. Especially when she could hear Blake's voice echoing in her head.

_You always try to fight it, Susie._

Nancy didn't want to do it, but she reached for her phone, and listened to it ring and ring on the other end. She downed half a soda she'd stashed in the car for her stakeout and was five minutes down the road, feeling marginally better even though she couldn't seem to stop crying, when her phone rang.

"Hello?"

"I'm on the way home," she told her husband. "I'll be there in twenty minutes and I need you there when I get there."

"Nan, I'm in the middle of—"

Nancy pulled in a shaking breath. "I need you to do this one thing for me," she said, her voice very small. "Just this one thing. For God's sake."

"I'll try to be there."

At least he wasn't lying the way he had when he'd said he would _definitely_ come to her doctor's appointment... Nancy shook her head, disconnecting the call.

He was home when she arrived, and she didn't realize how afraid she had been that he wouldn't be there until she sagged with relief. She keyed inside and Ned turned off the television, his face already set. Nancy stepped out of her shoes, leaving them abandoned on the kitchen floor, dropping her keys and purse along the way. Her work cell was off, and in the mood she was in, she didn't care if she ever turned it back on again.

"What's wrong?"

When she smelled the scotch on his breath, Nancy shuddered, another set of tears slipping down her cheeks. Ned looked at her outfit, Blake's handprint still on her face, his fingermarks still on her arm, and his face darkened.

"Nancy, what happened?"

She shook her head, starting to move past him, toward the stairs.

"You _demand_ that I get here and you won't even talk to me?" Ned said angrily, following her. "Then what was the point of—"

Nancy turned, wiping the tears off her cheeks, looking down into his face. "I just had to entrap this _really sweet_ guy," she shouted, "who raped and most likely murdered his stepdaughter, okay? Is that what you fucking wanted to hear?"

Ned shook his head. "And he did this to you?"

She nodded, her lips shaking.

"And what happened to you fucking letting someone else handle it?" Ned demanded, crossing his arms. "Huh? After _every goddamn thing_ that's happened to you, you walk in there and put yourself in this situation?"

Nancy glared at him. "So it's _my fault_ he tried to rape me," she shouted angrily.

Ned's eyes widened. "You were trying to get him to have sex with you, I thought," he replied, and then looked down at her bare left hand. Her rings were still in her purse; she had forgotten all about taking them off. "My _wife_ took her wedding rings off and tried to get another guy in bed and this is supposed to be fucking _okay_ with me?"

"It was never going to _get that far!_ " she shouted back, moving past him to get the rings out of her purse, her fingers shaking.

Ned raised his eyebrows. " _Clearly_ ," he said sarcastically. "Because _clearly_ you were in control of the whole goddamn—" Ned broke off, running his fingers through his hair. His jaw was tight.

Nancy put her rings back on, shaking her head. "Look, Lily didn't show up, okay?"

"And instead of calling to get someone else, while you're fucking _hurt_ for good measure, you just decided, hey, let me put on a little dress and get in there and do this," he retorted.

"Look, I know you fucking hate my job—"

His eyes were wide as he gazed at her. "And you do too!" he accused her. "Look at what this fucking did to you, and somehow it's _better_ , that some asshole put his _hands_ on you, than to sit behind a desk somewhere?"

"But you wouldn't _stop there_!" she screamed. "You won't be happy until I'm here safe and bored out of my mind, rotting away!"

Ned shook his head. His hands were in fists by his sides, and when she saw him start toward the garage door, something inside her broke.

They had sworn. They had sworn they wouldn't do this again, and a part of her was afraid that if she said another word, he might grab her again, might pull his hand back again.

Nancy took a deep breath. "Please," she called out, her voice shaking as another pair of tears tracked down her cheeks. "Please don't leave. If you have to hit me just hit me, but please don't leave."

Ned's hand was on the knob, but he turned back to her, his face ashen. "Nancy," he whispered.

"Please," she repeated, looking down.

She heard him take a deep breath and then he came back over to her, slipping his arms around her. At the smell of the scotch on his breath she panicked again, wrenching herself away from him, sobbing harder.

"I'm sorry," Ned said. "I just... Nan, how can you think I like seeing you this way?"

She shook her head. "I hated it," she whispered. "I hated every second and I hated breaking my word to you, okay? I just... I can't be alone tonight, I can't." She brushed a hand over her cheek. "I need to take a shower."

He nodded. "I'll stay."

She took a deep breath, hugging him hard before they went upstairs.

She felt fragile when she first ducked under the spray, and Ned joined her just long enough to briefly rinse himself off. She kept her gaze averted from his naked body, and when she was alone she looked with some dismay down at her arm, then scrubbed every trace of her makeup off, the lingering scent of panicked sweat from her skin. She put on an oversized shirt and cotton shorts, and when she slipped into bed with her husband, at least she didn't smell the scotch as strongly on him anymore.

Ned pulled her into his arms. "I worry about you," he whispered. "And I can't apologize for that, Nan."

She shook her head. "I know you do," she whispered, infinitely tired. "I just want to go to sleep and forget today ever happened. Just hold me, okay?"

She didn't fall asleep for a long time, though. Every time she closed her eyes she saw it again; she turned and burrowed her face into her husband's chest, feeling him breathe, feeling his warmth against her. She just wanted to curl up into a ball and fall into dreamless sleep for the rest of the weekend. She didn't want to think about what could possibly have kept Lily...

How many other girls had Whitney brought out there, taking them through that same terrible script? Had any of them freaked out the way Nancy had? Had Joanna divorced him when she had found out what happened, or did she even know?

Nancy started shaking and Ned's arms tightened around her. "Shhh," he whispered. "Shhhh. Calm down, it's okay."

What if she had left the gun in the car, the way she had been debating? Whitney had enjoyed seeing her upset; she couldn't imagine that begging would have gotten her anywhere, and if he had overpowered her...

"Shh," Ned whispered, and she felt his lips press against the crown of her head. "Shhh, Nan, you're safe."

She didn't understand why such panic rose in her at the sound of those words, only that she needed him, needed him to make those words true. She tilted her head up and their lips brushed in the dark, and she parted her own, making a soft sound when he kissed her hard.

"Please," she whispered again, her nails digging against his back. "Please, baby."

He kissed her again, pulling her shirt up, and they both sat up so they could hastily strip. He reached for her, pulling her onto his lap so she was straddling him, and they kissed desperately, his hands gentle as they stroked over her, as he traced her curves. She trembled when he cupped her breasts, his thumbs brushing her nipples, and she closed her eyes, focusing on the feeling of her husband's hands on her, as though he could erase what had been done to her.

She had tried. Oh God, she had tried.

Another pair of tears slipped down her cheeks as she stroked his cock, and he was groaning when he moved back. He doubled his legs under him and tipped back, propped up by the headboard, so she could take him in her hand and sink down onto him.

She cried out when she took him inside her, and she was still moving down when he slipped his fingers between her legs and began to slowly stroke her clit. She shuddered, forcing herself to open her eyes, to look at his face.

Their wedding night. They had been like this their wedding night, and she had been so afraid of this, but there was no pain this time, only the glorious length and girth of him fitted snug inside her sex, filling her completely as she worked her way down. He kept stroking her clit and her hips trembled in answer, her lips parting.

"Mmmmm," she moaned, reaching up to slide her arms around his neck as she pulled back for another thrust. "I need you, I need you so much..."

"And I need you too," he told her, cupping her breast as he kept stroking her clit. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," she gasped, angling her hips, and she cried out again when he ran the tip of his thumb against her clit. "Oh, _Ned_..."

She rode him until she was sobbing at the pleasure of it, until he was rapidly stroking his fingers against her sensitive flesh, and when she leaned forward, needing to feel more of him against her, needing to press her chest to his, Ned made a soft sound, stroking her clit even harder. He wrapped his arm around the small of her back and bore her down to the bed, and she shuddered when he slipped inside her again.

"Oh, oh my _God_ ," she cried out, her body arching to draw him deeper, and as he sank to her, taking it slowly, she writhed under him. "Oh yes, yes yes _yes, oh God_ ," she begged him, her head tipping back when his full length was sheathed inside her.

He kept stroking her and she canted the angle of her hips, letting out a long desperate moan as he moved in her again. He was being gentle with her, as gentle as he could be, but she moaned as she tipped her head back up, her nails digging into his shoulder blades.

"I'm yours," she whimpered. "Forever, baby... please, oh God, I need you..."

He let out a growl, moving faster inside her, and she cried out, rocking under him. His thumb dug against her clit and she screamed, her shoulders jerking, and he groaned loudly when her inner flesh tightened in a spasm around him.

"Oh God, _Nan_ ," Ned panted. "Oh, _fuck_."

She was still crying out, her brow knit, as he drove into her in rough strokes, and she undulated, feeling how wet she was, hearing it every time he moved. It had been so long since they had made love this way, and when he leaned down, making his strokes hard and quick, she couldn't breathe, couldn't _think_ at how amazing it felt. She screamed when one more stroke of his thumb sent her over the edge and she came, bucking under him, his hips sinking until he was flush against her.

Nancy tipped her knees back when he groaned at his release, and she held him against her, his weight pressing her to the mattress. "Mmmmmmm," Ned sighed, his face above hers. "Mmmmmm. You okay?"

Nancy squeezed him a little tighter for a second. "Yeah," she breathed. "Mmmmm."

He moved down and kissed her unbruised cheek, then brushed his lips over hers. "I'm sorry, baby," he whispered. "I'm so sorry."

She gave him a small smile. "I love you," she whispered. "So, so much."

He kissed her softly again. "And I love you."


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter by littlemsmessy.

“Yes, I’ll have the shrimp and mango salad, vinaigrette on the side,” Nancy said decisively, closing her menu with a snap and handing it to the smiling waitress. “Thanks.”

When the waitress left, Nancy turned back to Bess, who was sitting across the table from her. “I can’t believe that you’re already leaving the day after tomorrow!” she told her friend sadly.

“I know,” Bess said, pouting. “These last four days went by so fast! And it’s been great to spend time with you – George and I miss you terribly, you know. She was so upset when she realized she wasn’t able to make it out here because of work.”

“I was, too.” Nancy took a sip of her iced tea. “It’s been so wonderful to see you, Bess.”

Bess reached across the table and patted her hand. “I’ll come out again soon, I promise. Who knows, maybe I’ll copy you and Ned and move to California, too!”

Nancy felt a surge of hope at Bess’s words, but knew that her friend wasn’t serious. “If you wanted to, you could live with Ned and me while you searched for a place to live,” she offered.

“I’d love it, honey, but I just don’t think it’s a good time for me, having just started a new job and all…Who knows about the future, though? Anyway, speaking of your husband…”

Nancy felt herself involuntarily tense. “I know he hasn’t been around very much while you’ve been out here, and he feels bad about it…”

Bess waved her hand dismissively. “No, I get it – he’s got a fancy, high-powered job now.  No worries – like I said, this isn’t going to be my last trip out here. I’ll catch him next time.”

“Bess, does he seem different to you?” Nancy couldn’t stop the words from tumbling out.

“What do you mean?” Nancy couldn’t tell if her friend honestly didn’t get it or if she was feigning ignorance.

“I mean, does he seem less like…well, less like Ned?”

“And more like who?” Bess asked, amused. 

“You know what I mean. Like, does he seem more distracted, or more preoccupied with material things, or… just _off_?”

Her friend made sounds of protest, but Nancy felt like her suspicions were confirmed when Bess’s gaze wouldn’t quite meet hers. 

“Look, honey, like I said, he’s got a lot of stuff on his plate with his job, so I’m sure that’s it.”

“I know, and I get that, but… Don’t you think he acts differently with me? That he’s not the same affectionate, easy-going guy he always was?”

Bess sighed. “I just think he’s stressed; honestly, you’re both stressed. His job, your quest to get pregnant, the fact that you’re still not crazy about living here, the fact that you don’t love _your_ new job… It’s a lot on the both of you. You told me that you guys have been fighting a lot more than usual lately… Maybe you just need to get away somewhere for a long weekend and have fun.”

“But do you think he doesn’t love me as much anymore?”  Nancy felt a lump in her throat upon saying the words out loud. 

Bess patted her hand again. “Oh, honey, no! Of course he still loves you.”

“I just feel like....” Nancy looked down at the napkin on her lap as she felt the tears well up in her eyes. “Like he looks at me as if he’s comparing me to the other women out here, and I come up short. They’re sexy and fun and easy, and I’m clingy and needy and unhappy. I mean, shit - even when _I_ say it, _I’d_ prefer them to me.”

“Stop it right now, Nancy,” Bess told her firmly. “Ned loves you and he always will. He would never do a single thing to jeopardize your marriage. Does he seem a little less focused on you than he used to be? Well, yeah,” she admitted.

“But I definitely don’t take that to mean he doesn’t love you anymore! He’s just got a lot on his plate. That’s all it is. Like I said, a weekend away would probably do wonders for you guys.  Some fabulous resort on the Mexican Riviera or maybe a little place up the California coast or something – somewhere where the two of you could dance and drink and get to work on practicing those baby-making skills.”

Nancy giggled, already feeling better from Bess’s suggestions. 

“I mean it,” Bess insisted. “Once you book your trip, you should go out and get some sexy, clingy little dresses that he’ll want to rip off of you when you go to dinner or something, and some ridiculous lingerie that he’ll want to rip off of you when you stay in the room. Ooh, and a fun book about sex tips that the two of you can read to each other. Very hot.” 

She raised her eyebrows meaningfully. “Happy, satisfied husband; happy, satisfied wife. And, hopefully, a happy, healthy baby nine months later!”

Nancy had to laugh. “Bess, you seriously missed your calling. You were born to be a relationship therapist.”

Bess gave a mock shudder. “Too much school required for that. I’m perfectly happy to act as an amateur. Now, follow my orders and things’ll be just fine. You’ll see.”

\-- 

That night, Nancy paused from lotioning up her arms and legs in bed to watch her husband undress. 

Ned must’ve felt her eyes on him, because he stopped in the middle of undoing the zipper of his suit pants. “Babe? Is everything okay? I hope Bess wasn’t offended that I wasn’t able to make dinner with you guys again tonight. It’s just been a crazy week.” 

As usual, he had come home from the office well after the dinner hour, so Nancy and Bess had eaten without him. They had had a nice time, of course, but Nancy had missed her husband’s presence there. The three of them having dinner together would’ve felt like home. _So much for his promise to be home at least one night a week_ , she thought, sighing internally. _That only lasted for, what - two weeks?_

Nancy shrugged. “No, she totally understood. She’s already promised to come out here again soon, so we’ll do it then.”

“Great,” Ned said, obviously relieved. He stepped out of his pants and picked them up from the floor. “So, what is it then? You’re still staring at me.”

“Well, you’re very handsome,” she teased lightly. This seemed like a good way to bring up Bess’s suggestion. “And, since I love the idea of spending time with my handsome, sexy husband, what do you say we get away for a few days? To, say, the Mexican Riviera?  I know you suggested the idea of a trip before and I turned you down, but I think it could be good for us.

“We could go next weekend, or maybe the weekend after – perhaps take three or four days?” When he didn’t immediately respond, she hurried on. “Find a luxury resort and just relax – maybe a place that has a big suite with a king-sized bed and an in-room Jacuzzi or something? I mean, somewhere we’d have fun, even if we never left the room.”  She raised her eyebrows lasciviously. 

Ned walked over to the bed and planted a quick kiss on her forehead. “That sounds amazing, baby – really. But we can’t do it next weekend – we have that museum gala we need to go with my co-workers.”

Nancy’s smiled dimmed. “Okay, then, what about the weekend after?”

He sighed. “That’s when I have that charity golf thing – the agency is a key sponsor, and I need to be there.”

“Weekend after that?” She was trying to keep her patience and not burst into tears.

“That’s the big Catalina retreat, Nan. I have to be there.”

“Okay, so how about a mid-week getaway, then?” she offered, trying a different tack. 

“Babe, I appreciate what you’re trying to do and it sounds so great, but this is not a good time for me. I have a bunch of big, high-profile campaigns going on at once right now, and I just can’t take time off from work.” 

Nancy tried to keep her face from reflecting her dismay. She must not have done a very good job of it, though, because he sat down next to her and drew her into his arms. “I’m sorry, sweetheart – really. Maybe we can look at the calendar soon and pick a time sometime in a few months and do it? What do you think?

She nodded against his chest, not trusting herself to speak. 

“That’s my girl.” He planted a kiss on the crown of her head before pulling away.   Standing up, he removed the rest of his clothing save his boxers, and padded in his bare feet to their bathroom. 

By the time he returned a few minutes later, Nancy had turned off the lamp on her bedside table and burrowed under the covers, biting the inside of her cheek to keep herself from crying. She wanted to save that for when Ned was sound asleep. 

“Honey, you still awake?” Ned asked her softly. 

“Yes,” she told him, without turning to face him. 

She heard him click off his lamp before settling into bed beside her. He gently pushed aside her hair and planted a soft kiss on the nape of her neck. “I’m sorry, baby. I know you were so excited about going away. I am, too, really – we just need to wait a little bit, okay?”

“Okay,” she said, too tired to fight about it. 

“So, if you’re not ready to go to sleep yet, maybe I can give you a preview of what you can expect on our Mexican vacation? Maybe do something you really, really like, as a way to make it up to you?”

Nancy smiled, despite herself. “Like what?”

“Oh, I don’t know.” His hand strayed down to the hem of her cotton nightgown and began to push it up her thighs. “Something like touching you someplace you like, or putting my mouth someplace you like?”

“Hmmm, I don’t know,” she said, pretending to be unconvinced. 

“Well, your best friend is in the house, so putting up the sex swing or playing with any of our toys would probably be out, hmmm?” Ned’s hand crept closer to the join of her thighs as he kissed her neck. 

“Yeah, sorry,” she told him apologetically. She hadn’t really been in the mood for sex tonight, but it was so nice to have him be spontaneously affectionate with her that she didn’t want to push him away. 

“Nan?” he murmured against her skin. 

“What?” she whispered back. 

“Are you okay?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, are you okay? I know we haven’t really talked about it, but that whole thing with that bastard Whitney…” She felt his hand clench into a fist as it rested on her thigh. 

“What about it?” she asked, being deliberately vague. She really didn’t want to talk about it – especially with Ned, because she had a feeling that it would turn into yet another screaming match about her job.  She also didn’t want to face what it felt like to recover from a third attempted sexual assault. 

“Nan, you must still be freaked out – I mean, that asshole tried to hurt you and rape you.”

“I’m fine. I don’t even think about it anymore, Ned.” 

It was almost true. In the first few days after the attack, she had been nervous and jittery and couldn’t seem to get the images of a delusional and dangerous Whitney out of her head.  But she had worked hard to force herself to forget, with varying degrees of success.  During most of her waking hours she was okay; however, she was still having nightmares on occasion. The last one had been a few nights ago – she had awoken drenched in a cold sweat, frantically clawing at the comforter in an effort to escape the predator chasing her in her dreams. When she had opened her eyes, seeking the comfort of her husband’s arms, she had found the other side of the bed empty. She had padded downstairs to find him working on his laptop at the kitchen table, and he had quickly flipped down the screen when he heard her come up behind him. 

Since the night it had happened, she and Ned had had sex a few times, but each time he seemed to touch her tentatively, as if unsure whether she would be receptive to him.  She had to admit, though, that he had been a little kinder to her since that night - he didn’t snap or act impatient or give her a hard time about anything. When he actually bothered to spend time with her, that was. Nancy had been glad that he had come home that night and stayed when she had begged him to, but it still annoyed her that she had even had to beg him at all. She could remember a time when even the slightest hint that she was sad or hurting would cause Ned to put everything else aside and comfort her.

She shook aside those thoughts and came back to the present, where she dimly heard Ned calling her name. 

“Nan? Nan? I didn’t mean to upset you,” he said, sounding concerned. 

Nancy flipped over onto her back to look up at him, forcing herself to paste a smile onto her face. “Everything’s fine, Ned,” she lied smoothly. “I’m fine. But I seem to recall that you were trying to make it up to me for not being able to go away for the weekend.”

He didn’t look convinced by her words, but apparently he decided not to press the point. “I was, wasn’t I?”

She nodded, reaching for the hem of her nightgown and pulling it over her head in one swift motion. After dropping over the side of the bed, she beckoned for Ned to come closer.  _Thank goodness he doesn’t seem to have had anything to drink tonight_ , she thought gratefully as his lips met hers and she was only able to taste the mintiness of his toothpaste.

His lips still fused to hers, Ned settled on top of her and began stroking her breasts. Nancy sighed and closed her eyes, willing herself to concentrate of the feeling of his hands on her body. _Hopefully, this time I’ll be able to come._ It was getting more and more difficult for her to climax when they had sex, which never, ever used to be a problem for her. 

“Want to try a position we haven’t used in a while?” he asked against her lips. “One that you used to like?”

“Sure,” she replied, shrugging. 

“Roll onto your side again, Nan,” he told her, gently pushing her so that she was again facing away from him. 

Nancy didn’t know if she was glad or upset that he had chosen a position where they wouldn’t be facing each other. It was less intimate, but she wouldn’t have to bother with faking the appropriate facial expressions in case she didn’t have a real orgasm. 

She felt the mattress shift behind her as Ned slid off his boxers. His hands stole around her front, one playing with her nipples, the other reaching between her thighs to part her legs. She sighed with genuine pleasure as he kissed her shoulder and stroked her clit with his fingers. 

Nancy closed her eyes, enjoying his touch.  Their previous conversation must have triggered something in her, because she had a brief flash of Blake Whitney’s face behind the lids of her closed eyes.  _Stop that – put him out of your mind!_   she urged herself frantically. 

When her thoughts landed briefly, traitorously, on Ben, her eyes popped open guiltily. _Shit!_ she berated herself angrily. _You need to stop doing that!_

To counteract the images in her head, she craned her neck sideways so that her face was close to Ned’s. He took the hint, roughly capturing her mouth with his as he continued to fondle her. She felt herself become wet as his fingers slid over the erect button of her clit and inside the hollow of her sex.  

_Your husband is making love to you_ , she reminded herself.  _At least_ h _e’s taking the time to make sure that you enjoy yourself, so focus on him._

“Good?” he murmured, releasing her mouth. 

She nodded, her chin over her shoulder, giving him a lazy smile of encouragement. His erection pressed firmly against her ass, Ned let his hand drift down her breastbone to rest on her hip before using his knee to not-so-gently push her legs apart.

They both let out low moans when he slid his cock inside of her, careful not to make too much noise and disturb Bess in her guest room down the hall. Nancy let her eyelids drift closed again, her head lolling down as Ned began thrusting.  His breath was warm over the nape of her neck, and his fingers bit firmly into the flesh of her hip.  

“God, you feel so good, baby,” he panted against her hair, his cock going even deeper.

From this angle, he felt even bigger than usual, and Nancy had to bite her lip not to gasp too loudly. “Ned,” she whimpered as his thumbnail grazed her clit.  “Oh God, _ohhhh_.”

“You always liked it when we fucked like this,” he reminded her between strokes. 

The angle of penetration was perfect, and she groaned with pleasure as he continued to slide in and out of her in quick strokes; the sound of his cock making contact with her wet flesh was audible as they tried to keep quiet. 

“Mmmm, Ned,” she sighed. When he not-so-gently sank his teeth into her shoulder, she felt herself start to come, quickly burying her fact into her pillow to muffle her cries of pleasure.  She gave herself over to it, grateful that she didn’t have to fake again. 

Ned gave a few more deep thrusts before his own climax, grunting against her shoulder when he came. She could hear his labored breathing, raspy in her ear as he collapsed onto his back behind her. 

“Good?” he asked.

“Great,” she told him truthfully, shifting to lay on her other side, this time facing him as she propped herself upon onto her elbow.  

Nancy expected him to put his arms around her and draw her close to his chest. Instead, though, Ned rolled over and she could hear him set the alarm. “I’m beat. ‘Night, babe,” he yawned, his ass brushing against her front as he settled down. 

She felt her eyes prick with tears. Before, Ned would always cuddle her or throw an arm around her after they had made love. Now, it was like he had gotten what he had wanted and dismissed her when he was done. She stared at his bare back in the darkness of their room, impatiently wiping away the few stray teardrops that had tracked down her face with the back of her hand. 

\--

“Wow, this place is really nice, Nan,” Bess said, swiveling her head to check out the crowd at the bar where they had stopped to have a few drinks.

“Yeah, my friend Melissa recommended it. Lots of fun people-watching and some really good drinks, according to her.”

Bess picked up the card propped up on the table to review the drink specials. “Hey, how about a Dirty, Filthy Screw? Or a Huge Cock… A-Doodle-Doo?” she giggled, reading the list aloud. 

Nancy grinned. “What girl couldn’t use either of those?” she joked, searching the crowds for a familiar face.

Once they placed their drink orders, Bess turned her attention back to Nancy. “Who are you looking for? I thought you said that Ned wasn’t going to be able to make it tonight?”

“He’s not,” Nancy replied absently, still scanning the crowd. “One of my, uh, friends said they might stop by.”

“Melissa?” Bess asked, exchanging a smile with a passing guy who resembled a male model. 

“No… Actually, it’s that cop I’ve been working with on some of my cases,” Nancy said lightly. “I thought you and he might hit it off.”

Bess raised her eyebrows. “That Ben guy? _Really_.”

“Well, he’s supposed to be in the neighborhood, and... What, Bess?” she asked, slightly defensively.

“You know, you haven’t told me too much about him. What’s he like?”

Nancy gave an entirely too casual shrug. “Um, I don’t know? Around our age, smart, very nice…”

“Hot?”

“Bess!” Nancy exclaimed, trying to sound indignant. “We work together.”

“I know that, Nan - I asked you if he’s hot!”

“I guess...” she replied, deliberately vague. “Actually, you can see for yourself – he just walked in.” 

Nancy felt her heartbeat speed up as Ben spotted her from across the bar and headed for her table, a wide grin crossing his face. 

Bess whipped her head around and audibly gasped as she caught sight of Ben. “Holy shit,” she breathed. “Holy shit. Why the fuck did you not tell me that you’re working with Brad Pitt, Junior?”

“Bess, can I count on you to control yourself?” Nancy teased just before Ben got to them. 

“No guarantees, Nan,” Bess told her, pretending to fan herself with her napkin. 

Nancy’s reply was cut off by Ben’s arrival. “Hey, Red! I wasn’t sure I’d find you in a crowd like this!” He slid into the booth next to her. 

“By the way, I’m Bess,” her friend said, a huge flirtatious grin on her face as she held out her hand for him to shake. 

“Sorry,” Nancy apologized. “Bess Marvin, this is Detective Ben Wilson from the LAPD; Ben, this is one of my oldest and best friends, Bess.”

They shook hands and Nancy could see Bess overtly assessing Ben and liking what she saw. 

“If I had known that all Midwestern girls were this gorgeous, I would’ve made plans to visit there a long time ago,” he teased, flashing his sexy smile, the one he gave Nancy every time he saw her.

Bess giggled on cue.  “And if I had known that L.A. cops were as gorgeous in real life as they are on TV, I would’ve been out to visit Nan much sooner.”

Nancy had known that Bess would flirt outrageously with Ben, but that didn’t mean she liked it.  _Stop it!_ she hissed to herself. _You set this up so they could meet, and you wanted them to like each other, so what’s your problem?_

“So, Bess, how do you like L.A.?” Ben asked, seeming genuinely interested in her response. 

“Love it!” Bess beamed. “The weather, the sights, the beach, the cute guys…” Her grin showed off her dimples. “Nan’s a lucky girl.”

Once the waitress took their drink orders, Ben resumed his questioning. “How long are you here for?”

“Only one more day, unfortunately.  But I hope to be back soon!”

“You like Greek food?” When Bess nodded, Ben continued. “Red, you should take definitely take her to that little place off of West Third Street I dragged you to a few weeks ago. Great grilled calamari and ouzo.  Remember that crazy guy at the table next to ours?”

“Who thought it would be a great idea to start breaking dishes on the floor after he had had entirely too many shots of that ouzo?” Nancy giggled at the memory. 

“ _Sorry, miss, I thought that the price of dinner included a few broken plates!”_ both she and Ben chorused at the same time before breaking into laughter.

Out of the corner of her eye, Nancy noticed Bess look back and forth between her and Ben, an odd expression on her face, but she ignored it. “Actually, I was going to take Bess to that new Japanese place over in Santa Monica that everyone’s talking about.  And then to  Calabasas.”

“Shit, I thought you’d never go up there again after we almost got caught during that stakeout two weeks ago,” Ben reminisced. 

“Well, it was your damn fault that you sneezed while I was trying to get photos of that personal assistant handing over that jewelry to her boyfriend! How stupid was _she_ , by the way – no one would notice it when well-photographed pieces from that Elizabeth Taylor jewelry auction popped up on eBay?”

“Please,” Ben snorted. “You’ve been in this line of work long enough to know that greedy people don’t think about or care about shit like that.” He suddenly seemed to remember that there was someone else at the table with them, because he turned apologetically to Bess. “Sorry - it’s just that every time I spend time with Red, it seems to turn into an adventure.”

“Oh, I’m familiar with that, believe me,” Bess replied dryly.

“So, Bess, what’s been your favorite part of your trip so far?”

Just as she was about to respond, Bess’s cell phone rang.  “Ooh, that’s me! Excuse me, I need to take this. Be right back!” Bess slid out of the booth and slowly sauntered away, the swing of her hips solely made for Ben’s benefit. 

_Could she be more obvious_? Nancy thought sourly as she watched Ben’s eyes follow Bess and her ass. 

“Hey, Red – it’s nice to see you.”  Nancy looked over to find that Ben’s gaze had moved to her face, his voice husky. “And while your friend’s very cute, _you_ look really beautiful – but then again, you always do.”

She felt her lips turn up in an involuntary grin. “Nice to see you, too.” She had taken special care in dressing that night, and was glad that he appreciated her tight straight-leg jeans and flowy sapphire blue top.

The waitress set their drinks on the table, saving her from responding to Ben’s compliment. Once she left, Ben turned his attention back to her. 

“So, how was your day, beautiful Red?”

She shrugged nonchalantly, though she was pleased that Ben was asking. _At least he cares what you do, unlike your husband_ , the little voice in her head whispered nastily. “It was nice – Bess and I spent the day shopping at the trendy boutiques on North Robertson. That girl could earn a gold medal in shopping, I swear.”

His laugh warmed her. “Must be nice to have an old friend here with you – it must be lonely for you sometimes. Especially with the ‘husband’ working so much.” Ben curled his fingers into air quotes.

“Sometimes,” she admitted. _Or, it was before I met you._

“So, what kind of stuff did she buy? And what did you get?”

“You don’t want to hear about that – it’s not that interesting,” she replied dismissively, taking a sip of her drink. 

“Hey, why do you say that? Of course I want to hear it – I asked, didn’t I?” Ben gave her another one of those grins that had her heart fluttering. 

Nancy returned his smile. “Well, Bess bought some shoes, and some earrings, and a couple of skirts, and few pairs of jeans, and two dresses, and a pair of boots …”

Ben chuckled. “I now know what you meant about her shopping skills. And you?”

“Oh, I just got a few things. A dress, a pair of jeans, a pair of earrings, and…” She paused, realizing that she was entering dangerous territory.

“And?” he prompted, obviously amused. 

“Some lingerie,” she muttered, ducking her head, her face flushed. 

“See, Red, and you said that your shopping trip wasn’t very interesting. I beg to differ.” He gave her a teasing gaze before sampling his beer. “In fact, tell me more.”

She giggled. “Nothing fancy. Just a couple of bras and a silk nightgown.”

“Nice,” he said rapturously.

Bess returned to the table and plopped down onto her side of the booth. “I am so sorry – it was George. She needed the address for our other cousin’s new place in Springfield. And of course she wanted to know all about what we’ve been up to this week.”

“Well, from what I’ve heard from Nan, it sounds like a lot of shopping,” Ben teased. 

Bess raised her eyebrows and looked from Nancy to Ben. “Filled him in, did you? Yes, Ben, it’s true – my name is Bess, and I’m a shopaholic.”

Ben laughed. “Yes, Nan told me that too.”

The three of them chatted for a while and ordered a few more drinks. Nancy tried to tell herself that it was a good thing that that her friend and Ben were hitting it off, but for some reason, it bothered her. She did, however, notice that Ben’s gaze seemed to land on her fairly often, and she hoped that Bess didn’t notice it, too.

“So, Ben, how do you like being a detective?” Bess asked, turning the attention from herself. 

“I love it,” Ben told her frankly. “The hours are crazy and sometimes it can be tedious, but when you know you’re on the right track to catch the bad guys…there’s nothing better. I mean, you know, Red.”

“I do,” Nancy said, nodding. 

“Well, you two have a lot in common,” Bess said coyly. “Must be great to have someone to talk to about your cases, Nan.”

At that, Nancy looked up sharply at her friend, trying to determine if there was an underlying jab in her comment. “Ben’s a very big help,” she replied warily. 

“I’m sure. “ Again, Bess’s words seemed to have a double meaning. 

Nancy was about to reply when she heard her cell phone go off in her bag. She withdrew it to find that it was a call from Ned. She clicked on “ignore” and set it back into her bag. 

“Did you need to get that, Nan?” Ben asked.

She shook her head. “No, it’s fine. Tell us - what did George have to say?”

Bess was in the middle of her explanation when Nancy’s phone rang again; it was another call from Ned. “Are you sure you don’t need to answer, Nan?” 

Nancy again shook her head and motioned for Bess to continue. “Well, she’s had a crazy week at work—“

When Nancy’s phone rang for the third time, she sighed exasperatedly. “I’m sorry – I should get this.” She slid out of the booth.

“That’s okay – gives me time to get acquainted with Ben,” Bess beamed. 

That was exactly what the goal had been for tonight, but Nancy didn’t like the idea of leaving Bess alone with Ben. However, she knew that if she kept ignoring Ned, he would keep calling. 

She clicked on the answer button as she walked towards the entrance of the bar.  “Hey, Ned, what’s up?” she asked, trying to keep the impatience out of her voice. 

“Hey, Nan. Are you and Bess having fun, babe?”

_We were, until you interrupted._ “Yeah, it’s been great.”

“Good! I’m calling because I’m just about to get out of here, and I thought that I could maybe come meet you guys and get a drink. I know that I haven’t been able to spend any time with Bess while she’s been here, and—”

The idea of it caused a ripple of panic to shoot through her.  The last thing she needed was for Ned to meet Ben. “What?”

“I said that I wanted to get a drink with you guys. Where are you?”

“Oh, Ned, I’m sure you’re tired,” she said, trying to sound sympathetic. “You don’t have to do that.”

“It’s okay – I want to, honey.”

_Shit_ , she thought frantically.  “We were just about to get out of here,” she improvised wildly. “So it doesn’t make sense for you to come all the way over here.”

“Well, okay,” he said, and she thought he could sense disappointment in his tone. “Then I guess I’ll see you guys here at home in a little while. I’ll try to stay awake, babe.”

“Great!” Nancy said, forcing a note of enthusiasm into her voice. "See you soon.” She disconnected the call before Ned could speak again. 

When she got back to the table, she was annoyed to notice that Ben and Bess were both hunched over the table, their faces close as they chattered away. 

“Sorry to break this up, guys, but Bess and I have to go,” Nancy said, genuinely regretful.

“Everything okay?” Ben asked, his eyebrows raised. 

She nodded. “Bess?”

“Well, it was nice to meet you, Ben.” 

“Same here, Bess. If you guys have some free time and want to get together tomorrow, give me a call, Nan.”

“Great, we will,” Nancy told him, although she didn’t know if she wanted Ben and Bess to spend any more time together. 

“And who knows – maybe we can get together again the next time I’m in town,” Bess told him, giving him a bright smile. “Hey, maybe we can even make it a foursome – you and me, and Nancy and her husband Ned! Just like in the old days – remember that, Nan?”

This time, Nancy knew she wasn’t imagining the underlying message in Bess’s comment. “That sounds great – maybe we will,” she said noncommittally. She smiled at Ben before she and Bess left the bar. 

When they were in the car and heading back to the house, Bess spoke. “So, Ben seems… nice. And definitely very cute.”

“Good, I’m glad you liked him,” Nancy said, forcing a note of cheer into her tone.

“But it was kind of weird…”

“Why?”

“Well, for a guy who was supposed to be there to meet me, he seemed to pay a lot of attention to someone else,” Bess said pointedly.

Nancy whipped her head around. “What are you talking about? He asked you questions…”

“Yeah, but then he turned them into a means of strolling down memory lane with you. I think he was interested in someone at our table, all right, but it sure as hell wasn’t me.”

“What?” Nancy said, feigning disbelief.  

“Do I really have to spell it out, Nan? You’re the detective – you couldn’t pick up on the clues? I mean, it would’ve been obvious to anyone with two eyes and two ears.”

Nancy made a noise of annoyance. “Go ahead and say it, Bess,” she said sharply. 

“Say what, Nan?” Nancy could tell that her friend was trying way too hard to sound innocent. 

“Oh, come on, Bess.  Say exactly what you’re thinking. “

“Okay, fine,” Bess replied, dropping any pretense. “I think that you’re getting too close to Ben.”

Nancy took her eyes off of the street long enough to give Bess an angry glance. “Don’t be ridiculous,” she scoffed. “We work together and we’re friends.”

“Oh, really?” Bess retorted. “Let me tell you, Nan – when you went to answer your phone, Ben and I got very chummy. And he filled me in on all of the adventures the two of you have had, and how you guys have been talking and texting…”

“So he told you that he and I are friends, just like I said.  He’s a nice guy and I thought that you might want to meet him, which is the only reason I set this up tonight. So I don’t understand why—“

Bess cut her off. “Why do I suspect otherwise? Maybe it’s because he kept using the words like ‘funny’, ‘smart,’, ‘gorgeous’, ‘sexy’, and ‘hot’ to describe _you_? And you know what adjective he didn’t use, Nan?”

“What?”

“Married.”

“You are way off base,” Nancy scoffed.

“Am I? Really? You forget that I’m not one of the people you’ve just met out here, Nan. I know you. I know what things were like before you and Ned were married, and how you would sometimes act when you were interested in another guy. And I think that you’re encouraging Ben.”

“Are you accusing me of cheating on my husband?” Nancy’s tone was frosty.

“No!” Bess protested. “I just think that you’re on a dangerous path, Nan. One that’s going to be harder and harder to stray from.”

“Ben is a colleague and my friend. That’s it, and I don’t appreciate your insinuations.”

“Tell me something,” Bess suddenly said. “When your phone rang – was it Ned?”

“And what does that have to do with anything?” Nancy was irritated that her friend had guessed correctly.

“It seems that you were eager to ignore your husband and keep spending time with Ben. Don’t you think that’s a problem?” Nancy shook her head angrily. “And when I mentioned us double-dating with you and Ned? Nan, you turned as white as a fucking sheet! Because you know that if Ned saw how you and Ben are around each other, he’d definitely pick up on the same vibe that I did.”

“And how are we around each other, huh?”

“Super flirty and way too comfortable? I mean, he calls you ‘Red’, for God’s sake! Guys do not give cute little nicknames to women that they aren’t trying to get in bed!”

“You know what, Bess? I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” Nancy said harshly. 

“Of course, because you know I’m right and you aren’t used to being around someone who knows you well enough to call you on your shit,” Bess shot back. 

“This is because you’re jealous, isn’t it? You’re jealous because Ben wasn’t into you.” Once the words were out of her mouth, Nancy knew she had gone too far.

“You have got to be fucking kidding,” Bess replied coldly. “Nancy Drew Nickerson, you had better fucking apologize to me right now or I’m getting out of this car.”

Nancy realized that Bess wasn’t bluffing. “Bess, I’m sorry,” she blurted out. “I’m sorry for being such a bitch to you. I was way out of line, and I’m sorry.”

“Thank you. But Nan, I didn’t mean to attack you, honey.” 

Nancy was relieved to hear Bess’s tone soften. Thank God for her friend’s loving, generous, forgiving nature. “I know, and I’m so sorry for being so nasty.”

“Honey, I understand why Ben’s so attractive to you. Not just physically – because, _damn_ , he’s hot. But he’s also nice to you, he pays attention to you, he compliments you…He’s treating you the way Ned used to.”

Nancy should’ve known better than to underestimate Bess and her perceptiveness. “Bess, I can’t help myself,” she blurted out before she could stop herself. “We haven’t done anything wrong, I swear.”

“And I believe you, Nan,” Bess replied quickly. “But it would probably be really easy _to_ take that step with him.  And if you did that… the damage to your marriage would probably be irreparable,” she finished softly. 

“I would never do that,” Nancy replied, but her voice sounded weak, even to her. 

“But it’s probably so tempting. I mean, he’s gorgeous. Has Ned met Ben?”

Nancy blinked at Bess’s question. “No,” she admitted. “I mean, when he called earlier, Ned offered to come by the bar and meet us for a drink, but I didn’t think it was a good idea.”

“And why do you think that is?” Bess asked gently. “I mean, I’m not disagreeing with you, or judging you. But don’t you think that if you aren’t comfortable with introducing your friend to your husband, or vice versa, then it means something?”

Nancy didn’t have a good answer. 

\--

The remainder of Bess’s visit was peaceful, though things were still slightly strained between them. Nancy called her again to apologize after she had returned home and Bess had seemed fine, but she still felt guilty at how she had treated one of her two best friends in the world.  

 _You have so few people to confide in and trust, and you almost blew it with one of them_ , she told herself angrily after hanging up from what had been a shorter than usual call with Bess a few days later. _What would you have done if she hadn’t forgiven you?_

She didn’t want to think about what it would be like to lose Bess when it already felt like Ned was slipping away from her.

\-- 

Ned walked in the door at six-thirty, already exhausted from working for a good part of the day. “Babe, I’m back!” he called upstairs. 

“Just getting ready,” Nancy called back. 

He prayed that she’d be in a good mood tonight and wouldn’t sulk all night around his colleagues and bosses. Tonight’s museum gala was a big deal for the firm – they had been responsible for the clever multimedia ads designed to remind people that Los Angeles did, indeed, have a world-class museum of art and artifacts.  As a result, there was unprecedented buzz for the re-opening of the museum, and it was a huge victory for Ned and his team, as they had been the ones behind the campaign. 

Nancy had been irritated that they had to spend yet another Saturday night at one of his office functions, on top of her lingering annoyance when he hadn’t been able to spend any time with her during Bess’s visit. And when he had had to turn down her offer for a weekend away. _Maybe the little trinket you bought her will help_ , he thought hopefully, patting his interior jacket pocket.

He was about to head upstairs before he made a detour to fix himself a scotch, carrying it up the steps with him to their bedroom.  He entered to find Nancy in her robe, her hair damp, as she quickly flipped through the hangers on her side of the closet.

“Hey, babe,” he greeted her, raising the hand holding the scotch in a quick salute. He saw her eyes flicker onto the glass as she obviously deliberated on whether or not to say something. He was glad when she didn’t.

“Hey, Ned. Just trying to figure out what to wear.”

“I have to say, I’m surprised. I thought for sure that you’d still be out working on your case,” he admitted, joining her in the closet to pull out the suit he’d be wearing for the gala. 

Was it his imagination, or did he see a guilty expression cross her face when he mentioned her job? Whatever it was, she had immediately replaced it with a smile that seemed slightly too bright. “I just got back about thirty minutes ago – wanted to make sure that I’d be back in time, since I knew this was important to you. The last thing I wanted to do was disappoint you when you were expecting me to be there.”

Ned couldn’t tell if she was needling him yet again about missing the OB/GYN appointment, but he refrained from bringing it up. “Well, thank you, Nan.” He leaned over to kiss her on the cheek, taking it as a good sign when she didn’t pull away.  “I know that you weren’t crazy about the idea of going out tonight, so I got you a little something.”

She looked up in surprise from the dress she had been examining. “What?”

He smiled at her. “I just wanted to give you a little gift. A guy can still get his wife something if he wants to, can’t he?” 

He hoped that his tone hadn’t turned sharp. It must not have, because she smiled back. “Of course.”

Ned placed his hand inside of his jacket and withdrew a small wrapped package, holding it out to her palm-side up. “For you.”

“Thanks,” Nancy said, obviously still surprised. She tore away the paper and was clearly taken aback when she saw the red box with the gold design. “Cartier?”

He nodded, gesturing for her to open it. 

She lifted the lid to find a delicate rose gold bracelet with two interlocking rings in the center.  “Ned,” she breathed.

“Do you like it, Nan?”

She silently stared at the box, using the tip of her index finger to brush against one of the rings. “Ned, it’s a more than a little something, don’t you think? I mean, it’s Cartier!”

He tried to conceal his frown, secretly annoyed that she hadn’t been excited about his gift. “It is, but you deserve it. I got it because it reminded me of you – the yellow gold with the little bit of red in it. Kind of like your hair. And because it’s a Love bracelet – the interlocking rings symbolize love and commitment.”

“Well, I don’t know what to say.”

“That you like it? That you’ll wear it tonight?” he prodded, his annoyance growing. 

“Ned, of course I like it,” she said, finally tearing her eyes away from the box. “It’s beautiful – what’s not to like?”

“Good,” he said, relieved. 

“It’s just a little… extravagant, don’t you think?”

His temper flared. “Not really,” he told her, this time not bothering to hide his irritation. “I just wanted to buy you something nice to let you know I was thinking about you. Is that now a bad thing?”

She must have heard the hint of anger in his voice, because she broke into a smile. “No, of course not, sweetheart. It’s beautiful, and you were very sweet to do this. I love it, and I’ll wear it tonight with the beautiful sapphire and diamond earrings you gave me.” She got on her tiptoes to press a brief kiss onto his lips. “Thank you, Ned.”

“You’re welcome, baby.” He kissed her back before reluctantly pulling away. “Now, I need to get into the shower so we aren’t late. I notice that you’ve already had yours so, unfortunately, you can’t join me.” He patted her ass through the cotton of her robe. 

“Sorry, Ned – I didn’t know what time you’d be back and I didn’t want to keep you waiting,” she said apologetically, backing out of the closet.

“It’s okay. I’ll just be a few.” He followed her out of the closet and watched as she dropped the robe and walked naked to the dresser to pull out some underwear, feeling the familiar tug of desire at the sight of her nude body. Was it just him, though, or did she seem a little thinner than usual? Nancy had always been slender, but now it seemed like he could count her ribs through her skin. She didn’t have the softness that he had gotten used to feeling underneath him while they were having sex, or the lush curves of someone like Carly…

 _Stop it!_ he berated himself. _You can’t compare Nancy to Carly – they’re entirely different. Nancy’s sexy in a different way but she’s still gorgeous._

Thirty minutes later, Ned was again struck by just how gorgeous Nancy was as she walked out of the bathroom after finishing her makeup. Her dress was a one-shouldered silver column that fell like a waterfall down her body to her ankles, and her shoes were high and strappy. Her makeup was flawless, her hair was up, and Ned noticed with satisfaction that she was wearing both the earrings and the bracelet. 

“Wow, baby – you look incredible,” he breathed, and he was glad to see the genuine smile she gave him in return. 

“Thanks,” she said modestly. “I wasn’t sure if this was too much, or…”

“Nope – it’s perfect. You look perfect, baby. Everyone in Los Angeles will see what a beautiful woman I’m married to. “

“I’m glad you like it.” 

“I definitely do, sweetheart, and thank you so much for agreeing to come tonight. I know you don’t love these kinds of things, but I couldn’t stand the idea of going without you. Besides, we only have to put in a few hours.” He walked behind her as she checked her appearance in the mirror and nuzzled her neck, sliding his arms around her waist. 

“Promise?” she asked, taking one of his hands in hers. 

He was glad that she didn’t pull away.  “Promise, baby. Besides, the sooner we get home, the sooner I can get you out of that dress,” he teased.  “Although, you do look very sexy in it.”

She rewarded him with a grin. “You look mighty sexy yourself in that black suit, Nickerson,” she teased. 

“I’m glad you think so. Now, let’s get going. It’ll take at least forty-five minutes in the Saturday night downtown traffic, and I’m sure that the line for the valet is going to be around the block.”

“Okay,” she sighed, turning around to kiss him. “And thanks again for my bracelet, Ned – it’s beautiful. Really.” Her expression was almost shy. 

He beamed at her.  “I’m just glad you like it, Nan.  Now, let’s get out of here.”

“Let me just grab my purse – why don’t you head downstairs and I’ll meet you down there?”

He nodded, giving her a kiss on the cheek so as not to mess up her lipstick and made his way down the steps. He was about to open the garage door to start the car when he heard his cell phone buzz in his jacket pocket.  He pulled it out and saw that he had an incoming text. 

_Good luck2night, handsome. Every1 will be talking about ur amazing ads._

Carly. They had been exchanging texts for a while now – some friendly, some mildly flirtatious, and a few that could be interpreted as slightly more than mildly flirtatious. Ned was always careful not to say anything that could be interpreted as a come-on or an invitation, but still… He always took care to delete the texts immediately in case Nancy ever got her hands on his phone. He even had Carly’s number stored under a phony contact listing, just to be extra-sure.

 _Thx_ , he texted back now. _My team & I worked hard on them._

_That’s what I like about u. U don’t give up until everyone’s good & satisfied. Tell me - does that apply to ur personal life too?_

Ned felt his lips quirk up in a grin at the double meaning that was clear in her text.  His fingers were itching to send an equally teasing response, but he suppressed the urge with a sigh. _Talk 2 u later_ , he instead replied. 

 _Looking forward 2 it_ , she texted back. He heard his wife’s footsteps on the stairs and hurriedly deleted the incoming and outgoing messages before going into the garage. 

\--

Three hours later, Nancy angrily drummed her burgundy-lacquered fingertips against the black tablecloth while she scanned the room for her husband.  He had unceremoniously dumped her at the table to make small talk with the other wives of important and powerful men while he ostensibly went to get them drinks. That had been at least twenty five minutes ago, and Ned was nowhere to be seen. 

 _Where did they set up the bar, San Francisco?_ she thought sourly. 

Before his departure, Nancy had been introduced to so many people that their names and faces were a blur. Each of the women, and most of the men, had looked her up and down from head to toe, clearly assessing her hairstyle, her makeup, her figure, her shoes, the brand of her clutch purse, and the designer of her dress. 

When she received several compliments on her earrings and necklace, many people correctly identifying the bracelet as one from Cartier, she had been annoyed to see Ned light up like a Christmas tree. _Did he buy them because he wanted me to have them, or because it was a way for him to show off how much money he makes now?_

Just when she was about to get up and start searching for him, Ned reappeared, two glasses in hand. She noticed that his glass of scotch seemed to be half-empty and suspected that he had had a few refills before returning to the table. She silently accepted her dirty martini with a nod. 

“Sorry, babe,” he said, sounding not very apologetic at all. “I got caught up talking to Lindsey.” 

“Oh? And what did she have to say?”

“That and the rest of the big shots are incredibly impressed about how my team and I pulled off the campaign. Everyone here is talking about the ads and how clever they were.”

Nancy knew it was true - she had heard the buzz around the room and had felt a burst of pride for Ned every time she heard someone praise the work his agency had done. However, she was still annoyed that he seemed to be using her as a trophy, regaling her to the sidelines when he was done with her.

“Great job, honey,” she said, forcing a note of enthusiasm in her voice and feeling like she had failed. 

A brief frown crossed his face before he seemed to remember where they were. “Could you be a little more excited?” he hissed to her angrily.

Nancy felt her annoyance get the best of her. “Could you be a little less inattentive?” she snapped back, not caring that they were in a crowd of people.

Ned’s glare lingered for a moment before he looked up and plastered on a phony smile for the benefit of the other women at their table. “Do you suddenly require a babysitter now, Nancy? You don’t know how to talk to people anymore?” He downed the rest of his drink. 

“You know what? Forget it. Forget it, and go get yourself another drink. I’m sure that’ll make it all okay.”

He shook his head angrily. “I don’t get you, Nancy. I really don’t. We were having a nice time, and—“

“And you ditched me at a table of strangers and abandoned me for at least a half hour! Ned, I was enjoying being with you tonight, until you ditched me!”

“Sorry,” he muttered. “I just had to talk to my boss. It was important.”

Nancy forced herself to soften her tone. “I know, but how do you think it felt for me to just have to sit here and wait for you to come back? You could’ve come to get me.”

“I am sorry,” he said, sounding more contrite this time. “You’re right. Now, will you please come with me to say hello to Lindsey? She was asking about you.”

“Okay,” she agreed, standing up. Her feet were killing her inside the stiletto-heeled sandals, but she didn’t want to turn Ned down when he had asked her somewhat nicely. “How much longer will we need to be here, anyway?” she asked as they made their way through the crowded room.

“Um, here? About another hour or so.”

“Why did you say it like that?” she asked, stopping. 

“Nan, I know that I said that we’d only need to spend a little bit of time hanging out with the gang from my office, but…”

“But what?” she asked, already dreading the answer.

“Kesey is having a get-together back at his place—kind of like an after-party to celebrate our success tonight—and everyone’s going.  Nan, I can’t say no,” he said. “Everyone is going to be there.”

“Ned, you promised!” she protested.

“I know I did, and I’m sorry, Nan. But this is really important. How would it look if everyone else was there and I was the only one who said no, huh?”

 _Like you actually wanted to spend time alone with your wife?_ she thought to herself bitterly. 

“Fine,” Nancy said aloud. “We go for one hour, and then we leave. Deal?”

“Nan, I don’t know how long the rest of them will be there—“

“ _One hour_ ,” she repeated, cutting him off. “And then we leave.”

He nodded his head, resigned. “Fine.”

\-- 

Nancy surveyed the crowd in Kesey’s living room, estimating that there were at least seventy-five people at the party with more still streaming through the front door. Some she recognized from Ned’s other work functions; others were strangers to her.  After Ned took her around to say hello to everyone – and show her off again, she thought bitterly – he had again ditched her to get drinks and presumably kiss up to his bosses. She held her tongue, though, because she had a feeling they’d have another argument when she pulled him out of the party in exactly one hour.   

She also didn’t complain that he had already had too much to drink, nor did she tell him that he didn’t need another. Somehow, she had been able to sweet talk Ned into letting her drive over here – she’d only had the one cocktail at the gala, and hadn’t been able count how many Ned had consumed.

Nancy had attempted to make conversation with the young blonde women standing next to her, but after she was subjected to a less-than-scintillating review of the latest episode of _Keeping up with the Kardashians_ , Nancy pretended to see someone waving to her across the room and made a hasty retreat.

The next group of women she spoke with seemed nice enough. Until they complimented her on her hair color and she had told them it was natural, not salon-created. When they heard that she hadn’t been touched up by LeRoi or Jean-Luc or any of the other hair artists that were currently in vogue, they acted as if she had admitted to running over a puppy with her car.   That had been the end of it for her; she had had to excuse herself to take refuge in the bathroom. 

As she was reapplying her lipstick, Nancy heard her cell phone buzz in her clutch purse. She pulled it out to find a text from Ben. 

_Hey Red. Just thinking of u - was nice 2 c u 2day.  I know u r at ur husband’s party & I’m sure u look gorgeous. Talk 2 u 2morrow?_

She stared down at the screen, deliberating whether she should respond. Heaving a sigh, she put her phone back and smoothed her hair before leaving the bathroom. 

Scanning the throngs of people for Ned, she gave up after a minute, pouring herself a half-glass of champagne from one of the makeshift bars set up in the kitchen.

Bored and restless, Nancy wandered out to the terrace, which provided what she had to admit was a stunning view of the city.  She was about to take a spot near the railing to get a better look at L.A., glittering and spread out beneath them, when she noticed a small group of people huddle closed to each other at the table next to it. Some of them were leaning in and bending over before quickly popping back up and grinning at the others. 

Suspicious, Nancy moved closer and sidled up to the group. 

“Hey, you’re Nickerson’s wife, right?” one of the men asked nervously. His eyes were slightly glassy, and his forehead had a sheen of sweat. She nodded, remembering that his last name was Michaels. 

“Cool,” he said, obviously relaxing. “She’s cool, guys.”

The two other men and two women smiled at her.  “Ned’s awesome,” a light-skinned African American woman told her. “Super-sweet and super-friendly and just super!” She giggled wildly.

“Hey, where are my manners?” Michaels asked. “Want some?” He gestured down to the closed fist of the tall, skinny blonde man in the group.  The blonde opened his hand and Nancy saw the small baggie filled with white powder.  She looked closer and saw the mirror and razor blade resting on the table. 

It took everything in her not to knock the baggie onto the floor or whip out her cell phone to call Ben and have him come arrest their asses.  Instead, she forced a smile onto her face and made herself act cool. “No, thanks, I’m good.”

“You sure?” the other woman, a petite redhead, asked halfheartedly. 

“Yeah, come on – it’s some good shit!” Michaels told her, shoving the mirror in her direction.

“No, I’m _fine_ ,” she replied more forcefully, her words clipped. The group looked appeared startled by the iciness in her tone.  The African-American woman and the redhead shrugged and ducked down to take their share. 

Nancy had had enough. She whirled around on her heel and stormed back into the house, pushing her way through the crowd to find her husband.  She finally found him in the living room, obliviously chattering away to Jack and Rower, all three men with glasses of scotch in hands. 

“Ned, it’s time for us to leave,” she said, marching up to him. 

“Hey, baby, there you are!” he said, beaming at her drunkenly. “Been looking for you everywhere!”

 _You must not have been looking very hard_ , she thought angrily. “You said that we’d only be here an hour, and it’s time to go - _now_.”

“Calm down, Nan – we’re having a good time, and things are just getting started,” he told her, trying to put his arm around her and pull her close.

She moved out of reach, glaring at him. “You promised me we’d only be here an hour, and it’s already been ninety minutes.”

“Come on, just a little longer, babe,” he pleaded. “Aren’t you having fun hanging out with all of the cool people here?”

“No, I am not,” she told him through clenched teeth. “I am tired, we were supposed to leave a half hour ago, and there are people doing drugs out in the fucking backyard!”

Ned’s expression turned serious for a moment before he gave her another foolish grin – likely for the benefit of Jack and Rower, who were watching them interestedly.  “Babe, it’s no big deal. Now, why don’t you get another drink and we’ll hang out here a while longer before—“

“I’m only going to say this one more time. It is time to go.” She bit off each word. “I am going to get the car and you are coming with me. _Now_.”

He looked like he was going to protest again, but the look of fury on her face must have realized that she wasn’t bluffing. “Sorry, guys – you heard the wife,” he said grinning apologetically. 

Nancy wanted to slap that mocking look off of his face, but the fact that he was going with her and not telling her he’d stay and get a cab later felt like a victory in and of itself. 

“No problem,” Rower said, looking as if he was trying to keep a straight face.  When she glared at him, he made his expression blank. 

“Good night, Nancy, Ned,” Jack told them quietly.  “Ned, I’ll call you tomorrow to go over that feedback we got from Simpson.”

“’Night, Jack,” Nancy said, giving him a tight smile. 

\-- 

Ned waited until they were in the car until he trusted himself to speak to his wife. 

“Are you happy, now that you’ve embarrassed me in front of the guys in my office?” he spat out as he tried to fasten his belt on the passenger’s side seat. Nancy had all but shoved him out of the way when he had attempted to get into the driver’s seat. She had made up some shit about him having had too much to drink, but he thought it was apparent that she wanted to be in control tonight. 

“If you think I’m happy about anything that has happened tonight, then you’re obviously delusional,” she told him coldly. 

“You were bitter and pissy before you even left the house, and you’ve stayed that way all night. You already had your mind made up that you weren’t going to have fun, and you sure meant it, didn’t you?” Ned accused her, getting even more irritated as he realized the truth in his words. 

“Oh, cut the shit, Ned,” she snapped.  “I told you earlier that I had been having a nice time. Until you abandoned me – and then did it again at Kesey’s!”

“Please,” he snorted. “You had a pout on your face all fucking night.”

Nancy made a noise of irritation as she merged onto the freeway. “And how would you know?” she retorted. “You would’ve had to actually pay attention to me to know what my face looked like.”

“Here we go again – all of a sudden, you can’t seem to figure out how to talk to strangers or socialize.”

“Did it ever occur to you that I had hoped to spend time with my husband tonight? And by ‘spend time’, I don’t mean being trotted out and shown off like a fucking prized pony.”

“It’s just so hard for you when you aren’t the center of attention, isn’t it?” he asked sardonically.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” she asked, and her could hear the fury in her voice without even looking at her.

“You must hate it that I’m the one that people are focusing on out here,” he accused.  “I’m the big shot now, and not you.”

“You must be even drunker than I thought if you’re accusing me of being jealous, Nickerson,” she snapped before changing lanes. 

“What the fuck is it with you keeping tabs on my drinking lately?” he demanded.

“What the fuck is it with you drinking so much lately?” she retorted. “Can’t you just have a nice time with your wife or with your colleagues without having to get wasted?”

“Who said I’m wasted?” Ned countered angrily. “I only had a couple of drinks, Nancy.”

“Oh, really?” she snorted. “So, we’re not counting the ones that I’m sure you had while you left me at the table at the gala? Or the ones that you had before and after that, or the ones you had at Kesey’s? Or the one you had when you were getting ready tonight?”

“Why the hell are you so uptight? It’s not like you haven’t spent nights or weekends trashed or hungover.”

“I have, but they were isolated incidents! Not every fucking day or night!”

“You are making entirely too much out of nothing – as usual,” he muttered. 

“Oh, am I? And suddenly it’s no big deal for people to be snorting cocaine in front of us at parties?”

“Why are you acting like such a fucking prude? What do you think happened at all of those frat parties you came to at Omega Chi, huh? Do you think people didn’t do drugs there?”

“I’m not naïve – I know that people smoked pot or did shit like that in the bathroom at those parties. But that’s not the same thing as people doing blow right out in the open!  What if someone had tipped off the cops and they started arresting people, huh? How do you think that would look if I ever tried to get licensed as a P.I. in California?!”

Ned felt himself get even more pissed. “And it all comes back to _you_ again. How it would affect _your_ career.”

“Oh, and somehow getting arrested for drugs wouldn’t negatively impact _your_ precious career?” 

“No one was going to get arrested. Why are you being so fucking dramatic?”

“It was _cocaine!_ Why does this not matter to you?” Suddenly, she paused, as if something had occurred to her. “Have you done drugs while you’ve been out here, Ned?”

“What?” he asked in disbelief. 

“I asked you a question.  Have you snorted cocaine or taken pills or smoked anything during one of the parties you’ve attended without me, or when you’ve gone out to entertain clients?”  Her voice was deadly calm. 

“I can’t even believe you asked me that,” he replied, his tone equally steely. “You’re kidding, right?”

“I’m not. You used to be dead-set against any kind of illegal substances or even tobacco, and now you’re acting like it’s no big deal.”

“Look, things are a little faster out here, and people have money to spend on that kind of shit. Everyone does it – but I haven’t.” 

He’d be lying, though, if he said that he hadn’t thought of trying a pill or a line or two. During almost all of the events that Nancy had just mentioned, someone had brought out something, and he’d been one of the only ones to turn them down. They sometimes teased him about being a straight arrow, and he disliked feeling like a Midwestern hick who was too much of an outsider to join in. 

She got off the freeway.  “I never thought I’d have to say this to you, but if I ever see you take any type of drugs, I—“

“I already told you that I haven’t. _Leave it alone_ ,” he snapped at her. 

“Fine,” she snapped back. “I won’t ask you again. But I’m telling you right now – I am never attending one of your work functions again. This was the last one.” 

“What?” he shouted in disbelief. “You have got to be fucking kidding me. You’re my wife, goddamn it!”

“A fact that you only seem to remember when it’s convenient!”

“Nancy, how many times did I follow you around the country for one of your fucking cases when you needed me, huh? I would cut classes or spend my breaks helping you. But when I need you, it’s too much of a big deal. Thanks a lot,” he said coldly.

“And you always throw that stuff in my face, even after all of these years,” Nancy chuckled bitterly. “Sorry, Ned, this was the last time I’m going to dress up and stand there like a fucking Barbie doll and talk about shit like hair and makeup and Kardashians and the weather to women who are so Botox-ed that they can’t move their faces. You acted like I wasn’t even there tonight, so why should I have to go through all of that nonsense just to be ignored? I’m done.”  

She pulled into their driveway and got out of the car, slamming the door behind her. Ned quickly followed her into the house. 

“So you’re just gonna leave it like that, huh? You say that you’re not going to go any more of my work functions and that’s the end of it?”

She whirled around to face him. “That’s right. From now on, you just go by yourself and kiss up to all of the rich big shots and drink, and I’ll stay home.”

He shook his head angrily. “You can be a real bitch sometimes, you know that?”

“And _you_ can be an asshole. I’m going up to bed.”  She quickly undid her sandals and flung them into the living room before stomping up the stairs. 

Ned glared up the staircase, debating whether he wanted to follow her and continue their argument. Suddenly weary, he decided to sleep on the couch, yet again. He was spending so much time sleeping there lately that he should just leave some bedding down here already, he thought sardonically. 

Ned took off his suit jacket, pants, shirt and tie and draped them across one of the chairs before crawling onto the couch in just his boxers. He had a pounding headache and needed to get some sleep because he’d probably have to go into the office for a few hours tomorrow. 

His phone vibrated against the glass of the coffee table and he hastily snatched it up.  It was a text from Carly. 

_Great job, handsome. I heard all about how everyone was raving about u.  I’m proud of u!_

Ned shook his head. At least _someone_ was. His wife hadn’t said one nice thing to him all night. _Thx. It was nice to hear great feedback._

_Sorry I missed u at the party. I decided @ last min to stop by but u were already gone._

At that, Ned felt a wave of relief. Thank _God_ that he and Nancy hadn’t run into Carly at that party.  She had already made a scene about the cocaine – which wasn’t nearly as big of a deal as Nancy had made it out to be – and he couldn’t imagine what it would have been like if she had seen Carly there. 

 _Yeah, it was getting late_ , he replied, deliberately keeping his reply neutral. 

_Too bad – I really wanted to see u & give congrats in person. I heard that Mrs. N. wasn’t very happy, tho._

_It was getting late_ , he repeated.  _Nan wanted us 2 have some alone time_.  The fib would cover up how she had embarrassed him and would hopefully prevent Carly from saying something outrageous.

_Hmmm…if that’s true, why r u texting me instead of being with her?_

_Shit_ , he thought ruefully. _She’s just upstairs & I’m about 2 join her,_ he texted back.

_She’s a damn lucky girl. I heard u looked esp. fine 2nite._

_Thx. It’s late & I need 2 go. _

_Ok. Night. I’ll b thinking of u…_

Ned deleted the messages and settled down on the couch. He tried to sleep, but instead stared out into the darkness of the den, trying not to think about the furious woman upstairs in their bed or the flirtatious woman who had just been sending him texts. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter by littlemsmessy.

Nancy was sitting at her desk at work on Tuesday afternoon and had just taken a sip of her Diet Coke when her cell phone rang. 

Ben. She quickly pressed the answer button, telling herself that her pulse was racing only because he was getting back to her with some crucial information related to her latest case. 

“Hey, Red! Hey, you picked up on the first ring! That anxious to talk to me?” he teased.

“It’s not you – it’s the information you can provide,” she teased back. 

“Oh, I see how it is. But before I tell you what you want to hear, I want to know what you’re going to give me for it.”

Nancy was so caught off guard that she nearly spilled her can of soda across her desk. “What do you mean?”

“Well, I seem to remember that I already did you a pretty big favor when you were working on the Blake Whitney case.” Nancy involuntarily tensed at the mention of Whitney’s name. “And one for that jewelry theft case in Calabasas. And now you want another one. Seems only fair that I get something in return, Red.”

“What’s that, Ben?” she asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

“Do you have any plans this weekend? Or is that husband of yours going to drag you to another one of his boring work functions?” 

Nancy made a face at the memory of what had happened at the museum gala and the party afterwards. “Trust me, that’s not on the agenda.”

“So, you’re just going to spend time with him at the movies or going to dinner or something like that?” Ben pressed.

“No, he’ll be at a work retreat on Catalina Island.” The minute the words popped out, she clapped a hand over her mouth. She hadn’t meant to reveal that she would be alone. 

“Perfect. So that means you can’t say no when I tell you that I want to cash in on my favors on Saturday night.”

“Ben…” Nancy said warningly.

“Hear me out, Red. One of my buddies from high school, Jake, is in a band, and they’re playing at some club in Silver Lake on Saturday night. They’re actually really good, believe it or not. Anyway, I thought it would be cool if we hung out, listened to them play, got a few drinks…”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea,” she told him honestly.  The warning from Bess still rang in her ears. 

“Come on, Red,” Ben wheedled. “You introduced me to your friend; why can’t I introduce you to mine? Plus, like I said, you owe me.”

“It’s not a good idea,” Nancy repeated, though her voice was weaker this time around. “It’ll be Saturday night, we’ll be alone…”  


“In a club full of people,” he countered. “Besides, I can’t just show up alone, and I’ll get major points if I bring a hot redhead.”

She smiled, despite herself. “It sounds like it would be fun, but…”

“Look, Red, it’ll just be two friends going to hang out. You’ll be alone, anyway,” Ben pointed out. “What would you rather do – hang out in your sweats while you sit through a movie marathon on the Lifetime network, or come out to a club and listen to a cool band?”

“Fine, fine," she sighed in mock surrender. “You win. I’ll go with you to hear your friend play.” 

“Great! Now that that’s settled, I can tell you what you want to know. I did background checks on the list of employees you gave me, and only a handful of them had any dirt on their records. A few stupid things here and there – arrests for pot, DUIs, moving violations, nothing serious. However, there was one person who really stood out to me.”

Nancy leaned sideways, grabbing for a notepad from the top drawer of her desk.  “And who was that?”

“Liza Greenbrier. Did you know that she’s really Linda Greer from Wheeling, West Virginia? She had a juvenile record – sealed, of course – and two arrests for theft just after her eighteenth birthday. She had a few other petty crimes on her adult record but seemed avoid any serious trouble – the judge apparently took pity on her because of her crappy childhood, and she kept being sentenced to minor stints in jail or community service. No felony charges.” While he was talking, Nancy hastily scribbled down some notes on her pad. 

“When she was twenty-one, she was arrested for solicitation here in L.A. Since it came up as her first offense for that charge, she was released after putting up bail but the charges were dropped due to a technicality. The following year, she applied for the mailroom position at the studio under the name Liza Greenbrier, along with a made-up resume.”

“You think that someone at the studio would’ve caught her phony identity and her fake resume when she initially applied at the studio,” Nancy marveled.

“Well, that’s the thing. There really was a Liza Greenbrier, and she really was born in New York City. However, she died when she was a baby, and Linda Greer bought her Social Security Number. She also paid some people to verify the phony information she listed on her resume and to make up paperwork that was good enough to go through the I-9 process, so that’s how she was able to get by the background check.”

“Smart girl,” Nancy said in grudging admiration. “Okay, so she landed the job and stayed clean for a long time - until the temptation to earn some quick money on the side proved to be too much to resist.”

“Must be, because I didn’t see anything under the names Linda Greer or Liza Greenbrier since her prostitution arrest.”

“So, Liza kept under the radar as she kept rising through the ranks at the studio from the mailroom on up - until she realized that she could supplement her income by selling the studio’s secrets on the side.”

“Shit,” Ben whistled. “Is that what they’re they accusing her of doing?"

Nancy twirled her pen between her thumb and index finger. “That’s right. Leaking scripts for top-secret projects, stuff like that. The studio had no idea who was behind this stuff, so they hired us to do some digging. And Liza sure seems like she should be at the top of our suspect list. Now, I just need to set a trap to make sure it’s really her. Either way, the studio will have to let her go because of the whole phony identity thing, but if we catch her doing this, then they can add espionage charges, too. ”

“So, how are you going to smoke her out?” he asked curiously. 

She leaned back in her chair, smiling triumphantly.  “I’m going to propose that they distribute a fake script to a few of the employees on that list – including Liza. Tell them it’s super-secret – some hot property that the other studios are dying to get their hands on.  Then make each one slightly different so that once the leaked script makes it way to the internet or to another source, the studio’ll be able to tell exactly who leaked it.”

Ben chuckled. “And that’s why you’re the best.”

“Damn straight.” 

“Now that I’ve spilled everything I know, you can’t back out on your promise, Red. I expect to see you Saturday night.” Nancy shivered at the low pitch of his voice. 

“I’ll be there,” she told him. 

After Nancy hung up, she stared out the window of her office. _What have you done, Drew?_ she chastised herself. _You know you have no business going out with Ben on a Saturday night – that’s date night, for God’s sake! Just because your husband’ll be out of town, it doesn’t give you an excuse to go out with another man._

Ned. Whatever fragile peace they’d had after the Whitney incident had been shattered since their huge fight the night of the museum gala. Now, they barely saw each other because of their demanding job schedules, and when they did spend time together, things were definitely still strained between them.  

And as for sex…well, they hadn’t had it in weeks, nor had she been in the mood for it, either.  How could she be expected to want to sleep with her husband when sometimes she could barely even look at him? Nancy knew that she’d have to find a way to remedy the situation, though, if she ever had a hope of getting pregnant. It was looking more and more likely that would be her only way to get the hell out of here, for good. 

\--

At seven-thirty on Thursday night, Nancy was putting her dinner plate into the dishwasher when she was surprised by the sound of the garage door opening. On the nights she wasn’t working, Ned usually didn’t come home until at least nine or ten p.m.

“Nan? What are you doing here?” he asked, clearly just as startled to see her as she was to see him. 

_Hey, baby! How was your day, gorgeous?_ Nancy thought bitterly. _That’s how he_ used to _greet me when he got home from work_. 

Instead, she said aloud, “I didn’t have to work late tonight, so I decided to eat dinner in.  I grilled some shrimp on the barbecue and put it over salad – want some?”

Ned shook his head. “No, thanks, Nan – I grabbed something on the way home from the office.” He took his phone out of his suit pocket and placed it on the kitchen table before loosening his tie. 

“So, how come you’re home so early?” she asked, genuinely curious.

“Well, I’ll have to log on again later, of course, but I came home so I could get my stuff ready for the retreat this weekend. I’ll be taking my bag with me to work tomorrow – we’re all leaving right from the office.”

_Ah – should’ve known that was the reason. God forbid he actually come home to spend some time with me, especially when he’ll be away all weekend._ "That’s smart. Did you get your stuff from the cleaner’s?”

“Yeah, I picked it up last night.” Ned walked to the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of water, twisting off the cap and taking a huge gulp. 

They stood staring at each other for a moment, and it was apparent that each of them was searching for something to say. 

_Is this what it’s come to?_ Nancy thought sadly. _We’ve actually run out of things to talk to each other about?_

“So, what kind of fun stuff do they have planned for you guys to do when you’re on Catalina?” she asked. Anything to break the awkward silence. 

Ned shrugged. “Trust exercises, team-building shit – stuff like that. I’m sure it’ll be boring as hell.”

“Sounds like it,” she said, trying to inject a note of sympathy into her voice. “Although, Catalina is supposed to be gorgeous. Maybe if you like the hotel, we can go back some time and you can show me around.”

“Sure,” he said, not very convincingly. 

“So, who’s going? Kesey, Jack, Rower, the usual suspects?”

He nodded. “Yep. “

“Clients?” Nancy asked, hoping that her question sounded casual. What she really wanted to know was whether that bitch Carly would be there. 

He shook his head, a tad too vehemently for Nancy’s comfort. She searched his expression for some kind of hint that he was lying, but Ned had gotten much better at hiding things from her lately.  “It’s just supposed to be the people from my office.”

“Well, even though you guys will be cooped up all day doing that boring stuff, I’m sure they have some surprises planned for you guys at night.”

“I hope so.”

They silently stared at each other for another minute. “Well,” Ned said, taking another slug of water, “I should get upstairs and start packing.”

“Don’t let me keep you, then.  Holler down if you need help.”

“Thanks,” he replied. She could hear his footsteps on the stairs and was about to remind him that he’d left his phone on the table when she stopped herself.  Her curiosity got the better of her - she picked it up and started scrolling through his texts and emails to find something, _anything_ , incriminating, all the while keeping one ear cocked for the sound of him coming back downstairs. 

_Nothing, damn it,_ she sighed internally. _There is nothing on this phone to prove that he’s been talking to Carly or that she’ll be there this weekend._ _You’re just being paranoid._ After another quick check, she jogged up the stairs to bring the phone to him, in case he needed it.  

She walked into the bedroom to find Ned’s rolling suitcase open on the bed, a few articles of his clothing scattered on top of the comforter. 

Ned stuck his head out of the closet. “Nan? What’s up?”

“Nothing – just wanted to bring you your phone. You left it downstairs, and I thought you might need to check it while you were packing.” She handed it to him with an easy smile, hoping that he wouldn’t guess that she had gone through his emails and texts. Was it just her imagination, or was that a flicker of panic that had just crossed his face?

“Thanks, babe,” he said, putting on what seemed to Nancy to be a forced smile.  “That was nice of you.” He looked down at the screen entirely too casually, it seemed to her. 

She got the feeling that he expected her to go back downstairs; instead, she settled onto the bed, her legs crossed Indian-style.  “So, how’s work been?” she asked. 

Ned looked up from the stack of boxer shorts he was carrying over from the dresser. “You really want to know?” he asked skeptically. 

She nodded. “Yeah – you’re still working crazy hours, so you must have a lot of stuff going on.”

“I do,” he told her, putting the underwear into his suitcase. “Derek’s thrown even more work our way, which means that he’s now one of our biggest clients.”

“That’s great, Ned!” Nancy replied, meaning it. “Lindsey and Allen must be incredibly impressed.”

“They are,” he said, and the slightly shy expression of pride on his face suddenly reminded her of the old Ned, the one who hadn’t let his success as a big-shot college basketball player go to his head. 

“Well, you deserve it – you work very hard and you do incredible work.”

“Thanks, Nan – that means a lot to me, coming from you.” He gave her another smile, this one genuine. 

They looked at each other, and Nancy felt a sudden urge to apologize for the part she had played in creating the distance between them. The moment passed as quickly as it had come when Ned walked back to the closet to pull out some shirts. 

“Hey, I never even asked you,” Ned said as he carefully folded his shirts, “what are you going to be doing while I’m gone for the weekend?”

Nancy gave a start _. Did he somehow find out about my plans with Ben?_ she thought frantically.  

“Oh, nothing much,” she said, keeping her tone deliberately casual. “Maybe I’ll hit the beach, or go to an art exhibit, or cue up a movie from Netflix or something.”

“Well, that doesn’t sound like much fun,” he frowned as he placed the shirts in his suitcase. 

“No, but it’ll be nice to just take a break and relax.” Nancy prayed that her facial expression didn’t reveal her lie. 

“You know, if you wanted to go shopping, I’m cool with it, Nan.” 

Nancy was glad that he had returned to the closet and that his back was to her so she could make a face. _That’s the way he solves every problem now –by throwing money at it._ “We’ll see. I’m sure I’ll come up with something to occupy my time.” 

“Good – I’d hate it if you just sat around here, bored.”

“Oh, I think I’ll figure something out.” She was careful to make her response sound vague, and it must have worked, because he shrugged before going into the bathroom to grab his toiletries. 

\--

On Friday morning, Ned had just walked into his office and tossed his briefcase onto his chair when his desk phone rang. The display showed that his caller was Lindsey, and he hastily picked up the receiver.  

“Good morning, Ned. Can you do me a favor and stop by my office for a few minutes?”

“Sure,” he said, surprised. “I’ll be right there.”

_I wonder what this is about_ , he thought to himself as he made his way down the plushly-carpeted hallway to Lindsey’s office.  He knocked on her open door, waiting for her to invite him inside.

Once he was settled into one of the chairs across from her desk, he waited expectantly as Lindsey studied him.  “Thanks for coming by, Ned.”

“Of course. Is something wrong?”

She shook her head. “No, in fact it’s just the opposite. But I’ll get to that. First of all, I have to tell you that one of our clients is _very_ happy that you’ll be at the retreat this weekend. Looks like you still have the magic touch with the ladies, killer.”

Ned suppressed a grin at Lindsey’s use of her nickname for him – killer, a shortened version of ladykiller.  “Carly.” 

It was a statement, not a question. He had known that the senior leadership team had invited a handful of their clients, the ones who generated the most revenue for the firm, to a dinner on Saturday night at the hotel where the group was staying.  He had felt a momentary stab of guilt when Nancy had point-blank asked him if any of their clients would be joining them on Catalina, but he had known exactly why she was asking and hadn’t felt like getting into another huge blow-up with her. 

“Good guess. So, let me ask you something… Is there something going on between the two of you?”

Ned blinked in surprise at the direct question from his boss. “I… What?"  
 he stammered. 

“Don’t misunderstand me, Ned. I know that you’re married, but this isn’t a question about morality or fidelity—whether or not you want to cheat on your wife is none of my business. My issue is whether one of my staff members is becoming involved with one of our biggest clients. Because if it ends badly, then it could have serious repercussions—for all of us.”

He nodded, picking up on the implication behind her words.  For all intents and purposes, she was telling him to keep his dick in his pants and not jeopardize the firm’s relationship with one of their top clients.

“I understand that, Lindsey, and I assure you that there is nothing between Carly and I,” he fibbed smoothly to his boss. “We’re just friendly. We’ve spoken during some social events for the firm, we’ve happened to run into each other at various places around the city, and she’s asked me a few questions about her current campaigns—even though I’ve reminded her repeatedly that I don’t work on her account anymore.”  He added the last part in case Carly mentioned to someone that they had been exchanging text messages. 

“Good,” Lindsey said, rewarding him with a smile. “That’s good to hear, because it relates to the second thing I wanted to talk to you about.”

Ned sat up a little straighter in his chair. “Okay.”

“As you may have heard, Allen is seriously considering retiring next year.”

“I have heard that rumor, yes,” he replied, still not certain how it applied to him. 

“Well, it’s a little more than a rumor,” she chuckled. “From what he’s told us, it sounds like he’s going to leave next June.  And, I’ve been told that I’m going to be his replacement.”

“That’s great!” Ned told her, meaning it. “You absolutely deserve it.”

“Thank you,” she smiled modestly. “But if I move up, that means that my position will need to be filled. That’s where you come in.” He felt a surge of anticipation at her words. 

“I’ve spoken to the senior partners, and they are all in complete agreement that you are the ideal candidate to take over my role. Every assignment you’ve completed for us has gone above and beyond our expectations, and you’ve been able to generate more revenue than any of your counterparts at any of the other offices. It was an easy sell, believe me.”

“Wow…” he repeated, at a loss for words. “I… I don’t know what to say.”

“Now, of course, this is all extremely confidential.” Ned nodded his head fervently. “And, of course, it’s all contingent on a few things.  Whether Allen actually retires, whether you’re able to sustain your outstanding performance…”

“I understand,” he said, still dazed. 

“But, I have to say I have a good feeling about this, Ned, and I’m going to do my part to groom you for the role. And, it goes without saying that it’ll come with a significant salary bump—a _very_ significant bump.” She gave him another big smile, which he returned easily.

“Thank you - thank you so much, Lindsey. For your faith in me, for putting in a good word for me…”

“I was glad to do it. Now, get back to work—that limo bus is leaving at two-thirty sharp to get us to Orange County in time to make the ship to the island. You had better be on it, because we’re leaving without you if you aren’t.” She tempered her stern words with a teasing grin. “And I know that it sounds boring but we’ll have a really good time—we always do.”

When he got back to his desk, Ned picked up his cell phone to call Nancy.  She had actually seemed genuinely happy for him last night when he told her how pleased his bosses were with his work.  However, he held back, fearing that he his news would result in silence on her end of the phone. His promotion would mean that they would need to permanently stay in Los Angeles, and he couldn’t even imagine what kind of war it would turn into if he told that to his wife. 

He put down his phone with a huge sigh, picking up his coffee mug. 

When his phone buzzed an hour later, he glanced at the screen, expecting it to be Nancy. Instead, it was a text from Carly. 

_Can’t wait 2 c u 2morrow nite. It’s been 2 long..._

Ned couldn’t deny the spike in his pulse rate upon reading the words on his screen. _Thx, it should be fun_ , he typed back, Lindsey’s words still ringing in his ears. 

He didn’t know whether it was his guilty conscience at work or not, but he quickly placed a call to Nancy, feeling a combination of relief and dread when she picked up. 

“Hey, Nan! Glad I caught you,” he told her, forcing a note of cheer into his voice. 

“Hi, Ned. Did you forget something when you packed last night?”

_Glad that she’s happy to hear from me,_ he thought sourly.  Instead, he said aloud, “No, nothing like that. I just wanted to call now, in case I don’t have time later. We’re leaving around two-thirty or so, and things’ll probably be crazy later on as I try to wrap up stuff here at the office.”

“That was nice of you,” she said, not sounding very convincing. “Well, have a good time.”

“Thanks—you, too, Nan. Hopefully, you’ll find something interesting to occupy your time during the weekend.”

Her pause was slightly longer than he would have expected, but she was probably multi-tasking while she was on the phone. “Yeah, that would be nice! Hey, I have to go, but thanks again for calling—really.” Her response seemed much more genuine this time. 

“No problem, babe. I should be home around seven or so on Sunday night—maybe we can eat together?”

“I’d like that,” she said, sounding almost shy. 

“Great—I’ll call you and confirm the time. Oh, and if you need me for anything, anything at all—just call, okay?”

“I will,” she promised. 

“I love—” His declaration was cut off as heard her disconnect the call. 

\--

On Saturday night, Nancy stood in front of the mirror, biting her lip as she examined her reflection in the glass. 

_This is_ such _a huge mistake, and you know it,_ she told herself silently.  _You should call Ben and tell him you’ve changed your mind._

Nancy shook her head as if to clear her thoughts and looked at herself again. The deep purple sequined tank top and black leather jacket with tight, dark straight-leg jeans were nice but not too fancy, and her black high-heeled boots complimented the look.  She fished in her jewelry drawer for a pair of earrings when her hand accidentally brushed the red Cartier box, as if the universe somehow wanted to remind her that she had a husband. 

“Well, he’s not here right now, is he?” she said aloud. “In fact, you haven’t heard from him since yesterday morning—he hasn’t made one damn phone call to you in over a day. And you are going out tonight with a friend—it’s no big deal.” 

After she had put in a long pair of dangling silver earrings, Nancy gave one last glance in the mirror before putting on a coat of plum lip gloss and heading downstairs. 

Thirty minutes later, she pulled into a parking lot around the corner from the club where Ben’s friend was playing. Ben had offered to pick her up at the house, but she had turned him down, feeling like she’d be safer if she was able to leave when she wanted to. This way, she wouldn’t have to deal with the temptation of wanting to invite him inside at the end of the night, either. 

She did a quick check of her makeup in her rearview mirror before getting out of the car and clicking on her keyfob to lock it. 

When Nancy opened the door to the club, it took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the dimness. She scanned the crowd until she saw Ben at a table up near the front. 

“Hi, Ben,” she said, clearing her throat as she approached the table. 

“Red!” he beamed, standing up and giving her a huge hug. Nancy shivered at the feel of his arms around her. “So glad you made it! Have a seat,” he urged, moving his leather jacket from the chair next to his.  

From this proximity, she could smell the citrusy scent of his cologne. “Thanks.  So, this place…”

“Is kind of a dive?” he finished her sentence with a laugh. “Yeah. But a lot of good acts perform here. Speaking of, my friend’s band will be on stage in about ninety minutes or so. In the meantime, can I get you a drink, Red?” he asked solicitously. 

“That would be great – whatever you’re having is fine.” He signaled for the waitress to bring her a beer.  When she draped her jacket over the back of her chair, Nancy didn’t miss Ben’s glance of approval at the sight of her in her clinging, moderately low-cut tank top. 

“So how are things going with this case? Were you able to trap Liza, aka Linda, yet?”

“Not yet, but the fake scripts are in progress. Meanwhile, my contact at the studio has already spread the word about the super-secret project and Liza has definitely shown more interest than she should.”

“You’re a genius, Red,” he told her, taking a slug of beer.  “So beautiful and so damn good at your job.”

Nancy flushed lightly.  How long had it been since her husband had given her praise like that?  She remembered how he used to accompany her on her cases and how he’d used to try to use surveillance jobs as an excuse to make out with her. 

Snapping her thoughts back to the present, she smiled up at the waitress who had plunked her beer down on the table in front of her. 

“You know what?” Ben asked the waitress. “Bring us a couple of cheeseburgers and onion rings—and fries, too, when you get the chance?”

Nancy started to protest but he cut her off. “Nope. You’ve gotten entirely too skinny, Red. I don’t know if you’ve just been busy to eat or it’s deliberate, but if you keep it up, you may disappear entirely.” 

_At least he pays attention to what you look like,_ she told herself, secretly pleased as she picked up her beer. 

“So, Red… You never really told me what happened with that douchebag 

Whitney on his boat." 

Nancy froze mid-sip. “I did – I told you that he was inappropriate and I had to take him down.”

He narrowed his eyes at her. “Why do I have a feeling that there’s more to it than you’re telling me?”

“Because you’re a detective and naturally suspicious?” she asked, trying to lighten the mood. 

Ben wasn’t smiling. “We’re friends, right?”  When she nodded, he persisted. “So you know you can talk to me about anything, right?” 

“I do, and there’s nothing to talk about. Honest.” Nancy crossed her fingers under the table.  “Now, tell me about what you’re working on.” 

He still didn’t look convinced, but he let the subject drop, answering her question about his current case load. 

After the food arrived, she and Ben continued to chat while they waited for the band to start playing. Nancy hadn’t even known she’d been hungry, but she had gotten halfway through her deliciously cheesy burger and crispy onion rings before she’d even realized it. 

After a half hour, a skinny blonde woman with black streaks in her hair, a spider web tattoo on her shoulder, and  deep red lipstick came up behind Ben’s chair and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Should’ve known you’d be here,” she told him teasingly.

“Hey, Kristen!” Ben replied, grinning widely as he rose to give her a hug. “Great to see you! I didn’t think you’d show up – thought you had gone back to San Diego!”

Kristen shook her head.  “I was supposed to, but my new place still isn’t ready, so I thought I’d hang out here a while longer.  Jen told me I could stay as long as I needed, and it’s been fun catching up with her. Plus, I couldn’t pass up the chance to hear Jake and his band play again.”  Her gaze was fixed on Nancy as she spoke.

“Shit, where are my manners? Kristen, this is my friend Nancy – the one I was telling you about? The PI? Nancy, this is Kristen – a friend from high school.”

Nancy was warmed by the fact that Ben had talked about her to his friends.

However, Kristen definitely seemed less than thrilled to meet her. 

“Have a seat,” Ben offered, pointing to an empty chair.  Kristen hesitated before taking him up on his offer, placing her half-full glass of what looked like cranberry juice and liquor on the tabletop.

“So, Nancy – Ben told me that you guys met while you were working a case.”

“That’s right,” Nancy confirmed. “Someone referred me to Ben for help with a case I was working on for one of the studios.”

“And you’ve been working together ever since.” Kristen’s smile didn’t reach her eyes. 

“Yes, on a few things here and there.”

“Nice. Ben doesn’t just bring all of his PI contacts out to hear his friend’s band play on a Saturday night, you know.” She could tell that Kristen was trying for a playful tone, but couldn’t quite pull it off.

“Otherwise there would be lots of people here at the table with us, I’m sure,” Nancy joked lightly, and Ben chuckled. 

He had been watching Nancy and Kristen’s interaction interestedly, his head swiveling back and forth as if he were at a tennis match. “Forgive her, Red – Kristen and I have known each other forever, and she’s very protective.”

_Because she wishes that she were the one sitting next to you tonight,_ Nancy guessed.  “It’s fine, Ben – we’re just getting to know each other,” she said aloud, and she meant it.

“Well, I do have another question for you, Nancy.” Kristen paused to take a swallow from her glass. “Tell me – where’s your husband tonight, and does he know you’re here with Ben? Oh, Ben didn’t tell me – I guessed that you were married. I didn’t have to be a detective to notice those wedding rings on your finger, honey.”

Nancy blinked in surprise as the other woman’s verbal jab hit its target. She suddenly hoped that no one at the club had taken any pictures that could somehow find their way to Facebook or some other social networking site. The absolute _last_ thing she needed was to have Ned find a picture of her cozily ensconced at a table with Ben, especially after her own blow-up when she had seen evidence of Ned and Carly together that way. She unconsciously worried her engagement ring and wedding band with her thumb. 

Ben looked up from his plate of onion rings. “Knock it off, Kristen,” he said mildly. 

“No, no – it’s fine,” Nancy repeated, trying her hardest to paste a smile onto her face. “It’s a fair question. He’s actually at a work function – an out-of-town corporate retreat, no spouses allowed.”

“Convenient,” the other woman smirked. “So when the cat’s away…”

“That’s enough, Kristen,” Ben said, the warning in his tone clear. 

“He knows that I’m hanging out with friends tonight,” Nancy fibbed. “In fact, he was the one who encouraged me to go out instead of hanging around the house all alone.”

“How understanding of him,” Kristen purred. 

“Yes, he’s a very understanding guy,” Nancy said curtly.  “As a matter of fact, I’m going to give him a call now – I’ll be right back.” 

She rose from the table, snatching up her jacket from the back of her chair, and was surprised when Ben got up to follow her.  She saw him gesture to Kristen to get lost before she turned and walked away from the table.

“Red, wait up,” he called, tapping her on the shoulder.  Ignoring him, she briskly made her retreat to the entrance of the club. 

When she got outside to the sidewalk, Ben gripped her shoulder and whirled her around to face him. “Hey, Red—wait,” he repeated. 

“Ben, look, this was a mistake…” Her voice trailed off as he stared at her. 

“Why?”

“Because—like your friend said, I’m _married_. Are my husband and I going through a rough patch? Yes, but that doesn’t change anything! And you know what? I’ve said too much. I really need to leave.” She broke away from his grip and started for the parking lot. 

Ben followed her. “Red, come on. I invited you here because I wanted to hang out with you. Ignore Kristen—she can be tough on people she doesn’t know. Please, Red—I need you here.” 

“No, you don’t. You have other friends here, and I don’t need to make things awkward for everyone.” Nancy fumbled in her purse for her car keys. 

“Stop,” he told her, placing his hand over hers.  “I want you to stay. Please.”

The pleading tone of his voice and the expression in his eyes was entirely too much for her to resist. “Fine—for a little while, anyway,” she acquiesced. 

“Great,” Ben replied, his mouth curving up in a slow grin. “Come on back inside—Jake’s band is probably going to be on in a few.” He placed his hand on her elbow and steered her back inside. The contact of his warm palm against her skin, even when he was touching her somewhere so innocent, made Nancy’s pulse spike.  

They returned just in time to see the band take the stage, and she was surprised to find that Ben hadn’t been exaggerating about their talent. Throughout their set, she found herself nodding along and tapping her feet to the music.  She also noticed Ben sneaking sidelong glances at her every so often; when she caught him, he gave her a mischievous grin, like a naughty boy with his hand caught in the cookie jar. 

_It feels like a first date,_ she thought to herself, not quite sure if she was happy or upset about the idea.  She looked across the club to find Kristen glaring at her, but ignored the other woman, turning her attention back to the stage.

When the band came on again after a brief break, Ben leaned in close, the feel of his warm breath next to her ear causing a pleasant tingle down her spine.  “See, aren’t you glad you stayed, Red?” he murmured. 

“I am,” she told him truthfully. “They’re really great.”

“And the company?”

She smiled. “That’s not too bad, either.”

He chuckled. “Much better than a night spent in front of the TV in your PJs, right?”

“Much.” When she glanced down at her lap, she noticed that one of the footlights on the stage was bouncing off of her beer bottle, the reflection causing the diamond in her engagement ring to gleam in the dimness of the club. She twisted the ring around so that the diamond was facing her palm and took another sip of her drink. 

\--

Two hours later, Jake came over to the table to say hello.  

“You guys were incredible,” Nancy told him as she finished her second beer. 

“Thanks,” Jake smiled modestly. 

“No, I mean it,” she insisted. “That was the best live show I’ve seen in ages.”

“Nice _and_ beautiful. So, this is her, huh?” he asked Ben. “The private investigator? Makes me want to do something wrong, just so you’ll follow me around.”

Ben laughed. “Trust me, man – not all P.I.s or detectives are nearly as hot as she is.”

Jake snapped his fingers in mock regret.  “That’s disappointing to hear.” 

“Join us, man?” Ben offered, pointing to the empty chairs.

“I’d love to, but I can’t. I’ve gotta help the guys pack up our equipment in a few; then they’re talking about going to some bar here in Silver Lake. Hey, you guys want to come with?”

Nancy shook her head reluctantly, standing up.  “This has been a lot of fun, but I really need to be heading home.” She grabbed her jacket and purse and slung them over her arm. 

“Come on, Red—it’s still early!” Ben protested.  

She shook her head. “Not for me—I’m exhausted,” she lied. 

“Are you sure?” 

The disappointment on his face nearly caused her to change her mind, but Nancy decided to do the smart thing for the first time all evening. “I am. It was nice meeting you,” she told Jake. She was glad that Kristen seemed to have left her table across the room; with any luck, she’d be able to duck out without having another confrontation from the other woman. 

“Let me at least walk you out,” Ben offered, getting to his feet.  They waded their way through the crowds to the front entrance, and the cool air that greeted them as he opened the door felt good against Nancy’s flushed face.  _It had nothing to do with how close you were to Ben all night – it was just warm in there,_ she tried to convince herself. 

They walked around the corner to the lot where Nancy had parked; despite her protests, Ben paid for her parking. 

“They’re playing here again next month – you should join me again.”

“Sure – if I’m not working on a case or if I don’t have plans with my _husband_ ,” she replied, emphasizing the last word.

He smirked, obviously amused. “I know you’re married, Red – you don’t have to keep reminding me.”

“Are you sure about that?” she countered, keeping her tone light. 

“I’m positive. Hey, my friends can probably fend for themselves – what do you say we go somewhere else, just the two of us?”

Nancy narrowed her eyes at him suspiciously. “Where?”

“Another club?” She shook her head. “Then… how about my place for one more drink?”

For one brief moment, Nancy considered it. Considered going back to his place, ostensibly for another drink, but more likely for a scenario where he’d have half her clothes off in five minutes and the remainder of them off within ten minutes after that. Oh, the thought was tempting, though. To see Ben’s face when he caught sight of the little lace bra and panties beneath her outfit; to feel the firm muscles of his back as he settled over her, shirtless, on his couch or in his bed.  To have his lips crushed against hers and his fingers stroking her bare skin…

_My God, what are you thinking?_ her inner voice hissed angrily. _What the fuck are you thinking? Walk away from this, Nancy_ – now.   _It doesn’t matter that your husband hasn’t touched you in weeks – going home with Ben would be so incredibly wrong._

“I can’t,” she whispered. “Ben, I can’t. I’m—"

“Married,” he finished her sentence. “I know. But, Red… God, Red, I find you so fucking sexy.  And it would be _so_ good. You know it, and I know it.”

“I love my husband,” she replied in a low voice. “And this has been incredibly inappropriate—on both of our parts. I need to go home, and you need to go back in there and join your friends at the bar. _Please,_ Ben.”

He stared at her for a full minute. “Okay. But if you ever change your mind… I will not turn you down. Just remember that.”

“I won’t. Please, Ben,” she repeated almost desperately.

“Let me just say one thing, and then I’ll leave you alone. Your husband is a fucking idiot for leaving his gorgeous, sexy wife alone so much.” Nancy began to protest feebly, but he cut her off with a look. “It’s true—you know damn well it is.  If I were lucky enough to have you, I sure as hell wouldn’t spend all of my time at the office or at client dinners or on corporate retreats or shit like that.  I’d make sure that you knew how beautiful and desirable and incredible you really are.”

Ben leaned forward and pressed his lips to her cheek, his stubble grazing her. “Thanks again for coming out tonight, Red—drive safe.”  With that, he turned on his heel and walked away. 

Her cheek felt like it was burning from the impression of his lips, and it took all of her strength not to turn her head and devour his mouth with hers. With trembling hands, she clicked on the button of her keyfob, annoyed with herself when it took several attempts to get the door unlocked.  Once she was seated behind the wheel, she took several deep breaths to try and regulate her pulse, which was jumping in time to the pounding of her heart. 

\--

When she got back home thirty minutes later, Nancy went upstairs to her bedroom and pulled her phone from her purse, angry and disappointed when she didn’t find a text or call from Ned.  _Sure, he’s having a great time getting drunk with his idiot co-workers and couldn’t take time out of his busy schedule to even make one fucking phone call._

She slowly stripped off her clothes, deciding on a long, hot bath. Lying in the steaming, bubbling water, Nancy stared up at the ceiling until her fingers and toes turned pruny.   When the water grew cold, she rose from the tub, drawing her thick terrycloth robe around her before padding into the bedroom. 

Nancy had thought that the bath would relax her enough to sleep, but she still felt restless and frustrated, both emotionally and sexually.  She wandered the bedroom, stopping to stare out the window at the pool in their backyard, the outdoor lights casting an almost eerie sheen on the calm blue water. 

Sleep still eluding her, she stopped to grab one of Ned’s faded t-shirts from the dresser, taking it with her before sitting on the edge of the bed. On impulse, she crouched down and opened the drawer of her nightstand where she and Ned kept their toys, pulling out the latest item she had purchased last week. Nancy hadn’t had a chance to try out yet—part of her had been hoping that she could use it to entice Ned into bed with her.  _That would’ve required him to actually go to bed at the same time as I do_ , she thought bitterly. 

Nancy opened the packaging, inserted the batteries, and applied a coating of lube to the toy, as the instructions had indicated. Settling down on the bed, she opened her legs and flicked on the toy, closing her eyes as the silicone tongues of the vibrating wheel slid against the sensitive bud of her clit.

\--

Ned had his hand curled around a fresh glass of scotch as he laughed at the joke that Jack had just told. He and his co-workers were gathered around a table at the restaurant where the firm was holding their client dinner, and Carly had just happened to plop herself down in the seat to his right.   He had to admit that she looked spectacular that night in a bright pink skintight dress that appeared painted onto her curves.  The color set off her dark hair and her deeply tanned skin, and virtually every man in the restaurant was staring at her - which was something, considering that they were in Southern California, where beautiful women were as commonplace as freeway traffic and surf reports on the news. 

The team-building exercises they had practiced during the full-day seminar were better than Ned had expected, and he fully anticipated that they would help his staff in doing their work when they returned to the city.  They also provided Ned with the opportunity to spend even more time with his superiors, and allowed him to show off his leadership skills in their presence. 

Now, they were all relaxing after cocktail hour and waiting for their appetizers to arrive.  A team of waitresses and waiters came out to fill everyone’s glasses with champagne, and Allen, the most senior partner at the table, tapped on his water glass to get everyone’s attention. 

“I would like to propose a toast—to the incredible employees of our firm,” Allen said, his champagne glass lifted high. “Your hard work, dedication, and unwavering commitment to your clients has resulted in our office’s best year ever—and has made us the top-producing office throughout the United States. Ladies and gentlemen, a job well done!” 

Everyone at the table clinked glasses enthusiastically before sipping their champagne, and Ned basked in the smiles of praise that he received from Allen, Lindsey, and the other senior members of the firm.  

“And, to the clients who have joined us this evening,” Allen continued, raising his glass again and nodding at Carly, Derek, and a few of the others. “We thank you for your business and for your continued support—we could not have achieved our incredible success this year without you.”

Once the appetizers were served, Carly leaned in close to Ned. “It’s so good to be able to finally talk to you in person. You look incredibly handsome tonight—very sexy.”

Ned tried his best not to show how her compliments—and the warm, almost vanilla-y scent of her perfume—had affected his pulse rate. “Thanks,” he said modestly. 

She drained her champagne glass. “You didn’t tell me what you think of my dress.” 

“It’s very nice,” he told her gruffly.

“That’s it?” she asked, pouting slightly. “You’re in advertising—you’re supposed to be better with words than that, Ned.” 

“It looks great on you, and you know it,” he replied. 

“Thanks,” she preened, tossing back her hair. 

Throughout dinner, she continued to focus her attention on him, but Ned was careful to talk to everyone at his section of the table, aware that Lindsey’s eyes were on him.  A few times, he felt Carly’s leg brush his underneath the table, until he subtly shifted his chair to the left to move out of her reach. 

Once the meal was over and everyone had finished their dessert, someone proposed that the group continue their evening at one of the clubs in town.  Everyone but the oldest partners took the hotel shuttle to the club, and soon they all had drinks in hand as they sat at tables by the bar and listened to the live band playing that night. The place wasn’t fancy, by any means, but it was packed full of tourists and locals. 

Carly had been glued to his side all night, and when the band began to play a current dance hit, she grabbed at his arm. “I bet you’re a damn good dancer, Ned. Come on and show me.”

He almost turned her down, but the thought of watching her move her body to the pulsating beat of the song was entirely too tempting to pass up. “Sure, why not?” he shrugged, letting her lead him onto the dance floor. 

“I was right,” she cooed close to his ear after they had been dancing for a few minutes. “You’re an incredible dancer. Makes me wonder how else you can move your body.”

“You’re not too bad yourself,” he countered, deliberately turning the attention back to her. 

“Thanks,” she smiled. “I take dance classes twice a week to help stay in shape. I think they really work—what do you think, Ned?” She smoothed her dress down over her hips; it hadn’t ridden up, but she correctly guessed that it would force his gaze over her body. 

Ned was saved from having to respond when his administrative assistant Heather came over and cut in. 

“Hey, boss,” Heather smiled up at him.

“Hey, Heather!” he replied, greeting her enthusiastically. “I hope you’ve been having fun tonight!” 

“I have!” Still smiling, she kept dancing with him. When it was clear Heather hadn't just come over for a brief hello, Carly turned her attention to another group.

After a minute, Heather spoke. “I know you’re way more senior than I am, but can I give you some advice?” she asked him. “You can tell me to go to hell and that I should mind my own business, but I feel like I need to say something.”

When he nodded, Heather took a deep breath. “Stay away from her, okay?”  

Ned blinked at her in surprise.  “I—”

“I know—she’s a client, she’s important to the firm, blah blah blah… I get it. But Ned… I just don’t want you to do something you’ll be sorry about later.”

Ned was still slightly stunned by her words. First Lindsey’s comments yesterday morning, and now this. He knew that Heather disliked Carly and rolled her eyes each time the other woman had made her way into his office, but he had no idea that she had been quite so disapproving. Or quite so observant. 

“Damn, I crossed a line, didn’t I?” Heather said anxiously, watching his face. “Ned, I’m sorry. Really. But you’re one of the good guys! I’m single, and single girls like us dream of guys like you, ones who love their wives and are faithful to them, no matter how much temptation is thrown at them. Come on—help me keep the dream alive,” she finished teasingly. 

“Thanks—but nothing is going on.  I promise,” he fibbed. 

Heather looked like she didn’t quite believe him, but she didn’t push. Instead, she gave him another bright smile and led him in a series of complicated dance moves. 

\--

Two hours later, all of the senior partners and managers had left the club, and the party got even wilder. Everyone had had far too many drinks to count, and they were all out on the dance floor, gyrating wildly to the music. He saw Derek grinding up on a tall African-American beauty who clearly wasn’t his wife Melissa, while Jack and Rower had stunning blonde twins draped around each of their bodies.  The other members of his team had all found equally gorgeous partners to dance with. 

Carly, meanwhile, had started dancing with a statuesque red-haired woman, their bodies seductively slithering up against each other as they languidly swished their hips to the music. They danced up to Ned, sandwiching him between their bodies, teasing him with their movements.   He tried not to notice how Carly’s erect nipples were poking out through the clinging fabric of her dress. 

“So, Ned, I talked to my new friend Alana here,” Carly gestured towards the redhead dancing behind him, “and she would be _very_ interested in joining the two of us back at my suite at the hotel. I’m sure that the three of us would have an amazing time, and I thought that you’d appreciate the fact that she’s a redhead.” 

There was no mistaking the intent behind Carly’s words. For a minute, Ned actually considered her offer. He thought of what it would be like to see the two women naked, and to writhe around in bed with them, feeling their bodies pressed up against his.  

Just as he was about to take her up on it, he held back. _Nancy_ , he thought guiltily. _She would kill you if she ever found out._

_Who says that she’d ever find out, though?_ his inner voice pointed out, not very helpfully.

Carly must’ve seen the deliberation play out on his face. “Ned, if you’d feel bad about being with me and Alana, you could just watch…”

“Watch?” he repeated before he could stop himself. 

She nodded, a teasing grin on her face.  “Uh huh. She and I could have some fun and you could be there to witness it without having to participate. That way, you wouldn’t really be doing anything wrong.”

Ned knew that her argument would never fly if Nancy got wind of it, but he was too drunk and too aroused at the idea of it to care. Plus, he had a feeling that if he watched Alana and Carly together in bed, there would be no way in hell that he wouldn’t want to rip off his clothes and join them. 

All of a sudden, the band began playing a song that he had long associated with Nancy from all of the times they had danced to it during high school and at dances at Emerson.  It was as if it had brought him back to his senses—he unconsciously began thumbing his wedding ring and realized that he couldn’t cross the line that Carly had put out in front of him.  

“Sorry, Carly—it’s not a good idea,” he told her, genuinely regretful. 

“Why?” she pouted prettily. “No one would ever have to know—it would be our little secret.”

“Considering that all of the other guys in the place are watching us right now, they’d definitely notice if we left together,” Ned pointed out. 

“Like they’d care,” she scoffed. “They’re all a little preoccupied, in case you haven’t noticed.”

It was true—the other guys were completely focused on the women they were dancing and flirting with, obviously hoping to score.  “Doesn’t matter. I can’t. I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay, Ned. Maybe some other time?” 

Ned shrugged, not trusting himself to speak. He left the dance floor and hurried to the men’s room, splashing his face with cold water.  Pulling a paper towel from the wall dispenser, he blotted his face dry, staring at his reflection in the mirror.  His eyes were slightly red-rimmed, and his cheeks were flushed. He tried to tell himself that it was from the dancing, and not from all of the drinks he’d had.  Or from Carly’s offer. 

_What the fuck did you just turn down?_ he asked himself, irritated. _You haven’t fucked your wife in weeks, and you were just offered a threesome on a platter. What is_ wrong _with you?_

__Just as quickly as the thought bounced into his head, he pushed it out again. _You are_ married _. That’s why you turned it down. Cheating on Nancy will only make things worse – if that’s even possible. Think about what Heather said._

He was about to leave the restroom when he heard his cell phone buzz in his pocket. He pulled it out to find Mike’s name on the screen. Ned hadn’t talked to his best friend in weeks – actually, it was more like a month, he suddenly realized. 

The last time they had spoken, things had been slightly awkward between them. Ned had told his friend about the demanding nature of his job, how great the house was, the two Mercedes convertibles in his driveway, the incredible restaurants and clubs he’d visited during client events, the earrings he had bought Nancy, and how he had been eyeing a Tag Heuer watch in the storefront he’d passed the previous day. 

Mike had been strangely silent, and Ned had wondered if his friend was jealous.  While he made a decent living, Ned knew that Mike definitely couldn’t afford a luxury car—let alone two—or suits from Ralph Lauren, or fancy jewelry for Jan.

During that last conversation, Mike had mentioned visiting for a long weekend. While it would have been great to see his best friend, Ned had had to turn him down, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to take the time off work.  Plus, he had to admit that he wasn’t sure he wanted Mike and Jan to see how things really were between him and Nancy now.  Truthfully, he had no idea whether he and Nancy would be able to pretend to be happy like they used to be for three or four consecutive days. When Mike had asked about his wife, Ned had told him that Nancy was fine before quickly steering the conversation to another topic.  

He definitely hadn’t told Mike about Carly, either. He had a strong feeling that his friend would be judgmental or disapproving of his relationship with the other woman. _Even though we’re just friends,_ Ned thought, fully aware that he was lying to himself. 

As he headed back to the dance floor, he bumped into Derek, who had the arms of the woman whom he had been dancing with earlier twined around his waist. 

“Hey, man—it was nice to see you tonight. We’re gonna, uh, get out of here.” 

Ned blinked in surprise. For all accounts, Derek and his wife Melissa were happily married and incredibly loving and affectionate with each other.  _Just goes to show how you can’t trust appearances_.  

“Nice seeing you,” he replied, holding out his hand for Derek to shake. “My team and I will see you next week to talk about those sketches from the graphic designer.” 

“Yep – looking forward to it. Oh, and,” Derek leaned in close to Ned, “what happens on Catalina stays on Catalina – right, man? You don’t tell, I don’t tell. ” 

The other man chuckled, and Ned joined in. “Absolutely. No need for anyone else to find out.”

Derek grinned. “That’s the bro code at work, right there! Have a good time tonight.” He tilted his head towards the dance floor where Carly was standing, obviously waiting for Ned’s return. 

Ned smirked. “You, too.”

\--

After another hour of dancing, most of the larger group had begged off and had gone back to the hotel.  Ned’s team had shown no signs of being anywhere near ready to go to sleep, though.  They were deliberating whether to hit up another club or go to another bar when Rower piped up.

“Hey, fuck that – why don’t we go back to my suite? I brought a shitload of booze with me – and some other stuff.” He wiggled his eyebrows.

One by one, the men and the women they had picked up during the evening nodded their assent, and Ned wasn’t surprised to see Carly’s eyes light up enthusiastically at the suggestion. The group stumbled outside where they found cabs to take them back to the hotel. 

Once they arrived, Rower flipped on the lights and took out the bottles of liquor he had stashed in a closet.  Jack took on the task of grabbing the ice bucket and a few other receptacles and headed out to the ice machine. 

Jenkins played bartender and made sure that everyone had a full glass as they settled down on the bed, the couch and the floor.

“Hey, this weekend’s supposed to be about team building and bonding, right?” Rower piped up from his position on the bed. When the group made drunken noises of assent, he continued. “So, let’s talk about good stuff – not that boring shit about brainstorming and groupthink.”

“Like what?” Scott asked lazily from the floor, his head resting on the lap of a busty young woman who he had picked up at the club. 

“Sports?” Kesey proposed.  The Asian woman he had been dancing with earlier shook her head and giggled wildly as she took a healthy slug from her glass. 

“I have a better idea – sex. Let’s talk about sex.” Carly suggested from her spot at Ned’s side on the couch, a wicked gleam in her eye. She moved closer to him so that their thighs were touching. 

“That’s a great idea! Someone should ask a question and we all have to answer. No passing or saying no. Everyone has to answer.” Kesey stabbed the air with his finger.  “First question - favorite sex position, and why.”

“I’ll go first,” Jack said, placing his hand on the bare thigh of his blonde companion.  "Mine’s sixty-nine because, fuck – a blowjob while you’re face-first in pussy, all at the same time? Can’t beat it.” He and Rower exchanged leers. 

“Doggie-style!” one of the women piped up. “Because the guy can usually hit just the right spot.” 

“Sideways! Sometimes you can get into her ass like that, by ‘mistake’,” Michaels chimed in, curling his fingers into air quotes with a smirk. 

Ned was silent until they got to him. “Come on, Nickerson – you’ve been too damn quiet,” Keasey chided him. “You’re our leader – tell us how you like to fuck.”

He looked at everyone except Carly, who he could tell from her sidelong glances was just waiting for him to answer. “I like woman on top – cowgirl or reverse cowgirl. Because you get to see _everything_.”

Carly jumped in next. “I love being on top,” she replied, batting her eyes coyly. “Feels incredible, and the guy can put his hands and his mouth on my tits while I’m riding his cock.” 

The guys hooted and clapped before going on.  Ned could feel his dick stirring at the thought of Carly on top of him, naked, as they fucked.  When she began rubbing his thigh with her palm, his dick got even harder. He knew he should push her away, but it was getting more and more difficult to remember why as he continued to drink. 

Before he knew it, it was his turn again, and this time the question was about the craziest place he’d ever had sex. 

“The next-to-last row of a movie theater – a regular movie theater, not a porn one. And, yes, there were other people there.”

“Nice,” Scott said approvingly. 

“A hotel swimming pool, after hours – the security guard caught us, and didn’t turn us in because we let him watch,” Carly announced, her lips turned upwards in a triumphant grin. She moved in even closer to Ned, and when her breast brushed against his upper arm, it caused his balls to tighten. 

“You know what would make this game even better?” Michaels asked before the next round. “A little yeyo.” When some of the women looked at him blankly, he grinned. “Blow? White bitch? Coke?”

Ned shifted uncomfortably. He always hated this part of the evening, when the drugs came out and he was the only one to turn them down.  

“Have you ever done it?” Carly asked him, her lips close to his ear.  

He shook his head. “Nah—not my thing,” he replied, trying to act casual.

“You should—I think you’d really like it,” she told him. “Weed’s lame and pills I could take or leave, but coke? It feels fucking amazing after you’ve taken a hit or snorted a line. Like you’re flying; like you’re invincible.” 

“So, you’re going to…” he asked as he watched the group pass around a mirror and a bag of small straws. 

“Fuck, yeah,” she answered matter-of-factly. “Ned, I really think you should, too. It’s sooo freeing and liberating.”  She patted his thigh. 

He was about to tell her no again but suddenly became tired of being the teetotaler, the one who always said no.  He watched the others become happy and excited after they snorted their lines, and wanted to have that same experience.

_What about what you promised Nancy?_ his subconscious whispered. _You swore to her that you’d never take anything._

_She’s not here, though, is she?_ was his next thought.  _You’re a grown man and she’s not your keeper._

Someone passed him the mirror and the bag of straws. Carly took it from his hand and demonstrated how to snort a line before passing it back to him. Ned paused for a moment, then ducked his head and did a line. 

His nose was burning. That was the first thought he had as Carly took the mirror from him and handed it off to the next person. The inside of his nose felt like it was on fire, and he had no idea how to put it out. 

“Good, right?” Carly asked, smiling broadly.  

Ned nodded weakly, still trying to get accustomed to how he felt. Everything in the room seemed to be sharper, brighter, and he suddenly noticed the moonlight reflecting off the furniture on Rower’s balcony. He turned to look at Carly, and her hair seemed even glossier, her dress an even more vivid shade of pink.   

Kesey came by and refilled everyone’s glasses.  “Now, let’s continue this game! Best fuck you’ve ever had. Go!” He pointed at Ned.

“Either when I was surprised with a Catholic schoolgirl outfit and a striptease for my birthday, or when I had sex on my boss’s desk, just before he came back from lunch, or when I was tied up and got some special attention.” Jack high-fived him. 

“You like being tied up, Ned?” Carly purred. The scent of her perfume was driving him wild – he had noticed it before, but it hadn’t seemed as strong then.

“Hell, yeah—it was hot as fuck,” he admitted, grinning proudly at her.

“That’s some interesting information. Mine was when I let a guy fuck me and use a strap-on for my ass at the same time,” Carly said almost casually, before taking a sip of her drink.  

Ned’s dick had already been hard; now it was like a fucking rock. Thank God he had placed his suit jacket over his lap earlier so no one could see. The image of the brunette laid out on a bed, her dark hair in contrast to the white sheets, as she got pounded into with double penetration was erotic as hell, he had to admit to himself. 

After another few rounds of the game, they grew bored and antsy. 

“Hey, I think we should all dance again!” one of the girls on the floor suggested with a giggle. 

“Great idea!” Rower said, jumping off the bed and turning on the radio beside his bed.  A few of the guys helped him to push some of the furniture to the sides of the room. 

Carly took Ned’s hand and pulled him to a standing position. “Dance with me, Mr. Nickerson?” she asked flirtatiously. 

“Absolutely, Ms. Ryan,” he replied immediately. He felt great—like he’d had a sudden burst of energy, and dancing would be just the thing to help burn it off.

Carly began moving her body to the music in a slow rhythm, and grabbed Ned’s hands, placing them over her twirling hips. “You like this?”

“You’re a good dancer,” he told her solemnly. 

“So are you,” she replied coyly, batting her eyelashes outrageously as she wound her arms around his neck.

Ned looked around at the others, noticing that they were all laughing and chatting and dancing. _This is what you were afraid of? Of being happy and relaxed and energized? Fuck, you should have tried coke a long time ago, Nickerson._

Kesey and Jack’s companions danced close to them, and Ned enjoyed the sight of all three women swaying to the beat. 

“Good, right?” Keasey murmured into his ear. “And if you think it makes _you_ uninhibited, you can’t even imagine what it’s like in the sack with a woman after she’s done coke. They’ll say yes to _all kinds_ of crazy shit.”

Ned watched Carly as she lazily moved back towards him, her eyes fixated on his face as she licked her lips.  

“What are you guys talking about?” she inquired sweetly. 

“Nothing,” Ned told her, grinning. Carly had been right—he felt fucking invincible. 

“Are you keeping secrets from me?” Her lips were a breath away from his; if he moved forward slightly, they would be kissing. 

He shook his head, twirling her around until she gasped, breathless and clinging to him. 

“Well, you’re a lot of fun tonight, Mr. Nickerson. And I know just the thing for us to have even more fun! Did you want to maybe go for a little swim?”

“My trunks are back in my room,” he replied.

“Who said you needed trunks?” she asked, still keeping her eyes trained on his. 

“Uh uh uh,” he said, waving his finger playfully at her. “Nope.”

“Come on, Ned,” she pouted. “We wouldn’t even have to go the pool—my suite has a very nice Jacuzzi, big enough for two…”

“Carly…”

“Ned…” she replied, using the same tone. “Come on, you know you want to…” 

“I can’t.”

“Tell me why.” She slid her arms up to toy with the dark hair at the nape of his neck; he shivered at the feel of her fingers brushing against him and her body pressed close to his. Her breasts were pillow soft against his chest and he wonder if she could feel his hard-on. Ned had already been turned on before the coke, but now he was horny as hell.   
“Because,” he said, although he couldn’t think of a good reason why at that exact moment. 

“Fine,” she sighed exaggeratedly. “Then will you walk me back to my room? Please?”

Ned stopped dancing. “Deal. But let me get a drink for the road.” He walked over to the makeshift bar that had been set up on the desk and poured glasses of scotch for himself and Carly. 

“’Night, guys—see you tomorrow,” he called out, raising an arm to wave to them.  A few of the guys had already left with the women they had picked up at the club.

“’Night, Nickerson—good luck!” Rower called out, winking at him. The other guys clapped and gave him the thumbs’ up sign as he and Carly headed out the door. 

Once they were in the quiet of the hallway, Carly turned to him and pushed him lightly against the wall. 

“What was that for?” he asked, surprised.

“Nothing. It’s just the first time we’ve been able to be alone together all night, Ned.” She moved closer to him. 

“Come on,” he said, putting his hands on her upper arms and gently pushing her aside. 

“That anxious to get back to my room?” Carly teased in a low purr. She took his hand and led him to the elevator. 

When they stopped in front of her door, Carly turned to him. “You know I want nothing more than to invite you in, right?”

“Carly…”

“Ned, think about it,” she pressed. “No strings attached, just a night of uninhibited fucking. It would be so good, and you know it.”

He knew she was right, could imagine her breasts jiggling as he thrust into her. Could see her long legs wrapped around him as they rolled around the bed, changing positions again and again. He could hear her panting and moaning as she rode out her orgasms.  Could imagine how tight her pussy would be around his cock…

“Baby, come on,” she cajoled. “No one would ever have to know.”  Each word was clearly enunciated as if it were its own separate sentence. “It would be our little secret. I wouldn’t say no to a single thing you asked me to do.” She looked right at him as she said it, and licked her lips. 

Was she shaved, or did she have a Brazilian wax? Were her nipples pink or brown? Suddenly, Ned was dying to find out.  His cock was pulsing inside of his pants and he couldn’t stop thinking about getting inside of Carly. 

As he was about to tell her yes and let her lead him into her hotel room, he had a flash of reddish blonde hair and blue eyes with an expression of hurt and betrayal that was so powerful it took his breath away. 

Nancy. His sweet, precious, irreplaceable Nancy, who was just sitting at home all by herself while he was out drinking and snorting coke and flirting with another woman. He felt stupid and worthless and disgusting for even entertaining the thought of cheating on her. 

“I’m sorry—I have to go,” he mumbled, leaving Carly standing at her door as he rushed down the hallway to the elevator. 

Once the doors closed behind him, Ned suddenly felt jittery and near tears. He couldn’t get to his room fast enough. When the car arrived at his floor, he hurried off of the elevator and quickly slid his keycard into the lock.  

As the door slammed shut, he all but tore off his pants, throwing them onto the bed, and stuck his hand into the opening in his boxers, bringing himself to climax after a few quick strokes.  When he finished, he grabbed a few tissues from the box on his nightstand and cleaned himself up, tossing the used Kleenex into the trashcan. 

He sank down onto the edge of the mattress, feeling slightly sick, and not just from the drugs and alcohol.  

_Shit, that was too fucking close,_ he thought mournfully. _You almost fucked her. You almost just cheated on your wife, you asshole._

Ned bowed his head, staring at the plush carpet on the floor. He had to be coming down from his high, because all he felt was a crushing, paralyzing sense of guilt and shame. 

His phone began buzzing on the bed next to him. He reached into the pocket of his discarded pants to pull it out, and found a text from Carly. 

_It’s ok. Some other time? I’m not giving up on you, Mr. N._ :)

_Sorry,_ he typed back lamely, fighting back the urge to cry.  _It was a mistake._

_It’s ok,_ she repeated. _Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here._

Ned angrily tossed the phone onto the bed and cradled his head in his hands. _How could you have been so damn stupid? You almost threw away your marriage over a stranger._

The previous euphoria he had felt was long gone, and had been replaced by a debilitating sense of self-hatred. _You have a beautiful, incredible wife, and you nearly cheated on her, you motherfucker. What would you have done if she had found out, huh?_

Ned scooted backwards on the bed until his head was on the pillow and curled up on his side in the fetal position. _Nancy_. _Your actions could’ve cost you Nancy. Would it have been worth it?_

He knew damn well what the answer was. 

\--

When the alarm clock began blaring, Ned opened one eye, cursing loudly as he slammed it off.  The bright early-morning sunshine streamed in through the partially open curtains of his hotel room window, nearly blinding him. As the events of the previous evening came rushing back, he frantically sat up, checking the other side of the king-sized bed, relieved to find it cold and empty, clear evidence that no one had slept there. 

The sudden movement, though, caused his head to pound, and sent a wave of nausea rolling through his stomach. 

“Shit,” he groaned aloud. “Holy fuck.” His throat was as dry as if he had been in the desert for a week, and his nasal passages felt like they were on fire. 

Ned somehow made his way out of bed and to the bathroom before vomiting the contents of his stomach into the toilet. The group was going on a golfing outing sponsored by his bosses this morning, which meant that he had to get moving as quickly as possible to make it on time.  It had been well after three by the time he’d gotten to bed, and Ned wasn’t only hung over and exhausted, he also still felt mildly drunk.

Last night had been a colossal fucking mistake, to say the least.  He never should have had that much to drink, nor should he have tried that damn coke. And the things he had talked about with the guys, and the dancing he had done with Carly and the other woman…

Carly. Thank fucking God that he hadn’t been stupid enough to take her up on her offer of the threesome. Or the offer to just go to bed with her, for that matter.  _Even though it would have been incredible_ , his inner voice whispered insistently. 

_Stop it – if you had, you would have fucked up things even worse with Nancy. She would have found out somehow. As it is, she may guess or suspect what happened here this weekend. You just need to be careful, man._

Deciding that a shower would be a good idea, Ned turned on the faucet and let the water run before stripping off his boxers from the previous evening.  As he was about to get under the cold spray, he caught sight of his reflection in the mirror and almost didn’t recognize himself. His eyes were bloodshot and bleary, ringed in deep purple bags, the dark stubble above his lip and at his jawline a stark contrast to the pale skin beneath it. He looked haggard – that was the best way to describe it. 

Shaking his head, Ned stepped under the stream of water, almost yelping as the icy water hit his naked body. It did the job, though—when he emerged five minutes later, he felt slightly more refreshed. He still had the same fucking awful headache and the lingering nausea, but at least he felt more awake.

After two cups of coffee and four aspirins, Ned felt a little more human and was able to shave and get dressed, relieved when he made it out the door on time.  

When he met the other guys in the lobby, he was glad to see that they were just as messed up as he was. However, they all tried to act like everything was perfectly normal when their bosses appeared – despite their red-rimmed eyes behind their sunglasses and their occasionally trembling hands.  He heard a few teasing comments from the group about his night with Carly, but he just shook his head and told them to stop. 

Three hours later, the group trudged through town for brunch back at the hotel. As they made their way back, Ned noticed a little shop with a pretty set of wind chimes in the window, the delicate blue glass gleaming as it caught the late morning sunlight. That shade of blue reminded him of Nancy’s eyes, and on impulse, he headed inside the store, telling the others he’d catch up to them.  

He emerged a few minutes later, carrying a box wrapped in purple and silver paper. _This isn’t a guilt gift,_ he insisted to himself.  _You bought it for your wife because it made you think of her. That’s all._

Clutching the box tighter, Ned again prayed that she wouldn’t see through his lies when he recounted what he had been up to the night before. 

\--

Nancy rose much later than normal the next morning, having spent the night tossing and turning. She pushed back the covers and noticed the toy she had used the previous evening still sitting on the nightstand. Flushing, she picked it up and was heading into the bathroom to clean it when she heard her cell phone go off.

_Ned_ , she thought guiltily. However, the caller turned out to be Ben instead. She briefly debated answering, but decided to let it go to voicemail.  

After leaving the toy to dry on the bathroom counter, Nancy came back and listened to Ben’s message, unable to resist. 

“Hey, Red… Look, um… I just wanted to call this morning to apologize for making you so uncomfortable last night. That wasn’t my goal – I hope you know that. I just really like hanging out with you, and I had a great time last night. It was a lot of fun, and you looked incredible. I hope we can do it again soon.  So, um, yeah. Call me back if you feel like it. Bye.”

Nancy took a deep breath. As much as she hated to admit it, she had also enjoyed spending time with Ben. It was nice to be with someone who wasn’t checking his cell phone every five minutes, or who had to leave halfway through dinner or a day at the beach just so he could go back to the office. Nancy had also missed having a man call her beautiful, and making her feel desirable and sexy.  

As she slowly made her way down the stairs for breakfast and coffee, she tried to push her thoughts of last night out of her head. Her husband would be returning home later that day, and she couldn’t do anything to make him suspect that she had been out with another man.  She decided to go to the store and pick up some nice, thick ribeye steaks to make for dinner – a favorite of Ned’s.

_You aren’t doing this out of guilt,_ she told herself. _You just want to make a nice dinner for your husband because it’s been too long since you’ve eaten a meal together._

She wondered how many times she would have to repeat it before she believed it.

\-- 

Several hours later, Ned swung his black Mercedes into the driveway of their house, relieved and nervous that Nancy’s car was parked out front.  He popped the trunk and took out his suitcase. 

Fitting his key into the lock, he took a deep breath before opening the door and stepping inside. The house was silent, which made him think that she was either out back or upstairs. Ned had spent the entire car ride from the parking lot of his office to the house practicing what he’d say if Nancy asked him about his weekend, but he still felt nervous. After all, wasn’t his wife trained to ferret out the truth from people who were in the game of deception?

Ned slowly made his way up the steps, taking care not to smash the wrapped package as he juggled it along with his suitcase. 

“Nan—I’m home,” he called out, forcing a note of cheer into his voice.

“In here,” she called back from their bedroom.  

He entered the room to find Nancy propped up against the pillows of their bed, hunched over her laptop. She was wearing a tank top and a pair of short shorts that showed off her long legs. 

“Hey,” she said, smiling as she looked up from computer. “How was your retreat?”

“Good,” he said, smiling back. 

“Yeah? So, the seminars weren’t as boring as you thought they’d be?”

“Nope,” he said, shaking his head, glad to be telling the truth. “They were actually pretty informative and I learned a lot that I’ll be able to use with the guys when we’re working on some difficult assignment.”

“Good! And how was Catalina?”

“Beautiful.” Again, a true statement. “We should really go sometime.”

“I’d like that. Did you like the hotel?”

“I did – you would, too. Maybe in a few months we can take our getaway there,” he proposed.

Her smiled dimmed somewhat, but she didn’t give him a hard time. “Sounds like a plan,” she replied lightly. 

Ned set his suitcase on the other side of the bed, careful not to jostle her laptop. “Oh, before I forget—this is for you,” he told her, holding out the gift wrapped box.

She gave him a look of surprise. “Ned…”

“And before you give me a hard time, it’s not jewelry, okay?” His temper still flared slightly when he thought of how she had been less than excited when he’d given her the Cartier bracelet a few weeks ago. A bracelet that she hadn’t worn since the night he’d given it to her.

“I didn’t think it was—the box is too big.” _Was she actually teasing him and being playful?_ he marveled.

Nancy carefully tore away the paper and opened the box, a genuine smile on her face as she withdrew the wind chimes. She held them up, carefully examining each delicate piece of glass. 

“Ned, they’re beautiful,” she breathed. “How lovely, and how sweet you were to think of me!”

The delight on her face made him feel like even more of a shithead after what he had almost done that weekend.  He shrugged, suddenly feeling embarrassed. “I thought you could either put them up in here so you’d hear them when you open the windows, or over the back patio so you could hear them when you sit by the pool. And the blue reminded me of your eyes.”

For a second, he thought that Nancy would burst into tears.  “This was so nice of you. I love them – I really love them.” She pushed aside her laptop and stood up, wrapping her arms around his neck.

The feel of her body against his, and the familiar scent of her shampoo almost made Ned start to cry, himself. For the first time in a long time, he felt like things would be okay between them.   _And to think, you almost fucked this up by hooking up with Carly,_ he reminded himself angrily. 

Nancy drew back and gently placed her lips over his. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Nan. I’m just glad you liked them.”

She nodded. “I do. Will you put them up for me later? I think I want them in the backyard, like you suggested.”

Ned smiled. “I can do that.”  He gave her one more kiss before reluctantly pulling away to unpack.  After putting away his clothing and tossing his dirty laundry into the hamper, he pulled out his toiletry kit and went into the bathroom. 

He came back into the bedroom a minute later, holding up a black, disc-shaped item with hot pink spokes sticking out of it, a puzzled expression on his face. 

“Nan? What’s this?” he asked curiously.

Nancy turned as pink as the spokes on the item and scrambled off of the bed. “It’s… it’s… It’s a new toy I bought,” she admitted, not looking at him as she snatched it out of his hands. 

“Oh. What’s it do?”

She blushed even deeper. “Well, those things sticking out are supposed to be like tongues, and when you turn it on, they move so that it feels like oral sex.”

“Ah. And you... You used this last night?” he asked her, feeling his cock stir in his jeans at the thought of it.  She nodded wordlessly, and Ned was surprised that after all this time, after all of the crazy shit they had done together in bed—and out of it—that she was bashful about getting herself off with a toy.  _Maybe it’s because she and I haven’t done anything in weeks?_

“Did you like it?”

She nodded again. “It felt really good.”

Ned hesitated, unsure of how she would react to his next question. “Would you, um… Would you be willing to use it in front of me? Like, now?”

Nancy looked up at him in surprise, her eyebrows raised. “You want to…?”

“Yeah. Unless you don’t want to?” he added hurriedly. 

“No, I do. It’s just that… Well, I’m not wearing anything fancy or sexy,” she said, plucking at her tank top. 

“Looks sexy to me,” he told her gravely, and he was rewarded with a smile from Nancy. 

“Okay, then… Clear off the bed, and let’s go,” she teased, putting a deliberate sway in her hips as she walked back to the bed.

Ned grabbed his suitcase and hurriedly zipped it up before setting it on the floor. After he had tossed the rest of the items off the comforter, carefully setting her laptop on the desk across the room, he pulled back the covers and gestured for her to get into bed. 

Nancy smiled and bent down to get out the lube before following his request.   She wriggled her hips to get her shorts off, leaving her in a little cotton thong and the tank top. After hastily shucking his shirt and jeans Ned lay on his side in his boxers, propping himself up on one elbow as he prepared to watch her. 

She slipped one hand beneath the thong, gently rubbing herself. Ned heard her breathing quicken slightly and watched her nipples tighten between the thin cotton of her top, and he became even more aroused.  Biting her lip, she slid down the panties and kicked them off before reaching for the lube and the toy from her nightstand.  After opening her legs, Nancy clicked on the toy and placed the tongue-like spokes against her clit, which was already darkening. 

“Mmm,” she sighed, her eyes drifting closed.  Ned was struck by just how sexy she looked as she worked the toy over her sensitive flesh.  He slid his hand into the opening of his boxers to start stroking his erection. 

“Good, baby?”  he whispered. 

“Umm hmmm,” she moaned, her hips pistoning, her eyes still closed.  Suddenly, she reached for the hem of her tank top and pulled it over her head in one motion, leaving her completely naked. 

“Can I...?” Ned asked softly, as his hand gently moved up her ribcage towards her bare breasts. He couldn’t remember being this tentative with her in bed since they had first started fooling around years ago. 

Her eyes flew open and she stared glassily at his face. “Yes,” she said in a low voice. 

Ned moved his hand to one of her breasts, gently plucking at the erect nipple with his thumb and index finger. She sighed with pleasure as he moved his head down and took her other nipple into his mouth, sucking lightly. 

“That feels good,” she told him, giggling slightly. 

He released her nipple and smiled at her, aware of her eyes still on his face. “I’m glad you like it,” he told her solemnly before sucking on her other nipple. 

Nancy opened her legs wider and let out a breathy moan as she increased the speed of the vibrator.  The sight of her pleasuring herself and the noises she was making were getting him even harder. 

“You look so beautiful right now,” Ned told her in a low voice. 

She blushed, shifting so he could see her better. “You’re just saying that.”

He shook his head. “You look gorgeous. A little too thin,” his fingers walked over her rib cage, “but gorgeous.”

“You’re sweet,” she said, and he could tell that she was touched by his words. 

“Baby, if you want, I could use my tongue there instead of you having to use the toy?” he proposed, a gleam in his eye. 

She panted as her hips surged upwards. “Yeah?” she asked teasingly. “This toy’s pretty damn good, I have to say.”

“Yeah, but I’m better, Nan.” He grabbed her hand and took the toy from her hand, tossing it onto the nightstand before diving face-first between her legs.  He grabbed her shins and placed them over his shoulders, licking her clit in slow, deliberate strokes. 

“Oh fuck _yeah_ , that’s _good_ ,” she panted.  “Just like that. Fuck, you _are_ better than that wheel.”

Ned chuckled, kissing her clit before flicking his tongue back and forth over it. “That’s because your pussy tastes delicious, baby.  Hot,” he licked, “juicy,” another lick, “and delicious.”

She gripped his hair and tugged, tilting her head back and letting out a loud, thin cry of delight. “Mmm, Ned— _soooo_ fucking good.” 

He continued to eat her out with great relish, savoring her reaction and the feel of her nails, now digging into his shoulders.  When he slipped his fingers between her legs as he ran his tongue over her, she came with a loud scream.  

“Fuck yes, “she repeated over and over before collapsing back against the mattress.

\--

Nancy couldn’t believe it. Not only had he taken the bait with the toy—which she truly hadn’t meant to leave out on the counter—but he also had just gone down on her for the first time in ages.  He had been so sweet and tentative that it had reminded her of when they had first started fooling around as kids.  Back then, the sight of her naked would render him speechless, and he would ask before touching her almost reverentially. 

She was brought back to the present by the sight of Ned grinning down at her. “Baby, do you want to…” He raised his eyebrows meaningfully.

Nancy smiled back. “Fuck? Make love?” she asked teasingly, though she really wanted to know what his answer would be. 

“Nan, whenever we’re fucking, it’s like we’re making love,” Ned replied, brushing his lips against hers and tweaking one of her nipples. 

“Good answer,” she teased.  

Being with Ned like this made her feel even guiltier about her night with Ben at the club.  As did the gorgeous set of wind chimes he had given her – when he had first presented her with the gift wrapped box, she had wanted to roll her eyes at the idea of yet another fancy bauble that was meant for her to show it off. But the fact that he had bought something so personal had really touched her. 

Ned was still stroking her nipple with his fingertips and looking at her quizzically. “Yeah, I would like to fuck,” she told him, lifting her head up to give him a deep kiss. She could taste herself on his tongue. 

“Good,” he told her, his smile widening. “Because watching and hearing that just made me hard as hell and I have been dying to get inside of you.”

“Then come on and fuck me, Nickerson,” she invited him. 

Ned reached down and grabbed her ankles, pushing them up and out so that she was fully open to him, staring down at the flesh between her legs as if he were studying her. 

“Please,” she asked in a low voice. 

“You want me?” he asked, but it seemed to be a genuine question, and not a cocky way to get her to beg for him.

Nancy nodded wordlessly, letting out a stuttering cry of pleasure as he pushed into her, fully sheathing himself. 

“Like that, Drew?” he panted. 

“Fuck yeah, like that,” she replied, digging her nails into his firm, muscular back. 

Ned began thrusting hard, pinning her between the mattress and his hips. She sighed, enjoying the feel of him inside of her after so long without it. Before, the idea of them living in the same house and sleeping in the same bed without having sex would have been laughable; now, fucking him like this seemed like the exception, rather than the norm. 

She shook her head, reminding herself to focus on having sex with him rather than focusing on how they hadn’t been having sex. 

Suddenly, he pulled out, and Nancy let out a sound of protest. “Ned,” she whined. “Baby, it felt so good!”

“I know,” he panted into her ear. “But I wanted you on top.”

Nancy shook her head. “Baby, I want us to make love like this,” she told him. “I love the feel of your weight on top of me.”

“But I want to see you, my beautiful Nancy,” he replied lightly. “Please?”

She grumbled playfully as he rolled onto his back and gently moved her on top of him, but his words melted her. She couldn’t even remember the last time he’d complimented her without being prompted to do so. 

Nancy raised herself on her knees and slowly sank down on his erect cock, hissing as he filled her.  She began to ride him, parting her knees even farther apart as she leaned backwards and propped herself upon her hands. 

“You look sexy as hell right now,” Ned told her, taking one hand to stroke her clit.  The feel of his fingers inside of her was unbelievable; it was even better when he used his other hand to play with her nipples. 

“Ned, this is incredible,” she whimpered. “You feel so good inside of me.”

“I missed you,” he murmured, so low that she thought she had imagined it.  “I missed this.”

She smiled, her eyes unexpectedly pricking with tears. “I missed you, too,” she replied softly. 

Ned’s hips surged upwards, slamming deeper inside of her, and Nancy cried out with pleasure. “Yes God Yes! Oh yes!” When he rubbed her clit even harder, her orgasm broke and she arched her back as she continued to ride him, her inner thighs and knees aching with the effort. 

He growled as she felt him spend himself inside of her, one hand wrapped around her hip so hard that his fingers were almost bruising her skin.  After a few more weak thrusts, he sank down and pulled her on top of him. 

They lay there for a few minutes, panting and spent, as he stroked her hair. Nancy felt so relaxed and content that she didn’t want to move. 

Ned shifted her slightly but still didn’t push her away. “Baby, there is no one like you,” he told her, his voice husky. 

His words simultaneously pleased her and caused her guilt to grow. “And you’re the only one for me,” she told him, and in that moment, she meant it without a doubt or a hesitation.  If he were always this affectionate and tender with her, the way he used to be, then there would be no distance or bitterness or anger between them. 

She giggled when she heard his stomach grumble beneath hers. “Did I work up your appetite, Nickerson?”

He chuckled, swatting her on the rear. “You did, baby.”

She propped herself up on her hands to look down at him. “Well, I just so happened to buy some ribeye steaks earlier today – I thought that maybe some hot guy might stop by for dinner.”

“Ribeyes? Why, those happen to be my favorite steaks!” he exclaimed playfully, tugging at a lock of her hair. 

“What a coincidence! And I don’t suppose you like corn on the cob or potatoes Lyonnaise, too?”

Ned laughed. “That _is_ a coincidence! Hey, could you use some help grilling the steaks?”

“Well, if I got help, maybe I’d be more inclined to come up here later on and do this another time or three?” she offered, gesturing towards their naked bodies, a wicked gleam in her eye.

Just then, Ned’s cell phone buzzed from inside of the pocket of his jeans, which were lying on the floor.  _Shit,_ she thought dismayed. _Here we go again._

He raised his head but made no move to get up. “Do you have to get that?” Nancy asked quietly.

Ned paused, clearly deliberating. He shocked her when he shook his head. “Nah – they can wait, Nan. It’s been entirely too long since we’ve had some uninterrupted time together.”

Her heart soared with delight. “Thank you,” she said simply. 

He smiled. “Thank you – for getting my favorite stuff for dinner, and for giving me an incredible welcome home.” His phone buzzed again, but again he ignored it. 

Nancy reluctantly scrambled off of him, crouching to the floor to pull on the clothing she had discarded earlier. “Let me go on downstairs to get things started, okay?”

“Be down in a minute, baby,” Ned told her, moving to a sitting position. 

Nancy smiled at him before walking downstairs, a definite spring to her step. She didn’t know how long this would last, but she was so happy to have the old Ned back that she didn’t want to think about anything else beside the rest of their evening together. 

\--

The minute that he heard Nancy’s footsteps on the stairs, Ned pushed himself to the edge of the bed and leaned down to grab his jeans. He felt around for the pocket and pulled out his cell phone. 

One missed call from one of his clients, and one missed text from Carly. He listened to the voicemail, deciding that it could actually wait until tomorrow morning, and then brought up the message from Carly.

_Don’t worry about last night – I understand. U R not ready. But it was sooo good to c u & spend time with u, Mr. N.  You’re an incredible dancer & u looked so sexy last night. Call me l8r?_

Ned shook his head and erased the text.  Last night had been a huge mistake, one he didn’t want to repeat. Spending the night with Nancy, no cell phones or emails, would help him to remember just how much he loved his wife, and just how much he didn’t want to jeopardize his marriage. 

He threw on his clothing and padded downstairs, suddenly anxious to see Nancy’s face again. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter by ndnickerson.

Ned's eyes opened and he immediately recoiled from the sunlight spilling through the parted curtains, his hands jerking as he brought them to his face. His fingertips traced over stubble and dried sweat; one thumb swiped under his nose, but no trace of blood lingered there when he glanced down at his hand.

Blood. In the dream, a thin trickle of blood had gathered to pool above his upper lip—

Ned groaned as he pulled himself to sitting. He was alone in the hotel bed, and his head was vibrating, pounding like the inside of a bass drum. A glass was tipped over on the nightstand; beads of water still shimmered on the alarm clock, the numbers on its face flashing red and incorrect, and his watch was in a gleaming pool. He snarled a curse and snatched for his watch, hissing when the movement made his headache swell and rattle like a livid bruised fist.

He didn't remember what time he had gone to sleep. The last message on his cell phone bore Carly's name, and he read it in her voice.

_U need 2 unwind, sexy. 2nite? Say yes._

He hadn't responded, although he had to check his outgoing messages to make sure. He deleted that message and the rest Carly had sent him, then flopped back on the bed, groaning as the pounding became more insistent.

Nancy hadn't left him a message, text, voice, or otherwise. She had barely blinked when he had told her he would be working long hours on the newest project. Her voice had been flat and forceful when she had said he just couldn't forget about the appointment.

The fucking appointment. The motherfucking appointment.

Ned flushed with anger again, pulling himself out of bed and to the shower. While he waited for the spray to warm he drank two glasses of water from the bathroom tap, standing naked.

The goddamn appointment.

He reached over into the tub and twirled the handle the other way, until the water could at best be called tepid, then stepped underneath, washing off the sweat and grit of sleep. His pores radiated alcohol. And that had been another thing she had been on his fucking case about—

He downed four aspirin as soon as he dried himself off, gulping the water down before drawing another cup and chasing with that. Even after he had brushed his teeth twice, his tongue still felt thick, almost furred, and his hands responded only when they wished. The fleur-de-lis pattern in the bathroom wallpaper, the abstract patterns in the dark gold-veined granite countertop, the neat line of stitching at the top of the shower curtain, all those things seemed far more interesting than finishing his shaving.

For the first week after his return from the Catalina retreat, Nancy had seemed to be watching him, and the ease they had found with each other the night of his return had vanished. The next time he had been offered coke, he had refused, smiling thinly when the other guys taunted him for it. Then Kesey had said something about how Ned wanted to see if Carly was still as good when he wasn't high, and Ned had flipped him off, provoking another laugh, even as his blood went cold.

They knew. They all knew. And it didn't matter what he said—he had left the room with Carly that night, and as far as they were concerned, that was just as much an admission of guilt as anything else.

The second time he had done coke, they had been pulling an all-nighter to get a massive North American campaign finished and the proofs out to the customer, and the scotch and bourbon had taken their toll. Ned had limited himself to a single hit, remembering how awful his guilt and depression had been after the line. The hit had perked him right up, gotten him through the last major push—and then the comedown had smacked him on the way home. He had pulled over, waiting until he could get his breathing under control, until his eyes weren't quite so glassy, until his wife wouldn't see in his face what he had been doing.

He had been pulled over by the cops after his fourth time, and since his record was clean, he had found a great lawyer who had agreed to send the bills to his office instead of his home address and accused the police of using a miscalibrated breathalyzer. He'd had the charge reduced to a wet reckless, although his lawyer had been very careful to warn him that the charge would automatically convert to a DUI if he was pulled over and blew over the legal limit again. And Nancy would totally lose her shit if he was ticketed for a DUI, Ned knew.

But the coke made him feel _better_ , more focused, more energetic. More awake, more _alive_. Of course she couldn't understand that. She'd bought some goddamn ovulation tests and for the three days of the month she was sweet to him, it was so she could curl up in the fetal position after she rolled off him, and he heard the echo of it, _making sure your sperm don't get lost..._

And that was the point of the goddamn fucking doctor's appointment, and he knew that. Making sure that he wasn't the reason she hadn't yet gotten pregnant, when Ned was positive it wasn't him. He was fine. He had always been fine. It was the stress of her goddamn job—

Ned shook his head and considered calling her, just to avoid another fight later, but slipped his phone back into his pants pocket before putting on his jacket. If he heard that cold sanctimonious voice telling him that he _had_ to be at that goddamn appointment tomorrow morning, he wouldn't be responsible for what he did afterward.

\--

"Are you sure?"

"You kidding, Red? Give me half an hour, forty-five minutes tops, and I'll be there. Bells on."

Nancy chuckled when she hung up the phone, then checked her reflection in the mirror over the bathroom sink. While eating dinner with Ben the night before she had limited herself to a single glass of wine, and her gaze was clear. Her ruched blue top matched her eyes, and she had paired it with a short-sleeved grey suit. All the better to look like an eager PA at the studio. She slipped into her pumps, applied a spritz of perfume, and she was ready to go.

Ben's eyes lit up in approval when he saw her powder-blue Mercedes parked outside the precinct house, and when he slid into the seat beside her, Nancy's lips turned up in a welcoming smile. "Must be nice to have that greeting you every morning."

"It's not half bad," she told him, her voice light, shifting into gear and pressing firmly on the pedal until both of them were forced backward in their seats. She chuckled just a little, and Ben's gaze lingered on her.

Nancy would have lost her mind if not for Ben. The closer the time came to the six-month deadline she had given Ned, the more frantic she felt, the more impatient to get the hell out of Los Angeles—and the more hostile Ned seemed to be. He had sworn he was sorry for missing the first OB/GYN appointment. Then she had scheduled another, but his work commitments had meant she had to reschedule that one three times. The receptionist had cautioned Nancy that the doctor had a very busy schedule and if she didn't make it to the appointment they had scheduled for tomorrow, she might have to find another doctor.

And every damn time she had reminded Ned about it, he had snarled at her. He didn't see _why_ they had to go to a doctor at all; they were fine, nothing was wrong with them.

And they only had a month left before she would be leaving for Chicago, anyway. But that was just it. _She_ would be leaving for Chicago.

A part of her was afraid Ned wouldn't be with her when she did.

She tried to tell herself she was overreacting, that he was just working on a lot of big projects—a German company had chosen Ned's firm to represent their new compact electric vehicle in the North American market, they were doing some spec work to attract a major video game software developer—but it seemed like every time she had asked if they could spend some time together, he was working on another one. She had given up on asking. The only time she had been at all insistent was when she was ovulating, and even then it had felt like she couldn't get off him fast enough, that he couldn't wait to get back to his fucking cell phone.

One of these days she was going to pick up his goddamn cell phone and smash it under one of her stiletto heels, probably on that flagstone path around the pool he had been so proud of, the pool she had spent all of forty-five minutes in during the last month, none of them with him.

"So what exactly is the plan for today?"

Nancy blinked once, returning to the present—and the stream of endless congestion on the Five. "I thought you'd flash your badge around and get a look at the sign-in sheets," she told him. "I'll just scout around in the trailers, maybe chat up the guards. Quick and easy."

"Quick and easy enough for us to go by West 412?"

Nancy made a face at him. "How is it you can look like _that_ ," she asked, glancing down at his flat stomach, "when you never seem to stop eating?"

"Superior genes," Ben smirked, stroking his palm slowly over his washboard abs. "Plus, it takes some serious stamina to keep up with you, Red."

The words themselves were innocent enough, but a small flush rose from Nancy's neck in the way he said it. She hadn't brought up the night she had seen his friend's band play again, or the apologetic voicemail he had left on her phone, but they seemed to have reached some sort of wordless understanding anyway. She didn't mind if he flirted with her; in all honesty, she was just happy that at least someone was. And he was harmless.

"Speaking of, how's the flasher case going?"

Nancy made an even less pleased face at him, even though a glow was prickling over her skin. Ben actually remembered what cases she was working on, and was eager to talk them over with her. She couldn't remember the last time Ned had shown any interest in her work other than to criticize the fact that she was working at all. And she couldn't let herself think about _that_ , or she would just start fuming. "It would help a lot if any of the witnesses could agree on basic stuff like hair or eye color—"

"Or dick size," Ben joked, draping his arm along the line of the window. He looked very much at ease in her car, his sunglasses on, his chin tilted whenever he glanced over at her. Nancy's thumb brushed the head of the gearshift and another slow blush began to creep up her neck.

No. _No._ She definitely wasn't going to think about that one particular car ride out to the Hamptons, Ned's warm fingers stroking between her legs, hot breath on her skin, not right now, not with Ben sitting beside her.

"Or that," Nancy said, keeping her voice even as she shifted in her seat and skillfully maneuvered the car into an opening in the next lane of traffic.

They talked over their current workloads, and then Ben casually mentioned that Jake's band would be playing a set at the Bowery in a couple of weeks. "I'm sure they'll be fantastic," Nancy said sincerely as she steered the car into a visitor's parking space outside the studio.

"I'm sure they will too," Ben said, and then his voice dropped, went a little more husky. "Although I have to say, part of the fun last time was the company."

Nancy took a deep breath, flipping down her vanity mirror to check her makeup, so she could avoid meeting his eyes. "Well, let's get in there and get this over with."

"Hey," Ben said, and touched her arm. "You seem a little... off, Drew."

She shrugged, averting her gaze. "Got that appointment tomorrow," she said, keeping her tone easy as she reached for the handle of her car door. "Just a little distracted. Don't want any bad news."

"I can tell you what the doc's going to say," Ben said easily as he slid out of the car, pushing his sunglasses up the bridge of his nose. "That you need to eat a sandwich or five. Speaking of, if you and the 'husband,'" he made air quotes around the word, "don't have any plans tonight, how about I take you out, make sure you eat? It's in my job description, that I make sure gorgeous redheads don't develop eating disorders on my watch."

"Oh, is that part of the swearing-in ceremony?"

Ben held up three fingers. "Scout's honor," he said, then lightly cupped her elbow as they walked up to the gate. Her skin tingled traitorously at the contact. "Seriously. You know you're dying to try that Thai place again."

It was tempting. It really was tempting. Nancy felt like she and Ned had eaten dinner together recently, but she could remember nothing about it, not the date, not what they had eaten—not since their dinner of steaks and corn and potatoes while she had been feeling so fucking guilty for that near-kiss from Ben the night he had taken her out. _And for what?_ she asked herself. _I eat dinner with Ben at least four times a week now and Ned couldn't give a fuck. Too busy kissing ass at his fucking job to give a shit._

"It is tempting," she told him. "I might have to take a raincheck, though. Gotta check with the 'husband.'"

Ben nodded at her left hand. "You gonna take those off? Might have better luck chatting up the guards if they don't think you're hitched."

The diamond ring and wedding band on her left hand certainly hadn't dampened Ben's enthusiasm, that was for sure. She paused for a second before she slowly worked them off, slipping them into her pocket, and she had to be imagining the slight curve to his lips after.

\--

_Beautiful American girls._

Ned had learned a few phrases in certain languages, the major ones for his clients, and that was one of them. _Beautiful American girls._ He didn't blame them, not at all. He also didn't mention it to Nancy, at least not when he could help it.

The strip club itself was pretty upscale. It wasn't the most expensive one Ned had ever visited, but it was close. The girls looked almost burnished in the low light, smooth skin, miles of tanned leg, the swelled curves of their breasts boosted to prominence by lace or sequined or mesh bras. Three members of Ned's team tagged along, their eyes already gleaming with delight as they looked at the women, lean limbs wrapped around the poles, darkened lashes low, plush deep-hued lips parted. Ned called for a round of expensive scotch, setting up a tab on the corporate credit card, and the group took seats near the stage, gazes fixed on the taut flesh on display above them. Ned let his own eyes wander over the girls, the exotic and the commonplace dancers. The German businessmen were dressed well and were relatively conspicuous, and Ned smiled indulgently when they were slowly surrounded by scantily-clad women offering lap dances and private parties, trips to the VIP room, champagne packages.

He didn't really care about any of them, although his exhaustion was starting to come back as the liquor washed warm down his esophagus, low in his belly. With his next drink he ordered a Red Bull, fully aware that it wasn't what he wanted. He grimaced at his first sip of the energy drink.

"I'm flattered," purred a sultry female voice Ned easily recognized. He turned to see Carly in the seat beside his, her legs crossed. That seat had been vacant as recently as thirty seconds before. She wore a black and gold dress, the skirt tight over her hips and thighs, emphasizing the shape of her hourglass figure, the generous curve of her breasts. "And a little jealous."

"Oh?"

Carly ran her fingers through her hair so it tumbled in loose messy curls down her back, arching to emphasize her breasts. "Thought you were pretending you're a good boy," she murmured, her lips pursed in a mock pout. "And yet here you are, staring at all the T and A on display."

Ned took another slug of the Red Bull, then graced her with a mock leer. "Not all of it," he teased her, raising his eyebrow.

Carly reached up to adjust the split shoulder of her dress, then traced her fingertip down from her collarbone to the valley of her decolletage. Of its own volition, Ned found his gaze following it; when he tore his gaze away, a small smile curved Carly's generous lips. "I'll make you a bet," she told him, her eyes a little brighter. "Pick any girl in here and I'll bet you that I'm hotter than she is naked."

"That's an interesting bet," Ned said, reaching for the energy drink again. He was beginning to feel just a little bit on edge, a little bit dangerous. "If I took you up on it, how the hell would we settle it?"

"Oh, that's easy." Carly leaned in and placed her lips just barely against Ned's ear. "The three of us would have to go back to my place and strip so you could judge." He felt something brush against his earlobe, and shivered when he caught himself wondering if it had been Carly's tongue. "And I'd love it if you picked out a redhead—their pussies always taste so sweet."

Ned didn't realize his fingers were closing hard around the aluminum energy drink can until he heard it crunch quietly. He took a long deep breath. "Really," he murmured, his voice husky.

God, just _being_ around Carly made Ned practically itch with frustration. She made him feel like his skin was too tight; she made him feel like his brain was sizzling, like he was dangerous, miles away from the sweet, naive guy who had followed Nancy Drew around like some whipped puppy dog, swearing fidelity while she made out with almost every hot guy she met...

"And I bet you know it, too," Carly murmured, and when she turned a little her breast brushed against his arm. "Or do you want to find out tonight, handsome."

Ned swallowed hard, sliding a few inches away from her without answering, but he could still feel the heat of her body radiating against his skin.

He included Carly when he ordered the next round, and two rounds after that, half the client representatives were enjoying individual attention from strippers; one even had two girls on his lap, one straddling each leg, and he looked like the happiest bastard Ned had ever seen. Carly's hand landed warm against Ned's knee, her fingertips trailing lightly up against his thigh, and he knew he needed to pick up her hand and move it, needed to shake his head, but for fuck's sake she was here for _him_ , paying _him_ attention, and there was no fucking way his wife would walk through the club and do this kind of thing to him—

He had a sudden flash of his wife in stilettos and a trenchcoat, saw the fabric parting to reveal the miniscule red mesh bra and thong underneath, how warm her flesh had been as he had ripped her panties off and boosted her against the car, the moonlight turning her skin a pale near-blue—

Carly's fingertips slowed as they traced up his inner thigh, perilously close to his groin, and when Ned glanced up her dark eyes were intense, dancing wickedly, staring straight into his. His cock was already half-hard and he didn't know if it was from the sensation of Carly's fingertips or the memory of Nancy on her knees in front of him—

God, he couldn't remember the last time Nancy had sucked him off.

Carly took a handful of his shirt in her grip and tugged. "Come with me," she murmured, her voice low and sultry, and it was only when they were halfway to the back of the club that he began wondering if he should turn back—but the thought was fleeting, and carried absolutely no urgency whatsoever.

Her heels. Her fucking heels. His gaze dragged up from her ankles, and he found himself wanting to run his fingertips up the curve of her calves, to hook his fingertips in the hem of her skirt, and shook his head. She tossed her hair; the warm, deep vanilla scent of her perfume reached him and he breathed it in.

Desire. That was what it was. Pure fucking desire every time he was around Carly.

And Nancy, God, she was frantic when he was buried between her legs but it wasn't for _him_ , it was for his seed, for a pregnancy, for that last fucking _excuse_.

Ned's heart sped up in anticipation when Carly led him into the women's bathroom, then shut them into a stall. He glanced down at the small sequined clutch she carried, and his adam's apple bobbed up and down.

She arched an eyebrow up. "Thought you might want to party a little tonight," she murmured, and pulled a compact out of her purse. "Got a dollar?"

Ned dug in his pocket and pulled out a crisp one, then started to roll it up tightly. Carly shook her head. "Just fold it in half," she advised. "Tight."

Then she reached between her breasts and pulled out a small baggie containing the fine white powder, undoubtedly warm from her flesh. Instead of carefully depositing it onto the mirror, though, she glanced up at him, her eyes sparkling.

"You think this is free?"

He shook his head. "N-no," he murmured, glancing from her eyes back down to the baggie. He knew he wasn't addicted, knew he could quit whenever he wanted, because he hadn't ever bought his own hit; he'd only taken what others had offered.

_And then the Lynx project came along and Kesey started joking about 8-balls..._

Carly tilted her head. "It'll cost you a kiss, Ned."

Ned's stomach flipped, and his mouth went dry. He could turn it down. He should turn her down.

But he didn't _want_ to. And it was just a fucking kiss; Nancy had done more, far more, when she was flirting with other guys, and...

The elation he felt at the prospect was threaded with some darkness he couldn't quite identify as he leaned forward and brushed his lips against Carly's cheek. She turned her head and her soft lips glanced against the edge of his before he straightened, her breath warm and sweet against his skin. His groin ached in response.

Carly gave him a pretty pout. "Well, that was _barely_ enough, but I'll let it go. _This_ time." She handed him the mirror and opened the baggie, then deftly split the powder into four slender lines.

It wasn't a big deal. It wasn't a big fucking deal. It wasn't. A slight tremor went through his hand as he began to work the dollar bill into a tight, compact roll.

Carly went first, finishing with another sniffle, leaving two lines for him. Her eyes were already brighter as she handed him the dollar, her fingertips brushing his. God, she looked fucking sexy, so fucking sexy.

He was better with it. He was _better_.

And once it kicked in, everything was fucking _bright_ and gorgeous, especially Carly. Ned ordered another round and proposed a toast, grinning, his nose burning, and the clients and Ned's team members all joined in with a drunken cheer. He ordered another Red Bull with a shot and his heart started feeling like it was going to triphammer out of his chest, his mouth dry as hell.

The party broke up not too much later, and Ned made sure the client representatives were safely on the way back to their hotel when Carly laced her fingers through his. "Mind taking me home, handsome?" she asked, her eyes wide and innocent.

"Your car?"

She shook her head. "Took a cab here," she said, then grinned. "Come on, I'm on your way home anyway. Unless you don't want to go home _quite_ yet."

That was incredibly tempting, but Ned shook his head. "Gotta go home," he told her, his voice almost mockingly mournful. "Got an appointment tomorrow. Can't make her mad."

"Definitely can't make her mad," Carly said solemnly, then led him out to the parking lot. "You okay to drive?"

"Hell yeah," Ned told her, clicking the unlock button on his keyfob, gesturing for her to get into his car. "I feel—I feel _perfect_."

"I'm sure you do," she said, shooting him a wide grin. " _Mmmmm._ Fuck, it never gets old, does it."

Ned shook his head as he turned the key in the ignition. "It really doesn't," he agreed. He felt _amazing_. Fucking amazing as shit.

"You been to France?" Carly asked as she fiddled with the controls on the Mercedes' air conditioning unit.

"Mmm. Yeah," Ned said, squinting as he pulled up at a stoplight. Fucking slowpokes. The speed limit on this road was way too fucking low. "You?"

"A few times."

"You like it?"

"Oh, _God_ yes," Carly said, stretching, and Ned glanced over to see her breasts straining against her dress. His gaze only returned to the road in front of him when a horn bleated from behind them, indicating that it was past time for him to proceed. "My friends Larry and Adam are headed over there for a few months and they've left this fucking _amazing_ downtown apartment behind. You'd love it." She glanced over at him. "It's got a big Jacuzzi and everything."

"Mmmm," Ned said, his lips curving up.

Carly had just opened her mouth to say something else when Ned swerved into the next lane. A handful of seconds later, blue strobe lights were flashing in his rearview mirror.

"Shit," Ned snarled. "Holy fucking _shit_."

"Just pull over," Carly said, then giggled.

"You don't get it," Ned replied, and it felt like his entire body was flushed. "This'll be my second one—my fucking _license_ will be suspended..."

Ned brought the car to a stop, pounding his fist on the steering wheel, frowning deeply. Carly glanced over her shoulder at the cop as he brought the cruiser to a stop.

Then she jerked her chin up. "Switch seats with me."

"Carly—"

She shook her head. "We only have a second. Shut up and do it."

Switching seats was easier said than done, and before he was settled in the passenger seat, Carly's dress had ridden almost entirely up, revealing black lace at her hips. They hastily smoothed down their clothes, buckling themselves in, and she distributed breath mints between them.

Then Carly reached down, shoving the left side of her dress down, pushing the sleeve down her arm, and pulled her breast above the cup of a lace-trimmed black bustier.

Brown. Her nipple was brown.

Ned's gaze jerked straight ahead when the cop tapped on the glass. She shot him a wide grin, then fumbled for the window controls. Ned almost groaned aloud.

The patrolman cleared his throat. "Uh, license and registration."

Carly glanced down and giggled at her exposed breast, leaning over to check in the glove compartment for the registration, and she was so, so close to him, close enough to touch. She snapped open a leather wallet and withdrew her driver's license. "I'm sorry," she told the cop breathlessly. "I know I might've been driving a little weird, but it's my _boyfriend's_ fault," she said, whipping her head in his direction to pin him with a mock glare. "He just couldn't wait until we got home to start taking my clothes off."

Ten minutes later Carly was pulling back onto the highway, smoothly shifting gears as she headed toward their houses. The cop had let her off with a strict admonition to drive more carefully—and to wait until they were home to start feeling each other up. Ned shook his head in admiration, slipping the registration back into the glove compartment.

"You're fucking amazing."

" _And_ amazing at fucking," she shot right back, her eyebrow raised. "And something about how wet I am right now tells me you probably are too."

Ned let out a startled cough. Her dress was still half down her arm, her breast barely tucked back into the bustier.

"So Adam and Larry are looking for someone to sublet their apartment," Carly continued, checking the sideview mirror before she pulled into the next lane, making sure to signal. "Like I said, it's for a few months, in the city. I thought it sounded perfect for you."

"Oh?"

"Yeah—no need to drive home after a little party night like tonight," Carly said, shooting him a meaningful grin. "No need for the party to _end_. A ton of the guys I know have places in the city to stay when they're working; gives them some time and space to themselves, to unwind... to entertain friends."

"Mmm," Ned murmured, not trusting himself to speak. God, Nancy would probably love it. He wouldn't be waking her up when he slid into bed at 3 a.m.; he wouldn't be disturbing her on mornings he had to get up and out at 5:30. A little place for himself, a place where he could entertain, since Nancy had said so vehemently that she had absolutely no intention of ever playing hostess and entertaining his work colleagues.

She could be such a fucking bitch sometimes. So goddamn uptight. If she just took _one_ hit, maybe she would understand that it was nothing to be afraid of. People had taken it totally legally before it was outlawed, and it was amazing...

And God, he could just imagine how Carly would love playing hostess to other clients or members of his team. Could just see her in some impossibly tiny bikini, sliding into the bubbling water, her dark eyes intent on his—

Carly pulled his car to a stop in front of her house. "I owe you," Ned said gravely. "Seriously. What you did back there..."

She gave him a smile. "Hey. I couldn't let you get in trouble," she told him. "But you have _got_ to come inside for a few minutes."

Ned frowned. "Carly—"

She raked her hair out of her face. "You are _clearly_ not quite sober enough to drive," she told him. "Some coffee will take the edge off."

"One coffee," Ned said grudgingly, after a very long period of deliberation.

Carly giggled as she led the way up the front walk of her house, keying in. As soon as they were inside, Ned glanced around. The house was clearly a remodeled bungalow, but the architectural and design elements seemed to date back to the early days of the city. Bold abstract paintings decorated the walls, and the floors gleamed. Carly's living room was tastefully appointed in sleek neutral furniture; a large grand fireplace served as the centerpiece.

Carly reached behind her and unzipped her gown, then turned to face Ned as her dress pooled on the floor at her feet.

Ned swallowed hard, and a moment later remembered how to take a step backward. "Uh—coffee," he said, his voice almost strangled.

"Just thought I'd get... comfortable first," she said, and drew one fingertip up her outer thigh. "Is this making you... _un_ comfortable, Ned?" The tanned tops of her breasts rose and fell with her every breath, each time coming a hair's breadth from popping entirely out of the bustier.

Ned cleared his throat. "I... I can go through a drive-thru," he mumbled.

Carly scowled. "Oh, don't be a baby," she said, turning.

Fucking thigh-high stockings. She wore fucking thigh-high stockings and a garter belt.

She was right. He hadn't quite come down enough yet, and he couldn't risk being pulled over again. She was just being nice, offering him the coffee. She was.

She propped her hand on her hip as they waited for the coffee, and Ned was very aware of her gaze lingering on him—and his body's damn physical reaction to her proximity and that very provocative outfit.

She looked absolutely fucking gorgeous. And now that he had seen one bare breast, he wanted to know what it would feel like. He wanted to know what her skin tasted like, what kind of noises she would make if he drew those damned panties down and swirled his tongue around her clit—

"You deserve it, Ned."

Ned started guiltily, glancing up at Carly's face. "Hmm?"

"To have your own place," Carly said, raising an eyebrow. "To have your privacy; to be able to do what you want, what you need." She stepped in close to him. "A smart wife would see that you're unhappy, that giving you your space will only help." She touched his shoulder.

"But," he said softly, his dark eyes searching hers.

"But what," she said, equally softly, meeting his gaze. "What are you afraid of, Ned?"

God, her skin was so incredibly warm.

The spell was broken when the timer went off, indicating that his coffee was ready. Ned took the cup and blew on it to cool it, then took a large gulp, wincing as it burned down his throat. He finished the dark, rich brew as quickly as he could, then thanked Carly three more times, heading for her front door.

"Don't forget, Nickerson," she said, when his hand was on the doorknob, his right foot already out the door.

"Don't forget?"

Carly tossed her hair. "That you owe me," she said, her voice a sultry purr.

Ned swallowed hard. When he glanced back at her, she blew him a kiss, then closed her front door behind him.

It took Ned five full minutes to make sure he found every trace of Carly's lipstick and wiped it off, rolling down his car windows to make sure the lingering trace of her perfume evaporated, before he drove away, and only when he reached the end of her block did the front porch light wink out.

\--

Nancy woke up naked and alone in bed, the dried trace of seed between her thighs.

She opened her eyes and ran her hand through her hair, drawing in a deep breath. Her thighs still ached a little. The cotton shirt and shorts she had worn to bed were in a tangle by the bedside.

It had been late when Ned had come in; it had been later when he had finally come to bed, drawing her from the shallow slumber she had regained after he had keyed in. Coffee and spearmint and scotch, some other faint scent had lingered on him, and he hadn't kissed her, not the whole time.

She saw fingermark bruises on her hip as she started the shower, waiting for the spray to warm before she stepped inside.

At least he had initiated, she told herself, brushing away a tear. At least he had joined her in bed and stayed with her. She hadn't come; he hadn't lasted long enough.

But he had spent himself inside her, and at least that was something.

After her shower she took a deep breath and went to her cell phone, pulling up her text messaging screen. Her stomach was tight with anxiety as she tapped her husband's avatar to send him a message.

She was afraid that if she didn't remind him, he wouldn't show. She was more afraid that if she _did_ remind him, he would only get pissed. Again.

Nancy settled on a message she hoped would remind him without implying that she fully expected him to have forgotten about the appointment. Or, worse, to have something “come up” that would prevent him from being there.

_Good morning, handsome._

Ned’s response came ten minutes later, while she was applying her makeup. _Morning. I’ll be there._

For a second grief tightened in her chest, and she looked away. But anger was easier. Anger was always easier.

She had hedged her bets and told him the appointment would start ten minutes before the actual time, and when Ned was eight minutes late and thus two minutes early for the appointment, Nancy bit the inside of her cheek. Her legs were crossed, one heel describing an arc in the air as she idly tapped her foot against empty space.

And of course he was fucking staring at his cell phone when he stepped into the reception area. A paper cup of coffee wrapped in an insulating sleeve was clenched in his other hand. His brown-eyed gaze swept the room, finally landing on her, and the smile on his face was perfunctory at best.

_He’s been at work, he has a lot going on,_ she told herself. The night before, when she had dropped Ben off at the precinct house, he had been telling her how unbelievably amazing she was—and yet again, how he would make sure a woman as amazing as she would never feel neglected. She had looked over at Ben when he was sliding out of the car, turning back to give her a little nod, and a wave of speechless, almost nauseating homesickness had swept over her. While Ben’s attention did make her almost guiltily giddy, she knew that he wasn’t what she wanted, not really. She wanted the man she had married in their hometown so long ago, the man who had looked at her with nothing but love in his eyes.

She never knew who was going to be lying beside her in the morning, if he was in the bed with her at all, and she couldn’t remember the last time her heart hadn’t clenched when she was waking, anxious, hoping that somehow it would all be better again, all be _good_ again.

It would be good once they were back in Illinois, back home. She had to believe that. She just had to get through the next few weeks and they would be okay again.

Nancy had just opened her mouth to greet him when the nurse opened the door beside the receptionist’s desk, a clipboard in her hands. “Nancy Nickerson?”

Nancy had selected a beige bra and a pair of white cotton panties trimmed in pink lace for her appointment. As she changed into the backless gown for her examination, she noticed Ned’s gaze flicking over her, and she hated how hard her heart beat in response. She all too well remembered times that just the sight of her like this would have him bent to her, one arm wrapped possessively around her waist…

She startled when the nurse came into the room to check her vitals. Ned’s attention returned wholly to his cell phone. As soon as her blood pressure, temperature, weight, lymph nodes, all the usual had been checked and noted, the nurse gave her a bright smile and said the doctor would be in to see them in a few minutes.

Ned's head was bent as he studied his cell phone's small screen. Nancy perched at the edge of the examination table, twisting her engagement ring around and around her finger. She couldn't stop staring at him.

She was trying to remember the last conversation they'd had, _really_ had, and she couldn't. They had been limiting themselves to short exchanges, _yes or no, later or not at all, not tonight. Not tonight._ She had tried her damnedest to not yell at him, even when she just wanted to grab him and shake him, because she was afraid that if the rage and fear in her didn't diminish, the arguments they had had when she had first moved out here to join him would pale in comparison to what would come out of her mouth.

She didn't know what he wanted; she didn't know how to be who he wanted anymore, who this version of him wanted, and she just wanted her best friend back. She wanted him back so much that the longing was palpable, so much that her fingers finally stilled on the ring and her sight blurred with tears, and then Ned glanced up at her.

Neither of them had time to say anything before the doctor walked in, even though Nancy was screaming the words in the privacy of her own head, her nails tightening against her palms as she realized that she couldn't say them. She _couldn't._ Because she knew what he would say.

_I'm the same, baby. The same as I always have been. And you haven't even tried._

Nancy quickly dashed a tear off her lower lashes and gave the doctor a smile. He returned it, sympathetically. "So, Mrs. Nickerson, Mr. Nickerson. Hope you're having a good morning."

Ned's smile looked bland and polite, but Nancy could see the contempt in his eyes for the fact that he even had to be here. He had made no secret of it. And she was supposed to just be happy that he had even shown up. She was supposed to just be happy that he was ever sharing her bed anymore, that he didn't spend _every_ night at the office.

"We'll see," Nancy said, forcing another smile.

The doctor glanced down at the clipboard in his hands. "Well, I see that you've lost some weight since your last visit—and I know how tempting it is when you're surrounded by women who could safely hide behind telephone poles, but your BMI is borderline right now."

Nancy looked down at her hands. Her wrists and collarbone were more pronounced than they had been, she had noticed, but her appetite had dwindled, especially lately. She had taken to pushing the food around on her plate when she was out with Ben just so he wouldn't insist on ordering another appetizer just to force-feed it to her—

"Mrs. Nickerson?"

Nancy glanced up, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. "Oh. Um, I'm sorry. I just haven't had much appetite... is there something I should be eating?"

"Other than a good multi-vitamin, I'd have to say probably just more of everything," the doctor said. "But, in the meantime, let's go ahead and run some tests. We'll start with a blood sample, and once we've tested your hormone levels, we have a variety of options. And today, if Mr. Nickerson agrees, we'll go ahead and collect the sample for a semen analysis."

Ned shrugged. "Sure," he said, rising.

"Hang on," the doctor said, glancing down at the clipboard again. "If you've been drinking in the past twenty-four hours, it might be a good idea for you to come in later and provide the sample." Nancy was just a little amazed that he managed to say it without averting his eyes or flushing. "It's no big deal, but it would change the results..."

"Well, I did have a few drinks last night," Ned said, crossing his arms.

_Are there nights you_ don't _have a few drinks?_ Nancy almost said aloud.

"So we'll just schedule the sample collection for the end of next week, if that works? You won't need to make a real appointment; you'll just be in and out."

"Sounds good," Ned said, sitting back down, his hand immediately on his cell phone again.

"So, let me just ask a few questions while I have you both here. At this point you've been trying to get pregnant for how many months?"

He took them through everything, asking how many times they were generally having sex per week or per month, whether they were routinely drinking, how much stress they were under. Ned bristled at the questions, and when he said that he had two or three drinks two or three times a week, Nancy almost pushed herself off the exam table and slapped him. She _knew_ he was drunk far more often than he'd said.

"My job's moderately stressful," Nancy told the doctor when he asked her. "Some times more than others."

Ned snorted, glancing up at her, but he didn't say anything.

The doctor said he would contact them for a follow-up visit once all the test results came back, and Nancy put her clothes back on after the examination and the collection of her blood sample. Ned stood by the door; he didn't even have to tap his foot to indicate his obvious impatience.

Nancy was fuming when she walked out of the doctor's office, into the parking lot. "Well, thanks a lot," she said sarcastically, her voice shaking as she glared over at him. "That was really helpful, what you did in there."

"You mean because now you know exactly what the problem is?" he replied, glancing up from his phone. "That it's your goddamn job?"

"My _job_?" she replied, her eyes widening. "You really want to pretend it's my _job_?"

"There's no _pretending_ ," he shot back. "You _routinely_ chase down dangerous people, come home all bruised and scraped up, but oh _no_ , _that's_ not stressful at all."

"And the fact that you're home maybe two nights a week isn't any part of it?"

"I'm working so hard so you don't _have to_!" he shouted back. "You could be at home, _safe_ , away from guys like Whitney, like _Eric_ , but _oh no_ , you won't do that—"

Nancy recoiled like she had been slapped at the mention of those names. "And that's what you've _always_ fucking wanted, isn't it," she shouted back. "You'd just fucking love it if I quit my job. Well, let me tell you—"

"Yeah, I _would_ ," he shot back, interrupting her. "Maybe then you wouldn't be so fucking _angry_ all the time."

Nancy raised her eyebrows. "You think I'm angry all the time?" she said, her voice almost eerily calm, only trembling slightly.

"I think it's stressing you out, yeah," he replied, swiping his thumb under his nose. "Besides, soon we definitely won't need your paycheck—"

Nancy stopped dead in the middle of the parking lot. She could feel her throat tightening. "What's _that_ supposed to mean."

Ned was quiet for a second, his jaw set. "I was told that I'm in consideration to take over Lindsey's job when she's promoted. It'll mean better money, baby."

Nancy opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Nothing could. She couldn't hear anything over the howling in her head, and a flush rose to take away the icy cold of her pale cheeks. "And you-you're actually— _considering_ it?" she finally managed to force out.

"I'd be an idiot _not_ to," he replied. "If I can get a VP slot by the time I'm thirty..."

She was hyperventilating. She was actually fucking hyperventilating. God, no. No. No. After all this time, on top of the desperation and impatience that had been building in her every single day they had lived in Los Angeles, _no_.

"And our agreement?" she said, her eyes pleading as she looked up at him. God, her heart, her heart _hurt._ "Going back to Illinois?"

"You mean when you get pregnant?" Ned's gaze hardened. "You mean as in the entire fucking reason we're standing here, that you want to get pregnant so fucking bad so you can try to force me to move back there?"

" _Force you_?" Nancy made herself breathe deeply and calm down, at least a little. Her hand ached with how badly she wanted to slap him, to claw at him, to do _something_ to make him stop this. "Ned, we _agreed_ that we'd reevaluate the situation after six or eight months—"

"And it's been fucking _five_ ," Ned snarled. "And when we said that, I thought you'd put the bare minimum, Nancy, the _bare minimum_ effort into trying to make this work. And you _haven't_. Not from day one. It's like you can't fucking get away from me fast enough. All you want is that ticket out of here. That's all I'm good for now."

The tears were cold when they spilled over her cheeks, and she felt just as cold inside. The rage had gone so hot that she was almost shivering with it. "You're a fucking asshole," she said, her voice low and forceful. "How the fuck _dare you_ say that, and how _dare you_ say I haven't been trying. That's all I've fucking _been_ doing."

His phone had gone off three times while they had been in the parking lot. Ned's eyes were still narrowed when it rang, and he glanced down to see the name on the display.

"I have to take this. And I have to get back to work."

"I'm sure you do," Nancy said sarcastically, glaring at him.

He walked to his car without looking back. By the time Nancy trusted herself to take a single step without screaming, her face streaked with tears, he was gone.

\--

For the rest of the day Nancy went through the motions at work, but half of her was distracted. Text messages and emails went ignored; voices barely penetrated the fog around her.

_Heavy drinking has been shown to decrease fertility in men with otherwise healthy sperm._

She didn't realize just how much she had been depending on the idea of a baby until she read those words on her laptop screen. It had been so long since she hadn't smelled at least a hint of scotch on his breath, and while she still shivered with a frisson of fear she wouldn't let herself name every single time, she had just dismissed it as one of those things everyone did at his workplace. And before, she could have spoken to him about it, could have suggested something else, some other way to help him relieve stress. And it would probably have involved lace-trimmed satin.

_But you just want to get pregnant so you can get out of here._

There had been a time, she could remember it so clearly, when they had talked about trying to get pregnant and she had seen happiness on his face at the prospect. But that had been before Los Angeles, before the dangling prospect of another promotion—and Nancy couldn't imagine him taking a more demanding position, couldn't imagine him being home _less._ If they had a child, that child would never ever see him.

That child would definitely never see Ned if he didn't go back with her to Illinois.

Nancy wiped impatiently at her cheeks when her sight blurred with another wave of tears. Maybe she could convince him to cut down on his drinking, somehow, but she tried to imagine staying for another few months after her deadline, tried to imagine spending an entire _year_ in their new house, and she panicked again. She couldn't. She couldn't do it. And every single second that passed she felt something slipping further out of her grasp, and she didn't even know what it was.

_So, since u said raincheck, 2nite?_

Nancy found the text message when she was trying to distract herself, trying to keep herself from crying again, thinking about anything other than her husband. She had turned down the Thai place the night before, telling Ben they would definitely do it another time.

If she spoke to Ned she would just start screaming, she already knew.

"Ned Nickerson's desk," Heather answered the direct line.

"Hey Heather," Nancy said, trying to make her voice sound normal. "I—I didn't want to bother Ned, but does he have anything on the books for tonight?"

"Hi Nancy," Heather said, her voice easing from the formal tone she used to answer the phone into something almost warm. Heather was one of the few individuals at Ned's workplace whom Nancy didn't intensely distrust. "Hmm. The intranet went down this morning and the IT guys have been scrambling and everything's just been total—chaos," she quickly substituted for whatever she had been about to say. "I'm really sorry. If I had to guess I'd say he'll be here late."

"Thanks," Nancy said, and sucked in a quick breath.

"Do—did you want me to give him a message, ask him to call you back?"

Nancy bit back the sudden almost hysterical laugh that rose in her. "No, no. It's okay. I'm sure I'll see him later," she said. "Thanks again, okay?"

_Sure,_ she texted Ben in response to his invitation. She didn't want to see anyone that night, but she knew being alone would feel more miserable, and at least spending an hour or two with Ben would distract her from the silence of their empty house. If she was lucky, she would be tired enough afterward to just go to sleep without staring up at the ceiling, feeling the interminable weight of every second as it passed, every soft creak as the house grew tighter around her.

_Can't wait, Red._

Nancy put her phone down and snatched another tissue from the box on her desk, wiping her face off again. Okay. Enough fucking wallowing. She hated wallowing; she hated feeling so powerless, so totally lost. She needed a plan.

He would most likely stop drinking for at least a few days before his return trip to the doctor's office. Maybe it wouldn't be right in their ovulation window, but she could plan their night together, try to remind him what they had once had, what they could have again. If she was lucky, maybe she would see some part of him she still recognized as the man she married.

He was the only reason she was in Los Angeles, the only reason she stayed in this awful place. Knowing that he didn't understand that just made her feel infinitely sad all over again.

Nancy couldn't bring herself to dress up to meet Ben, not after the day she'd had. She parked her Mercedes on the street near the Thai place and stepped onto the the sidewalk wearing a pair of skinny jeans and a soft rose-pink knit top. She slipped into her lightweight black leather jacket, balling her hands into fists in the pockets as she headed into the restaurant. She had felt cold almost all day, even in the perpetually pleasant Southern California sunshine. The sky was streaked in orange and pink above the glaring disc of the setting sun, reflecting in the plate glass window, and she could just barely feel the night beginning to fall.

Ben's entire face lit up when he saw her, but what actually touched her more than that was the look of concern that followed. "Red? Did you get bad news?"

She gave him a wan smile, unable to really muster more, but the knot in her stomach loosened just a little. "Not—well, kind of," she admitted, reaching up to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear. "I'm sorry. I thought I had a pretty good poker face."

"You do, generally," Ben said. "Why don't we grab it to go, so we can talk."

"No, it's... it's okay. We can just stay here."

Ben shook his head decisively. "No, really. It shouldn't take long."

Fifteen minutes later Nancy carried their sodas, Ben the bag of containerized food and utensils and napkins. The restaurant was just over two blocks away from a park, and by the time they reached it, the sky had faded to dim twilight, the horizon stained by the halo of orange lights in the city. Ben made desultory conversation, filling her in on a few of his cases that she'd been following, and by the time they reached the park and claimed a level patch of grass, she felt lightheaded, exhausted, hollowed out.

"So what's going on."

Nancy took her time opening a container of pad thai with chicken. She shrugged. "It's... well, it's one of those hurry up and wait things. Have to see how the test results come back."

"Welcome to my life," Ben said lightly, offering her the container of spring rolls. When she shook her head, he tilted his hand invitingly. "Don't pull that stuff with me, take one. You look like you need a couple Red Bulls just to wake up, and a stiff breeze would blow you away."

She wrinkled her nose at him but took one of the spring rolls. Her stomach growled when she took the first bite, and Ben chuckled as he devoured one himself. She hadn't been able to eat all day long. They were quiet as they finished off the chicken satay and  shrimp rad-nah, splitting the spring rolls. Soon Nancy was full, and she took a long sip of her diet soda, then leaned back so she could look up into the steadily darkening sky. Ben let out a contented sigh as he did the same a few feet away.

"Did that lead pan out on the backlot video case?"

Nancy chuckled at the glee in Ben's voice. Nancy's firm had been called in to figure out which security guards were apparently allowing a low-budget film crew to use a backlot for porn shoots after hours. "Not yet."

"You should've gone with my original idea," Ben said, studying his fingernails, then shot her a cocky smile.

Nancy scoffed. Ben had been all for Nancy trying to get a job with the crew, especially if it would put her in front of the camera. He'd told her he was sure she would look good on film. She had come so close to telling him that she had already fucked someone on camera, and given the choice, she would gladly do it without the cameras. "Speak for yourself, Wilson," she teased him.

"Well, I'm always looking for a way to make some extra cash. You think I could make it work?"

Nancy's heart rose in her throat and she swallowed it back down. "Other than going undercover—or the opposite—any other bright ideas?"

Ben propped himself up on an elbow, looking over at her. "Hmm. Surveillance? Did they give you enough money to do twenty-four hour, maybe a streaming webcam?"

"One that they won't find?"

They brainstormed for a while longer, and under her excitement to be discussing the case, Nancy felt a growing sense of sadness. This was the way she and Ned had been before. Recently the only way he had discussed her work at all was to say she should quit. And if she even hinted that she felt the same way about _his_ work, _she_ was the bitch.

"I'm afraid Ned's going to stay here if we can't get pregnant," she said suddenly.

Ben raised his eyebrows. "What?"

Nancy took a deep breath. "When I agreed to come out here it was just for six months to start," she explained. "And then we said we'd reevaluate, but now Ned's up for a promotion and I'm afraid he's never going to want to leave."

"But... what did you mean about pregnant?"

"I told him I don't want to raise children here," Nancy said, and it just felt like such a relief to talk to _someone_ about it. While Bess and George knew, they had no idea just how bad things had become between Nancy and Ned, and a part of Nancy was ashamed at the thought of them finding out. "I told him that we'd move back to Illinois to raise our children and—and I kept hoping I'd get pregnant, that we'd be able to go back, but now we've been out here five months and if he gets that fucking promotion and I don't get pregnant..."

Nancy pulled in a sharp breath and pushed herself up to sitting, reaching for one of the napkins, and Ben sat up too, his eyes sympathetic. "And that's what the appointment was about this morning," he said quietly.

She nodded. "I just want to go home," she said, her voice wavering a little at the end of it. "He drinks all the time, he stays out nights and I don't know where he is, and I fucking _hate_ this place..."

Ben moved toward her, and she closed her eyes, tipping her head down as another pair of tears slipped from beneath her lids. She hadn't been able to say it all and just hearing it in her own voice made her feel so infinitely tired, so alone.

Ben's thumb moved against her cheek, brushing a tear away. "It hasn't been all bad, though, has it, Red?" he murmured, his voice low.

She pulled in another sharp breath and tipped her head back up, opening her eyes, and Ben's face was so, so close to hers, and a shudder traveled down her spine at the intensity of his gaze. It made her feel desired, for the first time in what felt like a very long time.

He tilted his head and Nancy closed her eyes again, her lips parting, her heart beating hard. She could feel his breath against her mouth—

A small faint whimper rose from somewhere inside her and Nancy pulled back, shaking her head. Ben made a soft disappointed sound and leaned back, but his fingers still lingered on her cheek.

"If he stays out all the time," he said slowly, and his voice was quiet, his tone almost shy, reluctant, "the odds are that he's with someone."

Nancy shook her head. "No," she murmured, even though almost immediately, unbidden, an image of Carly flashed in her mind's eye. "No. He wouldn't..."

_I have not touched or kissed or fucked anyone else. But did I think about it? Yeah._

"He would never do that," she whispered, her eyes still closed.

Ben made a frustrated noise. "You're on these cases _all the time_ ," he said, his voice low and steady. "Are you seriously trying to tell me that all these times you've been out with me he's been home waiting for you? I don't even remember the last time he texted or called you while you were with me. You know why he doesn't care where you are or what you're doing? Because he doesn't want _you_ to care where he is or what he's doing. And deep down you know that."

Nancy shook her head again, slowly, and a few strands of red-gold hair stuck to her wet cheek, and she was breathing through her mouth, her head pounding, her heart sick. "No," she whispered.

Ned was her best friend.

Ned had been her best friend for so long. _Had_ been. It would be like living with a stranger now if they were home together, ever. And she had tried so, so damn hard.

She couldn't remember the last time he had genuinely laughed around her, the last genuine smile.

She hung her head, crying silently, and when Ben drew her into his arms, holding her to his broad chest, she sobbed harder. He held her tight and she breathed him in, shivering. His skin was warm against hers.

She just wanted Ned back. She wanted his arms around her again. But every time she spoke to him now, he was angry, sarcastic, apathetic. She just wanted her husband back.

Ben stroked his hand up and down her back. His breath ruffled her hair, and when she tipped her head back up so she could wipe her wet cheeks, she opened her eyes and he was so, so close to her.

"Nan," he whispered, stroking his thumb against the point of her jaw, his gaze searching hers.

And God, her skin tingled where they touched, her heartbeat resounding in her head. His eyes dropped to her softly parted lips and Nancy felt the join of her thighs warm in response.

He was harmless. It was all harmless, and she couldn't remember the last time Ned had looked at her this way, like she was a sip of water to a man dying of thirst.

But Ned wasn't dying for want, was he. No matter what, Nancy couldn't make herself believe that Carly had been so easy to dissuade.

Ben leaned in and his mouth just barely brushed hers, and Nancy slipped her thumb between her middle and ring fingers, driving the pad into the diamond of her engagement ring.

She took a deep breath, moving away. "No," she whispered, looking down to keep from meeting his eyes. A part of her was afraid that if she looked up at him, she would do something she would regret.

"You're the last girl scout in California," Ben said softly, and she shuddered at the feel of his breath against her ear. "The last good girl, Nancy Drew. I love that about you, but don't you dare think I'm going to stand back and watch you be neglected like this forever."

Nancy pushed herself back a few feet, away from him, gasping for breath as she finally found the strength to meet his eyes again. The desire there hadn't faded, not one bit, and she warmed in response.

"I have to go," she whispered, raking her hair back.

"To an empty house?"

Nancy let out a soft cry, pushing herself up so she could get to her feet. "I have to go home," she told him, her voice a little more firm. "And so do you. Thanks for dinner, okay?"

Together they gathered the remains of their meal, and Ben walked her back to her car. The stars were finally out, gleaming faintly above them, and he kept his palm against her elbow.

"If you ever need to talk, you know I'm here," he told her, tipping her chin up so he could gaze straight into her eyes.

Nancy nodded once, slowly. "Thanks for listening," she whispered. "I'm sorry... it just gets so lonely sometimes."

"I know." He gently pushed her hair back from her wet face, then ran his fingertips from the points of her jaw to her chin, and her breasts felt tender at the sensation. "And he doesn't deserve this, Red. He doesn't deserve you breaking your heart for him every single day when he doesn't even give a damn."

It took a long, long moment for her to finally tear her gaze from his. "Good night, Ben," she said, finding her keys.

"Good night, Red," he replied, brushing his lips against her cheek softly before he released her.

_He's not out with her. He's not. He wouldn't... he wouldn't do that, he wouldn't, he wouldn't._

_But you know that he already has._

Their house stood dark and silent when she arrived, and Nancy lingered in her car in the garage for a moment, dreading walking in, dreading how empty it would feel without her husband there. Her phone was quiet; he hadn't sent her a message to let her know he would be home late, or even if he had any plans of coming home at all.

Her heart rose painfully in her when her phone chirped, indicating a new message. More than anything she wanted to see her husband's name on the screen.

Instead she saw a new message from Ben. _Let me know u got home OK, Red. I worry about u._

She closed her eyes as a sob stuck in her throat. God, she wanted to sleep; she wanted to forget it all for a little while, to dream about the way things had been. When they had been happy. He was the only one who was happy now.

She trudged up the stairs slowly, locked the garage door behind her and leaned her back against it. She slid down as the sobs began in earnest, until she was curled up in the fetal position on the kitchen floor, and she had never, never felt so empty or so alone.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter by littlemsmessy.

Ned could have sworn that his calendar had been clear for the remainder of the day. Yet there it was, an invitation for a six o’clock. Puzzled and more than a little annoyed, Ned clicked on the invitation, but it was strangely devoid of any details. 

_Maybe you added it by accident?_ he wondered.  When he clicked the author indicator, Heather’s name appeared. He grabbed the receiver for his desk phone and dialed her number. 

“Hey, Heather. What’s this invite I have for six tonight?” 

“Oh, that! That was a directive from your wife. Sounds like she wants you home for dinner, sir.” 

The teasing note in Heather’s voice only served to irritate him further. “Did she say what it was about?”

“Nope. Just that she insisted on putting something on your calendar, and that it was mandatory – no getting out of it!”

“Thanks,” he sighed, hanging up. Great. Just what he needed right now – a night of Nancy glaring at him over the dinner table until she tried to butter him up enough to get him into bed.  Didn’t she give a fuck that he had a lot of pressure on him right now and a lot of deadlines looming over his head? He briefly thought of telling Heather to call her and cancel, but he had a sneaking suspicion that Nancy would just show up at his office and make a scene.  

Ned made a mental note to pick up some flowers on the way home – maybe if she saw them, Nancy would hold off on harping on him or giving him a hard time.  Maybe they’d also prevent her from getting pissed when he went back to work after dinner. 

He also toyed with the idea of asking Kesey or Rower if they had something with them so he could be more relaxed when he got home – not a whole line, just a hit or two to help him get through. Ned shut down that thought, however, when he imagined what Nancy would do if she even suspected that he was high when he walked in the door.

He tensed when he heard his cell phone buzz, and was relieved when he saw that it was a text from Carly and not a call from his wife. 

_Hello, Mr. N. Saw an ad for the hotel on Catalina & thought of u. Hope u r having a good day.  _

_Hey. Yeah, it’s been ok._

_Glad 2 hear it. By the way, I’ve been thinking about that favor you owe me and how/when I want to collect._

Ned’s lips turned up involuntarily at that.  _Oh, yeah?_

_That’s right. I want to make it good – don’t want to just waste the shot._

_No decision yet?_ God, he should just stop right now, while he was ahead and while he hadn’t yet gotten himself into more trouble.

_As soon as I have 1, you’ll b the 1st  2 know…;)  Oh, & my friends r def looking 4 someone 2 sublet their apartment – I told them u were interested…_

He winced, thinking about how the hell he was going to break this news to Nancy without causing a heated argument. _Great! Let me know how much & where & I can get in touch w/them._

_Will do. TTYL?_

_Sure,_ he texted back before putting the phone back into his pocket. 

Sighing, Ned turned back to the paperwork on his desk, where he caught sight of the bill from his lawyer’s office. Ever since that near-brush with Carly in his car, he’d taken extra care when driving, and he hadn’t gotten pulled over since. Thank God that he had chosen the one criminal defense attorney in the country who wasn’t an acquaintance of Carson Drew – the last thing he needed was for his wife to find out about his ticket. 

And the last thing he wanted was to spend a night feeling guilty each time her blue eyes searched his face.  

\--

“China, candles, music – check,” Nancy muttered to herself as she hurried through the house, mentally going through her checklist for the evening. 

After weeks of not seeing Ned for more than a few minutes at a time – and especially after their blow-out after the appointment at the gynecologist's office - Nancy had finally taken matters in her own hands. She had called his administrative assistant and asked – no, _demanded_ – that Heather block off time on Ned’s calendar, forcing him to come home at a normal hour.  

Nancy was almost afraid of the mood he’d be in when he arrived, but since she very rarely asked anything of him anymore, she was willing to risk it.  Desperate times called for desperate measures; with each passing day, Nancy felt herself growing more and more desperate. She needed to get out, and she could only see one possible way.

They had spent far too little time together lately, and she wanted to have a nice, relaxing evening for once. One that led to lots of dirty sex, then a positive home pregnancy test in a few weeks. She had almost given up hope that they could find the ease they had so rarely shared since she had joined him in California; with every meal they didn't share, every night she spent in their bed that he didn't pull her into his arms or even touch her, it felt like he was drifting farther away from her.

She had a lasagna in the oven, a bottle of sparking water chilling—she was too afraid to risk wine or other liquor, given how much Ned was drinking lately—, some bread warming, and a salad ready to be tossed. The table was set with the china they had received as a gift for their wedding, and she had placed candles in sleek silver holders. Her iPod was plugged into the stereo system, all ready to play their favorite romantic songs. Even the outfit waiting for her in the shopping bag on their bed was new: a sheer peach-colored babydoll and matching thong. She quickly slipped out of her clothing and put on the lingerie, covering it with a matching peach silk robe.  

The final item she pulled out of the bag was a pair of fluffy high-heeled mule slippers - ridiculous, she knew, but she also knew that he’d find it sexy if she wore them while they fucked later on. She thrust her feet into the slippers, grimacing as they pinched her feet. After one final check of her hair and makeup in the mirror, Nancy returned to the dining room to make sure that everything was ready for Ned’s arrival. 

Ned walked in twenty minutes later, a large bouquet of flowers in his hand.  She was surprised to see them, but she recovered quickly. “Thanks, baby, “she beamed, taking them from him and giving him a quick kiss. “Let me put these in water. Dinner’s almost ready – why don’t you change and take a seat while I finish up?”

“Are you sure?” he asked, already backing toward the staircase leading to their bedroom and loosening his tie. 

“Of course. Everything’s under control out here. Go get comfortable.”

He shrugged, then headed upstairs to their bedroom. 

The minute he left, Nancy let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. _He didn’t say anything about how I look or how nice I’ve made everything tonight_ , she thought, depressed. _Ned always used to tell me how beautiful or hot or sexy I looked – tonight, though, he didn’t even ask to see what was under my robe._

_Well, maybe his mood will improve after he’s had some food. And at least he didn’t start snapping at me for taking him away from his precious job – and he brought me flowers._

Ned returned five minutes later wearing shorts and a t-shirt. ”Sure I can’t help you with anything, Nan?”

“Nope, you just sit down. Want some of that Italian sparkling water you liked so much at that restaurant in Malibu? I have a bottle in the fridge.”

“Maybe with dinner. Right now, I could go for a scotch.” 

As soon as Nancy turned her back to check the oven, she made a face. _Scotch? Already? Maybe tonight won’t go as well as I’d hoped – guess he needs to be drunk to even spend time with me now._

“Sure, let me get that for you,” she told him, forcing a bright smile onto her face.  She walked to the cabinet where they kept the liquor and poured a little into a highball glass. “Water?”

“Nope. And can you give me a little more?”

She did as he asked and silently brought him the glass. He nodded his thanks before taking a healthy swallow.

“Hard day at work?” Nancy ventured. 

“Yep,” Ned replied neutrally, but didn’t elaborate.

Her heart sank, but she kept trying. She walked over and slid onto his lap, giving him a gentle kiss he didn't even try to deepen. “Well, I can try to make it better? After all, I want tonight to be relaxing.” _If I’m nice to him, maybe he’ll be nice to me._ It upset her that she had to strategize to get through even the most basic of interactions with her husband. 

Ned smiled back, but it seemed rather halfhearted to her. “That’ll be nice.” 

He didn’t stroke her back, or cup her cheek or reach for her breast, Nancy noticed, trying to hold back tears.

Suddenly, she couldn’t stand it anymore. “Ned, is something wrong?”

A slightly panicked look crossed his face, but he quickly shuttered it. “What do you mean?”

She stood up, hands on hips as she faced him. “I’m asking you if something’s wrong. I mean, I know you’re probably pissed that I forced you to leave work and have dinner with me, but I just wanted a night with my husband.”

“Everything’s fine.”

“Really? Because it sure doesn’t seem like it.”

“Nancy… Look, I’m sorry, okay? Come here.” When she remained where she was, unmoving, Ned sighed. “Come here, okay?” he repeated, his tone gentler.

 She reluctantly complied, tentatively perching on his lap again. “It’s just been a shitty day – a shitty week, really. I have a lot on my plate – and on my mind. Lots of deadlines and deliverables and they’re piling up as we speak.”

She ignored the dig and gave him what she hoped was a sympathetic smile. “I’m sorry to hear that. Want to tell me about it?” 

He shook his head fiercely. “Nope. I just want to forget about it and eat dinner.”

Nancy was disappointed that Ned didn’t want to confide in her like he used to, but she didn’t want to push the issue.  At least he hadn’t yelled at her. “Well, it’s one of your favorites.”

“Excellent. And this looks new,” he told her, tugging slightly on the lapels of her robe. 

“It is.”

“What’s underneath it?” 

“Why don’t you take a look and find out?” she challenged with a saucy grin. _Please, please take the bait_.  

Ned pushed aside the edges of the robe, making a soft sound when he saw the sheer babydoll underneath. “I can’t see all of it.”

“Maybe if you play your cards right, you’ll get to see the whole thing after dinner,” she purred back.  

“Can’t wait.” His tone still sounded flat, however.

She leaned in to kiss him when she heard Ned’s cell phone buzz in the pocket of his shorts. 

Ned pulled back and pulled out his phone, checking the display. “Shit. Give me two minutes, okay?”

_Damn it! Every fucking time we have the chance to be alone, his fucking phone rings._ She plastered a smile onto her face, even though she was fuming inside. 

He stood up and took the call in another room while Nancy took the food out of the oven and divided the salad into bowls. She was just setting the dishes on the table when he came back into the dining room. 

“Sorry – the team had a question for me. Dinner smells delicious,” he told her, sitting down at the table and reaching for his napkin. 

“So when do you have to go back to the office?” she asked, her tone sharper than she had intended. 

“I told them to take care of it for now and only call me again if it’s a life-or-death emergency. I’ll log on later from here – if I can’t take care of it then, I’ll go back in.”

_Of course you will_ , she thought, trying not to let her dismay and annoyance show on her face. 

They had a leisurely dinner, where they mostly focused on small talk – the weather, the possibility of Bess coming back out for another visit, the strange noises his car seemed to be making. Nancy remembered what it used to be like when they shared a romantic evening, when they would talk about real things, like what they had done at work that day or upcoming parties or holidays with their friends and families.  

Ned still seemed oddly guarded, and any time she tried to steer the conversation towards something deeper or more personal, he deflected by changing the subject.  He continued to pour himself more scotch throughout the meal; Nancy noticed, but held her tongue to avoid another argument. 

When dinner was over, she rose to get herself another soda. As she opened the refrigerator door, she felt Ned come up behind her. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he nuzzled the skin at the nape of her neck. 

Closing the refrigerator door, she turned around in the circle of his arms and gave him a smile. “Did you need something, Ned?”

“You,” he told her, sliding one hand under the lapel of her robe to roughly cup her breast. 

“Well, I think that can be arranged.” 

She kissed him fiercely, noting the strong taste of alcohol on his tongue. _I could almost get drunk just kissing him,_ she thought fleetingly as he grabbed the sash of the robe and untied it, letting the satin pool to the floor. 

Ned gently pushed her against the door of the refrigerator, and she squealed when the cool stainless steel surface came in contact with her virtually bare back.  His hands moved down to cup her ass and she hitched herself up to wrap her legs around his waist. 

“Here?” she murmured against his lips.

“I’m willing if you are,” he murmured back.

Nancy reached down for his zipper and was shocked to realize that he wasn’t yet fully hard. “Maybe we should go upstairs and play for a little bit longer,” she said, trying to recover. 

“Hmm, with toys?”

“We can do that,” she replied. _Maybe that’ll help with your erection,_ she thought dimly.

Her arms and legs still wrapped around him, Ned walked upstairs to their bedroom, tossing her onto the bed as he began to pull off his shirt and shorts. When he was clad only in his boxers, he looked down at her expectantly. “What do you say we watch a movie?”

Nancy looked up at him in shock. “You want to watch a movie? Now?”

“Yeah… I mean, not just any movie. A certain kind.”

“What kind?” she asked suspiciously.

“You know, the kind that we got when we were fulfilling each others’ wish lists,” he reminded her, sounding far too nonchalant. 

“So you want to watch porn tonight?” she demanded. 

He shrugged, looking somewhat embarrassed. “Kind of,” he muttered. 

“Fine,” she sighed, annoyed. He needed to be hard and she needed him to have sex with her – that was only reason she wasn’t storming out right now.  _God, the shit I’m willing to endure to get the fuck out of California for good._

Ned crouched down, rummaging through the drawer where they kept the toys and movies. He pulled one out and popped it into the DVD player before shedding his boxers and settling down next to her in bed.   He leaned over and gave her a brief kiss, which she reluctantly returned. 

“So, is it one I’ve seen before? ‘Cause it’s not gonna be any fun if I already know the ending,” she said, trying for a teasing tone.

He coughed, again looking embarrassed. “Actually, it’s a new one.”

She raised her eyebrows, not saying anything. Once he hit play and the movie began, she made a face. “God - this, Ned?”

“What?” he replied defensively. “It’s hot.”

“Of _course_ you think so. It’s two women!” She gestured to the screen, where two fake-breasted, obviously bored-looking women were touching each other and kissing while a guy with a massive erection sat watching them eagerly.  _At least one of the women’s a redhead_ , she noted wryly. 

Ned reached for her again, giving her another kiss before letting his hand stray down to her breast, coaxing the nipple into a firm peak with his thumb. _You need him to fuck you so you can get pregnant,_ she reminded herself sternly. _If this is what gets him there, so be it. Maybe you should’ve taken out the lube for yourself, though._

Ned yanked the nightgown over her head and continued toying with her breasts as he watched the screen. Despite her irritation, she felt herself start to get wet on her own. 

“You would look way sexier than that, Nan,” Ned told her between kisses. 

“Hmm?” she murmured, distracted, as he parted her legs and began stroking her clit.

“I said that you would look sexier than that if you were with another woman, Nan.” He ran his thumbnail down her clit, and she shivered. 

“Well, we’ve been over this, and it’s never going to happen,” Nancy reminded him, trying again for a light tone. She cupped his chin in her hand and pressed her lips to his forcefully to get him to stop talking. 

But Ned kept going. “Come on,” he wheedled. “My birthday’s coming up soon, and that’s how our whole wish fulfillment thing started a few years ago, remember? Don’t you want to make me happy?”

Her eyes flew open as she realized he was serious, and suddenly something that had been coiled tightly inside of her snapped, and she had had enough. Tight-lipped and pale with anger, she shoved him away and scrambled to the edge of the bed to stand up.

“You want me to make you happy, Ned?” she yelled. “I moved here to make you happy even though _I’m_ miserable! I tell you that I’m unhappy and you don’t give a fuck! I tell you that I never want to have a threesome and _still_ you keep bringing it up!” She kicked the incredibly uncomfortable mules off her feet, hurling them into a corner. 

“You’re _always_ fucking miserable! You know, I’m tired of everything being my goddamn fault just because I asked you to move out here, Nancy!” He slid off the bed and hit the stop button on the DVD remote. 

“Asked, or forced me to?” she snapped back. “You told me point-blank that you weren’t going to come back to Illinois – what was I supposed to do?”

“I don’t know – make your husband happy? You told me that you wanted to be where I was and that you’d give it a fair shot!” he hollered. “Meanwhile, you’ve been pouting since the day your plane landed here almost six months ago, and you’ve been a miserable bitch ever since!”

She marched up to him and pushed her finger into the firm muscle of his chest. “Well, can you blame me? You’ve been a first-class asshole since that day, _darling_. A drunk, nasty, lying asshole who only cares about his job, making money, and buying fancy designer shit!”

“Get your finger off me, Nancy,” he told her warningly.

“Oh, excuse me,” she mocked him. “God forbid we have any physical contact. I have to practically beg you to come to bed with me. And you can’t wait to scurry away from me the minute you’re finished.” She dropped her hand so she was no longer touching him, but didn’t back off. 

“You really think I want to touch you or be near you when you’re always glaring at me and blaming me for everything and accusing me for everything that’s wrong with your life? Yeah, that’s sexy,” he chuckled bitterly. 

She shook her head, furious. “Oh, like I’ve been dying to fuck a guy who reeks of scotch every night? When he bothers to come home at night, that is. And while we’re at it, I’m a little sick of having to fake my orgasms – because _you_ sure as hell aren’t getting the job done anymore.  I guess one of the things you don’t care about anymore is whether or not I come.”

His tight jaw and lowered brows reflected his barely controlled rage, and she couldn’t remember him ever looking at her that way before. “So what was tonight then, huh?  If I’m so bad in bed now, then what was tonight all about? It sure seemed like you wanted us to fuck tonight – isn’t that the reason you had my admin assistant pull me out of work, even though I have a million things to do? 

“But it wasn’t really about the fucking, was it? Because all you care about is getting pregnant so you can use it as a way to go back to Illinois. I swear, if you could’ve figured out a way to get my jizz from me in my sleep, you would’ve already done it.”

“That would’ve required you to get it up, Ned – something I don’t even think you can always do anymore, since you’re drunk or hungover all the time.  But I’ll bet you could if we brought _Carly_ in here, right? If we brought that whore into our bed and she played with my tits and sucked your cock or opened her legs for you, I’ll bet that you could get a hard-on then, right?"

Ned seemed to blanch at her words. “Carly has nothing to do with this. But at least she appears to be interested in me,” he sneered after he had recovered from her dig. 

“That’s because that that slut is interested in anything with a dick – and I’m sure she loves the idea of getting into your pants because it’ll let her get even with me for throwing her into the pool.”

“Yeah, because everything’s about _you,_ right? Because it’s not like she could be into me, right?”

“Are you really looking for me to stroke your fucking ego right now?” Nancy demanded incredulously.  She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “To say, _‘Oh, yes, Ned – of course she wants you because you’re hot and sexy and interesting. Of course that’s the reason she wants to steal you away from your wife’?!’_ ”

“Like my wife even gives a shit about me,” he snorted.

“Oh, you poor thing. Poor, poor Ned – his wife doesn’t understand him. He’s just a good guy who’s working hard to make money so he can buy his wife expensive shit she doesn’t need and lease a fancy foreign car that she didn’t even want.” Her tone was deliberately mocking as she stalked to the closet and grabbed some more substantial clothing. 

 “His _ungrateful_ wife, you mean?” Ned shot back, grabbing his boxers from the floor and yanking them on. “You know, some women would be happy if their husbands leased them a Mercedes or bought them expensive earrings or bracelets from Cartier. Not _you_ , though.”

“They would, if their husbands didn’t buy them just as a means of flaunting how much money they’re making!” Nancy hollered. “As a way to decorate their wives so they can show them off like they’re another status symbol! Or as a way to shut them up, to give them shit just so they keep quiet and act happy!” She slammed the closet door shut and walked to the dresser, slipping on a bra and panties before putting on her jeans and tank top in angry, jerky motions. 

“You make ‘money’ sound like a dirty word, Nancy! Which is a joke, because you were raised in a nice house by a father who made a hell of a lot of it.  Or was that different because it was your precious, sainted father, who can never do any wrong?”

Nancy felt her anger rise another notch. “You leave my father out of this!” she screamed. “He has nothing to do with any of this, Ned – _nothing_ to do with the fact that _you’re_ being a major prick!”

"It’s amazing,” he told her angrily, “you were Daddy’s Little Girl, happy to have _him_ give you whatever you wanted and go to _his_ country club and drive the Mustang _he_ bought you and buy fancy clothes with _his_ gold card. That was fine, right? But when your _husband_ tries to provide for you, _he’s_ the bad guy.” He yanked open the closet door that she had slammed and pulled out jeans and a button-down.  

“I told you to shut your fucking mouth,” Nancy said warningly. “And if Dad knew how you’ve been treating me lately, he’d tell me to get on a plane and come home for good.” She folded her arms under her breasts and glared at him. 

“Oh, I’m sure he would – when it comes down to his sweet, perfect baby girl against her mean, uncooperative husband who took her two thousand miles away, we all know who _he’d_ side with. How _dare_ I keep Nancy away from her daddy?” He shrugged into his shirt and stepped into his jeans. 

Nancy hissed in outrage. “How _dare_ you say those things about my father? He’s always liked you, and you know it – although, if he knew what you were like now, he’d threaten your life.” 

“Oooh, I’m so scared, Nan,” he retorted mockingly. “And of course you’d never tell him how shitty you’ve been to me. You’d make yourself sound like the perfect wife – what a fucking joke _that_ would be.”

“I never said I was perfect, Ned! But I’m getting damn tired of being ignored! When I tell you something’s important to me, you just disregard it and do whatever the fuck you want! I tell you that I want to spend more time with you, and you just work late and blow me off. I tell you that I want to go away on vacation with you, and you tell me that you’re too busy and blow me off. I tell you that I want to go to doctors to find out about potential fertility problems, and you either don’t show up or you act sullen and uncooperative! 

“ _And_ you never went back to give that sperm sample – probably because there’s never a twenty-four hour span of time when you haven’t had a drink! Am I right?”

Ned rolled his eyes at her. “Those appointments were a waste of time! I already told you that.” 

“Oh, well, of course - if it’s not important to _you_ , it’s not important at all!”

“Well, now you know how it feels, don’t you?” he sneered. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Nancy demanded, aggravated. 

“How about all of those years when we were dating and you couldn’t bother to show up for dinner or the movies or dances because you were tracking down a lead for one of your cases? Or when you were supposed to visit me at Emerson but you couldn’t bother to take the time because you were too busy finding some missing treasure or some shit like that?”

“Are we really going to rehash shit that happened _over ten years ago_?” Nancy shrieked. “Are you _really_ doing this? Get a fucking grip, Ned.”

“ _Fine._ How about when you fucking _refused_ to come to any more of my work events, huh?” Ned spat out.

“That is _not_ the same thing, and you know it! Those jackasses were doing drugs in plain sight, Ned! I don’t need to be around that, and neither do you!”

“You were already pissy before that even happened – you’d already made up your mind, and the coke was just a fucking excuse!”

“Oh, just like how you’re using all of the supposedly horrible things I’ve done as an excuse to get drunk all of the time?” she shot back. 

He made a noise of irritation. “What the fuck is it with you keeping tabs on my drinking? I’m a grown man!”

“Then start acting like one, damn it! You know, ever since you came out here, you’ve been like a different person.”

“Please,” Ned snorted. “You’re one to talk.  You’re all clingy and whiny and needy. Not to mention the martyr complex you seem to have developed out here.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” she snapped. 

“Always feeling sorry for yourself, always telling me how shitty things are for you. Poor Nancy – her husband didn’t want her to take a job where people could beat the shit out of her, his whole life doesn’t revolve around her career anymore,  he’s not sitting around waiting for her to throw him a few scraps. It just sucks to be you, doesn’t it? It’s so terrible that your husband’s happy and fulfilled in his career, isn’t it? He can’t just devote all of his time and attention to waiting on you anymore. Life’s tough, isn’t it?”

Just when she thought he couldn’t piss her off any more, he somehow managed to find a way to top himself.  “You drunken son of a bitch. Tell me – do you enjoy being half-lit all of the time? Does it help numb the reality of who you’ve become?”

“Oh, knock it off. You’re such a fucking drama queen,” Ned snarled. 

“Oh, really? So it’s just my imagination that you drink every single goddamn day? You know, it’s a miracle that you haven’t been caught for a DUI!” 

Those words caused something to change in his expression – was it fear, or panic? “Shit – you _have_ been! You were pulled over for driving drunk! I don’t fucking _believe_ this!” She paced the bedroom, suddenly cold, horrified. 

“Nancy, stop making such a big deal—”

She cut off his protest with an incredulous noise. “Are you _serious_ right now? You can’t be, if you’re trying to tell me that it’s not a big deal that you got a DUI! Ned, you could have killed yourself or someone else! What the fuck?”

“It was _nothing_! It happened once, and I got a ticket – as long as I don’t get caught again, I won’t get my license revoked.” 

“Oh, so all you’re worried about is getting _caught_? Not the fact that you could have risked your own personal safety or someone else’s? See, this is the perfect fucking example of how you’ve changed! Before you would never would’ve—“

“Stop with that ‘before’ shit, Nancy!” he interrupted her. “I’m the same person I’ve always been! You just don’t like it now that I’ve started standing up to you, do you? That you don’t always get your way anymore, that you’re no longer the boss in our relationship! That’s it, isn’t it?”

Nancy angrily shook her head. “You are fucking _delusional_ if you think that you haven’t changed since you came out here, Ned. And this has nothing to do with the fact that you were fucking pulled over for driving under the influence! And the fact that you lied to me about it!”

“I didn’t lie,” Ned mumbled, looking down at his feet. 

“A lie of omission is still a _lie!_ ” she burst out. “The fact that you didn’t tell me is a huge deal! How could you keep something like this from me?”

“Because I didn’t want you to overreact like you're doing right now! Making something out of _nothing_!”

“How can you stand here and tell me that it’s nothing?” she demanded. “Do you not remember that guy you went to high school with who killed himself in a head-on accident because he was wasted behind the wheel? Or the car full of sorority girls at Emerson who died because they were hit by a drunk driver? Has all of this slipped your mind? Isn’t the fact that you were pulled over by the cops enough of a hint that you _maybe_ need to cut back on your drinking?”

“Lay the fuck off, Nancy. You’re not my mother; stop acting like it.” He pushed past her and walked to the bathroom. 

“Well, if your mother knew about this or about your drinking, she’d be just as furious as I am,” Nancy countered.  She followed him and rested her hip against the bathroom counter, arms folded under her breasts, her fingers twisted against her tank top. Otherwise she was afraid she would give in to the impulse to grab him and shake some sense into him—and God only knew what he would do then. 

“I told you to stop talking about this! It’s not a big deal – I like to drink.” He yanked open the bathroom cabinet and took out his toothbrush and toothpaste. 

“I like to drink too, Ned – just not all the time, and not to the point of being wasted every night!”

“You know, if you’re so damn worried about my drinking and driving, maybe I should get another place.” He squeezed some toothpaste onto the brush and began brushing his teeth in furious strokes. 

Nancy looked up at that. “What?” she asked in surprise as her eyes met his in the bathroom mirror.  

“You heard me. Maybe it’s best if I just get an apartment closer to the office. With the late hours I work, I can crash there a few nights a week. Then I don’t have as far to drive if I have a couple of drinks.”

His words caused Nancy to tremble with anger, but she swallowed hard against the tightness in her throat, trying not to panic. “Ned, you cannot get your own fucking apartment.”

“Oh, and now you can tell me what to do?” he challenged. “I don’t think so! I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and it makes sense, so you’re not going to talk me out of it.”

She struggled to keep control. “Tell me how it makes sense for you to have your own place – your home is here, Ned! We’re married and we live in the same city – it is _ridiculous_ for you to get an apartment.”

Ned spat out a mouthful of toothpaste into the sink. “Is it? Just because _you_ say so? Besides, you’re never fucking here, anyway!”

“I am your wife and you are my husband, and you are _not_ getting another place!” All of the fears and suspicions that Ben had awoken in her that day in the park came rushing back to her. “Are you having an affair?” she demanded.

“Nancy, come on—”

“I asked you a simple question, Ned. Are you seeing someone else?” She felt sick to her stomach when it took him entirely too long to answer her.

“No! Of course not!” he protested, but not nearly strongly enough for her comfort. 

“You’re screwing around on me!” she hollered, feeling herself dangerously close to tears.  _Oh, shit, I knew it. I knew it, I knew it!_

“Stop with this bullshit – you’re being a paranoid bitch. I just want another place so—“

“So you can fuck your girlfriend Carly!” Nancy screamed. “Oh my God - I should have known!” 

“You are being ridiculous. Stop with the _drama_! There is _nothing_ going on between her and me.” But he couldn’t quite meet her eyes before putting the toothbrush back into his mouth. 

“Oh my God,” she repeated in horror as it sank in. “You _asshole._ You’ve been seeing her this whole time, haven’t you?” 

“No!” he protested violently, but Nancy still didn’t believe him. “The only reason I want the apartment is so I can have a place to crash when I’m too tired to drive home from the office! That’s it! It has nothing to do with Carly – or any other woman!” He spat out more toothpaste and filled the cup on the counter with water.

“Okay, so if you’re not cheating on me, you just want to live apart from me? After I quit my job – a job I _loved_ , by the way – and gave up our house – a house I _loved_ , by the way – and left my friends and family to move two thousand miles away? So after all of that, and all of those sacrifices, it _still_ isn’t good enough for you?” Nancy couldn’t believe what she was hearing, and her voice was shaking. 

“Stop making every goddamn thing about _you_!” he burst out, furious, slamming the cup down onto the granite countertop. “I know it’s a concept you’re not used to, but not everything revolves around _you!_ ”

“And there _you_ go again – calling _me_ selfish. When _you’re_ the one who forced me to come out here, isolating me from everything and everyone I cared about, and then proceeded to ignore me!”  She left the bathroom, walked through their bedroom, and hurried down the stairs, her bare feet pounding on the wooden steps. 

“Why would I want to be with you when you’re such a spiteful bitch all the time?” Ned threw back at her, following at her heels. “When you look at me like you hate me and you order me around and you reject every nice thing I do for you?”

She whirled around to face him as she got to the bottom of the stairs. “Oh, really?” she retorted, her finger angrily stabbing at the air between them.  “Well, maybe I wouldn’t be such a _spiteful bitch_ if I felt like my husband still gave a shit about me! Because every time I ask him to do something for me or spend time with me, it’s too much of a big deal!”

She shook her head angrily before making her way into the dining room, Ned still following close behind. “I keep trying to plan these nice evenings or weekends or trips for us so we can spend time together and you don’t show up, or you spend half of the fucking time on the phone, or you show up drunk and spoiling for a fight so you can drink some more!”

“You only care about being with me so you can get pregnant so you can go back to River Heights. That’s the _only_ reason you ever want to fuck anymore! Stop trying to make it about something else, Nancy – you never wanted to have a baby before! The thought of it freaked you out!”

“You know damn well that we talked about having children when I was still in Illinois – we _agreed_ that we’d start trying soon! Then I came out here, and you didn’t give a shit about it any more. Which is funny, ‘cause _you_ were the one who always tried to coerce me into having a baby!”

“And what would you do if you got pregnant?” Ned challenged her.  “Would you just stay home and quit work and coo over the baby all day long? Yeah, right. Like you’d be capable of that. I’d give it two months before you were bored and itching to work on a case. Tops. Then you’d dump the kid in daycare or hire a nanny and go out on some stakeout or shit like that. Come on, we both know that you’d never satisfied with just being at home – I mean, you were climbing the fucking walls when you first got here and didn’t have a job, right?”

Nancy straightened her spine in fury. “Are you saying that I wouldn’t be a good mother, Ned?”

“The way you are now? No – because I wouldn’t want my child to have a mother who’s a spiteful angry bitch. And since you didn’t have a mother of your own, you’d have no fucking idea what to do - God only knows how you’d be with our kid.”

Nancy’s breath caught in her throat. Never in a million years did she ever imagine that Ned would take her sore spot when it came to starting a family and plunge a dagger into it. It was bad enough to have her own insecurities about being a mother; it was worse when Ned voiced them and threw them in her face. 

“You fucking bastard,” she swore when she could find her voice again. She grabbed one of the dirty dishes that were still sitting on the dining room table and hurled it at him, feeling a swell of ugly satisfaction when she heard it hit the hardwood floor and splinter into a million pieces.  It felt so good that she picked up one of the glasses and threw that at him, too, so forcefully that the fragments bounced a foot off the wall, and she was still quivering with more rage than she had ever felt before. “You motherfucking bastard. I’m sorry I ever agreed to come out here.” 

Ned looked startled as the items went flying in his direction and he ducked to avoid them, his face darkening when he turned to face her. “Really fucking mature, Nancy – now you’re throwing shit at me? And I see that we’re back to where we started with this argument. Go ahead, blame me for _everything_ – and throw more plates at me, while you’re at it.”

“Oh, I _am_ blaming you for everything, don’t worry. I said it before, and I’ll say it again. You have changed into a selfish, uncaring, materialistic, label-obsessed, cold, angry man.” She ticked off the words on her fingers in angry, jerky gestures, her jaw tight. “Being here, being around all of these narcissistic, empty, shallow people has turned you into a complete and total asshole. I don’t even know you anymore, because the Ned Nickerson I met and fell in love with would never, _ever_ have taunted me by bringing up my mother’s absence in my life.” 

She grabbed another plate and flung it at him, her eyes blazing; when she picked up a third, she realized what she was doing. _My beautiful wedding china_ , she thought fleetingly. Instead, she slammed the dish back down onto the tablecloth, the force causing the silverware to jump against the tablecloth. 

“And the Nancy Drew I met never cared about anything except her father and her precious cases. So, I guess one of us _hasn’t_ changed all that much,” he sneered. 

“Seriously, _who the fuck are you_?” she demanded.  “Because you sure as fuck aren’t my Ned.”

“Well, you sure as fuck aren’t the woman I married, either. She was sweet and loving and affectionate. Not some cold, manipulative, unappreciative bitch.”

Nancy was suddenly exhausted. It seemed like they had been arguing for hours – they probably had been, she realized with a jolt. “You know what? I can’t do this anymore - and frankly, I can’t stand the sight of you right now. I’m tired of fighting with you. I’m tired of being around you. I’m just tired, period.”

“Well, that makes two of us, baby. I’m tired of your nagging and pouting and your negativity, and I’m tired of being around you and fighting with you. I don’t want to even look at you. ”

“Fine,” she sneered, although his words caused her to ache. “Why don’t you just go lock yourself up in your office upstairs and drink some more so you can ignore me and everything else – like you normally do?”

“I’ll do you one better – I’m getting the fuck out of here.” Ned fumbled in his pocket, apparently realizing that he didn’t have his car keys on him. He walked to the hook by the front door that held their extra keys, but Nancy was faster – she swooped in and grabbed his key ring, dangling it inches away from his face and pulling away when he reached for it. 

“Nancy,” he growled warningly. 

“Nope,” she told him smugly. “You can leave here if you want to, but you are sure as hell not driving. You’re entirely too drunk for that and I don’t want to be responsible if you take someone else out in an accident.”

Ned stared at her for a minute before apparently changing his tack. “Fine. But I’m not staying in this house with _you_ a minute more.”

“Good – get the fuck out,” she told him, calling his bluff. 

“Don’t have to tell me twice.” He walked to the front door and slammed it behind him. 

The minute he left, Nancy sagged against the door, far more upset than she had wanted him to see. _I can’t believe he just walked out_ , she thought, dazed.  _I can’t believe we just fought like that.  I can’t believe we said those things to each other. What the fuck is happening to us? It’s like a bad dream!_

She half-expected Ned to come back inside, mumbling an apology. However, when he didn’t return after five minutes, she felt panic rise in her chest. 

“Shit,” she swore aloud. Making her way back upstairs to their bedroom, she looked out to see Ned pacing back and forth in front of the house.  Was he waiting for a cab, or had he called someone to pick him up? Or was he still planning on coming back inside once he worked off some of his anger?

Nancy ducked into the closet and slipped a black cotton tunic sweater over her tank top, then stepped into a pair of flats.  She hurried down the stairs and glanced out through the peephole.  Just as she was about to open the door and call him back inside, a car pulled into the driveway. It was sleek and low-slung, a silver sports car, but Nancy couldn’t tell who was driving. Ned approached the car and got inside, the car idling in the driveway for a few moments. 

Nancy walked out just as the driver pulled away. _Damn it,_ she thought, annoyed. She wished she had been able to see if a man or woman was behind the wheel. 

“Well, only one way to find out, Drew,” she said aloud, finding her keys and phone and locking the front door before hurrying to her Mercedes. If she was quick enough, she could catch up to the car and follow it.

Luck and timing were on her side, because she was easily able to spot the silver car as she approached the main thoroughfare.  She reached over and pressed the in-dash button and spoke a command for her phone to dial. 

“Red? Well, this is a nice surprise!” Ben’s voice boomed through her car’s speakers. 

“Hi, Ben.”

“To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“I need you to do me a favor.”

“Anything for you, Red.”

Nancy took a deep breath, suddenly feeling foolish. She was acting like one of those jealous, possessive women who stalked their husbands’ every move.  First checking his cell phone, and now this? Who the hell had she turned into; who the hell had Nedturned her into?

“You there?” Ben’s voice interrupted her train of thought. 

“Yeah, sorry. Can you run a license plate for me?” She quickly signaled as silver car unexpectedly changed lanes. 

“Of course. Hit me.”

She rattled off the plate number, and waited with bated breath as he ran the information through the DMV database. “Um, it’s registered to a Carly L. Ryan. Age thirty. Address on Wiltshire Boulevard.”

_Fuck._ Nancy simultaneously went hot and cold as Ben’s words registered.  “That lying, cheating bastard,” she whispered, feeling the bitter sting of betrayal.  After Ned had sworn up and down that he wasn’t screwing around with Carly, _she_ was the person he had called to pick him up.

“Red, are you okay?” Ben asked, sounding concerned. 

“Yeah, yeah. I have to go. Call you later.” She stabbed at the button on the dash to disconnect the call and was grateful that they had pulled up to a red light. Nancy began pounding on her steering wheel in frustration and anger. 

“That fucking son of a bitch!” she burst out. “Telling me he wasn’t seeing that cunt. Did he think he could get away with it?” Just as she was tempted to get out and drag him out of Carly’s passenger seat, the light turned green and the silver car accelerated.

Nancy grimly followed the car through the heavy traffic all the way into Westwood, her stomach turning as Carly pulled into the driveway for the W hotel. She watched as Ned and the brunette got out of the car when the valet handed Carly a ticket. 

“Well, I see that she dressed for the occasion,” she snorted. Carly was decked out in an entirely too tight, too low-cut black dress and red fuck-me stilettos. 

Nancy was startled when the valet rapped on her closed window. She opened the door and forced herself to smile at him when she accepted her own ticket, shaking her head when he asked if she was a hotel guest. She rushed to the lobby, all the while discreetly trying to scope out her husband and Carly. 

A hotel employee in a purple shirt smiled at her. “Good evening. Can I assist you?”

She again pasted a smile onto her face. “Yes, I’m meeting some friends of mine – a dark-haired man who’s about six-two, and a brunette in a black dress?”

“Ah, yes – they went to the bar. That way,” the employee pointed to a corner of the lobby and Nancy gave her a grateful glance before hurrying off. 

_At least they didn’t go right to a room_ , she told herself ruefully.  She watched as they sat at a cozy booth, Carly sitting entirely too close to her husband for Nancy’s comfort. 

Heart pounding, Nancy selected a table close by so she could keep tabs on them, but not so close that Ned could catch sight of her.  

\--

“I have to admit that I’m glad you called me tonight, Ned,” Carly told him, leaning close and patting his arm.

“Yeah, well… I just needed to get out of the house,” Ned told her, taking a sip of his scotch. He looked away, pretending to be engrossed by the atmosphere of the bar. Normally, he would’ve been impressed by the frosted-glass staircase and the waterfall; tonight, though, he found them pretentious and ridiculous. 

The fight with Nancy had been fucking awful – the things she had said to him, and the things he had said to her… As the words were coming out of his mouth, especially the ones about her mother, he wanted to take them back. By then, though, they were both just too far gone. 

The look of hurt and betrayal on her face had been like a knife in his heart. Of course he didn’t really think she’d be a bad mother – it was just that she had been so mean and vituperative that he hadn’t been able to stop himself from lashing and hurting her the way she had hurt him, the way a part of him had been longing to hurt her since she had made that fucking crack about the strap-on months earlier. 

Ned truly didn’t understand why Nancy was so hell-bent on being unhappy, and why she was so damn focused on heading back to the Midwest. Things here wouldn’t be so bad for her if she’d only let herself adapt to their new house and their new life.  And he was so fucking tired of her being so cold and angry all of the time – he never knew what to say to her anymore, what would be the thing to set her off. 

“You want to talk about it?” Carly asked sympathetically, picking up her own drink. 

He shook his head. “Can’t.”

“Oh, come on. It couldn’t have been that bad.”

“It was worse than bad. It was a knock-down drag-out fight. I had thought that the ones we had before were bad, but those were like a kindergarten playground scuffle compared to tonight.”

“Wow. No wonder you wanted to get out of there.” 

“She was so damn angry and bitter—as usual. And she blamed _me_ for being the reason she’s so angry and bitter—as usual.” 

Some part of him knew that it was entirely inappropriate for him to be confiding in Carly like this, but he didn’t give a fuck anymore.  He needed to talk to someone, and the guys back home, Mike and Howie and his other friends, just wouldn’t get it.  

“You poor thing,” Carly cooed, and he could detect a glimmer of something else in her eyes.  “What did she say?” 

Ned took a swallow of his drink. “She basically forced me to come home for dinner, even though I was swamped at work. Things were okay for a while, and then… then we got into it. She accused me of all kinds of shit and told me that I’m a different person now than the man she married, but _she’s_ the one who’s changed! 

“Nancy used to be independent and always appreciate the stuff I did for her. Now when I buy her stuff, she just _bitches_ about it. I thought women _liked_ nice jewelry and fancy cars,” he muttered, finishing his drink and signaling for another. He was getting pissed off again, just talking about it. 

“ _I_ do,” Carly purred. “If my man was giving me stuff like that, I’d be sure to show him just how grateful I was.” 

“See!” he exclaimed, feeling vindicated. “But no, not Nancy. Meanwhile, her father was rich and he gave her shit all of the time – but when _I_ do it, apparently I’m just doing it to show off how much money I’m making. Her father can do no wrong, though.”

“One of those kinds of girls,” she said, shaking her head. 

“Yep. And then she accused me of being drunk all of the time – which I’m not.” He looked down regretfully at his empty glass. 

“You just like to have fun and unwind – it’s no big deal. She’s entirely too uptight.”

“Exactly!” Ned beamed, glad that someone understood him. “Then it came out that I got pulled over on that bullshit DUI – and she flipped the fuck out, just like I knew she would.”

“Did you tell her about the one..?” She made a vague gesture, indicating the two of them.

He shook his head. “Hell, no. That would’ve _really_ made her lose it.”

“What else happened?”

Ned silently thanked the waiter who had set down their fresh drinks. “She said that I didn’t care about her happiness, that she had sacrificed so much to come out here and I didn’t appreciate it…”

“I genuinely don’t understand why she’s so unhappy. I mean, she’s married to you.”

He flashed her a grateful smile before continuing his story. “Because I work a lot and I never see her, and I’m not at her beck and call, and on and on and on.  Same fucking argument we always have.”

Carly wrinkled her nose before taking another drink. “Don’t tell me she’s one of those whiny, clingy women who can’t keep herself occupied?”

“She never used to be,” Ned chuckled grimly. 

“So she’s definitely the one who changed, not you,” she pointed out, grinning slyly. “No wonder you’re so aggravated, Ned. I’d be _exhausted_ if I came home from a long day at work and had to put up with someone being so mean and negative all of the time, someone who constantly picked fights with me.” She took another sip of her drink and sat back against the booth. 

“Yeah, it’s like I can’t even talk to her anymore without bracing myself for how she’s going to tear me a new one over something I either did or didn’t do.” He shook his head and took a large gulp of scotch. He couldn't believe it had taken so long to open up to Carly like this; she was exactly what he'd needed.

“So, is that all you fought about?”

“Nope,” he sighed, exhaling loudly. “That was just the tip of the fucking iceberg.”

“Come on, Ned,” Carly cajoled him. “I feel like you’re still holding something back - just come out with it, already! You know that talking about this shit has already taken a weight off of your shoulders, so you might as well tell me the rest. After all, we’re friends, right?”

He shrugged. “You’re right. Okay, so the thing that triggered this argument – was sex.”

Carly leaned in closer. “Well, this just got more interesting.” When he made a face, she shrugged apologetically, although he could tell that it was just an act. “So, what? She didn’t want to; you did?”

“Nope – just the opposite, in fact.”

“So you didn’t want to fuck her?” Carly looked entirely too gleeful at the thought.  

Ned knew that he was in dangerous territory, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself. It felt so good to confide in someone, to let it all out. Nancy used to be his main confidant, his sounding board – _not anymore_ , he thought bitterly before answering Carly’s question. 

“It’s not that… The only reason she ever wants to fuck anymore is just so she can get pregnant. And the only reason she wants to get pregnant is so she can go back to Illinois – all she’s ever wanted since she moved here is for us to go back.”

Carly made a noise of outrage. “And how do _you_ feel about that? I mean, what about your job? You’re on the fast track and Lindsey and Allen fucking _love_ you! No offense, Ned, but your wife sounds mentally unhinged and selfish as fuck if she’s planning on standing in the way of your getting everything that you’ve been working your ass off for here.”

Ned agreed with Carly but still felt uncomfortable hearing her speaking ill of Nancy. “I told her that – needless to say, she didn’t take it very well.” Ned chuckled, but it was devoid of humor.

“So you told her you wouldn’t fuck her and she flipped out?”

He shook his head. “No… We were fooling around, and then I asked to watch porn, like we used to…”

“I l _ove_ porn,” Carly told him, her lips twitching upwards in a feral grin, one Ned found himself returning. 

“Yeah, she never loved it, but at least she’d watch it with me sometimes – we even made a sex tape once.”

She raised her eyebrows at that. “Really. I thought she’d be way too uptight for that – although, redheads _are_ dirty girls.”

Ned chose not to rise to that particular bait. “So the DVD I put in was a guy with two girls, and I asked her if we could try it one day. That’s when she lost her shit.”

“So, no threesome?”

He shook his head morosely. “Nope. That’s when she accused me of… She said that I probably only wanted to do it so I could get you into bed with the two of us.”

He could see Carly trying to hide a grin at that, and not doing a very good job of it. “Well, you know that _I’d_ be into it.”

“I don’t get why she thinks it’s such a big fucking deal!” he burst out. “I mean, she’d _be_ there – I’m not asking to go off and hook up with two strangers, for Christ’s sake. She used to be into crazy, freaky shit. A few years ago, on my birthday, we started making lists of our top fantasies, and she was totally down with just about all of them.”

“Yet more proof that she’s changed,” Carly pointed out.

Ned nodded, feeling better. If Carly saw the things the same way he did, it meant he wasn’t crazy, right? “I just don’t get why she won’t give me this one fucking thing! Before we got married… Did you know that my wife’s the only woman I’ve ever slept with?”

Carly made a noise of astonishment. “You have got to be fucking kidding me.” 

He shook his head violently. “Nope.”

“A gorgeous, sexy, sensual, vibrant man like you? You’ve only been with _one_ woman?” Her tone vibrated with shock. 

“That’s right. And as it was, she made me wait until we were married to go all the way.  A prime example of a total cock tease.”

“You know, I never understood girls like that,” Carly confided, taking another sip from her glass. “Getting a guy all worked up and then backing out the last minute. It’s just a power thing, you know.” 

“You’re damn right, and from day one, she had all the power in our relationship. That’s why she’s so pissy – because _I’m_ the one who controls things now.”

“I’ll bet you’re right, and I can’t believe that she said no to a guy like you when I’m _sure_ there was a line around the block of other girls who would’ve been more than happy to give you what you wanted. I mean, if I had known you back then?” She shook her head. “We would have been fucking every chance we had – your dick would have been sore. And that’s not an exaggeration – it’s a fact.”

Ned instantly felt himself start to get hard at the thought of it. “That’s the thing. I had tons of chances to hook up with other women – _tons._ In college, the guys called me the Pussy Magnet because wherever we went, girls would throw themselves at me, give me their numbers. 

“But no, I _always_ stayed faithful to Nancy. And she never even appreciated it! I can’t even tell you how many dances and parties and events she missed because she was too busy on a case or some shit.   

“And like I said, I had a _lot_ of temptation. One night, after an especially wild party? This girl snuck up to my room at the frat house, took off all of her clothes, and was waiting for me in my bed when I got back. Her legs were spread wide open and she was playing with a fucking vibrator when I walked in. Penny – her name was Penny,” he recalled with a snort. “Nancy _never_ would have found out if I hooked up with that girl – and _still_ I said no! And how did she repay me? By flirting with and kissing other guys that she met on her cases!” 

“So she’s never appreciated you, and that's a fucking shame. I’m so sorry - really. And I still can’t believe that you’ve only had one lover. What a waste – I mean, look at you.” Her gaze roamed his face before moving down to his body.

“It’s true – Nancy’s the only one I’ve ever been with.” Ned took a big swallow of his new drink, which seemed to have magically appeared at his elbow. 

“Haven’t you always been curious? About what it feels like touch another woman, to taste her?” Carly leaned over the table, giving him a prime view of the cleavage spilling out of the top of her dress.  Her leg brushed his, and he was certain that the move had been deliberate on her part. “To get inside her and feel her, hot and wet around you? To have her nails scratch down her back, to hear her moan for you?” 

All of a sudden, Ned was hardly able to concentrate on anything else. The idea of being with Carly like that was getting more and more difficult to resist. He threw back the rest of his drink just so he could cool down his internal temperature, which was rising by the second. Along with his dick. 

“You know, I can help you with that. In case you really do want to know what it’s like to be with another woman – a brunette.”  Her tone was light, and he could tell she was trying to seem like she was teasing, but he knew she was dead serious.

God, it was so fucking tempting _._ “Look, maybe I shouldn’t have called—"

Carly gave him a pretty pout. “Why not? We’re friends, and friends confide in each other. It’s perfectly natural.” She picked up his hand and ran her fingertips over the back of it, and Ned had to suppress a shiver at the feel of her fingers brushing against his skin. 

“I just—” _Just walk away and go home, Nickerson,_ he told himself fiercely.

She must have sensed that he was wavering. “Tell you what. I’ll go to the ladies’ room and freshen up, and you can think about my offer while I’m gone. Sound good?”

He nodded mutely, watching her retreating figure – and her swaying ass - as she made her way to the restroom.  The minute she was out of sight, he let out a loud sigh and drummed his fingers against the tabletop.  

_What the fuck do I do?_ he asked himself frantically.  _Nancy will never find out, and she already thinks I’m sleeping with Carly anyway.  But if she ever did find out… she’d kill me and it would really be over between us. But, God – it’s been so long since I’ve had a good fuck, and I_ have _always been curious about what I missed out on by not being with anyone else…_

He continued to wrestle with his conscience while he waited for Carly to return.  Taking out his cell phone, he stared at the screen, not sure if he was angry or upset that his display didn't indicate a missed call or text from Nancy. For a split second, he debated contacting her, but he wasn’t in the mood for another round of their fight. 

Carly startled him when she slid back into the booth opposite him. “It’s late, and I’m in no condition to drive after all of the drinks I had tonight. So, I got us a room upstairs – that way, we can go talk some more, in private. We can raid the mini-bar or order a bottle from room service. And I have a little something that can really help you relax.”  She winked at him. 

Ned hesitated, knowing full well that her invitation wouldn’t just involve talking.  She was right, though – it _was_ pretty late, and Nancy was probably asleep by now. Neither he nor Carly were in any condition to drive, nor could he risk getting pulled over again.  

And he _could_ use a hit or something to help him de-stress, help cheer him up after their fight. And if the coke made him as horny as it usually did, well… After the night he’d had, maybe he _wouldn’t_ turn Carly down this time.  He was already being punished for cheating; why not enjoy the sin?

“Sure, why not?” he told her, giving her a wide grin. 

“Perfect. Then what are we waiting for?” She downed the remainder of her drink and gave him a saucy smile, reaching for his hand. 

\--

Nancy couldn’t believe it. Tonight her boss had to call her with a question about the case she was working on? And at this hour? She looked down at her phone in dismay as she heard it vibrate yet again. 

Nancy had been watching Ned and Carly from a table nearby, her blood boiling each time they leaned in close together. When she saw the other woman punctuating her responses to Ned by touching his arm or his hand, she wanted to get up and slap her away. And from the irritated facial expressions Ned was making, she just knew that he was confiding entirely too much to Carly. It made her want to slap him, too.  

_What about all of the things I told Ben?_ her conscience whispered.   _What about_ _that night I was crying to him in the park over takeout Thai food?_

Nancy impatiently brushed aside that thought.  It didn’t matter – the fact that Ned had called Carly to pick him up and bring him to a fucking hotel right after he’d denied her accusations of cheating made _his_ transgression much worse—and his denial even more hollow.  

Her phone continued to buzz. Irritated, Nancy ignored it and kept her gaze fixed on Ned’s table.  The waiter came up to her and again asked if she wanted a drink – just as she ordered another Diet Coke, her phone went off again. 

Nancy got up, careful to slink out so she wouldn’t be spotted by her husband. Even though she wanted to stay and keep tabs on him, she was fearful that her voice would somehow carry to where Ned and Carly were sitting, even though she hadn’t been able to hear _them_ talking. Part of her was glad about that.  

Nancy answered her boss’s questions, fighting down her irritation, which rose higher and higher the longer he kept her on the phone.  All she wanted to do was get back to the bar so she could somehow will Ned into coming back to his senses so he’d leave alone, so he'd come back to her—but she had no fucking intention of begging him for it, after what he had done to her in their living room.  

After fifteen long minutes Nancy rushed back inside, cursing when she noticed Ned and Carly’s table was empty. _Fuck, where’d they go?_ she thought frantically, whipping her head around as she scanned the crowd.

_No, no, no – please don’t tell me they went upstairs_ , she prayed.  She threw some bills onto the table to cover her drinks and provide a generous tip, and hurried to the check-in desk, stifling a scream of frustration when she saw the long line of people waiting. 

Nancy impatiently shifted her weight from foot to foot as she waited for the next available clerk, all the while imagining Ned and Carly in various states of undress.  When it was her turn, she forced a bright smile onto her face as the tall blonde clerk greeted her.  The name tag pinned to her purple shirt indicated that blonde’s name was Lauren. 

“Hi – your hotel is so nice! I should’ve guessed, though – my sister loves fancy places like this!” Nancy gushed, doing her best imitation of a Midwestern tourist as she looked around the lobby with exaggerated excitement. “She checked in a little while ago and told me to come meet her? But my cell phone dropped the call before I could hear what room she was in – can you believe it? I mean, I’d understand if I was back in Illinois – that’s where I’m from, by the way,” she confided. “I’m sure you could tell, though.”

Lauren had apparently been trained to be extremely polite, because she shook her head. “No, not at all! Welcome to Los Angeles!”

“Thanks!” Nancy replied, acting like she had just been given a compliment. “But like I was saying, our call got dropped before I could hear what room she was in; I tried to call her back, but she hasn’t been picking up her cell. Can you possibly look up her room number for me?”

The blonde hesitated, clearly torn between wanting to provide good service and wanting to protect the guest's privacy. “Why don’t you give me her name and I can call her room?” she suggested.

Nancy momentarily panicked. “Oh, I don’t want to put you out…”

“No, no, it’s no bother, miss,” Lauren assured her with a friendly smile. 

After deliberating a moment, Nancy nodded. “It’s Carly Ryan. I sure hope you can get her – I’d hate to think that I came to the wrong hotel.”

Lauren’s deep purple nails clacked against the keyboard of her computer as she looked up the record. “Oh, yes - I see that Ms. Ryan is staying with us. Let me just call her.”

Nancy felt sick upon hearing confirmation that Carly had checked in, knowing that Ned must be with her. After all of the cases of suspected infidelity she had worked on over the years, the last thing she’d ever thought she’d have to do was use her skills as an investigator to tail her own fucking husband.  She felt another stab of resentment towards Ned for even putting her into this position in the first place. 

She held her breath as Lauren dialed the number and waited for someone to pick up. After a minute, Lauren placed the receiver back in the cradle, shaking her head.  “Sorry, miss – no one’s picking up. Maybe you could try the bar?” 

The news made Nancy panic even more – she didn’t want to think about what her husband and Carly were doing that prevented them from picking up the phone. 

“Oh,” she said, not having to fake her disappointment. “Maybe she’s in the shower? Can I just go up there and knock on the door?  I just hate the idea of her thinking I didn’t show up. We haven’t seen each other in so long and I’m only here for another day and—”

Lauren hesitated again. “Okay – it’s room 1251,” she acquiesced. 

“Great! Thank you so much, Lauren!”

The smile that Nancy had forced onto her face disappeared the minute she dashed towards the bank of elevators. 

The wait for an elevator that was going up was interminable, as was the trip up to the twelfth floor. Once the car stopped, Nancy dashed out and followed the signs to 1251. 

Suddenly feeing foolish, she stopped in front of the door, deliberating what her next move should be. She hadn't even tried calling his phone; maybe Carly had checked in and Ned had taken a cab home... but the dread, sick in her heart, told her that was just wishful thinking. And if she left without even knocking and he wasn't home when she got there...

Nancy paced back and forth down the hallway for a while, thankful that no one else was around to see her lurking – that would surely generate a call or two to security, and she wasn’t in the mood to try and make up a story about what she was doing hanging out in the hallway. 

After ten minutes went by, she made a decision. _Fuck it. I came here to find out what my husband is up to, and it’s way too late to be chickenshit about it now. If he’s fucking around on me, at least I’ll have proof._

The thought of that made her feel momentarily lightheaded and sick, but taking a deep breath, she curled her hand into a fist and tentatively knocked on the door. When there was no answer after thirty seconds, she knocked again. Becoming furious all over again when there was still no answer, she used the side of her hand, beating her fist against the door in an insistent rhythm.  She wasn’t going to stop until someone answered the fucking door, even if it took all night. 

\--

“Why hello, Nancy – good to see you again.” Carly’s glossed lips were curled up in a smirking grin, and Nancy wanted to slap it off her face. It had taken the bitch two full minutes to answer her knock, and Nancy was trembling with rage again. “Come on in. By the way, the pool’s a few floors up – just in case you want to throw me into it again.”

Nancy ignored her dig and shoved past the other woman to storm into the room, horrified by what she saw. Carly was in one of the hotel’s terrycloth robes, loosely belted to display the majority of her clearly bare chest, and Ned… Ned’s shirt was fucking unbuttoned and out of his pants, she noticed, and her breath caught in her throat. The look of guilt and shame on his face when he saw her almost destroyed Nancy.

Then she noticed that covers of the bed were pulled back, Carly’s dress was on the floor, and a mirror holding two neat, thin lines of white powder was sitting on the dresser. It was like she had just walked into the worst nightmare she could possibly imagine, but even her imagination would never, _never_ have thought this could ever be true. 

“Nancy? What are you doing here?” Ned asked, the panic in his voice evident.

“I followed you, you asshole!” she yelled. “After you left the house, I followed you and your little girlfriend to this hotel.  And then I watched the two of you at the bar. Did you forget that I’m a fucking private investigator?” 

“Shit,” he muttered, turning pale. 

“Ned, did you fuck this whore? And were you doing cocaine?” she whispered, horrified. 

“Nancy, it’s not what it looks like,” he told her frantically. “I messed up, and I’m so sorry, but I didn’t—“

“Are you fucking _serious_ with this?” she demanded. “After you swear up and down to me earlier that you aren’t fucking around on me, I walk in to find you in a hotel room with this slut, and there are drugs on the dresser, and you tell me that _it’s not what it looks like_?” Nancy said incredulously, her voice rising.  “Do you think I’m stupid?”

“No!” Ned protested loudly. “But, baby… it’s not… I didn’t…”  He hastily buttoned up his shirt, his hands trembling a little, and stuffed it into his pants. 

She whirled around to glare at Carly. “I should have known.  You must feel _really_ proud of yourself, huh.”

“Well, I’m in a hotel room with your husband, his clothes are nearly off, and I’m naked under this robe. Don’t blame me, honey - you should’ve done a better job of paying attention to your man,” she told Nancy, giving a shrug of insouciance.   

“You need to get the fuck out of my face in thirty seconds, or I will not be responsible for my actions,” Nancy told the other woman, her voice deadly calm.  There was pure hatred and rage coursing through her veins.

“Ooh, touchy. Ned, you were right – she’s really being a nasty bitch tonight. No wonder you couldn’t wait to get away from her and be with me, instead.”

“Stay out of this, you cunt,” Nancy told her icily. “This is between me and my _husband_.” 

“Oh, _now_ you remember that he’s your husband? How about all of those nights you left him alone? You didn’t wonder where he was?  Well, I can answer that little riddle for you.” Carly raised her eyebrows meaningfully.  

“Carly,” Ned said warningly.

“And I made him feel like a real man – like the sexy, handsome, fun, interesting man that he is.  Meanwhile, you couldn’t be bothered, could you?”

“This is between me and my husband,” Nancy repeated. “You need to leave. _Now_. “

“It’s _my_ hotel room. The hotel room where your husband willingly joined me. It’s a shame, really.” Carly cocked her head pensively. “Maybe if you had done a better job of making him happy and keeping him satisfied in bed, he wouldn’t have had to come running to me.” 

That did it. Nancy felt her tenuous grip on her fury snap in that one instant, and before she could stop herself, she lunged forward, landing one solid blow to Carly’s face. 

“Fuck!” the other woman howled, her hands flying to her face as she fell. The strength of Nancy’s punch had knocked her to the floor. 

“Nancy!” Ned exclaimed, horrified. He made a move towards Carly, who was holding her hand up against her bleeding nose. 

“If you go to her and pick her up off the floor, I will punch you too,” Nancy vowed to her husband in a low voice. 

Ned grabbed her by the arms to restrain her, but Nancy shrugged him off. “Don’t you fucking touch me.”

 “You probably broke my nose, you bitch!” Carly bellowed from the floor, her voice a high, stuffy whine. 

“Serves you right for being such a slut!” Nancy told her. This time she was the one who was smirking. “You couldn’t resist, could you? You nasty, evil, husband-stealing whore. Stop faking and get up, skank - I barely tapped you.”

Carly got to her feet, glaring at Nancy. “No wonder Ned’s tired of you. You’re a miserable bitch – just like he said.”

 “Do you want me to hit you again?” Nancy asked calmly. “Then just keep talking.”

“You’re just lucky I don’t want to press charges for assault.” 

“Oh, yeah?” Nancy countered.  “Why don't you go ahead. Then maybe I’ll tell the cops about the drugs I found here. I have some friends in the LAPD – they’ll be very interested to hear it.”

“Carly, you should go,” Ned interjected. “Please. Nancy and I need to talk. I’ll pay you for the room – just please go. _Please_.” 

His pleading must have gotten to her, because Carly nodded. She grabbed her dress and dropped her robe, displaying every inch of her tanned, naked body.  Nancy glared at the other woman as she threw a little grin in Ned’s direction, just before slipping into her clothing. Carly scooped up the cocaine on the dresser and put it into a plastic bag that she stored in her purse. 

“Call me if you want to talk later,” the brunette cooed at Ned, waving her fingers at him. 

“Shut the fuck up and leave,” Nancy snarled. “Or you won’t be getting up off the floor next time.”

The minute the door closed behind Carly, Ned turned to Nancy, a pleading look on his face. He was still in shock that Nancy had found them - and that she had punched Carly in the face. 

“Nan, baby… Baby, I fucked up. I know I did.” 

Nancy regarded him coldly. “You’re damn right you did. I saw you at the bar with your girlfriend and then you fucking came up here…” She rubbed her knuckles, which were flushed red and sore. 

“She’s not my girlfriend,” he protested desperately. “Baby, I swear she’s not.” He couldn’t believe that he hadn’t even noticed Nancy’s presence at the bar – he had been that consumed by his conversation with Carly. 

“How long has this been going on? Was she there during that weekend on Catalina Island?” 

He kept silent, knowing that she’d be able to see the lie in his eyes if he attempted one. 

“So I guess that means yes.  And that you deliberately led me to believe otherwise. I really should’ve known. I mean, I’m a fucking private investigator. It’s like that old saying about how the cobbler’s children have no shoes – the detective’s husband is sneaking around behind her back and cheating on her.”

“Baby, I—"

“Save it, Ned,” she told him savagely. “Okay, so you called your _friend_ Carly tonight and she came and picked you up at the house.”

“Baby, I just needed someone to talk to,” he told her quietly. 

“So you called that slut. There was _no one_ else that you could’ve talked to or called. Right,” she replied sarcastically.

“I know I was an asshole, and the shit I said to you earlier was awful. But I was mad and I needed someone to talk to.”

“Oh, I’ll bet you had lots to talk about with Carly… How your wife’s a cold bitch, how she doesn’t do what you want her to, how you’re Mr. Nice Guy… Tell me, am I getting warm?”

Ned felt sick, knowing that she had hit the nail on the head. “It wasn’t like that,” he attempted, but she shut him down with a steely glare. 

She rubbed her knuckles again. “You’re full of shit, but go on. So, you had some drinks, had a conversation with your good buddy Carly… Then why’d you come up here if it was all so innocent and you didn’t intend for anything to happen, Ned?” Her voice was dangerously calm. 

“We were both kind of trashed… Because I already had those drinks at the house and had a few more downstairs… And since we were already here and we were both too drunk to drive anywhere, she… she got this room and invited me to come with her. To talk.”

Nancy let out a soft wounded sound. “Oh my God,” she whispered, and it came out as a half-sob. “I cannot believe you are telling me this. I saw it, but…”

“Baby, I know, but I…”

“Go on,” she told him, taking in a ragged breath.

“The last thing I wanted to do was to hurt you…”

Nancy used the back of her hand to wipe away the tears that started to fall down her  cheeks. “Oh, I think it was _exactly_ what you wanted to do, Ned. You wanted to show me that someone else would be more than willing to give you what you want and you wanted to get back at me for telling you no. So, what happened next?”

“I’m only telling you this because we agreed that we wouldn’t have any secrets between us, Nancy,” he told her, half-pleadingly. He had never felt so small or so cruel as he did while he was trying to get through his confession. 

“Well, aren’t you the considerate husband?” Nancy sneered. “After months of sneaking around and lying to me about _all kinds_ of shit, I’m sure, _tonight_ you decide to come clean. Tell me what the fuck you _did_ with that whore in this hotel room, Ned. _Now_.”

“She got the room and I came up here with her… At first, we just sat on the bed and talked, you know?”

“Those drugs that were on the dresser – did you take any?”

“Nancy…”

“I asked you a question, Ned. Did you or did you not snort cocaine tonight?”

“Yes,” he admitted. “But not a line – just a little hit! I was upset, I thought I’d try something new to calm myself down…” He couldn’t admit that he’d been snorting pretty regularly – Nancy would really lose it then. 

“Okay, so you were talking and then you took a hit. Then what happened?”

“We were talking and then I took the coke to relax… But then… Then, she leaned in and… she kissed me.”

Nancy sniffled, blinking hard, sending another pair of tears slipping down her cheeks. “So, she kissed you? You didn’t kiss her back?”

He hesitated before replying. “I kissed her back,” he admitted softly. 

“Just one kiss?”

Ned paused again. “No. We kissed for a while. ”

“Tongue?” Her tone was flat now, as if she were interrogating a suspect for one of her cases. 

“Yes.” Every answer he gave made him feel worse and worse, but he knew it would only hurt more later.  

“Okay, so you kissed her for a while. Then what?”

Ned closed his eyes briefly. “She took off her dress… and like you saw, she wasn’t wearing anything underneath it...”

Nancy made a sound of disbelief. “Did you touch her?”

“Nan…”

“I asked you a simple question, Ned. Did you touch Carly’s naked body?”

He sucked in a breath. “I just touched her breast…” 

“Oh, just,” she said, attempting a sarcastic tone but her voice broke. “You _just_ touched her breast. How?” When he looked startled, she clarified her question. “How did you touch her breast, Ned? With your hands, your mouth, what?”

“With my hand,” he admitted. 

“Just the breast itself, or her nipple?”

“Nan… you don’t want…”

“You’re damn right, I don’t want to know. But since you feel like baring your soul here, you might as well tell me all of it.”

He paused before replying. “Both,” he said softly. “I… I cupped her breast in one hand and stroked it… Then I… I started playing with the nipple with my thumb.”

She swallowed hard. “And I’ll just guess that her nipple got tight from you touching her, if it wasn’t already.  Then what? Did you take your clothes off, or did she do it for you?”

_I never should have taken that hit of coke_ , he cursed himself. _That was the only reason I wasn’t able control myself around Carly. I was pissed, I was drunk, she was coming onto me, and the fucking coke – I just couldn’t stop myself. I didn’t_ want _to stop myself,_ he silently admitted.

Ned felt like the biggest piece of shit in the world as he continued to recount the details. “I… She unbuttoned my shirt, and touched my chest. Then she knelt in front of me on the floor to unbuckle my belt and slide down my zipper…”

“Oh my God. You better not be about to tell me what I think you are. If you tell me that you fucked that goddamn whore, or let her suck you off, I will kill you. I will literally take out my gun from my purse right now and kill you.” The hurt and betrayal and anger in her expression were painful for him to see; the distance in her eyes was worse. 

“Baby, no! No, we didn’t fuck, I _swear_ to you. I’ve never fucked her – _ever_. After my pants were unzipped, she reached for my cock through my shorts--”

“And I’ll bet it was hard and ready for her,” Nancy interrupted harshly. “Because I’m sure you had no problem getting it up for _Carly_. After all, she’s not a demanding bitch like your wife is.”

Ned didn’t acknowledge her comment but he knew she could tell that she had guessed correctly. “She reached for me, and she moved her mouth down to my crotch.”

“Was your cock in her mouth?”

He paused just a split-second too long. “Nan…”

“It’s not a difficult question, Ned.” Her voice was deadly calm. 

“Yes,” he admitted softly. “But just for a second! I stopped her!  Baby, I pushed her away before anything could happen because I didn’t want to go through with it. 

“I realized that I didn’t want to be with her, that she wasn’t worth throwing away what you and I have – even though we said some awful shit to each other tonight. I stood up, and zipped up my pants and was about to leave when you knocked on the door. 

“Baby, I couldn’t go through with it because I love _you_.” He knew he was pleading and desperate, but he didn’t care. He had to make Nancy understand that he had chosen to be faithful to her. 

She began clapping. “Oh, so now I suppose you want to be _rewarded_ for taking your dick out of her mouth. Or for keeping it out of her pussy. I’ll bet you think you deserve the prize of the century for turning down a hot piece of ass like that. Well, sorry, Ned, you’re not getting it from me. Fuck. You.”

He felt ashamed, because part of him had been hoping that was exactly would happen – that once Nancy heard that he had stopped Carly from sucking him off or fucking him, she’d be so relieved that she’d be willing to forgive him. 

“Nancy, I am so sorry. I know I let things get way out of hand, and I am so sorry. “

“Well, that’s nice. Do you feel better now?” she asked, her tone overly sweet. “Now that you’ve gotten it off of your chest, that you’ve confessed your sins, do you feel better?

“Ned Nickerson, what the fuck were you thinking?” she screamed, startling him as her tone went from soft to loud. “How could you do this to me, to us? You cheating son of a bitch!” Her voice cracked at the end, turning to a wracking sob that broke his heart. 

“If anyone had told me a year ago that you would cheat on me, I would have told them to go to hell.  I would’ve said, _‘Not my Ned, he’s the most loving, devoted, faithful man I’ve ever met.’_ You really are a stranger to me now.” The tears were pouring down her face as she continued to sob. 

“Baby, I know. I know, and I am so sorry… I know I said some terrible things to you tonight, and I did some terrible things… I wish I could take it back, I wish I could take all of it back…” Ned began to cry as he watched her break down, the comedown from the coke magnifying his feelings of shame and sorrow. 

“Well, you can’t,” she told him harshly. “You can’t take back the fact that you called that slut and got drunk with her and told her all kinds of private shit about your relationship with your wife, and then went up to a hotel room with her and put your hands all over her naked body and let her paw your cock and almost let her give you a blow job. Sorry, Ned, no do-overs here.”

She shook her head angrily as she continued to cry in harsh, ugly gasps. “I can’t believe this. _I can’t believe this!”_ she repeated, and he didn’t know if she was talking to him or to herself. “And to think that all I wanted tonight was to have a nice evening with my husband and make love with him so I could get pregnant and we could start our family. I hate you. I fucking _hate_ you,” she sobbed even harder. 

“Baby, I know,” he repeated helplessly, his voice breaking as he impatiently swiped at his wet face.  “I love you so much, and I am so fucking sorry that I did this to you, that I did this to _us_. You’re my _everything_ , baby, and I can’t believe I did this.” 

Ned reached out to pull her into his arms but she angrily swatted his hands away. When he tried again, she slapped his cheek, hard. 

“Don’t you fucking touch me,” she told him in a low, trembling hiss. “Don’t you dare take those hands that you used to touch that bitch’s fake tits and put them on me.”

“Nan…”

“Oh, and don’t you stand here and look all apologetic and give me your sad, puppy-dog eyes while you call me by my nickname. You cheating son of a bitch. I hate you so much right now that I can’t even look at you.”

Ned stared at her, itching to get on his hands and knees to beg her forgiveness, but didn’t know if it would have any impact on her tonight. “I know it’s been a long night and that I’ve hurt you badly, but please come back to the house with me so we can talk this out. I know that if we--"

“Oh, I’m not going anywhere with you. Especially not back to that house.” 

His stomach flipped. “Come on, baby – I know you’re hurt and angry, but we need to talk through everything. _Please_ ,” he begged. “If you just come back home with me—"

“Save your breath—really, don’t even bother. You wanted so badly to live in that house? You can have it, asshole. I’m not going back there with you – not tonight or ever.” 

Ned’s face drained of color as he realized that she was completely serious. “Nancy – come on,” he said desperately. “What I did was terrible, but we have to work it out!”

She just shook her head, her blue eyes startling against her flushed, tear-streaked face, and stalked to the door, yanking it open before he realized that she was leaving. Ned scrambled after her, hearing the echo of the door slamming behind him as he made his way down the hallway.

“Nancy, please.  We can work this out – we’ve _always_ worked things out!” 

Nancy made a noise of irritation as he followed her into the elevator. “That was different.” She angrily stabbed at the ‘Lobby’ button on the interior panel, the doors closing behind them before the elevator started its descent. 

“I know what I did was terrible, but we can get through this!”

“Maybe we could have, if you hadn’t come to a hotel to fuck your whore of a girlfriend,” she informed him icily. 

The two older women in the elevator who had been regarding them with open curiosity and interest now seemed to glare at him, clearly taking Nancy’s side.  They instinctively moved closer to her, as if to shield her from him. 

“I told you – she’s not my girlfriend! It was just a dumb lapse in judgment! I’m so, so sorry for the things I did and said tonight.” He had to make her understand. “When I realized what I was doing, I stopped her – because I love you, Nancy. I’ve _always_ loved you.”

“And that’s why you’ve been horrible to me since I got here? When you haven’t been ignoring me, that is? Because you love me so damn much?” She impatiently swiped at the tears again brimming from her eyes, and Ned wanted to slap himself for making her cry like he had tonight. 

“Come home with me and let’s talk it out.  We just need to talk.”

“You can talk all you want to – I just won’t be there to hear it.” The elevator stopped at the lobby and the minute the doors opened, she bolted out, Ned following her through the front doors to the valet stand. 

“Nancy.  Please.”

The valet walked over to them and Nancy rummaged through her pocket to find the ticket for her car. 

“Baby.” Ned placed his hand on her elbow but she angrily jerked it away. “Just come home and we’ll sit down and figure things out.”

“Oh, will we? So what will we figure out, huh? How we’ll stay here and you’ll keep working a million hours a week and we’ll keep going with this charade of a marriage? How you’ll get your apartment and fool around with Carly while I’m home, waiting for you to call or text me?" Her voice just kept getting louder, angrier.

“Nance—"

“Or will we talk about going back to our real home, the one in Illinois? Because that’s the only way I would even remotely be interested in hearing what you have to say.”

Ned froze. “Baby, I… I love my job, and I’m up for that promotion…”

She chuckled, but it was an ugly, sharp sound. “Yeah, I thought so. I thought that was what you’d say.  If you aren’t even going to _consider_ moving back, then there’s nothing to talk about.” 

The valet pulled up with her car and Nancy dug into her purse, coming up with some bills, which she pushed into his hand.   When she started to get into the car, Ned put his hand onto her shoulder but she shrugged him off.

“Get your hands off me – how many times do I have to say that to you tonight?” Her voice was a low growl. 

“Miss, is this man bothering you?” the valet asked, giving Ned a warning look.  

“No – I have it under control, but thank you,” she replied, giving him a careful smile. 

Ned dropped his hand from her shoulder and studied her for a moment before hastily dashing to the passenger’s side. Nancy was one step ahead, though – she quickly slammed her door and engaged the locks. 

“Nancy!” he cried out, pounding his closed fist on the window in frustration.  “Open the door and let me in – please!”

She opened the passenger window a crack and glared at him coldly. “You must be deaf tonight, because I keep having to repeat myself. I do not want you to touch me, I am not interested in talking to you, and I am not going home with you. End of story.”

“Where will you go?”

“Funny – you never cared where I was all those nights you were ‘working late’.” Nancy curled her fingers into air quotes. “Or was that because you were too busy with Carly to even think about me?” 

“I wasn’t—" His reply was cut off when she stabbed the power window button and pulled away. 

The five mile-per-hour speed limit and the volume of cars in the hotel’s driveway allowed Ned to jog alongside the car as she inched forward towards the street. 

“Baby, I know you can hear me!” he called out through her closed windows. “I love you and I’m sorry! I’m so damn sorry, sweetheart! You were my first love and you’re the only woman I’ve ever loved, the only one I’ll ever love.” 

He knew she was listening because he saw her use her palms to brush away the tears on her cheeks. She shook her head impatiently. 

“Come on, sweetheart – please. Please. I love you. I love you so much, baby,” he shouted. His voice broke, and he realized that he was crying again. “I’ll change, I’ll work less... I’ll go to the doctor with you and I’ll make it to every appointment… Just please let me in! Please come back to the house with me!”

Her face was contorted as she sobbed in her car. She suddenly lowered the window and slowed down to a near-stop just before she was about to pull onto the street. “Now you want to change? _Now_?”

“Yes, baby! Yes – I’ll do whatever you want!”

“Well, fuck you – it’s too damn late.” Just as abruptly as she had lowered the window, she raised it again and hit the gas, her tires squealing as she shot out of the driveway and onto the street. Ned quickened his jog to a run as he attempted to chase her, but she just sped up until it was impossible for him to keep up. He paused in the middle of the street, her car’s taillights seeming to mock him as he watched them disappear. 

Before, Ned had been crying silently; now, he burst into great, ragged sobs, his body shaking. 

\--

After driving aimlessly for ten minutes, Nancy realized that she needed to pull over.  Her vision was totally obscured by the tears that were continually filling her eyes and pouring down her face, and her body was wracked with heaving sobs. She pulled into the nearly-deserted parking lot of a discount store, her hands shaking from her anger and sadness as she turned the key to shut off the engine.  

The enormity of what Ned done made her nauseated.  The betrayal of it, the goddamn betrayal – it felt like he had actually stabbed her in the heart with a knife. 

_He made me come out here and give up everything, and_ this _is what he does to repay me? This is how he takes care of me? And he wanted a baby for so long and then when we start trying, he does this?_

Nancy sat there and cried for a while longer, until she had no more tears left, until her throat was dry and sore from the crying and the screaming she had done all night. She fumbled impatiently through her purse until she found a packet of tissues to blow her nose. 

She had no idea what to do or where to go. All she had known was that she couldn’t go back to that house one minute longer with that man who used to be her loving husband and best friend, but was now a stranger. She didn’t have any friends or family to call or crash with, and she wasn’t about to go back into the house. She could check into a hotel, but just the thought of that after where she had just been was enough to make her skin crawl with revulsion, and if she was alone, a very small part of her was afraid she would give in, that she would want to believe him badly enough that she would take him back. And he would just hurt her again.

Nancy suddenly had a burst of inspiration. She took her cell phone out and dialed, keeping her fingers crossed that the person on the other side would pick up as she heard it ring.

Finally, she heard an answer. “Hello? Who is this?”

“It’s me. I’m sorry, it's probably really fucking late, isn't it...” She glanced at the clock on the dashboard and was shocked to find that it was two-thirty in the morning. Only two-thirty. It felt like ten years had passed since she had set the table for their dinner, taking out their fucking wedding china... She choked back a quiet sob.

“Nancy?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry, is it too late?” she said, fighting to keep her voice level.

“No, no, it’s good,” the voice said sleepily. “Are you okay? Is something wrong? What happened with the plate I ran for you earlier?”

Nancy hesitated. “I need to talk to someone.”

The voice sounded more alert. “Okay. Why don’t you come on over?”

She relaxed. “Are you sure? It’s two-thirty in the morning.”

A chuckle came over the line. “I know – you’re the one who called me. It’s fine, really. Please, come on over. Let me give you my address.”

Once she had carefully written down the information, Nancy punched it into her car’s GPS. Before she pulled out of the parking lot, she searched in her purse one more time, this time coming up with a hairbrush, a tube of lipgloss, and a nearly-empty tube of mascara. 

_Well, it’s better than nothing, I guess_ , she told herself as she flipped down the visor and made herself up the best she could in the small mirror. When she was finally satisfied with her appearance, Nancy put the car into gear and was about to leave when she heard her phone chirp, signaling an incoming text. She checked the screen and grimaced when she saw that it was a text from Ned. 

_Baby, please. I know u need some time to cool off, but come home so we can work thru everything.  I love you & I’m sorry. _

Her hand trembling, Nancy typed back a two word response:  _FUCK YOU_. 

Once she hit the send button, she threw her phone back onto the passenger seat and drove away. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter by ndnickerson.

Nancy was going to burn it down. She was going to burn all of it down, every last shred, every memory that kept him in her head. She was going to destroy it all so she would never fucking feel this way ever again.

Because no matter what she tried to think about, it kept coming back. Carly answering the door in that fucking robe, her dress on the floor. The guilt in Ned's eyes.

_She was naked underneath it._

Nancy remembered so vividly the night Ned had asked her to marry him, the surprise and desire that had lit up his face when he had slipped her own dress off, stepping out of it, naked save her stilettos and the engagement ring he had just given her. Had his eyes lit up like that tonight, too? Had he pinned Carly to the fucking door of that goddamn hotel room, his hands roaming all over her—

_Stop it_ , Nancy ordered herself. _Stop it. Stop it. Shut up!_

Her cell phone went off again, and the car's hands-free connection caught the message and began to read it aloud to her. _Text message from Ned Nickerson._

Nancy stabbed the _decline_ button with the pad of her thumb, wishing she could send her fist through the glossy display. He had the lease on the car, and suddenly just the fact that she was still driving it was enough to make her skin crawl. Another present she hadn't wanted.

_Was it guilt that made him even get me this_ car _? Did he feel guilty because he and Carly were already—_

_Shut up!_

Despite all her attempts to shut that insistent voice down, by the time she reached Ben's street, she was having to fight back sobs again. Absently she recognized the neighborhood; he lived not too terribly far from the apartment Ned had rented when he first moved out here.

God, if only they had never left that place. Ever since they had moved into that goddamn house, he had been different.

Nancy found a parking spot on the street in front of Ben's apartment building, happy to be concentrating on maneuvering the car into the tight space instead of watching the lurid images that kept flashing in her mind's eye, if only for a few minutes. She took a deep breath when she stepped out of the car, smoothing her hair, gently touching the skin under her eyes. It was still puffy, but there was nothing she could do about that, not now.

Her phone chirped. Nancy fished it out of her purse and held down the power button until the notification of Ned's latest text message faded to black. Nothing he could say would change what he had _done_ —and she would never, never believe that he really cared about her, not after tonight.

Like he gave a damn how she was feeling. He was only upset he had been caught. That sorry motherfucking cokehead bastard.

_Coke_. The thought of it almost made her sob again. Who the fuck was this man who had shared their bed with her, if he could just go to a _fucking_ hotel room with Carly and just casually do a hit of _coke_ with her...

Nancy had to blink her eyes clear before she could find the buzzer marked with Ben's name. She pressed it for a few seconds, then stepped back so the security camera could see her, hoping that Ben hadn't fallen back asleep after he had hung up the phone. She didn't know what she would do if she had to find a hotel room at this time of the night; just the thought of walking into another fucking hotel made her sick to her stomach.

"Hey Red. Come on up," came Ben's voice, muddled and distorted through the small speaker. Nancy heard the door lock make a soft mechanical noise, and when she pushed it opened for her.

She was hoping that when she saw Ben... well, she wasn't quite sure what she was hoping for. Maybe that he could distract her for a while, give her some advice, tell her that she was a saint for not fucking killing Ned in that goddamn hotel room when she'd had the chance. She just couldn't be alone, not tonight, not when she was in this awful, dangerous state.

She found the stairwell and began the climb, almost daring anyone to cross her, given the mood she was in. While she had driven in Los Angeles and the surrounding area at night plenty of times working cases, she hadn't usually been out this late, and her exhaustion and shock were making her feel lightheaded. She didn't want to get on another elevator if she could help it, remembering his pleading face as they had descended to the ground floor of the W...

_Baby, I'm so sorry. I fucked up._

Nancy pounded the sole of her shoe into the next stair, gritting her teeth as she took the steps even faster, until her heartbeat throbbed through her. But she still didn't feel any better.

The door was open slightly when she approached. Nancy hitched her purse strap a little higher on her shoulder, surprised that Ben would leave himself vulnerable like that, but he had been waiting for her. She was only a few steps away when he pulled the door fully open, his hand lingering on the knob.

He was naked.

Not—not fully naked. But Nancy had never seen him barechested before, and she was startled momentarily speechless by the sight. She had seen the way his broad shoulders and chest filled out his suits, but that wasn't the same as seeing the hard muscle of his biceps, the deep tanned hue of his skin, the fine sprinkling of blond hairs. He wore a pair of black sweatpants, but they were slung low on his hips, low enough for her to see the trail leading down from his belly button, over his well-defined abs...

She remembered when the sight of Ned's muscular body used to leave her just as spellbound. But that had been before, when his mere presence hadn't made her stomach churn with anxiety and dismay.

When she jerked her gaze back up to Ben's face, his gorgeous eyes low-lidded from the lateness of the hour, he wore a small smirk, but that vanished when he studied her face. "Red, seriously, what's wrong?"

She took a step toward him, half-expecting him to move out of the way so she could pass him and enter his apartment. Instead, he moved only enough to just let her in—and then wrapped an arm around her as he shut the door. She melted against him, against the warmth of him, radiating through the thin fabric of her sweater and tank top.

"Kill him for me," she said, and her voice was shaking, and while she was just barely joking, most of her wasn't. She wanted Ned to hurt; she wanted him to burn, wanted him to see what he had done to them and regret it and then be fully obliterated. She wanted him in ashes, in pieces, like the china and glass she had smashed during their fight.

"Kill who?"

"Ned," Nancy whispered, and then she started crying again.

Ben patted her back, gently guiding her to his couch. God, it reminded her so much of Ned's old apartment, of _their_ own apartment, and she felt such a dizzying rush of what she recognized as homesickness, but not for any place, not for that old apartment, not for their home in Chicago, none of it.

It was a visceral longing for _him_ , for the man she had married, for the man she had lost so many months before.

"Did he hurt you? Hit you?"

Nancy reached up to brush tears from her cheeks. She shook her head, gratified by the tightness in Ben's tone. "We had a fight," she admitted, "but no, he didn't... hit me." Her gaze was shimmering again. "He didn't have to," she whispered.

"Sit down," he ordered her gently, gesturing to the couch. "Take your shoes off. You look like you need a drink...?"

She had been the one who actually gave a damn during dinner; _she_ hadn't been the one belting down scotch like it would be outlawed at midnight. Because _she_ had been committed to their plan to get pregnant, and he couldn't have cared less.

And besides, there was no goddamn way she was getting pregnant tonight.

"Uh... something warm?" she asked. "I can't seem to get warm."

She didn't see the briefest flash in Ben's eyes when she said it. "I'd make you a Bailey's and coffee, but I think your nerves are already high enough... maybe a hot toddy, hot buttered rum? Ever had one?"

Nancy shook her head. "No," she admitted. "I've heard of them..."

"It'll just be a minute. Take your shoes off," he told her again, and headed to the kitchen.

Nancy toed out of her shoes, then lowered herself to the couch. The only light in the room was a floor lamp in the corner; the overheads were off, the large, glossy flat-screen television was blank, and the controllers for his game system and a large selection of movies were neatly arranged on his entertainment center. She saw a few framed images on the walls, but the room was too dim to see them clearly.

She put her purse down, and without quite knowing why, she fished her phone out, but didn't turn it back on. Given how drunk and fucking _high_ her husband was, she doubted he'd even remember that she _had_ a work phone. She checked it anyway, dreading a new voicemail or message from her boss, but the display was blank. No new notifications.

Ben came back in carrying a steaming mug. "It's hot," he told her, putting it down beside her, on a coaster on the end table; he carried another mug in his other hand, and he put that one down on the coffee table before he sat down beside her.

"So you had a fight."

Nancy nodded, gathering her hair into her fist, then threading it through an elastic. "I just wanted a nice night at home, you know?" she said, shaking her head. "I made his favorite meal, put out the nice china, called his assistant and made sure she pencilled in time because I knew I wouldn't fucking _see_ him otherwise. So he gets home and he has flowers." She snorted. "I should have fucking known. Flowers for no damn reason. I actually thought they were sweet." She blinked and sent another pair of tears down her cheeks, and Ben patted her knee. She gave him a small smile.

"Anyway, he started drinking during dinner— _started_ , hell, for all I know he spent all fucking day drunk at work. And it didn't matter what I said, nothing seemed to really even get through to him, you know? He didn't want to talk about work, didn't really want to talk about anything important. It was just like he was just counting the minutes until he could fucking get back to work; he even took a call when we were about to sit down. And he _said_ it was from work." She swiped at her eyes again.

"You don't think it was?"

Nancy shrugged miserably. "I don't know anymore," she said, her voice wavering. "I just don't—everything he told me—" She took a shuddering breath.

"So I... we went up to our bedroom and..." Nancy flushed a little. "He wanted to do something and I didn't want to and—"

"Something in bed?" Ben said, his voice low and almost husky, and Nancy paused for a second before she gave him a faint nod. Maybe he couldn't see her blushing cheeks in the low light; she hoped not.

"And then he said if I wanted to make him happy I would—and I just fucking lost it. I mean, what the _fuck_ more am I supposed to do? I move away from _everyone_ I love, out to this place, I put up with the fact that he's _never home_ even though _he's_ the one who insisted I move out here—"

"He insisted?" Ben interrupted quietly.

Nancy nodded again. "We—we were living apart for a while, but it just wasn't working—it was like we weren't even married anymore, not really." She snorted again, then searched her purse for a tissue while she continued. "And when I said we had to live together or it was over, he said he wasn't fucking moving back; and it was up to me. I bent over fucking _backwards_ to make him happy and it's like from day one he hasn't given a single goddamn that I quit my job and put our house up for sale, and he—he fucking _wanted_ us to have kids before I did, and—"

_Since you didn’t have a mother of your own, you’d have no fucking idea what to do—God only knows how you’d be with our kid._

That was what he thought. That was what he really thought of her.

God, she wanted him in pieces. She felt herself start quivering again, rage rising in her at just the memory of those words.

"And then he fucking threw the fact that my mom died when I was little in my _face_ ," she said, her lips shaking, her voice cold. "That I have no idea how to even _be_ a mother. And then that asshole had the fucking nerve to say he fucking _deserved_ a threesome and—"

"Hang on," Ben said. "What? You mean... that's what he asked you for in bed?"

Nancy nodded immediately this time. "And I've already fucking told him _point-blank_ no fucking way am I doing that... oh _God_." She wiped her nose, then reached for her drink and took a long sip, feeling it slide warm all the way down to her belly.

"That's really good," she told Ben, then took another sip.

"Glad you like it. Old family recipe." He reached for his own drink.

By the time she had half-finished the mug, she felt a little calmer, not so cold with rage anymore, and the warmth radiated down her limbs.

"I'm shocked that he'd even _want_ someone else," Ben told her, and she shivered at the memory. "Unless he knows he's not man enough for you and he wants to watch you with another guy?"

Nancy shook her head. "Hell no. With another girl. Like, he went into... graphic fucking detail about how he'd always imagined it." She felt sick at _that_ memory, too. "Anyway..."

Ben listened to her, sometimes touching her shoulder or knee when she choked up. She told him about Carly picking Ned up, about following them to the hotel, spying on them in the bar—and not even being very covert about it. When Nancy finished her drink Ben made her another, and she took it gratefully. The warmth she felt was pleasant, so much that she actually pulled her sweater off, leaving her tank top on.

"They got a room, didn't they," Ben said quietly as he sat back down beside her again.

Nancy nodded, closing her eyes. "I felt like one of those idiots who believes it when the husband says he's working late, that she's just a friend, the ones who don't believe it until they see the photos... I just couldn't, you know? She got a fucking _room_ and I just wanted to _believe_ there was nothing going on..."

Ben patted her knee again, and this time he left his hand there. "So what did you do?"

"I pounded on the fucking door. For two straight minutes."

"Did anyone actually _answer_?"

Nancy nodded. "Carly. In a bathrobe with her goddamn dress on the floor. And there was my husband, this guy... this guy I've loved for so long..." She shook her head, flushing with anger again. "I gave up _everything_ for him and there he was, sitting on the bed with his shirt open, and..."

_Coke on the dresser_ , she almost said, but she didn't know how Ben would react to that, and even though he was definitely off the clock at this hour, he was still a cop. It didn't make what Ned had done any less heinous to leave it out; in fact, it made him look even worse.

By the time she finished her story, she was on her third drink and Ben was shaking his head in sympathy. He slipped his arm around her and she blinked another pair of tears down her cheeks, wishing she could somehow stop crying. The touch of Ben's bare fingertips against her skin, the feel of his flesh against hers... under her misery and pain she could feel the low simmering of the attraction between them, the nascent desire she had felt from their first meeting. The desire _she_ had had the strength to ignore. But no, Ned hadn't been fucking strong enough.

She had wasted all her time, so, so much time, since she was fifteen fucking years old, on him. And maybe at the beginning, maybe a long time ago he had loved her...

"How could he fucking say he loves me if he could do that to me?" Nancy whispered, her voice rising to a soft wail at the end. "How can he do this...?"

Ben stroked her shoulder. "I'm sorry, Red," he said softly. "I'm sorry. You deserve a lot better than him. I can't believe he did that to you."

"I can't... I can't believe he could do this," she whispered, her voice catching as she sobbed. Ben squeezed her a little tighter.

"You said you can't believe he loves you..."

"Maybe he never did. Maybe he never, ever did."

Ben made a soft sound, and she pulled back to look into his face. "Sometimes people just grow apart," he told her. "And I'm sure he fell head over heels in love with you when you met him, but... it's been a long time, and you've both changed, haven't you."

"Well, he definitely has," Nancy said, bitterly, thinking of the coke. "The guy I married would never have gotten drunk and nearly fucked someone else..."

"Exactly," Ben said. "Exactly, Red. He's _not_ the guy you married anymore. That guy you swore to love and cherish forever, all that shit? He doesn't exist."

God. Nancy's stomach flipped when she realized that Ben was right—and some small part of her had wanted to believe that no matter what, Ned wouldn't rest until he had worn her down, until he had cajoled her into coming home to him. Even though she wanted him dead, in pieces, wanted to flay him alive for hurting her so deeply—she still couldn't believe he had given up so easily. If he'd put his mind to it, he could have found her, probably ages ago.

He didn't fucking care where she was or what she was doing. Of course he didn't.

And while she had told herself that that cunt could have him, that he and Carly deserved each other—she was still horrified and sickened at the thought of him going back to her tonight. He hadn't told Carly to get the fuck out; he had been fucking _polite_ to the whore who had almost sucked him off—

And how did she _know_ Ned had been telling her the truth? Obviously this stranger, this fucking _stranger_ in her husband's skin was much better at lying than he ever had been.

"You're right," she told Ben, and her heart broke a little at the thought. The guy she loved was gone, and she had this corruption, this mockery of who he had been in his place.

"You say he started changing when he moved out here?"

Nancy nodded. "Yeah," she whispered, wiping her cheeks again. Her nose was congested from crying so much. "Back in Chicago he never worked like this; he made time for me..."

"And then he comes out here and he doesn't do that anymore." Nancy nodded. "And was this—Carly?—one of his first clients?"

Nancy's stomach dropped. "Yeah, I think so."

"And you really think _tonight_ was the first time?"

Catalina. Fucking Catalina.

Nancy pushed herself violently up off the couch, her hands and lips shaking. "There was... a business trip, a few months ago; she was there... That son of a _bitch_."

Ben folded his arms. "You're asking how he can do this if he loves you... I don't think he does, anymore. I think when he moved out here, he fell in love with the lifestyle, and—believe me, there's nothing wrong with that. We all change. He found another dream. It was just one you didn't share with him." Ben shook his head. "And instead of doing the adult thing about it, he was too chickenshit to just tell you straight to your face that it was over."

_You were my first love and you’re the only woman I’ve ever loved, the only one I’ll ever love._

Nancy's hand was shaking as she pulled the elastic out of her hair and raked her fingers through it, catching the loose strands. She felt like she couldn't breathe. "How do you mean," she whispered.

Ben stood up, his gaze steady on her, and started ticking off his proof on his fingers. "First off, he took a job _in California_. Not another job in Chicago, and if he was sick of his job there, that's what he would have done. Did he ask you to move with him then?"

Nancy shook her head. "No," she said softly, remembering how upset she had been when he had accepted the raise and the transfer that came along with it. So she'd told him she wasn't going to move—he hadn't pressed her on it, had he? He'd just accepted it, just accepted that they would live apart. That he'd have his own home without her. That _she_ wasn't his home, not the way he had always been hers.

"Second, he meets this Carly girl and doesn't _immediately_ shut it down. And, I mean—is this guy like troll-level hideous?"

Nancy shook her head. "The opposite," she murmured, looking away from Ben, her gaze going unfocused.

"Had there been other girls before?"

Nancy wiped her cheeks. "I—didn't think so," she managed to force through trembling lips. "I mean, he flirted with other people while we were dating..."

_And so did I_ , she didn't say, a slight flush rising up her throat when she glanced over at Ben again.

"So he knew what he was doing." Ben shook his head. "When you told him that you had to be together, he insisted that he was staying here—and I bet you anything he was bluffing, hoping that you'd insist the same thing."

God, Nancy had never thought they would ever fight again the way they had that day, the day she had decided to join him in California, the day she had thought she was saving them. She wished she could go back, shake herself, tell herself that she was damning them the second she told him yes.

The second she had let him slide that ring onto her finger.

And she had even been the one to speak it, that terrible word, that they might as well get a divorce if they were going to live apart—and she had actually believed that look of shock on his face was genuine, that his delight at the prospect of her joining him was genuine.

But then maybe he'd been hoping that she would turn into the fucking Stepford trophy wife he seemed to want.

"Then you get out here—you sacrifice _everything_ to come out here and from day one, he's been doing everything he can to make you miserable, Red. Working late, drinking, spending time with that other woman..."

"Giving me gifts when he feels too fucking guilty about it," she whispered. She looked down at her wedding rings and couldn't believe she had stayed with him so long—but it had been that six-month deadline, that fucking six-month deadline he'd apparently had no intention of recognizing. She had made herself believe that no matter how terrible things were between them, once they were back home...

Well, this was his home now. He couldn't have made it more clear. And she was only standing in the way of his happiness. She always had been.

Ben nodded. "Jewelry and perfume, right?"

"Jewelry," Nancy said, then pulled her rings off in one swift, violent gesture. They had been loose on her fingers since she'd started losing weight, and she regarded them for a moment. The man she loved had worked hard and saved up to buy her that engagement ring.

And that was what hurt more than anything else, realizing that the man she loved didn't exist anymore.

She flung the rings in the direction of Ben's front door, her arm shaking, a pained, animalistic cry ripping from inside her as they bounced and fell on the floor.

Ben stood. "Do you see?" he said softly, coming over to her. "Baby, you tried so hard, but he's had a foot halfway out the door since you got here. And maybe before he did want to have kids... but if he knew it was over, if he knew he didn't want to stay with you much longer... well, he wouldn't want to be tied down," he said gently.

Nancy blinked up at Ben, tears welling up again. "So he didn't give a fuck about the fertility appointments because he never _wanted_ to have a baby anyway."

Ben touched Nancy's chin. "This girl he was with tonight, this girl he's probably been with for months now? Apparently that's the kind of girl he wants, the kind of girl he's been trying to make you into. And he had the fucking gall to have her pick him up in front of your _house_? Red, he _wanted_ to get caught. He _wanted_ you to catch him and that's exactly what you did—he was depending on you to go after him. Because he thought this was what it would finally take, that this was the dealbreaker."

"Well, it fucking _was_ ," Nancy said bitterly. "It _was_. It doesn't matter what happened in that goddamn hotel room—it's enough that he went in there with her. That he _wanted_ to go in there with her, that he admitted to me..."

Ben shook his head. "And I guess some small part of him was afraid of that gun in your purse—so he admits to a little action but not too much. Enough that you won't actually fucking shoot him, but enough to burn those bridges forever."

"You think... he did lie to me." Nancy searched Ben's eyes.

"You _know_ he did," Ben returned, tilting his head in disbelief. "Didn't you tell me she went to that thing on Catalina and he was there? That he's been fucking driving _drunk_? Red, once he started lying? It's so damn easy. _So_ easy. He just tells himself it's something you don't _need_ to know, that it'll just upset you, and by the end he's working eighty hours a week and coming to bed when you're asleep just because he can't keep all the fucking lies he's told you straight..."

Nancy tipped her head down, crying in earnest, and Ben put his arms fully around her, pulling her to his chest. He stroked his hand up and down the line of her spine and she felt her skin tingle in response. God, it had been so long, so long since she hadn't felt nervous and anxious around Ned, so long since she hadn't spent the entire time they were having sex concentrating entirely too hard on trying to reach orgasm, so long since she had felt _safe_ in someone's arms. She held Ben too, pressing her face to his skin, breathing the simultaneously familiar and unfamiliar scent of him in.

"He—he wanted to get another apartment," she forced out, through her sobs. "He said it made _sense_ , that he had decided—and part of me _knew_ —"

"Because he couldn't just tell you it was over," Ben repeated softly. "I know... I can see on your face, how much you care about this guy, but if he makes you this miserable, if he's all but shouted that he doesn't want to be with you anymore..." He reached down and cupped her cheek, gently tipping her face up so he could look into it. "You are a gorgeous, vibrant, brilliant woman, and life is too fucking short for you to waste on something that makes you so unhappy." He stroked his thumb over her skin as she searched his eyes. "You deserve a guy who loves you for who you _are_ , not who he wants you to be. Someone who values your work instead of always saying you need to quit your job. And he isn't that guy anymore."

Nancy let out a soft agonized cry. "I don't know who I am without him," she whispered. "We-we've been together so damn long—he's—he _was_ the only guy I'd ever been in love with." She swallowed. "The only guy I've ever slept with."

Ben's eyes widened. "No wonder you're so reluctant to let him go. He took your virginity. But, he...?"

Nancy shook her head. "We were both... we'd never been with other people, not like that. Not until tonight." She had cried so much that the skin under her eyes was tender and irritated from it, but another wave of tears rose anyway. "He always swore I was the only one, forever."

"And that's the problem. We aren't built that way. You think he didn't look around and wonder what he was missing?" Ben tilted his head. "Just the same way you probably do?"

Nancy shook her head. "I didn't," she whispered. "I _meant_ my damn vows—but I guess they were just fucking words to him. Just empty words."

His fingers slipped into her hair and she almost melted against him at how good it felt. "Don't kill yourself for him, Nancy," Ben said softly, his gaze searching hers. "He's a different guy now and he doesn't deserve it. Or do you really want to wait until the day he sucks it up long enough to actually tell you that he loves you but he's not _in_ love with you anymore? Until the day you come home and just to drive the point home he's fucking this girl—or maybe her and a friend—in your bed? Because you know if you stay with him, that's what's going to happen."

Nancy's face crumpled, and her imagination was all too eager to color in the scene for her, supplemented by Carly's little display earlier. He had already fucking suggested a threesome, already almost _demanded_ it—and if she didn't give in to it, he would just find someone else who would, and call _her_ the cold, frigid bitch for denying him.

_Baby, I'm up for that promotion..._

He was never going to fucking leave, never. He thought he was the same guy he always had been, that he hadn't done anything wrong, that his only transgression had been with Carly in that fucking hotel room. The rest of it? Oh, all the rest of it was just how things were fucking _done_ here.

And suddenly Nancy was just so infinitely tired. It felt like all she had done since she had arrived in California was track down liars and cheats and adulterers, every day practically counting the seconds until she could leave... and even then she had known he wouldn't be beside her when she did.

He had no intention of leaving with her. He never had.

Thank _God_ she wasn't pregnant. Two weeks earlier her period had been spotty, made her hopeful for a little while, but she was glad at what had made her so miserable before. She had been eager to raise a child with the old Ned, sure that he would help her find her way through it, that Hannah and Edith would be there for her. Now, though, the thought of raising Ned's child, raising a little girl or boy with that lying cokehead borderline-alcoholic for a father? God, she almost sagged with relief.

Now she would never be pregnant. Not with his child.

She was both deeply saddened and relieved. He had said she would probably be a bad mother? Well, wasn't _he_ definitely candidate for Father of the Year, snorting coke and fucking slutty clients, drinking himself into oblivion every night so he could ignore what his life had become.

Well, she had had e-fucking-nough of it. If he could decide their vows weren't worth his giving a shit, well, she would oblige him. She dreaded the thought of ever seeing him again, of having to harden herself against that pleading glance she knew so well, but if he knew what she was doing right now, if he had any idea what kind of temptation she had faced and withstood for him—

She imagined how hurt, how shocked and angry he would be if she told him that if she was supposed to forgive Carly practically sucking his cock, well, he'd just have to forgive _her_ for getting down on her knees and sucking someone else off. Better yet, he would never fucking _speak_ to her again if she slept with Ben. Right now. Tonight.

And she _never_ wanted to speak to Ned again. She wanted him as far away from her as he could get. She wanted to set the match to it and burn it all down, burn every last piece of their history, all they shared, so that she could walk away, and it was perfect. If he didn't have the balls to do it, she would do it for him. She would make sure he never, never, _never_ got close enough to hurt her again.

She reached up and touched Ben's face, and the tremble of pure desire that went through her left her weak in the knees.

"Nancy," Ben whispered, his voice low and husky.

He tipped his head down and she closed her eyes, and when his mouth touched hers, she could feel it all burning down around her.

And it felt _good_.

\--

Nancy wasn't home. Ned knew that when the cab dropped him off at their front door. She had said it over and over, that she had no intention of going to their house, but as soon as he remembered where the hide-a-key was hidden and keyed inside, when he saw the smashed porcelain and glass, felt the stillness, he knew she wasn't there, and his heart sank.

He walked to the recliner and dropped into it, numb, unseeing.

He wasn't even entirely sure what he had said to her. He had sent her so many text messages, and by the time he had worked up the nerve to actually call her, her phone immediately went to voicemail. He was sure the cab driver had been rolling his eyes as Ned had begged his wife to call him, to come home, to _please, please_ come home.

For a while he had had the cab driver go the same direction Nancy had gone when she had peeled out of the hotel parking lot, but he had no fucking clue where her destination had been, and he had a feeling she hadn't known either. He'd had the driver take him by her workplace only because he didn't know where the fuck she would _go_ , what friends she had in Los Angeles.

_You never cared where I was all those nights you were ‘working late’._

Ned dry-washed his crumpling face with his palms. Melissa—she had seemed to get along with Melissa, and he seemed to remember Nancy mentioning her a few times, but when Ned checked his watch he was shocked to see what time it was. He didn't have Melissa's number, but he could easily find Derek's—

That was assuming Derek was home with his wife, and not out with some girl he'd picked up.

Ned felt sick again, and empty, worthless. A little hit, just to take the edge off—

_What the_ fuck _is wrong with you_ , came a still, cold voice inside him. _Sure. Because that worked out so well before._

He had been out long enough that his buzz had dimmed a little, but he was still drunk. Walking was strange, like trying to navigate through an inflatable castle without tipping off-balance. He glanced over at the liquor cabinet with some longing, then went to the kitchen and found a glass, pouring himself another scotch.

He took the first sip and heard her voice again, cold and mocking, telling him that all he did was drink to ignore what was going on around him, and the drink felt like it curdled in his stomach. He walked over to the sink and dumped it out, then found a bottled water in the refrigerator. He grimaced when the cold hit the back of his throat.

His phone chirped.

After all his frantic texts and voicemails, he had nearly depleted the battery. Once he plugged it into the charger, he saw a new text notification, and his heart rose in his throat at the hope Nancy had finally replied—maybe with something other than anger. After all the guys she had made out with on cases—

But that wasn't the same, and he knew it.

Carly's name was on the screen above the message when he pulled it up, and his heart sank even further. _U still @ the W?_

" _Shit_ ," Ned hissed. He vaguely remembered promising Carly that he would pay for the fucking room, but in the confusion after his fight with Nancy, while he had been frantically flagging down a cab, it had totally slipped his mind. He fumbled his wallet out of his pocket, looking up the hotel's phone number as he found his credit card. No point using his company one; Nancy already knew they had been there...

He was shocked to realize that he already knew what he would have done if they _hadn't_ been caught. Paid with the company credit card, come up with some database emergency... that was, if she had even asked.

As he waited for the call to connect, he idly noticed that the condom in his wallet had expired. He hadn't even thought about reaching for it when Carly had knelt in front of him—

Ned made it to the front door just in time, emptying the contents of his stomach onto the bushes in their front lawn. The night was quiet enough that he could hear the rush of cars on the highway, but he could also hear how loud and quick his heart was.

God, what had he done. What had he fucking done.

A squawking near his ear caught his attention, and once he could focus on it, he navigated through the switchboard menus until he reached a human being at the hotel reservations desk. He arranged to pay for one night for Carly Ryan, reeling off his credit card number before he took a slug of water and swirled it around in his mouth, then spat it violently into the sink. The clerk thanked him and Ned hung up, then plugged his phone back in and sagged against the wall, catching his breath before he replied to Carly's text. His fingertips were numb and felt almost thick, and his head was swimming.

_Back home,. Took care of room. Sorry abt 2niiite._

_Back home... alone?_

Ned stared down at his cell phone. His gaze kept wandering, making it hard to read, and he scowled at the display. Yeah, he was fucking home alone. What did she think? Did she actually think he might want to go back to her, finish what they'd started—

What they'd started with no condom. He had no idea if Carly was clean. He glanced at his crotch, going cold. And there was nothing he could do. Just sit here and wait for Nancy and hope, _pray_ that Carly hadn't passed something on to him while she'd been—

Ned shook his head, finding something, _anything_ else to focus on.

He found a dustpan and a broom and cleaned up the shattered porcelain and glass, carefully, tipping it into the trash. The plates weren't their usual set. They didn't use them that often—

Their china. Their motherfucking wedding china and she had flung it against the wall in a rage—

Ned sat down heavily at the table, looking at the remains of their meal, standing abandoned like they had suddenly been called away. Like if he just sat here long enough she would _have_ to come back, just to tidy up the table...

He didn't understand it, but he knew in his heart that he had to talk to her, had to see her, as soon as he possibly could. If she went to sleep angry, he was terrified that she would wake angrier, that he would never find a way to beg her forgiveness. And he needed her. God, he needed her.

But he had no idea where she was, and if she had gone to a hotel, he would spend all night calling around—and probably even then he wouldn't be able to find her.

Calling. Ned glanced over at his cell phone.

She wasn't answering her phone, but if he could just find out where her cell phone _was_ , if he knew it was over at Melissa's house or in the parking deck at a hotel, he wouldn't waste his time looking for her where she wasn't. He was just afraid that since her phone was off, he'd never be able to find it; he could call the mbrace operator and have her car located, but if she had ditched it, he'd have no way to find her unless she wanted to be found.

But he had to try.

\--

"Mmmm. Be right back, Red. Don't you dare go anywhere," Ben told Nancy as he pushed himself up off her with a grin, then headed toward what she presumed was his bedroom. Slowly, arousal pounding in her head, her inner flesh throbbing weakly in anticipation, Nancy sat up, pushing her hair out of her face, her breasts bare and slick, her nipples throbbing slightly from the abuse of his teeth.

Ben came back in with a handful of condoms and a bottle of lube, dropping them on the coffee table, his low-lidded gaze intent on her. "Mmm. Yeah, baby, you want to do this sitting up?" He reached for the waistband of his sweatpants, hooking his thumbs in.

Condoms. She could still remember every single rare time she and Ned had used condoms—but she wasn't on birth control, not at all, not even a little, and she had even been planning to get pregnant tonight—

And in the morning when she woke with Ben, she would be waking next to another stranger. As close as they had become during her time in Los Angeles, all she truly knew about the personality of the man standing in front of her was that he was an irrepressible flirt who, from day one, had done his best to charm her out of her damn wedding rings. He was a great investigator who loved fine restaurants and well-cut suits. And all those things were true.

And that was supposed to be enough, but when she looked up at him and tried to imagine him penetrating her, tried to imagine how it would feel for him to pound into her, driving them both to release—

She felt only panic. She didn't love Ben. She was attracted to him but she didn't _love_ him, and as much as she hated Ned right now, apparently her heart hadn't quite caught up to that fact yet.

Nancy swept her bra up off the floor and slipped it on, swiftly refastening it. "Ben, I'm so sorry," she said, yanking her tank top over her head, finding her sweater. "I have to go."

Ben raised his blond eyebrows, his lips parting in surprise. "Are-are you fucking _serious_?"

Nancy nodded, smoothing her sweater over her hips, her hands shaking a little. "I'm so sorry," she repeated. "Thank you so much for the drinks, for just talking to me..."

She picked up her purse and was almost at the door when she remembered her rings, and while she had no desire to put them back on, she didn't want to leave them on the floor of Ben's apartment.

"You've had too much to drink," Ben said, folding his arms, and he was flushed a little—in anger, disappointment, or arousal, or some combination, she wasn't sure. "You have to stay here."

Nancy shook her head. "The drinks weren't that strong," she told him, as she picked up her engagement ring.

"You really want to pull this shit?"

Nancy thought with a pang of Ned and his fucking DUI. "Look, once I get downstairs if I feel like I can't drive, I'll call a cab," she said evenly. "But I can't—I can't stay here. I think we both know that."

Ben lowered his voice again. "What do you think is gonna happen? Or are you _afraid_?"

"Maybe," she said softly. "But I'm not thinking straight right now and I don't want to do something both of us are gonna regret."

Ben shook his head slowly. "Red, I guarantee you won't regret it. I know I won't."

Nancy finally found her wedding ring and dropped both into her purse, then crossed to him. She brushed her lips over his cheek, and Ben cupped her other cheek, turning so he was kissing her roughly again. A tear slipped off her lashes as she broke the kiss, reluctantly, stepping back.

"Nancy, please. You deserve to be happy, at least for a little while."

Another pair of tears slipped down her cheeks. "Yeah," she said with a small nod. "And if I only wanted a _little_ while, then oh God, I'd ride you until those gorgeous eyes rolled back, until you grabbed my hips and begged me to let you come. But I want more than that."

Ben's brow was still furrowed. "I'll let you take the bed," he told her with a sigh. "I can sleep out here."

Nancy shook her head, putting her hand on the doorknob. "I need to think, and I can't think here," she told him. "But thank you for tonight. It meant a lot to me."

Ben shook his head. "Be careful, Red."

Nancy nodded. "And that plate I had you run earlier? If you happen to see her out... find a way to search her car and I have a sneaking suspicion you might find some coke on that cunt."

Ben raised an eyebrow in surprise at her last word. "On it, or _in_ it?"

Nancy shook her head, a faint smile on her lips as she opened his door. "Good night, Ben."

"Good night, Red."

Nancy managed to hold the tears back until she was in the stairwell, and she hoped the echo of her sobs wasn't loud enough to reach him.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter by littlemsmessy.

Nancy dug into her purse for her house keys, praying that Heather’s information hadn’t been faulty. She had called Ned’s administrative assistant an hour ago to find out whether or not he was in the office, and Heather had confirmed that Ned and the other members of his team were holed up in a conference room, working on a major presentation for some German car company.  He would be there well into the night.

_God forbid he actually take time off of work to focus on his personal life_ , she thought bitterly.  _So I guess that all of his talk about changing and working less was more bullshit that he was feeding me_. 

Never mind that Ned had texted her and called her repeatedly since his confession at the hotel; Nancy felt that he should be trying harder to get her to forgive him.  _If_ that was what he really wanted; maybe he had reconsidered.

Nancy shook her head as if to clear it as she fitted her key into the front door and wearily pushed her way inside. After leaving Ben’s place last night, she had aimlessly driven through the streets of Los Angeles until the first streaks of morning light appeared in the sky, completely unsure of what her next move should be.  

She had finally pulled into the parking lot of a twenty-four-hour diner so she could get some caffeine and strategize. After three cups of coffee, four aspirins, and half of a spinach-and-feta omelet with wheat toast, Nancy had decided to call Heather, swearing the other woman to secrecy under the guise of planning a surprise for Ned. 

“Ned’ll be surprised, all right, when he comes home and figures out what I’ve done,” she said aloud as she walked to the dining room and discovered that the glass and china had been cleaned up and that the table had been cleared. She wandered to the kitchen and discovered that all of the pots and pans had been washed, as well. It was as if the events of the previous evening had been erased clean.  As if it were that easy.  

Yet again Nancy began remembering the ugly, horrible things that she and Ned had shouted at each other; yet again she recalled the awful sight in that hotel room and Ned’s crying and begging. As if those thoughts weren’t bad enough, the memories of what she had done with Ben at his apartment started coming back in full force.  She suddenly felt a wave of nausea and rushed into the bathroom to throw up. 

_You had those fucking hot buttered rums last night_ , she told herself as she walked back to the kitchen to get herself a bottle of water.  _You’re tired and you had a few drinks last night and a lot of coffee before you ordered breakfast; even then, you only ate half of that omelet._

Downing most of the bottle of water, she trudged her way up the stairs, trying not to remember how she had Ned had fought there a half day earlier.  She opened the bedroom door, suddenly feeling beyond exhausted as she caught sight of their bed. She toyed with the idea of taking a little nap to help clear her head – getting a few hours of rest sounded really good to her right now.

As soon as the thought crossed her mind, she pushed it out again _._ She had to stay focused and finish what she had come here to do. Besides, what if Ned decided to come home early for some reason and caught her here? They’d either have another huge screaming match, or he’d start crying and begging again - at this point, Nancy didn’t have the energy to resist either one.  She’d have time to sleep on the plane, she reminded herself. 

She slowly pulled one of her large suitcases out of the closet and began filling it with clothing, shoes, and undergarments. Each item of clothing that she placed into the suitcase brought up another memory of when she had worn it in front of Ned; when she got to his favorite blue dress, she couldn’t hold back her sobs. She actually had to stop packing for a minute and push the heels of her hands into her eyes to staunch the flow of tears.  

Two hours and four suitcases later, Nancy sat on the bed and surveyed her work.  Her entire side of the closet was empty, as were all of her dresser drawers and her shelves in the medicine cabinet. It hadn’t been easy – her hand still ached from when she had punched Carly the previous evening – but she had powered through the pain.  The only things she had left behind were the pieces of jewelry that he had bought her – every last damn one since they had first started dating as teenagers. Bracelets, lockets, brooches, the pendant he had bought her during their honeymoon in Italy, both pairs of diamond-and-sapphire earrings – and, of course, that fucking Cartier bracelet. 

Satisfied that her job was complete, Nancy found that she couldn’t stay in their bedroom any longer. Now that she had nothing to distract her, the memories of being there with Ned, in that bed, were beginning to creep back into her mind.  

After lugging her suitcases downstairs in two trips and setting them by the front door, she sat at the kitchen table and called her boss, telling him that she needed to take some time off and that she wasn’t sure when she’d be back. She knew he wasn’t happy with her, but Nancy felt like she had no choice.  

Her next call was to Ben. She didn’t know whether she was grateful or disappointed that he didn’t pick up.  For a moment, she was paralyzed by her guilt, but she found her voice once his outgoing message ended. 

“Hey, Ben—it’s me. I just wanted to call and apologize for… for everything,” she finished lamely. She had a flash of kissing him on his sofa the previous night, and shook her head as if she as trying to push the memory out of it. 

“I’m really sorry that I treated you the way I did last night. You’ve been a good friend—you’ve helped me to get through some difficult stuff over these last several months, and I wanted you to know that I really appreciate it. I’m… I’m leaving town and I don’t know if I’ll ever be back. I think it’s a good idea if we don’t contact each other for a while. I just need to figure out what’s best for me—whether it means staying with Ned or not. I’ve been thinking about everything you said, and I… I just don’t know.

“Thank you so much for everything – not just your help on my cases, but for everything else, too. I’m glad we met, and if circumstances were different… I hope that you don’t think I was just in it to use you; if so, I’m sorry. Ben, I’m so sorry,” she repeated in a whisper as she ended the call the way she had started it. Nancy hung up the phone just before her tears fell again. 

When she had her emotions under control, Nancy stuffed her suitcases in the trunk and the backseat of her Mercedes - not an easy feat, considering that the car wasn’t exactly designed with a lot of cargo space in mind. Driving into the downtown area, Nancy pulled into the driveway of the Hyatt on Avenue of the Stars and parked in the hotel’s self-park garage. 

She took the elevator to the lobby and presented the check-in clerk with one of the joint credit cards she shared with Ned, telling the smiling man behind the counter that she wanted the card to be charged for a five-night stay.  She also asked the clerk to note on her record that anyone who called or came to the hotel looking for her was to be told that she was busy and not accepting visitors. These steps would buy her some time, in case Ned decided to hunt her down.

_Not that he’s made any attempts to do it so far_ , she thought scornfully. _No, he’s too damn busy with his job. Isn’t that the reason things have been so terrible between you?_

A horrible thought crossed her mind. What if he hadn’t bothered to track her down because he was with that slut Carly? Maybe he had gone back into the W after she’d pulled out of the driveway to finish what he’d started with the brunette; maybe they had made plans again for tonight… Another wave of nausea hit her as she considered it, and Nancy prayed it would pass so she wouldn’t get sick in the nice lobby of the Hyatt.

Once the reservation was processed, Nancy went back to the parking garage and called a car service to pick up her and her luggage and take them to LAX.  She had already searched online for flights when she had been at the diner and had purchased one for four o’clock that afternoon. With such short notice, the airfare was the equivalent of highway robbery, but Nancy no longer gave a shit anymore.  Her husband was making the big bucks now, wasn’t he? 

When the towncar pulled away from the hotel, Nancy stared unseeing at the view, anxious to be away from Los Angeles, where it had all gone so terribly wrong. 

\--

The minute his workday ended, Ned threw his laptop and files into his leather messenger bag and hurried to his car. He had sent Nancy a few more texts and called her a few more times that day, but she hadn’t answered any of them. It didn’t matter; he wasn’t willing to give up.  

And, who knew? Maybe after a day of thinking things through, Nancy had decided to come back home so they could have a nice, long conversation. Perhaps she’d realized that they just weren’t meant to be apart and that they had to find a way to make things work. 

If so, he’d apologize a million times more, then he would swear that he’d work fewer hours from now on. Just as soon as this proposal was complete, and as soon as he finished working on the other campaigns he had going right now… Then he’d be in a great place to earn that promotion, and he’d be able to cut back somewhat. 

In the meantime, he’d suggest that she get involved in charity work to meet new people – that way, she wouldn’t be as lonely and she’d have something to occupy her time. And perhaps they could plan that trip she had talked about – a nice long weekend would give them time to just hash stuff out and figure out how they could put everything behind them. 

Miraculously, traffic was light on his drive back home, and Ned made it in record time. When he pulled into the driveway, he felt a wave of panic course through him. Nancy’s car wasn’t there and the house was dark. 

_It may not mean anything_ , he reassured himself, getting out of the car and heading to the front door.  _Maybe she left her car somewhere and took a cab back here – after all, she’s probably just as exhausted as I am, and she probably didn’t want to risk driving in that condition.  She could be upstairs sleeping, or in the back of the house watching TV and just waiting for me to come home._

Cheered by the thought, Ned placed his key in the lock and walked into the house. 

“Nan? Baby? You upstairs?” he called out. When there was no answer, he kept calling her name as he wandered through the house.  He made his way upstairs, the dread increasing as he didn’t get a response.  The bedroom door was open, but the room was dark. 

Flipping on the light, Ned was horrified by the sight that greeted him. The closet doors were wide open, and all of the hangers on Nancy’s side were bare.  

“Fuck. Fuck!” Ned hissed, running over to the dresser and yanking open the drawers to find that they, too, were empty, except for some jewelry boxes. He flipped open their lids to find all of the things that he had bought for her over the years. 

“Shit! I don’t goddamn believe this!” He raced to the bathroom, where he saw that all of her makeup and hair products had been cleaned out, and the spot where her toothbrush usually sat was bare. 

He shook his head in disbelief as he walked back to the bedroom. _This can’t be happening_ , he thought, dazed.  _She couldn’t have walked out on me.  I have to find her. I have to talk to her, have to get through to her._

As if on autopilot, Ned changed into jeans and a t-shirt, stopping downstairs to grab an energy drink from the refrigerator. A scotch would have been smooth as hell going down and would have relaxed him, but he was afraid that the combination of his tiredness and the alcohol would just result in him getting pulled over for another DUI. If that happened, then there was no way in hell that Nan would ever take him back. 

He chugged half of the drink as he pondered his next move – where to go, who to talk to.  He was so behind on work emails that it was almost laughable, and he owed Lindsey some budgetary information that she needed to pass on to Finance, but he had to know that Nancy was safe before he could come back here to concentrate on any of it. 

In the end, Ned decided to drive around for a while – if he still couldn’t find her, then he’d try and coax the mbrace operator into helping him find Nancy’s car. Once he knew where she was, he could go back out to meet her there tomorrow or the day after – maybe by then, her anger would have dissipated enough so they could really talk. 

He took the can of energy drink with him in the car, hoping that the caffeine would kick in soon. As he began driving around the neighborhood, he realized with a jolt that he had no idea where Nancy liked to spend her time. In the old days, when they were still living in River Heights, he could have easily picked ten places where she would have been likely to hang out. Now, though, he had no idea which stores she liked to frequent, which restaurants were her favorites, if she liked to patronize a particular library branch to do some of her research for her cases…

After driving for an hour without success, Ned couldn’t stand it anymore. His stomach was churning with worry, and his eyelids were heavy from the combination of lack of sleep, a full day of work, and staring through his windshield. He pulled into the parking lot at the Beverly Center mall and hit the mbrace button on his dashboard. 

It took over twenty minutes and a note of panic in his voice that wasn’t at all feigned for the operator to finally, _finally_ reveal the location of Nancy’s car. Ned felt a massive sense of relief when he heard that it was parked at the Hyatt on Avenue of the Stars. At least that meant that she was somewhere close by, probably just sleeping it off. Now that he knew she was safe, he’d also be able to get some rest tonight, too. 

\--

The first thought that Nancy had when her flight landed at O’Hare was that it was good to be home. The second was that it didn’t feel very much like home when she was coming back without Ned at her side.  Part of her had been expecting – no, wishing – that Ned would somehow have figured out what she was doing and tried to stop her or offered to come with her.  Just one more way that he’d disappointed her lately.

She went to baggage claim to pick up her luggage before taking the shuttle to the car rental agency. The chill in the air made her glad that she had remembered to wear a sweater; her body was no longer used to temperatures as low as they were that night in Chicago. 

Once she had the keys to a mid-sized sedan, she loaded up the trunk and began driving downtown. Had it only been that morning when she had called and made her travel arrangements?  Nancy felt like it had been years since everything had exploded between her and Ned. She had gotten a little sleep on the plane, but not nearly as much as she needed. She prayed that her exhaustion would help her pass out once she checked in to her hotel and that images of Ned and Carly—or of what had happened with Ben—wouldn’t creep into her dreams. 

When she got to the hotel, Nancy presented her own individual credit card to the desk clerk. It was a card that she’d originally gotten on her own before she and Ned had married, and it was the one that she’d also used to pay for her flight and the rental car.  This way, Ned wouldn’t be able to track her back here – he'd had his chance while she was still in California, and now she just needed time and space to think.

She hated the idea of staying at a hotel after everything that had transpired at the W last night, but their home in River Heights was still being rented and she didn’t want to stay at her father’s. Nancy wasn’t anywhere near ready to talk to him or Hannah about everything that had happened, and there was no way she’d be able to hide her mental and emotional state from either of them – a few questions about Ned’s whereabouts or a concerned glance at her haggard appearance would cause her to break down crying and she didn’t think she would ever be able to stop. 

Twenty minutes later, Nancy wearily followed the bellman to her room, grateful for his help with her luggage. After pressing a few bills into his hand for a tip, she called room service to order a turkey sandwich and a salad before running herself a hot shower.  

When the food arrived, Nancy was in her robe. She flipped on the TV and tried to distract herself with an episode of a popular crime drama series, but found that she couldn’t concentrate.  After picking at the sandwich and salad, she crawled into bed and turned on the news to try and catch up on what had been happening in the months that she’d been gone. The newscast was halfway over when Nancy finally passed out in a deep, dreamless sleep. 

\-- 

It had been easier than Ned thought it would be to fall asleep that night. He had gotten about five solid hours before dragging himself out of bed and getting ready for work. He had another full day of meetings, calls, and strategy sessions ahead of him and he couldn’t get out of any of it. Of course all of this drama in his personal life was coming at the worst possible time.  He again felt a slight stab of irritation at Nancy for making him shift his attention from his job to their relationship. 

After working until nine, he exhaustedly drove home, stopping on the way to pick up a pizza. Once again, Ned felt the temping call of the scotch from the cabinet but resisted, instead choosing a can of cola. He tried his best to focus on his laptop as he scrolled through hundreds of emails, but he couldn’t quite do it. Thoughts of Nancy sitting alone in her hotel room, crying over how he had betrayed her, kept popping into his head.  Was she eating? She was already so damn thin before this had happened; now, he wondered if she would deliberately starve herself. 

That was it. He had to go over to the Hyatt and pound on her door until she opened it so they could hash things out, once and for all. 

As he reached for his car keys, Ned’s cell phone began vibrating in his pocket. He quickly whipped it out, praying that it was some communication from Nancy, but was disappointed to find that it was a text from Carly. 

_Hey, I’m worried about u. Didn’t hear from u @ all yest. Why don’t u come over? I’m sure u could use someone 2 talk 2._

Before he could stop himself, he dialed Carly’s number.  “Well, this is a nice surprise,” she purred. 

“I’m just calling to say that we shouldn’t really talk or text anymore,” he told her without preamble. 

“Ned, come on—"

“No, I’m serious. Nancy… Well, Nancy left me. I came home last night to find that she’d packed up all of her shit.”

“I can’t say I’m surprised. Or that I’m sorry.”  When Ned remained silent, she continued. “Look, you told me yourself the other night how unhappy she’s been and how much she’s changed. Maybe this is for the best.”

“How can you say that?” Ned demanded, outraged. “My marriage is at stake!”

“I know, but maybe this will allow you to make a fresh start,” Carly countered. “Do you really want to stay married to someone who’s that violent and unstable, Ned? I mean, she punched me, for fuck’s sake!”

“Yeah, sorry about that,” Ned apologized belatedly. “How’s your nose?”

“Still hurts like a bitch and my eyes are black and blue, but thankfully, it’s not broken. I was able to cover everything up with makeup.  But seriously, Ned – how can you even think about staying with someone who resorts to physical violence during an argument?”

“She was hurt and upset,” he replied, still feeling the need to defend his wife, even after everything. “Nancy’s not normally like that. I mean, think of it from her point of view – she followed us to a hotel and caught us half-naked with coke on the dresser.  I kind of can’t blame her for going off. If the situation was reversed and I caught her with another guy and they were both undressed?” Ned’s stomach clenched just at the thought of it. 

Carly made a dismissive noise. “You don’t need to apologize for her actions, and you’re being entirely too nice by making excuses for her behavior. 

“Anyway, like I said before, maybe she’s done you a favor by leaving. Now you won’t have to feel guilty about giving your all to your job or about enjoying your life here in California.”

Ned shook his head, irritated. “You really don’t get it, do you? We’ve been together since I was seventeen years old, Carly. We’ve built a life together—”

“And you’ve been nothing but miserable for the good part of a year!” she countered. “Look, I’m your friend and I care about you and I can’t stand to see you like this, Ned. You’re an amazing man and you deserve a woman who’ll be proud of you, one who will be happy to see you accomplish all of your goals and dreams. Can you honestly say that you have that with Nancy? Can you?”

“We’re just going through some stuff right now,” he protested feebly, although Carly’s words started to make sense to him. “She just needs to meet some more people and make some friends out here and then she’ll feel less lonely. Once she becomes a little more independent, she’ll turn back into the Nancy she used to be and she won’t mind my late hours so much.”

Carly snorted. “You really think so? You really think that _now_ she’ll try to adjust and fit in out here, when she hasn’t made any attempt to do so for the last six months? Weren’t you the one telling me that she’s been whiny and clingy and needy?”

Ned winced slightly as she threw his words back into his face. “Yeah, but—"

“Think about it, Ned.  If you don’t decide to work things out with Nancy, then you’re free. You won’t have to apologize for enjoying your job, or for wanting to go out and have fun.  No one will try to keep tabs on you or get angry when you come home late. No more coming home to someone who constantly berates you for what you’ve done or haven’t done or someone makes you feel bad about yourself.”

Ned was silent as Carly continued. “And now you can have the chance to really _experience_ life with nothing or no one to hold you back! You married your high school sweetheart – you haven’t had the chance to date as an adult. There are _plenty_ of women out there who’d be dying to be with you, Ned – and they wouldn’t ask you to change who you are.  I know of one right now,” she teased lightly. 

For just a brief second, he thought about how her clever mouth had been around his cock and how good it had felt when she began sucking—then he instantly felt ashamed. “But—"

“I know, I know – you love her, you have a history together… Yeah, I get it. But that’s your past, Ned. Don’t you deserve someone who’ll be willing and eager to be a part of your future, not someone who’ll just keep clinging to what used to be? She’s holding you back, and you know it.”

“Carly—"

“Ned, I’m your friend. Someone needs to stick up for you and take your side, because God knows that your wife hasn’t been doing a good job of it. Sometimes things don’t last forever; people change. It’s sad, but it’s true. Don’t you think it’s smarter to break things off now instead of having one screaming match after another and dragging it out over months and years? 

“Fuck, you’re not even thirty – you’re still young! Now’s the time to make a fresh start – just break with the past and don’t look back.”

“But—"  


“Come on, Ned – you know what I’m saying makes sense. You just don’t want to admit it to yourself because you’re still tied to what happened when you took her to prom and she gave you a peck on the cheek at her front door, or when you went ice skating for her seventeenth birthday and got to hold her hand or shit like that. That was a long time ago, Ned – you were a kid. Now you’re a grown man.”

Ned ran his hands through his hair. The more she talked, the more confused he became. “It’s not that easy, Carly.  We’re _married_. I swore in front of God and our friends and our families that we’d be together forever.”

“Didn’t she also vow to love and to cherish?” Carly pointed out slyly. “Has she been doing that, Ned?”

“Carly,” he protested weakly.

“You’re tired and upset, but you know what I’m saying makes sense, if you’d only admit it to yourself. Of course it’ll be hard to walk away, but it’ll be for the best for both of you.  The two of you are at very different places in your lives and Nancy needs something other than what you can give her – don’t you think it’s best if you set her free so she can be happy again? Because you told me not two nights ago that she’s always miserable – do you think that it’s fair to her?”

“She’s miserable because _I_ made her miserable. I told her to come out here and I didn’t pay attention to her—"

“Come on,” she scoffed. “Nancy’s a grown-ass woman, Ned. She needs to take responsibility for her actions – not everything is your fault. You’re not her fucking babysitter – there is no reason that she should have expected you to keep her entertained all day and night.  She just came here and sulked and pouted without doing anything to change her situation on her own. I don’t feel sorry for her - and I don’t want to you to blame yourself, either.”

“I don’t,” he said. “Nancy never had a problem with meeting people before – she had a million friends. People would be drawn to her – she met them in airports or on buses or in stores... She was always really outgoing and social.”

“See! So when she came here, she made no effort whatsoever. So why do you keep beating yourself up about everything?”

“Because I—"

“Because you’re a nice guy and you want to do the right thing. Don’t you think she’s using that against you?”

“What do you mean?”  


“Making you feel bad and then just walking out without a second thought? Don’t you think that she wants you to go chasing after her and apologize for everything? This way, she doesn’t have to admit that she hasn’t been a very good wife to you – you’re the one who begs her forgiveness, and she keeps you dangling until she’s good and ready to decide. 

“Ned, I would hate for a man like you to fall for that bullshit. For you to take her bait and get down on your hands and knees to grovel. As much as this probably hurts to hear, she’s jut not worth it, Ned. She’s not worth the aggravation and degradation.”

“I have to go.” Ned needed to think. Before, his only goal was to make Nancy reconsider and come back home; now, he wasn’t so sure.

“I know that I’ve said a lot to you and it wasn’t easy to hear.  Call me later and let me know if you want to come over or if you want me to come there, okay?”

“Thanks. And…” He wanted to ask her whether or not she had any kind of communicable diseases, but had no idea how to even broach the topic - he’d never had to worry about anything like that before.

“Yes?”

Ned shook his head. “Never mind. Good night.”

After he heard her disconnect the call, Ned stared down at his phone’s screen.  Walking to the cabinet, he pulled out the bottle of scotch and poured himself a healthy amount without even bothering with ice. When he nearly finished it in one gulp, he poured some more. He had the glass halfway to his lips when he paused. 

_If Nancy knew that you were drinking, she’d be pissed,_ he thought fleetingly.  He looked down at the amber liquid and moved his wrist so that it swirled around in the glass.  

“Yeah, well, she’s not fucking here, is she?” he said aloud, sneering.  “That bitch left you without returning any of your calls and texts, and she fully expects you to chase her ass, like Carly said. Fuck that. 

“And Nancy’s not your keeper – you’re a grown man, and you can do whatever the fuck you want. Fuck her.” With that, he threw back the contents of his glass and refilled it again before taking the glass and the bottle with him to the kitchen table, where he set up his laptop and began reviewing his emails. 

\--

Nancy’s cell phone was buzzing, vibrating against the wooden surface of the bedside table. It hadn’t woken her up – she would have actually had to be asleep for that to have happened.  She had spent her second restless night in a row watching the clock and staring blankly into the darkness of her hotel room. She was beyond exhausted, but every time her eyes closed, Nancy’s mind kept replaying images of her husband and Carly in various stages of undress in that hotel room. When she tried to shut them out, those images were replaced by ones of her and Ben at his place. 

Sighing, she sat up and grabbed for her phone, dismayed when she saw that it had been another call from her mother-in-law. Edith had left her three voicemails in the three days she’d been back in Illinois, and Nancy had ignored each one.  She didn’t know if Ned had called his mommy crying over what had happened between them, and she wasn’t in any mood to find out.  The old Ned wouldn’t have dared to bring his parents into the middle of their problems, but who the hell knew what the stranger she was now married to would do? 

Each time she had spoken to Edith over the last few months, Nancy had tried to keep the conversation short so she wouldn’t have to lie to her mother-in-law whenever she asked about Ned. The last few times she had called before this week, Nancy hadn’t picked up: she hadn’t had the energy to continue the deception. 

She tossed the phone back onto the night stand and swung her legs over the side of the bed, pondering what she should do for the day.  She still hadn’t let her father or Hannah know that she was back, nor had she called Bess or George.  They would all ask questions that she didn’t yet have the answers to.   

Yesterday, she had gone by the house she had shared with Ned and sat in front of it for hours in her rental car, crying silently.  She had left after a while, worried that the neighbors would call the police and report a suspicious car in the neighborhood.  Then she’d come back to the hotel and crawled into bed, where she’d cried for another few hours.  Every damn place here reminded her of Ned and their life together.   

Standing up, she stretched and yawned, still exhausted. All of a sudden, she was struck by a wave of nausea, hurrying to the bathroom just in time. 

After she had emptied the contents of her stomach, she rinsed her mouth out, then filled one of the glasses by the sink with water and drank it down in one shot.  Every morning since she’d been back in Illinois, she’d had to throw up. It was probably because she wasn’t eating very much – what little appetite she’d had in Los Angeles was almost non-existent here.  Last night, she’d picked up a salad for dinner from a café near the hotel and had just moved the lettuce around in the take-out box with her fork until she was tired of looking at it.  That had been at least twelve hours ago, she realized. 

_That’s it, Drew_ , she told herself sternly. _Enough moping.  You seriously need to figure out what to do next.  You have been wandering around like a zombie—a crying, pathetic zombie—and you need to get over it already._

Nancy made her way to the shower and got dressed, even managing to put on a little makeup so she’d feel slightly more human.  Suddenly famished, she made her way to a fancy restaurant down the block from the hotel, where she ordered pancakes, eggs, bacon, hash browns, juice and coffee.  After plowing through almost all of it, she felt more energized than she had in days.   

She was about to head over to the aquarium when she felt a chill from the cold breeze coming off of Lake Michigan.  Deciding to grab an extra sweater from her hotel room, she had the door open when her cell phone rang again. Edith.  

_If you ignore her again, she’ll just keep calling_ , Nancy reminded herself. _Maybe you can get her off of the phone quickly._ Sighing, she answered the call, praying that her mother-in-law wasn’t calling to try and get her to reconcile with Ned.  

“Hello, Nancy! I’m so glad I caught you! I’ve been trying a few times over the last few days, but you must be incredibly busy with your new job. It’s been entirely too long since we’ve talked—I hope this is a good time?”

“It’s fine,” Nancy fibbed. “How are you and James?” Edith didn’t sound like she knew anything, which Nancy took as a good sign. 

“Things are going well – James is talking about retiring. Of course, he’s been talking about that for years, but I think he may actually mean it this time!”

Edith chattered on and on for a while, Nancy making the appropriate sounds of response as she half-listened. It wasn’t that she didn’t care about what her mother-in-law was saying; it was just hard to keep her thoughts focused on the conversation when it served as a reminder about Ned.  

“So, Nancy, what do you think?” Edith asked.

Nancy blinked in surprise, caught off guard. “Hmm?”

“Wrapped up in one of your cases, I see?” the older woman teased. “I was asking what you thought about the idea of Jim and me coming out there in two weeks. He’s got some vacation time coming, and we thought it would be fun to visit our favorite son and favorite daughter-in-law! We haven’t been to see you since you moved to California, and we miss the both of you terribly.”

Nancy paced, beginning to panic. This was almost worse than her original fear about Edith meddling in her marriage. How the fuck would she get out of this? If she told Edith that it wasn’t a good time, she might start to become suspicious. But if she encouraged the idea, then how they hell would they explain why Nancy wasn’t living in the house with Ned? There was no way she was going back there, and they weren’t good enough actors to be able to live in the house and pretend that everything was okay while his parents were there. Too much had happened between them for that to even be an option. 

“Nancy? Nancy?” Edith was saying tentatively. “Honey, if this really isn’t a good time for you to talk, I can call back later…”

“No, no, sorry. Sorry – I just got distracted,” Nancy fibbed. “Um, let me talk to Ned and we can get back to you. I mean, he’s been working a lot of hours, and—"

Edith chuckled. “Funny – that’s exactly what Ned said when I called him earlier.”

Nancy’s twinge of panic turned into a full-fledged roar. “You spoke with Ned earlier?” She prayed that her tone didn’t reflect her anxiety.  So far, Edith didn’t sound like she was trying to trap Nancy into some kind of a confession. 

“Yes. I asked him about his father and me coming to visit, and he said that he’d need to check with you because your schedule’s been so crazy.”

_Oh, he did, did he?_ Nancy thought, irritated. “It’s true,” she said, injecting a note of regret into her voice. “I have been on some crazy cases that have kept me away from home, and Ned’s been working a lot, too.”

“That’s why I thought I’d call you directly! Since you two probably don’t get to see each other a lot, I thought I’d save Ned the time and talk to you. 

“But, honey, if you don’t think that the time is right, we could wait a little while. Jim has been talking about maybe attending a Realtor’s conference in San Diego in two months, so we could come out then? You wouldn’t even have to have us underfoot – we could stay at a nearby hotel. “

“I…” Nancy frantically scrambled for an excuse that would put off her mother-in-law—for the moment, at least. 

“It’s just that we miss the two of you so much! Jim and I are getting older, and we really want to spend some time with you and Ned – it’s been so long.  

“I also have to confess that I have an ulterior motive for wanting to make the trip.” Nancy’s heart stopped in her chest upon hearing those words.  “You see, I was going through some boxes of stuff while cleaning and I found all of these old pictures and mementos – pictures of you and Ned from various holidays and family get-togethers, graduations, birthdays…

“I even found a picture from that Mapleton Homecoming dance that the two of you went to right after you started dating – you looked positively darling in that light blue dress with the white bow in the back. Jim and I were laughing about how nervous Ned had been - his hands were shaking as he put on your wrist corsage!” 

Nancy felt tears unexpectedly well up as a memory of that night flashed in her own mind. She herself had been trembling from Ned’s closeness as he put on the corsage, and from the thought of dancing with him, slow and close, later on.  After the dance, he had wrapped his arms around her waist as they stood on her front porch, and he had kissed her goodnight, gently, sweetly. Had everything he’d told her he’d felt for her been a lie, even back then?

A pair of hot tears tracked their way down her face, and Nancy impatiently brushed them away. “That was a long time ago,” she replied, hoping that her voice didn’t shake as she tried to stop crying. 

“That’s what we said! When we looked at the date on the back of the photo, we were shocked – it was over twelve years ago! It seems like it was just yesterday!”

_Twelve years,_ Nancy thought, keeping her breathing shallow so Edith couldn’t hear her suppressed sobs through the phone. _Twelve years of my life with him, and now we hate each other so much that we’re two thousand miles apart._

“Wow,” she managed aloud. 

“Then I found some of the photos from when we’d all go up to Emerson for Ned’s games, some from his college graduation – I remembered how everyone in the family kept teasing the two of you about getting married. And the first Christmas after the two of you were engaged, and your bridal shower, the family reunion up at the lake house…”

Each memory that Edith brought up was like a knife in Nancy’s gut. _We were so happy back then_ , Nancy remembered sadly, biting her lip to stop crying but coming away with a bitter, coppery taste in her mouth. 

“So once I found all of those things, it made us miss the two of you even more,” her mother-in-law was saying.  “And it really made me think. Jim and I aren’t getting any younger and no one ever knows how much time they have. Our neighbor down the block just passed away and he was barely sixty. Oh, I must sound incredibly morbid to you,” she chuckled. Nancy didn’t reply. “But I just want to spend time with the both of you – that’s really what I’m getting at. And lately everything seems to remind me of the both of you.

“I had to run an errand in River Heights last week and I passed by your old house – it made me so sad to see another family in it.  I kept thinking, ‘That should be Ned and Nancy’s baby playing in the front yard, not a stranger’s.”

“I, um…” Nancy fumbled, the tears pouring down her face.  “I…” Her voice broke and she cursed herself for losing control.  

“Nancy?” Edith asked, sounding concerned. “Honey, are you all right?”

“Yes,” Nancy lied, her voice wobbly. 

“Nancy, honey, what’s wrong? What’s the matter? Are you okay? Is Ned okay?” Nancy remained silent as she fumbled in her purse for a tissue.  “Honey, you sound like you’re crying. What is it? Are you and Ned all right?”

Nancy shook her head silently. She hadn’t wanted to reveal the reality of their situation to anyone until she had time to think, but now it looked like that wasn’t going to be an option. 

“Honey, please talk to me. I know that you’re crying. Do you want me to come out to California now? I can get on a plane—"

“No, no!” Nancy said frantically. “No, you don’t have to do that. I’m just having a bad day…”

“Yes, I do – you’re my daughter-in-law and something’s the matter.  I can be there by tonight. I just turned on my laptop and I’m bringing up the travel sites to check for flights—"

Nancy had to stop this. “No, you don’t have to do that. Because I’m not in California.”

“Oh, are you traveling for work? Are you off somewhere for a case? It doesn’t matter—I could come to where you are?” Edith offered, still sounding concerned. 

Nancy shook her head again, willing herself the courage to tell the truth. “No, I’m in Illinois.”

“In Illinois?” Edith echoed, clearly confused. “Honey, you and Ned are back? Oh, was it supposed to be a surprise? Did I ruin the surprise?” 

Nancy laughed, but it came out as a bitter sound. “Actually, I came back alone. Ned’s in California, and I’m here.”

“He couldn’t get off of work?” Edith asked, still not grasping the situation.

“No – I… I…” _Say it!_ “I came back alone because… because I’ve left Ned.” Saying the words out loud made her nausea rise again and she had to force herself to breathe. 

There was a minute of complete and total silence on the other end of the line as her mother-in-law was likely trying to digest what Nancy had just told her. 

“Nancy,” she said, aghast. “I had no idea…”

“I know,” Nancy sniffled. “I know. It’s just been really hard, and we just need to re-evaluate. _I_ just need to re-evaluate,” she clarified. 

“Honey… I’m so sorry. I kept going on and on about the old days…” 

“It’s okay – you had no way of knowing,” she reassured her mother-in-law. 

“So, where are you now?” 

“At a hotel in downtown Chicago.”

“You’re not at your father’s?” Edith asked in surprise.

“No. He doesn’t know. Neither does Hannah,” Nancy confessed. 

“Why don’t you come over? Or I could come to you?"  


“No, you don’t have to.” Now that she knew, the last thing Nancy needed was for Edith to try and break her down, try to get her to change her mind. No, she took it back – the last thing she needed for was Edith to call Ned. 

“Honey. You are my daughter-in-law, and I love you. You are obviously hurting and you need to talk to someone. And I know what you’re thinking – that I’m going to try to force you into going back to Ned or that I’ll take his side. Or that I’ll call him and relay everything that you’ve told me.” Nancy flushed guiltily, since that was exactly what had been on her mind. “But that’s not what this is about. I just want to see you.  What I said before was true, you know – I didn’t just miss my son.”

Nancy smiled at that as she swiped the back of her hand over her wet cheek.  “Thank you,” she managed to force out. 

“So, do you want to come over here later? I have a doctor’s appointment – nothing serious – otherwise, I’d say we should meet now.  I can tell Jim that I’m having a last-minute Garden Club meeting tonight so he’ll stay away. Or, do you want me to meet you somewhere?”

Nancy couldn’t bear the thought of going to the Nickersons', of being in the house where she and Ned had spent time with his parents at dinners and family occasions, where they’d made out while watching movies, where they’d done their homework together as teenagers… But she didn’t want their meeting to be in a public place, either: she had a strong feeling that she’d cry even harder when she saw Edith in person.  

“Um, how about you come here, to my hotel room? We could order up room service – my treat,” Nancy offered. 

“That’s perfect - that way, we’ll be completely alone.  And what I said was true, Nancy – I’m not going to tell Ned that we’re meeting. Unless you want me to?”

“No – please don’t. We haven’t spoken since I’ve left, and he doesn’t know I’m in Illinois.”

“Okay. Just tell me where you are and I’ll be there.”

After agreeing to meet at six, Nancy provided Edith with all of her information and hung up.  Part of her just wanted to crawl back under the covers, but she forced herself to grab her sweater and go through with her original plan of visiting the Art Institute. She needed to do something to keep herself occupied, other than think about her husband and her marriage and how things had gone so terribly wrong. 

\--

Nancy had been gone for three days.  Each morning when he woke up to find the bed empty beside him and each night when he came home to find the house empty, Ned was still stunned by the fact that she had actually left him.  Each day he thought about going to the Hyatt and demanding that she talk to him, but something kept holding him back. 

The more he thought about it, the more that some of the things Carly had said to him made sense. He and Nancy hadn’t been connecting for a long time now – before she’d even come to live in California, if he were truthful with himself – and maybe it was just because they had grown into different people.  He liked to go out and have fun and buy nice things; Nancy liked… Well, that was it – he didn’t know what she liked anymore.  

He was so sick of fighting with her. He remembered when they hardly ever argued – and even when they did, they would make up almost immediately, neither of them able to stand being angry with each other for long.  

And if he couldn’t be the one to make her happy anymore, then shouldn’t he give her freedom so she could find someone who could?  Didn’t he at least owe her that? The thought of it, though – the very damn idea of someone else kissing her or touching her or making love to her, of another guy being rewarded with one of her smiles or a playful glance from those gorgeous blue eyes of hers… It made Ned clench his fists at his side. 

He aimlessly wandered the house, stopping in front of one of their framed wedding photos that sat on the mantle of their den. Ned picked it up and studied the image, a half-smile on his face as he traced his fingertips over the glass. 

Nancy had looked so unbelievably beautiful that day. He had stared at her in wonder as she had said her vows to him, still slightly astonished that she was really committing herself to spending her life with him after all of her years of being unwilling to be tied down. He supposed that some part of him had always been waiting for her to change her mind, even after all of this time.  

_And look what happened_ , he thought bitterly, setting the picture frame back down onto the mantle. 

Again he thought about the night of their argument, and how she had refused to accept his apologies. She wouldn’t even listen to a thing he had to say – Nancy’s mind had been made up, and nothing he could’ve said would’ve changed her mind. He realized that now.  

Ned had always known that she could be stubborn and single-minded, but he was damn tired of it, especially since it was the biggest reason why their marriage was in the state it was in.  She hadn’t wanted to make any concessions – she’d only agreed to come to California in the first place so she could placate him and say that she’d tried it. The minute she had come to live here permanently, she had set a mental timer, counting down the days until she could drag him back to their old life. Their boring, old suburban life, filled with chores like mowing the grass and shoveling snow, and dates where they went to chain restaurants and popped in the latest DVD from Netflix. 

Well, that had been fine for the old Ned Nickerson, the one who made a middling salary, drove a dull sedan, and wore clothes from some store in the mall. That guy had been content to live his life vicariously through his wife. But now? Ned couldn’t imagine going backwards, now that he’d tasted what life _really_ had to offer.  

He gave one last glance at the wedding picture before heading into the kitchen – if he remembered correctly, there was still some left in the bottle of scotch; if not, he’d just have to go out for more. And now that there was no one here to nag him about it, maybe he’d call someone to see if could score a little blow. After the week he’d had, he deserved a little pick-me-up.

\--

The rap at the door signaled Edith’s arrival, and Nancy felt her stomach jump in anticipation of seeing her mother-in-law.  She nervously checked her reflection in the mirror over the dresser before walking to the door, taking a deep breath as she opened the door. 

The sight of Edith’s worried face almost made Nancy break down again, but she willed herself to be strong. Edith walked into the room and, once the door closed behind her, silently held open her arms. 

Wordlessly, Nancy let herself walk into them, bending down to nestle her head against the older woman’s shoulder. For a moment, she just stood there as Edith stroked her back, unable to stop the tears from spilling down her face and onto Edith’s shirt.

When Nancy was finally able to compose herself, she pulled back, taking in the look of compassion and sadness on Edith’s face.  She used the back of her hand to quickly swipe at her cheeks. 

“Nancy,” Edith said, shaking her head, aghast. “Honey, what have you done to yourself? You’re all skin and bones! ”

“I… I had a good breakfast this morning, but I just don’t have very much of an appetite anymore,” Nancy admitted. 

“Well, if I had known that you were wasting away to nothing, I would have brought you some of my pot roast – I know you love it.” Nancy smiled at that, despite herself.  “Why don’t we sit down and order you a nice, hearty dinner before we talk, okay?”

Nancy nodded, and led the way to the table in the corner of the room. After perusing the room service menu, Edith ordered them salads, shrimp and pasta entrées, and a fruit plate and brownies for dessert.

Her task complete, Edith turned her intense stare back to Nancy. “Nancy, you were so distraught on the phone this morning – I’m not trying to pry, but I’m genuinely concerned. What happened?”

Nancy splayed her hands down on the cool marble surface of the table and studied her ragged cuticles. “We just… grew apart,” she finished lamely.

“But sometimes that happens in a marriage, sweetheart,” Edith reminded her gently. “I mean, you and Ned have been together long enough to know that things aren’t always rosy and perfect all of the time – you have to work at it.”

“I know,” Nancy mumbled, still looking down. “But…”

“ _Something_ must have happened for you to have just walked out.  How bad was it?”

Nancy lifted her head at that. “Bad,” she said frankly. “Really, really bad.”

“And it’s not something you can talk about?” her mother-in-law pressed gently.

Nancy shook her head vehemently. “I can’t,” she whispered. “But things have been terrible between us for a very long time – since I moved out to California, really – and they’ve gotten worse and worse over the months. 

“That’s why we’ve both kind of been avoiding you,” she admitted. “Because we didn’t want anyone to know just how awful it’s been."  


Edith sighed. “And Ned still doesn’t know you’re here?”

She gave another shake of her head. “No.  No—I just needed time away from him to think about what to do.”

“Are you thinking that this would be permanent?” Edith asked softly. “Are you thinking about ending your marriage?”

“I don’t know.” Saying it aloud, Nancy realized that it was true. She thought that being here would help to give her some clarity; instead, she was even more confused about what to do. The rage that had driven her to her decision to sleep with Ben had mostly turned to a fathomless sadness, and while she still hated Ned for what he had done, she still couldn't make up her mind to say it was over forever.

“Maybe you should call him,” Edith suggested. “I know that my son is stubborn, but he loves you so much.”

“I don’t know if that’s true anymore,” Nancy said quietly, her eyes again welling up with tears. She had suspected it for months now, but actually vocalizing the sentiment made it seem more real. 

“I can’t believe that!” her mother-in-law told her, shocked. “This has to be fixable, sweetheart – whatever happened, however bad it is, you need to talk things over and figure out what you need to do to save your relationship. You two have been together too long and love each other too much to end things.”

“I don’t know. I don’t know if there’s anything left to fix,” Nancy said sadly.  “We’ve been growing apart for a really long time and we both want different things."

“Maybe that’s true – even though I don’t believe it – but you won’t know for sure if you don’t at least try,” the older woman pointed out. 

“I don’t know if he even wants to try.  I think we’re too far apart at this point.” 

“I can’t believe that,” Edith repeated firmly. “But you need to talk to him to find out what’s going on in his head – you shouldn’t just walk away without at least doing that.”

It made sense, but the fact that Ned hadn’t even fucking bothered to find her still made Nancy hurt and furious. The last time he’d made more than a token effort to call or text her was when she had still been in California, and that had been three damn days ago. How the hell much could he really want to work things out, then? Everything he’d said and promised her in the driveway of the W really must’ve been a lie – which was fitting, considering that everything he’d told her in the six months she’d lived out there had been a lie, too. 

When Nancy realized she’d been silent for longer than she should’ve been, she gave her mother-in-law a weak smile. “It’s good advice,” she said noncommittally.

“Advice that you’re going to take?” 

“I’m not sure,” Nancy told her truthfully. “I mean, it’s the same thing I’d tell one of my friends if she and her husband were going through… a rough patch,” she finished diplomatically.

“So, what’s holding you back?”

“There’s just been so much bad stuff between us… What I told you before was true – I don’t know if there’s anything to save, anymore. The old Nancy and Ned are gone and they have been for a really long time.  And I don’t know if they can ever come back – he’s changed, and I guess I have, too.” 

A series of insistent knocks on the door signaled the arrival of room service, and Nancy hurried to answer it, glad for the interruption. Even though she hadn’t revealed the specifics about their problems, including Ned’s infidelity, she still felt like she was treading too close to the line between what was appropriate and what wasn’t. However much she loved Edith and vice versa, she was still Ned’s mother, and her allegiances would naturally lie with her only son. 

When the waiter was finished setting up, Nancy had insisted on putting the check on her room bill, despite Edith’s best protests. She took a few bites of salad, mindful of her mother-in-law’s eyes on her. 

“Okay, so let’s get back to what we were talking about earlier.” Nancy must not have been able to conceal her surprise, because Edith chuckled. “Thought I’d forget, did you?”

“Whatever happens, a part of me will always love Ned.” _Despite my best intentions_ , she thought to herself ruefully.  “We share a history; we grew up together. But we may not be good for each other anymore. We’re different people now; we want different things. Now that we’re adults…”

“Nancy.  If I didn’t know just how strong and how deep your love has always been, I could maybe agree with what you’re saying. But I’m sorry – I find it very hard to believe that two people who were as passionate about each other as you two were could have fallen out of love this quickly. You were only out there for less than six months, honey! Twelve years can’t have been undone by only six months!”

“It wasn’t just the six months,” Nancy admitted, pushing aside her barely-eaten salad. “Things weren’t right between us for longer than that, but we just ignored our problems. Right before I left for California, we had had a huge… discussion,” she said euphemistically, “and we thought that we had addressed everything. But it turns out we hadn’t."

Edith took the lids off the pasta plates and pushed one towards Nancy. “Look, I’m only telling you this because I love you and I know how happy you make my son.  As you know, James and I were married for a few years before we had Ned.  He was just getting his career off the ground and we wanted to wait until things were stable before we started our family."

She picked up her fork and began to eat. “Well, that meant that Jim was working incredibly long hours and we hardly ever saw each other.  Suddenly, it was like we were strangers living in the same house.  He was wrapped up in his colleagues and his showings; I had a little part-time job and I was meeting people there… We didn’t seem to have a lot in common, and we were arguing more than we ever had before.”

“So, what happened?” Nancy asked, dragging the tines of her fork through her pasta. Despite her intention to pick at her food, she had to admit that it smelled good, and her stomach began to growl.  She twirled some noodles around her fork and took a bite. 

“Well… And I don’t think Ned’s ever heard this story, so I’ll ask you not to share it with him.” Edith waited for Nancy’s nod of assent before continuing. “Well, Jim became… friendly with one of the female Realtors in his agency, and I struck up a friendship with a man at the office where I was working.  Brian – his name was Brian.”

Nancy looked up, astonished. “Oh, no – nothing happened, honey. Jim and I were faithful to each other. But we each felt a spark of attraction to someone else, and it worried us. Enough so that we each confessed to each other.”

_Well, at least you didn’t find your husband half-naked in a hotel room with cocaine and a whore,_ Nancy thought sardonically. “Then what?” she asked aloud.

“We went to therapy,” Edith confided. “Couples counseling. Only a few sessions, but it was enough to have a neutral third party in the room to hear us air our grievances and help us navigate through them. It wasn’t easy, but it was worth the pain and discomfort.

“And I’m not saying that things have always been perfect between Jim and I since then, but… After all of this time together, there are very few things that would make me consider leaving him; even if I did, I wouldn’t walk out without doing everything in my power to ensure that we had exhausted every last possibility of reconciliation before pulling the trigger. Because I would hate it if I made a rash move while I still had doubts and regrets.”

\--

Edith’s words were still ringing in her ears the next morning when Nancy lay in bed, staring at the wall of her hotel room.  Just as she was debating what she should do for the day, she felt her stomach churn with the now-familiar bout of morning nausea. She bolted out of bed and headed for the bathroom.

Brushing her teeth afterwards, Nancy looked at herself in the mirror. Her collarbones were more prominent than they had ever been and her ribs and hip bones were jutting out from the tank top and cotton pants she had worn to bed. Her eyes looked sunken in her face and there were deep, violet-colored bags beneath them. 

After her shower, Nancy felt another urge to vomit. Wherever she went for the day, her first stop would be a drugstore for anti-nausea medicine, she vowed. And then she’d get something to eat – her lightheadedness was probably the result of throwing up twice in thirty minutes, but it would be good to put something solid into her stomach. She had eaten about half of her dinner last night, despite her mother-in-law’s attempts to get her to finish her meal. 

She dressed slowly, fixed her hair and put on a touch of makeup before going downstairs and outside. Briefly considering a cab, Nancy decided to talk a walk instead – the fresh air might do her good, despite the cold snap that still lingered in the air. 

About a block away from the hotel, she found a chain drugstore.  The line at the check-out counters was longer than she’d anticipated, so instead of asking, she wandered the store to try and find the right aisle. She located it easily and made her way to the anti-nausea section when something caught her eye. 

Pregnancy tests.  Could the reason for her sickness every morning mean she was pregnant? She’d had a period last month, but it had been strange and spotty. Nancy had attributed the irregularity to stress and lack of sleep – not to mention her poor eating habits.

Then again, she and Ned had had unprotected sex after his return from Catalina – where he’d probably been fucking that whore Carly, she realized, sickened by the thought.  And a few other times in the last few months, too. 

Wouldn’t that just be something?  For months and months, she had been desperate to get pregnant; now, after having her husband tell her that she’d be a shitty mother and catching him cheating on her, after they had a huge, marriage-destroying argument, it could be a reality? That would just be her fucking luck, wouldn’t it?

After mentally arguing with herself for a few minutes in front of the family planning section of the store, Nancy grabbed two tests before picking up a bottle of the medicine she’d come to the store for in the first place.  The line at checkout was still entirely too long, and she fairly danced with impatience as she waited her turn, forcing herself to smile at the slow cashier.

Despite her growing anxiety and dread, Nancy stopped at a bakery on the way back to the hotel, ordering a sesame bagel and a cup of freshly-squeezed orange juice.  She was starving by now, and even dizzier than before.

The minute she got back to her room, Nancy dropped the wrapped bagel and cup of juice onto the nightstand and grabbed the pregnancy tests from the bag in her purse.  Sitting on the edge of the bed, she tore open the boxes and stared at their contents.

“It’s now or never, Drew,” she said aloud. She slowly got up from the bed and went into the bathroom, test sticks clutched in her fist. 

After ten long minutes, during which she had paced back and forth across the carpet of the bedroom, flicking the TV on and off twice as an attempt at distraction, Nancy rushed back to the bathroom, afraid of what she might find. 

Steeling herself, Nancy picked up both tests from the top of the toilet tank and blinked in disbelief.

Both tests had come back positive. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter by ndnickerson.

Nancy sat on a bench at the edge of Lake Michigan, looking out, and barely felt the cold. She pulled her glove off and looked down at her hand, at the wedding rings she had made sure were in place before she had gone to the immediate care facility and asked the doctor to confirm the results of her pregnancy test. She had been told that all they did was run another urine analysis, so she requested that and a confirmation blood test—and ignored the doctor's raised eyebrow when she requested that her blood also be tested for any STIs.

The results had come back in no time at all, and after an infinity, as Nancy sat frozen on the table, unable to think or breathe or feel anything other than the roaring panic in her head, sending her heart speeding.

"Congratulations, Mrs. Nickerson. You are pregnant. You'll need to start taking prenatal vitamins..."

Under other circumstances, this would have been one of the happiest days of her life. Under other circumstances, she would have called her father and Hannah immediately, told Ned's parents; she would have told Bess and George tentatively, would have counted the days until she was well into her pregnancy to let the rest of their family and friends know. She would have called her husband as soon as she was given the news and would have heard such happiness in his voice.

The old version of her husband, anyway. This new version...

She hadn't stopped crying since she had walked out of the immediate care facility. She had thought her tears were spent, but she had found more somehow.

Before that moment, before the doctor had confirmed that she was in fact pregnant, the choice had been infinitely terrible, but so much easier. If Ned was unhappy with her, and she with him, they needed to let each other go, and she had a feeling they were well on the way to that decision. The old Ned would have found her within a day; he had found her in Montreal...

She couldn't let herself think about that, about that terrible day. She wiped her face again, fully aware that her makeup was ruined, but she couldn't care less.

She needed to hear it from his lips, though. She needed to hear him say that they no longer made each other happy, that it was time, that this was over. Then, she felt sure, it would be so much easier to walk away...

_When it's more miserable to be together than apart_...

But her heart grew sick at the thought of him saying those words to her, and a fresh wave of tears rose to her eyes. Edith had been so adamant that they couldn't just throw twelve years away like this, but in Nancy's eyes, he already had.

And then she had found out she was pregnant.

The way she saw it, she had four options, none of them appealing whatsoever. She could call Ned and give him the news. She could fly to California—even the sheer thought of that made her shudder—and give him the news in person.

She could just not tell him, wait for him to tell her it was over and to begin divorce proceedings—that thought made her cry harder too—and raise the child by herself. She hated the idea of telling him and having him decide to stay with her just because she was pregnant, just because of their awful timing and the benefit of a child, when everything between them was so broken; the way he was working, the child would never see him, and she had a feeling he wouldn't give a damn, because he would say he was out "providing" for them. She snorted in derision at that idea.

Or she could terminate the pregnancy.

She was horrified to discover that the last option, the one she had never in a million years thought she would honestly consider, felt like the best one. She couldn't believe she was really in this awful situation, and with a quick appointment, she no longer would be. She would take it out of the equation, and if she and Ned decided they no longer wanted to be together, at least they wouldn't have that baggage between them.

Besides, hadn't he told her that she would be a shitty mother anyway? She imagined calling to give him the news and hearing him say in that terrible cold voice that he would pay for her to get rid of it, to just admit what they both knew, that she would never be a good mother...

She started to cry harder, shoving the heels of her hands into her eyes, but the tears just wouldn't stop.

The man she had fallen in love with would never have spoken to her the way her husband had that awful night. Despite all his protests after, _that_ was the voice she heard echoing in her ear, and the thought of him ever, _ever_ speaking to her that way again made her feel sick.

When her stomach growled, Nancy glanced down at it, another pair of tears slipping down her cheeks as her eyes narrowed. She hadn't been able to keep anything down all day; her throat felt raw, and she was lightheaded. She had to find something she could eat soon, or she was afraid she would just pass out.

She just wanted to sleep. She wanted to fall into a deep, dreamless sleep and get out from underneath the terrible weight of her anxiety, for just a little while. And soon, if her body didn't stop rejecting everything she ate, she wasn't sure she wouldn't just shut down.

And that... that thought was more appealing than sleep. For a brief bittersweet second she imagined Ned being told that she had wasted away, that she had died believing he had never truly loved her, and a part of her wanted so badly to believe that he would at least feel bad about it. That anything she could do would ever touch him, now.

She shook her head and pushed herself up off the bench. She had to find something to eat, and make a decision.

She pulled out her cell phone, and a blank screen greeted her. No new messages.

With every day that passed, she could feel him slipping further away from her, and she didn't know if she would ever have the strength to bridge the distance. If he wanted her back, he would have found her, he would have tried harder, but he hadn't.

So he was glad she was gone. She had wanted so badly for him to come after her, but maybe this was better. At least this way she knew how he really felt.

She returned to her hotel room without seeing anything, hardly caring if she walked into traffic, and ordered the blandest soup on the room service menu with a soda. Then she sat at the small writing desk and took her wedding rings off again, putting them on the polished surface, and stared at them.

By the time her food arrived, she had made her decision. She still had to force herself to eat, though, and the soup was tasteless in her mouth.

She had thought it would feel better, to be settled, but it wasn't, not at all. Not while she felt like a part of herself was dying.

\--

Ned blinked at his computer screen, then shook his head hard. His nose still felt a little sensitive, and that had to be what was throwing him off. Had to be. He had overindulged the night before, and he was paying for it now. He was finding it almost impossible to concentrate.

From the moment he had opened his eyes that morning, the desire to call Nancy, to pound on her door at the Hyatt until she opened it and spoke to him, had returned fourfold. He was angry with her, frustrated, and the longer they didn't speak to each other, the more certain he was that there was no returning from what had happened, and he wasn't even sure anymore that what they had now was worth saving. If she was miserable with him, then they should be apart; surely the dread he felt when he even imagined their next conversation was a clear indication of how he felt about her.

It was logical, and yet, he couldn't bring himself to do it. He hadn't taken his wedding ring off. When he thought about taking his ring off, it felt like his stomach dropped through the floor.

He would know what to do after he spoke to her. As much as he dreaded that conversation, and as vehemently as he told himself that she had left, and _she_ was the one who needed to make the first move, he hadn't forgotten that she had only walked out after the terrible scene in the hotel room. The fight at their house, as ugly as it was, hadn't been the reason.

But it had been days, and she hadn't acknowledged a single one of his phone calls or text messages. For a moment he considered turning on the tracker to locate her phone, but she was safe at the Hyatt nearby. And if he didn't have three fucking enormous projects hanging over his head...

He resolved to go by the Hyatt once he got off work and leave a note for her, on her car, where curiosity would make her open it. Voicemails and text messages she might be able to ignore, but he knew his wife—

He _had_ known his wife. The woman who had shared his bed until a few nights before was someone he hardly recognized.

He nodded to himself, ignoring the queasy feeling in the pit of his stomach, the niggling feeling that he needed to call her _now_. He had work to do, and she needed time and space to calm down, and nothing he had said so far had made a damned bit of difference anyway.

Ned worked hard on his projects for the rest of the day, and by four o'clock he knew he would be staying late again. He had a ten o'clock meeting set for the next morning and if he didn't have at least preliminary storyboards done, his ass would be in the sling. He called the art department and arranged for Morgan, who wanted to take half of Friday off anyway, to stay late and finish the storyboards so they would be ready.

At four forty-five, Ned had just returned from Media when Heather cast a loaded glance at him. "Why the long face? Ready to get out of here for the day?" he asked her.

"You have a visitor," she replied, and something in Heather's tone told Ned who he would find. He was totally unsurprised to see the stiletto dangling from one slender foot, the miles of long tanned leg, the skintight royal blue dress molding perfectly to Carly's curves. She was seated in the chair in front of his desk, and despite her concealer, he could still detect the faintest sign of the bruise on her face. He'd had a lot of experience spotting them, especially after all the bottles of concealer Nancy had been through—

Ned shook his head. Even though he knew it needed to happen, part of him dreaded seeing his wife again, and he realized that he almost wished she _wouldn't_ respond to his note.

"Hi Carly," Ned said warily, leaving his office door open. "Sorry, I'm working on some huge projects right now."

"So you said, earlier." Carly pushed herself up out of the visitor's chair, tossing her head so her long, shining hair tumbled down her back. "And the best thing for that kind of stress is a few hours of relaxation."

Ned immediately shook his head, although in the back of his mind, he found himself wondering whether she was holding. He hadn't liked having to pay for what he'd had the night before, not because he begrudged the money, but because the buy had made him feel paranoid as hell. He'd gotten the name from Kesey, and Kesey wasn't all that dependable to begin with. Every telephone ring had made him break out in a cold sweat, wondering if he had been reported. He had a feeling that if it was going to happen, it would have happened by now, but that didn't help his anxiety.

"I can't."

Carly pursed her lips, tilting her head. "You have to eat," she pointed out. "So have dinner with me. It'll help clear your head."

He didn't miss the twinkle in her eye when she said it, and after a few more minutes of purred persuasion on her part, he gave in, grabbing his jacket. He turned the lights off in his office, telling Heather he would be back in a little while. Carly had gone ahead of him, her stilettos sounding against the tile as she went to call the elevator car.

Ned had just turned to follow her when Heather said, "So was it a nice surprise?"

He turned back, his eyebrows up. "What surprise?"

"The—the surprise Nancy wanted to give you," Heather said, her voice a little less sure. "She called to see if you were available, and when I said you were working on the car account, she was glad that was going to give her time. So was it a good surprise?"

Nancy had called his fucking work to make sure he wouldn't come home while she was packing all her stuff. She hadn't lowered herself to call _him_ back, but she had called his fucking _assistant_. And had pretended absolutely nothing was wrong, like it was a pleasant surprise.

_Maybe she thought that was what I wanted,_ he thought. _Even after I practically got down on my knees to beg her to come home._

"It was—something," Ned forced out, before following Carly to the elevators.

Carly suggested an upscale grill, and when Ned walked in with her, his hand lingering at the small of her back, he didn't miss the admiring glances—and he couldn't remember the last time he and Nancy had been out that it had been like this. He _did_ remember that fucking party where she had thrown a damn temper tantrum and insisted they leave, that was for sure. Carly glowed like she belonged by his side.

And she _listened._ Over dinner she asked about his day, sympathized with how many projects he was working on, told him she was sure he was going to do a fantastic job with all of them. By the time the waiter brought the check, he was just a little buzzed from the two scotches he'd had with dinner, and her suggestion that they go to a bar for just one more drink made perfect sense. If he stopped drinking now, he'd just get a headache—and besides, at a bar, it would be easier for them to just sneak off to the bathroom...

Ned had downed his third drink of the night when Carly looked up at him. "You feeling good, baby?" she purred, her hand warm on his.

Ned nodded. The scotch had dampened that insistent voice at the back of his head a little, and he resolved that he would leave the note for his wife—on the way to work in the morning. If he even made it home. Nancy would keep, and if she was angry, it wasn't like he could do much about it...

"You're looking a little tired." She brought her purse up to her lap. "Want a little pick-me-up?"

He didn't think twice about it, and he was the first to stand, offering her his hand.

They snuck into the bathroom together, and Ned's nose was still aching a little, but the thought of _not_ having it was worse. They divided the pre-chopped powder into slender lines and Ned snorted the first, inhaling sharply, then dry-washing his face. _Fuck_. If he could just get another line for later, he'd be able to practically pull a fucking all-nighter and get _two_ projects done overnight.

Carly reached up and placed her index finger against Ned's lips. "Lick," she ordered him.

Ned obeyed her, his stomach tightening when her lashes fluttered a little, when she shot him a wicked little grin. She dragged her wet finger through the other line of fine white powder, then dropped the mirror back into her purse and pulled the hem of her dress up. Ned watched, unable to rip his gaze away, as she revealed a pair of incredibly miniscule black lace panties to him—

And then she slipped her hand into her underwear, the index finger she had coated in coke, revealing the neatly groomed join of her slender legs to him, and Ned's cock went from stirring to a full-on erection as Carly tipped her head back, her lips parting as she slipped her fingers up into her sex. Ned's own hand gravitated to his fly as she shivered, then pulled her hand out of her underwear. He desperately wanted to grab her hand, to lick the last traces of the powder and her arousal off her fingers, and then, God, to yank those fucking panties off her and trace the tip of his tongue against her slick hot folds—

Carly tugged the hem of her dress back into place, then raised her hand, offering it to him. "Lick?" she purred.

Ned shuddered in desire at the thought, then opened the bathroom stall's door before he could change his mind. He went to the sink and washed his hands thoroughly, splashing water on his face, and saw Carly's reflected face turn to a little pout before she joined him, washing her own hands.

"So... that..."

"Thanks to your wife, I couldn't exactly snort it," Carly said, but the edge in her voice was faint. "Plus, oh my _God_ , I'll be able to fuck for _hours_ like this..."

Ned's cock definitely bobbed in answer, and after his next scotch, when the coke was sizzling through him, her invitation back to her house for a nightcap—well, it just fucking made _sense_.

_Hours._ He couldn't remember the last time he had fucked his wife for more than ten minutes, and if it had the same effect on him as it was obviously having on Carly...

She kept touching him, as they climbed into the cab, all the way to her house. Her fingertips swirled over the back of his hand, onto his knee. He didn't understand why he had ever said no to this. Carly liked him. She found him attractive and fun to be around, and she was fun, adventurous—everything he wanted. She looked damned good on his arm, and he already knew that she would be damned good under him. When she picked up his hand and dropped it on her own knee, letting her legs slide apart, Ned let his fingertips drift up her smooth, hot inner thigh and she giggled, her eyes gleaming as she arched.

She tugged him to her front door and Ned thought his heart was going to beat out of his fucking chest. She was fumbling in her purse for her keys and then she looked up at him and suddenly his mouth was crushed to hers, his tongue plunging into her mouth, her fingers grasping his collar as she tipped up on her heels to meet him. He pushed her against her front door and she growled deep in her throat. "Oh _yeah_ , baby," she purred when she pulled back, her lips swelled red and slick from their kiss, and she found her keys.

And Ned had absolutely no doubt that if they walked in, they would be naked, wrapped around each other, fucking frantically within thirty seconds. He _wanted_ it. God, he wanted it. He thought again of her touching herself in front of him and nipped at her lower lip, drawing another growl from her.

His phone went off.

Morgan. Morgan was back at the office finishing the storyboards.

Carly tightened her grip on his collar. "Come inside," she breathed, and then she found his hand, guiding it between her legs, to cup her warmth through those damn lace panties.

"Come inside."

Reflex had made Ned reach for his cell phone, and his wedding ring touched it, pressing into his hand.

His wedding ring.

_Nancy_.

He jerked his hand away from Carly. "I—I have to go," he stammered out, even while every single atom of his being was _screaming_ at him to go inside with her. He had already seen every inch of her gorgeous body naked, but he wanted to taste it, wanted to bring her to screaming orgasm, wanted to drive himself into her, wanted the sheer act of fucking her to get him high as he came in contact with the blow she had rubbed into her sex.

His phone chirped again, as Carly's eyes narrowed. "No you don't," she said, sounding almost angry. "It'll keep, Ned. Don't you want me to suck you off, baby? I'll do whatever you want—we can get a friend over here, play with my toys. You said you liked being tied up?"

Ned took a step back. He was practically in a cold sweat, trembling as he tried to put what she was saying out of his head, but his mind was all too eager to fill in those blanks. God, to see her gorgeous tits bouncing as she rode him, while he was tied to her bed—

Ned swallowed hard. "I have—there's a presentation—I have to go."

She reached for him again, and if he hadn't taken another step back, if she had actually managed to grab his hand—oh God, he wouldn't have been able to say no again. The cab's on-duty light had just flipped back on, but the cabbie was apparently interested to see how the drama on Carly's front steps was playing out, because he hadn't pulled away from the curb yet.

"Ned—"

Ned shook his head, driving his thumb hard against his wedding ring. "I have to go," he repeated, turning back to the cab.

Heather was gone when Ned returned to the office, and he shut himself into the bathroom, reaching for his fly, and he came after only a few strokes. He slumped against the wall, panting, his eyes closed.

The next time he saw Carly...

He looked down at his ring, and didn't know what the hell to think. What he had already done with Carly was apparently enough to make his wife leave him; it wasn't like she could leave him _again._

Even so, when he was away from Carly, he felt both insanely aroused and deeply ashamed at the thought of sleeping with her. It was while he was _with_ her that his cock just took over, convincing him that it didn't matter what the consequences were, getting inside that undoubtedly incredible pussy or slipping himself into that hot little mouth were all that mattered.

He splashed cold water on his face until he could think a little more clearly, then headed down to the art department to see what Morgan had come up with.

It was after ten o'clock by the time he pulled up at their house. Even though he hadn't expected to see Nancy there, he still deflated a little when he saw that their house was dark, when it was just as still inside as it had been when he had left that morning. He was coming down hard, and when he keyed into their house he saw again their wedding portrait, and felt like utter shit. What had he done? What had he almost fucking done, _again_? What if Nancy had come to his work hoping to talk to him and had seen him leave with Carly, if she had followed him again? He had been so fucking dead-set on getting away with Carly, finding out if she had any coke on her, that he definitely hadn't been paying attention to anything else.

Ned rubbed his hands over his face, walking over to the refrigerator to grab a bottle of water—but there were none left. No beer, either. The refrigerator was actually starting to look a little bare.

He didn't go grocery shopping anymore. He had left that to her.

He drew a glass of cold tap water and gulped the whole thing down—he had been dying of thirst since he had snorted the line—then filled it again and dropped a few ice cubes in, heading for the stairs. He had closed the closet doors, but that didn't matter; the absence of her clothes, of _her_ , still reached for him in the dark, twining iron fingers around his heart.

God. The night before he had managed to drink himself into oblivion and fall asleep before the comedown had hit; now he was on the verge of tears, stumbling into the bathroom to brush his teeth before he pulled his clothes off and collapsed to their bed.

He hadn't left Nancy that note, hadn't even written the note. Hadn't tried to contact her.

And he had sworn that he would do everything in his power to bring her back home.

Driving to the Hyatt at this hour was out of the question, and she wouldn't answer, but suddenly he had to hear her voice, even if it was on her voicemail. He didn't have to leave a message; he didn't even know what he would say, not really.

_Don't give her the fucking satisfaction. She_ wants _you begging her to come back._

Ned swallowed and pressed the button that would speed-dial her cell phone, closing his eyes. He listened to it ring on the other end, waiting for it to click over to voicemail.

Then the call connected.

Ned's eyes popped open. She hadn't—She wasn't supposed to answer.

Ned's mouth was dry as hell, and he sat up, reaching for his water glass. For a second he wondered if she had given her cell phone to someone else, if he had even reached her at all.

"Nancy?"

He heard a sigh at the other end of the phone. "Ned," she replied, and her voice sounded infinitely tired.

He didn't know what to say. He cleared his throat, suddenly worried that she had followed him earlier, that she knew he was coming down even now. "I hope I didn't wake you up," he said lamely, in what he hoped was a neutral tone.

"You didn't," she told him, and then fell silent again.

_I love you. Come home to me. I'm so sorry, so fucking sorry. Please come home._

"Are you okay?"

She didn't answer him for a moment, didn't give him the knee-jerk response _of course_. "No," she admitted. "We need to talk."

His anxiety kicked up a notch. Those words had never portended anything good. "I can come there," he said. "I just need your room number at the Hyatt. Or you can come here—"

"I'm not at the Hyatt."

"Oh. Well, we can talk now," he suggested. Not seeing her face while they did this, by far, seemed like the better option, mostly because he still didn't know what he wanted to say. And the mood he was in right now, if she told him it was over—

He was frowning deeply when she spoke again. "No. I'm in Chicago, and I need you to come here."

" _Chicago_?" He'd had no fucking idea. "Your car—"

" _Your_ car," she retorted, a hard edge on her voice. "I left all _your_ things there and I'm _home_. And I need you to come here."

Ned paused. "Babe, I'm—I have a lot of projects going on right now—"

"I don't fucking _care_ ," she began, anger building in her voice, and then she heaved a loud sigh. "Look—I get it. And I'm not going to make this hard for you. You have stuff going on. If you—if you want us to have any chance at all to salvage our relationship, then come here. If you don't, if you can't rearrange your life enough, if you just don't give a fuck anymore, then stay there. If I don't see you in the next five days, then... then I'll know that's your answer. And you won't see me again."

Ned finished his water as he tried to process what she was saying. "And if I come see you... you'll come back here?"

She made a noise. "No," she said, and her voice was hard, shaking. "No matter what happens I am not fucking moving back there. Ned, I don't know who you are anymore, and for as long as you're at that goddamn firm, no. No. I can't—we can't fucking go on like this. It's that job or me— _us_. It's that fucking _life_ you're living right now, or us. I can't be second to it anymore, and I'm sick and fucking tired of this—this person it's made you into."

His immediate response, that he had never made her second to anything in his _life_ , died on his lips. "So that's it," he said, his voice harsh. "You just make this choice..."

She sighed. "Look... I'm not going to argue with you. You have five days. Don't call me; don't even bother trying to make your excuses for why you aren't here. And if—if you're..." She made a soft noise he only recognized later as a stifled sob. "If you're unhappy with me, if that's what made you do this—well, you'll never need to see me again. I promise you that."

From some distant corner of his memory he heard her under different circumstances. _If you send me away, if you tell me it's over... I'm never going to stop wanting you back. I'll never give up on us._

"Okay," he whispered.

She made that same soft noise one last time before the call ended.

\--

Nancy managed to get maybe forty-five minutes of sleep that night. She left the television on, and every time she blinked awake, it was to another scene in a black-and-white movie. When she turned the television off, the room was too quiet.

At four o'clock that morning, she brought her hand down and almost placed it on top of her still-flat, almost concave belly. She couldn't bring herself to do it, though, and instead rolled over, burying her face in the pillow. Sleep didn't come. The minutes passed like hours.

He wasn't going to come back to her. He wasn't. A part of her felt like she had known that since she boarded the plane. She had wanted space and time to think, and now she had all the time she wanted.

It should have felt like relief. Instead she tucked her legs up and curled tight into the fetal position, too numb to cry. She hated him for what he had done to her, for the way he had irreparably broken their marriage, but the fact that he hadn't come after her, hadn't figured out that she wasn't even at the Hyatt—that hurt.

_You can't have it both ways. You either want him gone or you don't._

But she wanted both. She wanted him to grovel at her feet so she could kick him away; she wanted him to stop telling her that he loved her and fucking _show her_ , and make her believe it—even though she would never be able to ever believe it again, ever touch him without remembering opening that door and seeing Carly's smirking face.

He hadn't said he loved her during their phone call.

She wished with all her heart that she hadn't told him five days—or that he had just told her during their conversation that it was over. For the next five days she was going to slowly lose her mind, and she knew that.But at least she had kept the soup and chicken broth from the night before down.

She had to get on with her life, and her heart told her Ned wouldn't be a part of it. Even if he came to her... if he still believed that his only mistake was getting fucking _caught_ , that their separate lives were the easier option...

In the morning, as soon as the clinic opened, she called and scheduled the preliminary appointment for the procedure for the day after her deadline. Her voice shook a little when she told the receptionist how many weeks she was into her pregnancy. She would have to talk about her medical history and have more blood drawn, sign the paperwork...

Her stomach was roiling when she hung up, but since she hadn't eaten, she was able to curl up under the covers and lie motionless in the dark until the nausea passed.

What if the small bundle of cells swimming in her belly would have been their son, his son? If he didn't talk to her, if she went through with this and he found out that she had aborted their child...

She wanted to believe that he would be angry with her, but oh God, what if he was only relieved. And if she was carrying his son, if he told her he never wanted to see her again... at least she could still have some small piece of him, a reminder of what they had once had...

She hadn't taken any of the photo albums with her, when she had been packing; in the mood she had been in, she would have burned them and been glad. Now, though—when she tormented herself with the thought that he had never loved her, that what had been between them had always been a lie on his part, she didn't want to believe it. But it was worse to think that he _had_ loved her, that he just didn't love her _anymore_.

Nancy knew she needed to call her old boss in Chicago, see if she could get her old job back, to start putting her life together—but she had time, and as weak and miserable as she felt, just making the appointment had been a miracle in itself. Today, though, she wanted to feel safe. She wanted to curl up in Hannah's arms and listen to her surrogate mother tell her it was going to be all right. She wanted her father to swear that Ned would pay for how badly he had hurt his little girl. But the thought of telling them even a tenth of what had just happened was unbearable—and there was still the barest chance that Ned might actually come to Chicago, as unlikely as she found the possibility. She couldn't tell anyone, couldn't resolve anything until she knew for sure what he was going to do.

And she was mortified at the thought of telling anyone. Their relationship had been so good for so long, and she felt ashamed and deeply embarrassed when she imagined telling anyone about what had happened. Her Ned, _her_ Ned, on coke, getting head from a goddamn whore while she had pounded on the door of that goddamn hotel room—

Nancy's face crumpled and she buried herself even deeper in the pillows, trying to block it out, but she never quite could.

_You are the love of my life._

There had been a time she believed him, and it broke her heart to think it hadn't been true.

She tried again to sleep, and even though she felt almost drunk with exhaustion, sleep wouldn't come. Instead, Edith's voice came back to her as she had described the pictures she had found. They had been so happy then. She remembered when just the feel of his arms around her had made her feel such joy and peace.

She didn't believe she would ever feel that way again.

By the time she finally gave up on getting any more rest and pushed back the covers, she wanted so badly to see what Edith had been talking about. She couldn't clearly remember the photo of them from before the Mapleton Homecoming dance, and when she thought about Ned's Emerson graduation, just before he had proposed to her...

She couldn't believe how pale she was in the mirror above the bathroom sink. Everything—the water, her deodorant, her facewash—smelled more intense to the point of nausea, and she applied only minimal makeup, and as fast as she could, disguising the shadows under her eyes and in her cheeks. Then, before she could lose her nerve, she picked up her phone.

"Hello?" Edith said.

"Hey," Nancy said, trying to force her voice to sound stronger. "Um... I know you probably have a lot going on..."

"Not at all," Edith reassured her. "Just planning my grocery shopping list. How are you doing?"

_Terrible._ "I'm okay," Nancy lied. "I... I don't know, I just... I didn't know if James was home, or if you minded if I came by today and... and looked at those pictures you were talking about."

"I'd love for you to come over," Edith said, genuine warmth in her voice. "I'm not expecting Jim until around six, and I can put off the grocery shopping until tomorrow. Have you had breakfast?"

"Not yet," Nancy admitted.

"Come on over. I'll fix you something." Edith chuckled. "Jim likes to tease me since I just can't seem to stop cooking for three, even after so long."

"No, no, it's okay. I'm really not hungry. Don't worry about it." Nancy swallowed hard. "I think I'm coming down with the flu, and nothing really sounds that good to me right now."

"Okay," Edith said, reluctantly. "I do have some leftover pot roast, though, and you'll _have_ to take some of that."

Nancy grimaced, closing her eyes as her stomach rumbled. "Maybe," she told her mother-in-law.

The drive to Mapleton did nothing to tamp down her anxiety; it only seemed to heighten. She was going to miss Edith. She couldn't imagine that Ned's mother would harbor many warm feelings toward her after she filed for divorce.

She had spent so many hours in the Nickerson house. When she saw it again, it felt like she was saying goodbye. She gingerly wiped her eyes, trying not to smudge her concealer, as she slipped out of the car.

"Hi sweetheart." Edith wrapped Nancy in a hug as soon as she walked in, and Nancy closed her eyes as she returned it, fighting down tears again. She pulled back before she wanted, and Edith walked with her to the den. The coffee table was already piled high with photos and photo albums.

"Nancy, you have to eat something."

"Um... dry toast, then," Nancy said. "And do you have any coffee?"

She was grateful that it stayed down, and at least the coffee woke her up a little. Edith mentioned that she looked tired, and Nancy admitted that she hadn't slept well—or much.

She opened one of the photo albums and stopped. The Mapleton Homecoming dance. They had been so young—and he had been the most handsome guy she had ever met, and she had been surprised every time he asked her out again, every time he wanted to spend time with her.

"I... I talked to him last night," she told Edith. "Told him that we needed to talk."

Edith patted Nancy's knee. "Good," she said softly. "I know that once you two are able to talk things through, you'll work it out."

Nancy blinked and looked down, clenching her fist to keep her hand from shaking as she flipped to the next page of the photo album. "If I don't... if he doesn't..."

Edith moved closer to her, slipping an arm around her shoulders to give her daughter-in-law a little hug, and Nancy leaned over, resting her cheek against Edith's shoulder, trying not to cry. "If he doesn't what, honey," Edith said softly.

The ball of Nancy's thumb brushed against her engagement and wedding rings; she had put them back on before she had left the hotel room. "I told him he had to come here," she said softly. "But I have a terrible feeling that he won't."

"Oh." Edith stroked Nancy's arm reassuringly. "Oh, Nancy, it's okay. It's going to be okay."

Nancy recovered herself with some effort, sitting up straight again. She flipped another page and saw a picture of herself with Ned, and they were gazing into each other's eyes, their hands joined between them.

"He did love me," she whispered. "He did, didn't he."

"He still loves you," Edith said, her voice quiet but firm. "I know he does. And you'll get through this."

When it was time for lunch, Nancy was even more exhausted, so emotionally spent that she felt almost bruised with it. Edith demanded that she eat something, and when she suggested the leftover pot roast, Nancy couldn't help it; she touched her belly as it roiled in response. She asked for chicken broth and some crackers, again blaming a developing case of the flu, and Edith just nodded, going to the pantry for the broth. She had no intention of sharing the doctor's news with Edith, raising her hopes, then claiming a miscarriage after the abortion. Better for her to just never know about that potential grandchild.

"You know you're welcome to stay here with us," Edith told her. "You don't have to stay in that hotel."

Nancy shook her head. "No, really. I won't impose on you."

"It wouldn't be an imposition. Not at all. At least stay for dinner."

Talking to Edith was painful enough. Nancy didn't want to meet James's eyes across the dinner table, know that he was wondering why she was there. He looked so similar to his son, too. "I can't," Nancy said sadly.

Edith shook her head. "I'm worried about you, sweetheart. Please stay."

Nancy ran a hand through her hair. "I'll think about it," she said.

Edith offered to make her a sandwich, whip up some rice, _something_ more substantial, but the thought of anything else made Nancy's stomach flip, and she shook her head. She finished most of the broth and three crackers, and she was relieved when Edith talked about otherwise inconsequential things during their meal. After spending the morning going over the photos, Nancy felt like she was in mourning—for what they'd had, for what she had lost. Edith did casually mention that she had asked Jim, and the family renting Nancy and Ned's house was waiting on renovations to be completed on their own home. They were expected to be done within a few weeks, and then, after a thorough cleaning, the house would be open again.

The thought of walking back into that house, after so long... the house she had loved from the moment they had bought it, the house where they had planned to raise their family... She choked up a little, but swallowed her tears.

Nancy was crashing hard after lunch, and the thought of going back to the hotel and staring at the wall for the next four days just made her feel more depressed. She resolved to go to the drugstore and find some over-the-counter sleeping aid that would be safe for her to take. A full night of sleep would get her head right. As it was now, she just felt so incredibly lost and alone.

She had always thought she was strong, but for so long, Ned had been by her side...

Edith cleared her bowl and plate once Nancy said she was finished. "You look like you're about to just put your head down and go to sleep where you sit," Edith told her. "Go upstairs and lie down. I'll wake you in a few hours, okay?"

Nancy wanted to protest, but she was too exhausted to muster the strength. "Okay," she said. She found her purse and took it with her—as badly as she wanted not to care, even though she had told Ned not to call her, she still kept hoping that he would—as she slowly trudged up the stairs.

Ned's old room had a bathroom attached. Nancy didn't want to smear makeup all over Edith's guest bed.

She had put on that damned little outfit with the dangling pom-poms in this bathroom, when they had stayed here at Christmas. It felt like that had been a lifetime ago.

Nancy washed off her makeup, feeling infinitely tired, and then she opened the door to his old bedroom and stepped through. Her sight blurred with a fresh wave of tears. It looked exactly the way she remembered.

_He did love me._

When she had stayed here with him, it had been right after that fucking party, the one where Carly had run her mouth and they had ended up in the pool. Nancy wished with all her heart that it hadn't ended there. She had pulled her fucking punches then; she wished she hadn't.

Had he been with Carly even then?

Nancy's face crumpled and she toed out of her shoes, then slipped under the covers still fully clothed. A formal photo of them both stood on his nightstand, one from high school. Nancy had taken one of the loose photographs from downstairs, a shot of the two of them smiling and genuinely happy, and put it in her purse.

It hadn't been all bad. It wouldn't hurt this much if it had been all bad.

She was always going to love him. He had hurt her so badly that sometimes she felt like she was dying, but she still loved him. In five days, she was going to find out what her life felt like without him, for the first time since she was a teenager. She would put him, and this, away.

But for now, she curled up on her side and closed her eyes tight shut, letting herself imagine some echo of him still remained here. She gasped in a quiet sob as she remembered him holding her in this bed, and a pair of tears slipped down her cheeks.

"I love you," she whispered, burying her face in the pillow to muffle her sobs. "I always will, baby. I wish that had been enough."

Her arms wrapped tight around her, she cried herself to sleep in his bed, her heart breaking all over again.

\--

The morning after Nancy gave him the ultimatum, Ned still hadn't decided what the hell to do. He took a shower and went to work, and although he had managed to get more sleep than he usually did, that vague sense of distraction still stuck with him.

She was in Chicago. Fucking Chicago. She had been gone and he hadn't even known it. And all he had to do was stay here, and there would be no confrontation, no huge fight, nothing. She would be out of his life, just like that. No more apologies or listening to her accusations.

And if she was miserable, he could let her go.

The presentation went well—incredibly well, in fact. He was able to put that vague anxiety out of his head long enough to go over the storyboards, and when the client saw his enthusiasm for the campaign, they agreed—and even went along with Ned's suggestion that they consider expanding it to other media. The concept art would transition well to pop-up ads and tie-in products.

The first thought Ned had when he went back to his office, still high on the rush of endorphins and grinning from ear to ear, was to text Carly. She would congratulate him. She wanted him to do well at his job. And she would doubtless suggest that they get together to celebrate later.

Ned's thumb touched his wedding ring as he went into his office, leaving the storyboards beside his desk, and reached for his cell phone.

_If you want us to have any chance at all to salvage our relationship, come here._

He had too much fucking going on at work for this. Too many damn irons in the fire, too many deadlines. It was the kind of thing Carly understood. And hadn't she told him that he deserved someone who would support him instead of tearing him down, who valued his drive and determination instead of condemning him for it? Someone who would understand that sometimes he might need a line to help him get through the day.

It was going to be another long night. If Kesey wasn't holding, Ned could call the guy he'd recommended again—

Ned sat down at his desk, staring at his computer screen, unseeing.

_I don't_ need _it. I can quit any fucking time I want._

_Then quit,_ a small, quiet voice said. _If you don't need it, quit._

His heart started beating faster. Yeah, he could quit, but it was going to be a long fucking night—and besides, his guilt had stemmed from the knowledge that Nancy would freak out if she knew what he was doing. If she wasn't in his life anymore, if he was with Carly—

God, Carly. Holy God. Carly with those long, smooth legs wrapped around him, her fingers doing incredible things to him as she worked her way down—

She would absolutely love being on his arm at company functions, taking him out to her own, sharing his bed. She would support him. She had said so.

Then he tried to imagine taking her home, introducing her to his parents; he tried to imagine Carly's face if he asked her to move in with him on a permanent basis.

And he couldn't. He couldn't imagine his parents reacting well at all if he announced his marriage was over, if he brought Carly home. She radiated sex and danger and excitement. She didn't ever look like she wanted to slow down, to throw a pot roast in the oven and mash potatoes and keep house; she looked like the kind of woman who was meant to wear tight gleaming dresses and sip wine by candlelight.

But then, maybe he just wasn't cut out for marriage. Maybe that was why it just hadn't worked.

He had loved the idea of being married to Nancy, though. He had been touched beyond belief when she had agreed to marry him. He had loved waking up beside her, learning how to make her come, learning how to make love to her. He had loved the pride she took in making dinner for him, and he had loved when she would come home from cases and look to him for comfort, when he would wrap her in his arms and the world would become just the two of them together.

And then everything had changed. He had to believe they could get it back, but she hadn't said she loved him during their conversation the night before; she hadn't even said that she _wanted_ to see him again, only that they needed to talk.

_It's your fucking job or me._

She wanted him to give this up. He was so fucking close and she wanted him to give this up. She said he had become someone she didn't know anymore, but he felt the same about her; she _had_ been supportive, loving, and now it felt like all she did was scream and rail at him—

_how could you do this to us_

He tried to imagine how he would have felt. He remembered how sick and enraged he had been when Eric and his buddies had attacked her, and he had walked in on it; he remembered how much he had hated Frank after Frank had gone after her in that hotel room in New York, how angry he had been after she had run that goddamn honeypot and nearly been raped, again.

But imagining her with someone else? Imagining another man touching her, kissing her, and seeing her respond with delight and pleasure? The rage paled in comparison to sheer sick jealousy and sorrow. They had been together for so fucking long, had sworn that they would be together forever. And now it was all coming unraveled, just for one fucking night.

His cell phone started vibrating in his hand, and he looked down at it, realizing he hadn't messaged either Carly or his wife, and a small part of him was hoping that Nancy was calling him, maybe to tell him that she would be on the next flight out, that she had changed her mind.

But he saw his mother's name on the cell phone display.

Ned drew in a quiet breath, debating, then answered his phone. "Hello?"

"Hi sweetheart," Ned's mother said. "How's your day going?"

"Pretty well," Ned said. "Just finished up a presentation and the client was really pleased with it. I have a lot to work on, though, and... I haven't had a chance to ask Nancy about your visit yet." He hated lying to her, but he was pretty sure he could put her off for a while, until everything was settled for good.

"Oh, that's all right." Edith sounded genuine, not like she was angling for sympathy. "I'm sure we'll get it ironed out. I just got to thinking, while I was cleaning up the other day—I came across all these pictures of you and Nancy..."

Ned had been on the verge of telling his mother that he had a busy day in front of him and he needed to get off the phone, but she started talking about the old days, of finding pictures of him and Nancy at the Mapleton Homecoming dance, their prom photos, their hands linked after hayrides and bonfires, at his graduation at Emerson.

"And that homecoming dance at Mapleton? That was actually twelve years ago."

He had been with Nancy for twelve fucking years. Practically half his life. Twelve fucking years.

"I know I've told you this... but your father and I miss you both, a lot," Edith said. "It feels like forever since we've seen you."

"I miss you too," Ned found himself saying, and it was true. He did miss them, even though he really couldn't spare the time to see them as much as he wanted—but more than that, he missed crawling into bed and finding his wife there waiting for him, the sound of her breathing lulling him to sleep even if they hadn't made love.

"I know you've been working very hard, sweetheart," his mother said. "And I'm proud of you for that. I'm so glad that we raised you to take care of your responsibilities. But you can't let that obligation make you neglect others. Sometimes if you work too hard, you can lose sight of the reason you're working in the first place."

He had told Nancy so many times that he was working for _them_ —and she had always retorted that he couldn't be working for them if there _was_ no them.

When his mother finally ended the call, Ned sat at his desk, distantly hearing his new email notifier chime without really listening to it. He needed a drink. He needed a hit. He needed something.

_Yeah, just drink yourself into oblivion, so you can ignore what your life's become._

Twelve years of his life down the drain for a stranger. He had actually considered not going back to Nancy because of _Carly_. The woman who had encouraged him to do coke, encouraged him to leave Nancy behind. The woman who had done her best to convince him that he deserved better.

He couldn't deserve better than his wife, because for the entire time they had been in love, he had known that there _was_ no one better for him. He couldn't imagine feeling about anyone else on earth the way he felt about Nancy—not even Carly. With Carly he had been flattered by the sheer force of her desire. Nancy, though—Nancy had been a part of his life for so long that being here without her made him feel incomplete.

He buried his face in his hands, feeling the curve of his wedding band against his cheek. He had actually been considering letting Nancy's deadline expire, just burying himself in his work and then going to Carly, thinking he wouldn't feel guilty over it. Just letting Nancy slip through his fingers and out of his life.

"Ned?"

Ned dry-washed his face with his palms, then glanced up. Heather was standing in the open doorway, a small stenographer's pad in one hand and a pencil in the other.

"We're about to order out. Did you want anything?"

Ned's email notifier went off again. For a few seconds Ned couldn't find his voice. "Steak sandwich, chips and a drink," he requested. "I... bring it up to the smaller conference room, okay? I need some space to spread out. And a six-pack of energy drinks."

Heather raised her eyebrows, but nodded. "I'll bring them up."

"And..." Ned moved the mouse to dismiss his screen saver, then pulled up his email client, not looking at Heather as he spoke the next words. "And if Ms. Ryan calls or comes by to ask for me, please tell her I'm working on a large project and unable to be disturbed."

"I will," Heather said with a nod, but the glint in her eye was almost dangerous.

For the next two days, Ned drank nothing but soda, energy drinks, coffee, and water, and Heather made sure he was fed at least two meals and set for snacks before she left at the end of the day. He commandeered the smaller conference room, taking his laptop with him, and when he and his team weren't going through brainstorming sessions, he was working on finishing touches on his other projects, making sure everything was in order.

And for the afternoon and evening of the first day, after he had made his decision, he couldn't believe how much he _needed_ a hit of coke. The energy drinks were potent, but they couldn't touch the sheer exhilaration that doing a hit gave him. His craving horrified him, the stronger it grew; when he found himself wavering, looking at his cell phone and considering who he could call to score some, he went to the couch in the conference room and took the fleece throw that had mysteriously appeared after one of Heather's snack runs, and caught a few hours of sleep.

The morning of the third day, Ned went to his office and changed into the fresh suit Heather had retrieved from his house for him. He had given himself sponge baths, but he hadn't left work for any real length of time; Heather had suggested that, if he didn't want to lose too much time, he could just get a hotel room for a few hours, but with every second that passed, he felt more frantic.

Carly had left him three messages, and a handful of texts. He had deleted them all unopened.

Lindsey Trent walked in and keyed into her office at nine-oh-five. Ned was seated in the reception area outside her office, and she raised her eyebrows before she gestured for him to follow her in.

"So I hear you've been very busy," she said, pressing the power button on her computer's CPU before she took a seat at her desk and crossed her legs.

Ned nodded, then swallowed hard. "I resign," he said, his voice steady. "Effective immediately."

Lindsey's eyes widened. "You— _what_?"

"I resign," he repeated.

"Ned, what the _hell_ —"

"All my projects are caught up," he said, his voice even and calm. "The next phases can be handled by the teams already in place, and Jordan knows enough; he can get caught up in two or three days and take over. If any problems come up, of course, I'll be able to answer questions."

Lindsey crossed her arms. "Did you get a competing offer—?"

Ned shook his head. "No. Definitely not. I would've come to you about that."

"Well, at least _that's_ comforting." Lindsey frowned. "Do you mind if I ask what—what brought this on? I was under the impression that you were happy with your responsibilities here."

"I was," he said. "I... A personal matter has come up and I can't devote the time I need, to work, while this is going on."

"So you could take a leave of absence." Lindsey looked almost relieved as she said it.

Ned shook his head slowly. "It's either the job, or..."

The expression on Lindsey's face changed slightly as she realized. "Nancy," she said softly.

Ned couldn't bring himself to answer her, other than the slightest nod.

Lindsey sighed. "I... had a feeling. You have been working very hard."

Ned pressed his lips together, then released them. "I apologize for being so abrupt, and if I'd had notice to give, I would have given it. I am sincerely sorry that it came to this."

Lindsey nodded, then pushed herself up, coming around her desk as Ned stood. She shook his hand firmly. "I can't say that I'm not disappointed," she told him, "and I hate that you're leaving this way. If you change your mind—I'll do what I can to help you out."

Ned nodded once. "Thank you," he said sincerely, squeezing her hand, and her gaze was sympathetic before he turned and left.

He had the box half-filled when Heather came back from delivering a few hard-copy reports for him. She walked into his office, then stood stock-still, her eyes widening.

Ned glanced up at her, then carefully took the framed photographs off his desk and put them in the box. "There's a mostly full bottle of Macallan in the lower drawer," he told her. "It's yours if you want it."

Heather shook her head slowly. "I can find a good home for it, though, if you want."

"Please." Ned glanced up at his computer. He had deleted the browser history, and though he knew it wasn't thorough, what he had searched wouldn't shock any of the male IT guys. He took the other suits and a small bag of laundry, and settled those on top of the box.

He was pretty sure he might have had eight hours of sleep over the past three days, but he felt calm, steady. Maybe because he was only barely keeping himself from panicking. He had no guarantee whatsoever that Nancy would listen to anything that he had to say once he got to Chicago, only her insistence that it was the job or her. He had given up the job; he still wasn't sure if that meant he would even have a chance to win her again.

"Nancy... she moved back to Chicago," Ned told Heather quietly, without looking at her. "I'm going back too. And, Heather—you've been incredible. You—I know you tried to put a stop to..." He trailed off; he didn't even want to put it in words. "To how stupid I was being. And I never told you thanks for that."

"It's okay," Heather demurred.

"No, it isn't," Ned said. "I've been an asshole and if my behavior has affected you, I'm sorry."

Heather shook her head, walking toward him. "I'm very sorry that you're leaving. I wish—I wish things had been different, but given everything—I'm glad you're following her." Heather's voice became harder. "And that you've shut down that bitch Carly every time she's called in the past few days."

Ned gave her a small humorless smile. "A little too late," he murmured, picking up the box.

"Let me get that for you," Heather offered.

"I'll be okay."

Heather shook her head, picking up the office key he had taken off his keyring and left on the blotter, slipping it into her pocket. Then she took the laundry bag and suits from their precarious place on top of the box, leaving the latter in his arms. "Come on, sir."

They took the elevator down to the parking garage together, and Ned put the box in the trunk of his Mercedes, then took the bag and suits out of Heather's hands and added those. He closed the trunk and turned to Heather again.

"Thank you."

Abruptly Heather wrapped her arms around Ned and gave him a brief hug, then stepped back. "Keep in touch, okay?"

Ned nodded. "And if you're ever in Chicago, let me know. We'll grab lunch, okay?"

Heather nodded. "Safe trip," she said. "And good luck."

\--

Night had just fallen in Chicago when Ned landed at O'Hare. The wait at the baggage carousel was excruciating; he hadn't been able to pack much, since Nancy had taken the majority of their suitcases, but he didn't really care. He lugged the oversized suitcase off the conveyor belt, his duffel bag slung over his shoulder, then headed through the crush to the cab stand on the sidewalk.

"Downtown," he directed the driver, as he pulled out his cell phone. She had said not to call her, but he had to find out where she was...

On a hunch he activated the GPS locator, and his heart rose in his throat when her phone showed up. He directed the cab driver to the address, then sat back, feeling almost sick with anxiety.

The GPS wasn't so accurate as to give him her room number, and so Ned walked up to the front desk when he reached the hotel. He smoothed his undoubtedly rumpled hair back, fighting to keep his voice calm and casual. "Hi, I'm joining my wife, who's already checked in? Nancy Drew Nickerson." He swallowed. "Or she might have checked in as Nancy Drew."

The clerk gave him a vague smile and tapped some keys. "Ahh, yes. She has your key. Room 712."

"Thank you." Ned repeated the number under his breath as he turned toward the elevator.

"Would you like me to call up for you?"

Ned shook his head. "I'd like to surprise her," he replied.

The truth was that he was almost afraid of what she would do, if the clerk called up to the room. He had actually made it early, he was well before her deadline, and despite all his rushing, his frantic packing, his impatience on the plane, now that he was almost there, time felt like it was moving faster. The elevator ride took absolutely no time at all.

He located her room easily—just as a bellhop pushing a room service cart approached her door with a covered tray. The bellhop glanced over at Ned. "Can I help you?"

Ned began to shake his head, then reconsidered, reaching into his pocket and withdrawing a twenty dollar bill. "You might do me a favor," he said quietly.

A moment later, the bellhop knocked several times on the door to room 712. "Room service."

Only a handful of seconds had passed when the security lock snapped back. Ned stood to the side with his suitcase, and as the bellhop wheeled the cart into the room, Ned slipped inside as well. Nancy had walked over to her purse to find a tip. The bellhop, as he and Ned had agreed, left, quietly closing the door behind him.

Nancy came back over to the cart and held out her hand, offering Ned a few bills for the tip. He took them, his fingers brushing hers.

"Thank you," she said, her eyes still down, and Ned took the opportunity to study her—and he was heartsick at what he saw. She had been looking too thin before their fight; now her cheeks were hollow, and dark shadows purpled the delicate skin under her eyes. More than that, though, the expression on her face was infinitely sad. She looked like she was on the verge of breaking down, like she had been through something so incredibly painful that it had nearly broken her heart.

And he had done this to her. He knew he had done this to her. This woman he had loved more than life itself, for as long as he could remember.

"Thank _you_ ," Ned repeated quietly, and Nancy's head jerked up, her eyes widening when she saw him. She didn't say anything, but almost immediately, a tear streaked down her cheek, then another.

His pride, his fucking pride had gotten him here, so to hell with it. Ned took a deep breath, then sank to his knees before her, praying that if nothing else, she would at least listen to him.

"Nancy, I'm sorry," he told her. "I'm so sorry. What I did back there was awful, and I... I've done some things I'm not proud of doing, but the _worst_ has to be this, putting that look on your face. I love you, baby. I know it may not mean much to you, but I love you. I always have and I always will, and you are the most important thing in my life. I can't believe I let myself forget that.

"And you... you asked me to choose. The job or you."

Nancy nodded slowly, another pair of tears streaking down her cheeks as she looked down at him.

"I resigned this morning," he told her, and she actually sobbed aloud. "I spent the past three days getting everything ready and I quit the firm. And maybe that's too little, too late, but... I... I didn't like what was happening to me there. To us."

Nancy shook her head. "I didn't think you would quit," she told him, her voice shaking as she choked back another sob. "I didn't think—I didn't think I would ever see you again—"

Ned pushed himself back to his feet and when he reached for her, she came into his arms, her slender body trembling as she cried. He held her tight, closing his eyes as he felt his own begin to prick.

"I love you," he whispered again. "I love you, baby, I love you so much, and I'm so sorry I let myself forget that. That I ever made you feel like I didn't. I've been such—such a goddamn asshole. And I know I don't deserve it, but Nan... I swear to you, I will never let you go again. Never. Never. I will never let another day go by without letting you know how much you mean to me, because baby, you are _everything_ to me, and I am so, so sorry."

He reached up and stroked her hair, shushing her as she cried, until she began to calm down, until she pulled back, her lashes wet and matted with tears, her cheeks shining. Ned gazed into her eyes, terrified of what he might see there, but he was unable to look away.

"I love you too," she whispered. "Oh God, I can't believe you're real..."

She reached up and cupped his cheek, searching his gaze, and he could see how incredibly shaken she was. Her thumb stroked against him, and he tipped down slightly, slowly, his gaze flicking to her lips before he looked into her eyes again.

She brushed her thumb against his lips. "I told you we had to talk," she said softly.

Ned nodded, his heart rising into his throat.

Nancy took a deep breath, looking down, and when she glanced back up at him, her eyes were shining with unshed tears again.

"I'm pregnant."


	13. epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter by ndnickerson.

Ned slowly became aware of the warm body pressed to his. He was still feeling a little lightheaded. Neither of them had wanted to stay at the hotel that night, but they were too exhausted to do anything else; Nancy had told him that their house was still occupied by the family renting it, though only for a few more weeks. While Nancy had finished off the chicken broth and crackers she had ordered from room service, Ned had called his parents and asked if they minded letting him and Nancy use the Fox Lake cabin for a few days, maybe a week. His father had replied that it certainly wouldn't be a problem at all, to drop by the house or his office to pick up the key. Then Ned had noticed that his wife looked just as tired as he felt—he had been crashing from his energy-drink high practically since he'd walked off the plane—and when they had crawled into bed, hardly pausing long enough to take any of their clothes off, he had lain down on his side, facing her.

And she had taken a deep breath before she had moved into his arms, and he hated that there had been any reluctance at all, but the feel of her against him made him almost speechless with sheer gratitude.

Their child. She was pregnant with their child.

Nancy's eyes were still closed, her breathing soft and regular. Ned brought his head up enough to see the time on the alarm clock, and his eyes widened. They had been asleep for twelve hours. But, he supposed, they had both needed it.

Ned gently moved away from his wife, and she made a soft noise as she rolled onto her stomach, seeking the warmth his presence had left in the bedding. He grimaced at the tightness in his groin, and moved quietly to the bathroom, trying to keep from waking her. Fox Lake was quiet, and once they were there, she could sleep in, nestled under old heavy quilts, until she lost that haunted, gaunt look.

Ned turned on the shower, stripping his undershirt and boxers off as he waited for the water to warm. A small bottle of pre-natal vitamins stood on the marble counter around the sink, beside her makeup bag, and he shook his head in wonder again when he saw them. He had been so, so close to losing this. Tipping his face into the spray was a relief; it felt like a year since he'd really been clean.

His nose still felt just a little sore. He swiped his thumb underneath it as he reached for the soap.

Nancy was just stirring when Ned emerged from the bathroom, found some clean boxers in his duffel and pulled them on. "Hey," he said softly.

"Hey," she murmured, sweeping her hair out of her face. God, he had never noticed how the bone in her wrist protruded, how prominent her collarbone was. She sat up, grimacing.

"I thought I'd go get us some breakfast while you take a shower," he said softly, then pulled on a long-sleeved shirt. "What do you want me to get for you?"

"Decaf coffee," she said, tossing the covers back.

"Food?"

She frowned, shaking her head. "I'm really not hungry," she told him.

"Baby... you have to eat."

"My morning sickness is really bad. If I try to eat anything right after I wake up..." She made a vague gesture. "I'll eat at lunch, okay?"

"Okay," Ned relented, stepping into a clean pair of jeans.

He brought her a blueberry muffin anyway, bringing their breakfast into the room as she ended a call, but she only drank the coffee as they packed up. On the way to his father's office, Nancy asked if he would drop her off at her father's house; she just wanted to see Hannah for a few minutes and pick up a couple of things before they went out of town. He agreed, but he didn't realize until he was watching her walk up the front steps of her father's house that part of him had been afraid she would start taking her suitcases out of the car and tell him he could go on without her.

Ned walked into his father's office and found James Nickerson on the phone. He laughed at something, promised to get back to the person on the other end later in the day, then hung up, pulling his desk drawer out.

"Ned, it's been too long."

Ned nodded in agreement as his father handed him the key on its red plastic fob, then enveloped him in a hug which Ned gratefully returned. "I know. But I'm back now."

"I'll let you know as soon as your house is open again. It'll be good to have you and Nancy back there. We've missed you." Ned's father glanced over at the phone as it rang again. "Oh, and I was supposed to make you promise to go see your mother on the way out of town before I handed over that key, so—that's what happened."

Ned nodded again, giving his father a smile. "Yep. Thanks again."

"Let me know when you get back to town—we'll have lunch. Love you, son." James smiled at Ned before he picked up the phone, and Ned returned the sentiment, tapping the doorframe as he left his father's office.

Ned's cell phone went off just as he slid behind the driver's seat of the car, and he looked down at it, figuring out what time it was in California. Yeah, right on schedule.

Ned answered questions from four different departments as he drove to his parents' house, then asked to be transferred to Heather's extension. "Hey."

"You made it. Doing okay?"

"Yeah. Nancy and I are on the way somewhere and I'm going to turn my phone off for a few days. If something urgent comes up, send me an email and I'll try to get back to you, okay?"

Heather took down his personal email address, then told him she would be happy to stave off the calls for a while. "Someone... called for you," Heather said, and Ned had no doubt who she meant. "I told her you were still working on that project, but that's not going to keep her forever."

"I know," Ned said, and sighed. "Thanks for letting me know."

He waited until he was parked outside his parents' house to scroll to Carly's fake name in his contacts list. Even pulling it up gave him a pang of guilt. _In Illinois with Nancy. Can't talk to you anymore. I'm sorry. Goodbye._

He read over it, then changed the second sentence to _Won't be talking to you anymore_ and hit the send button before he changed his mind. As soon as he saw it had gone through, he deleted the message from his phone, then put it in his pocket.

Ned's mother was waiting, and as soon as Ned knocked on the front door she pulled it open, then wrapped her arms around him. Ned chuckled softly as he returned her hug. She was significantly shorter than he was, but her hug was fiercely strong.

"Don't you _ever_ stay away that long again," she told him sternly, then pulled back, looking around him. "Nancy...?"

"She wanted to see Hannah for a few minutes before we left town," Ned explained. "But I'll ask her to come see you when we get back. It's good to see you, Mom."

"Oh." Edith looked disappointed, but she flashed him a smile. "Well, tell her I would love for her to come over when you two get back into town. And you're welcome too, of course. Were you going to spend more than a week at the Fox Lake house?"

"I... we hadn't really talked about it," Ned admitted. "I don't know. If it's easier to be out there until the house is ready...?"

"It might be," she agreed, and he followed her as she walked back to the kitchen. One of her old wicker picnic baskets was open on the table, and she opened the refrigerator, taking out large plastic containers of food. "I made two kinds of mashed potatoes—the ones with the red lids are totally smooth; the blue lids have chunky in them. If she can't eat one kind, she might be able to keep down the other. I made some broth last night, and some chicken noodle soup. And a pot roast with carrots and onions and potatoes. That might be more for you, though. Get her a few boxes of saltine crackers and some juice—although the juice might be too much for her." Edith shrugged as she pulled a pair of ice packs out of the freezer to put on top of the containers. "Once you find something she can keep down, just make sure you get more of it. She has to eat, Ned. Make sure she eats, okay?"

Ned's eyes widened. "I will."

"And if she doesn't have any vitamins, make sure you get some before you go out there."

The vitamins. She had vitamins, the pre-natal ones Ned had seen on the counter that morning.

Ned looked into his mother's face. She _knew_. He and Nancy hadn't discussed whether they were telling their parents about her pregnancy yet; they hadn't discussed much at all.

Ned swallowed hard.

Edith closed the lid of the wicker basket, then shook her head. "I'm worried about her," she said. "Both of you, actually. You look exhausted, Ned."

"Had a rough couple of days." Ned looked down. "I... I quit my job."

Edith's gaze was sympathetic as she studied his face. "I'm sorry, sweetheart."

Ned shrugged a little. It felt almost impossible, all that had happened in the past week and a half. "I'll figure it out," he said. "We'll figure it out."

His mother hugged him goodbye, telling him to call if she needed to bring some more food, and as soon as Ned stepped outside with the wicker basket, he felt a little uneasy. So Nancy had seen his mother—and she had told her she was pregnant. He wondered how much else Nancy had told his mother, and that made him remember.

He hated that he had to do it, but he went to a large chain drugstore in River Heights and found the family planning aisle. When they had made up after their fight, he had thought they would probably have sex, but he hadn't remembered to pick up condoms. After his mother's phone call, once he had decided once and for all to return to Chicago, he had gone for a blood test, arranging with a guy who owed him a favor to rush the results and keep them confidential. The guy was an Omega Chi brother, and if he'd seen traces of coke on Ned's blood screen, he probably wouldn't have cared.

Ned hadn't been able to bring himself to ask Carly if she was clean, and even if she _said_ she was, given how often he'd gotten high with her, he wasn't sure if she would even be honest about it. Ned knew exactly how insanely horny the coke had made him, and given her behavior, even on the nights he had turned her down, he had no doubt she'd been able to easily find someone else to share her bed, and that she probably wouldn't have been that picky about who it was.

And now, thanks to how incredibly reckless Ned had been with her, he couldn't have unprotected sex with his own wife. He couldn't risk infecting her with something, especially now that he knew she was carrying his child. He fucking hated that. He had bought condoms countless times before without feeling the least bit guilty about it, but as he picked up a few boxes, he looked down, his jaw tightening.

His phone was vibrating in his pocket. He pulled it out and saw two new text messages, one from Carly, one from an unknown number. Ned deleted the one from Carly without looking at it, making a mental note to contact his carrier and have her number blocked, then opened the other.

_You're clean, man. Congrats._

Ned let out his breath in a very long sigh, feeling a terrible weight come off his shoulders. He headed to the checkout with the condoms anyway, then picked up a bottle of lube too, just in case.

Nancy walked out of her father's house with a large container in her arms, and Ned, who had just started up the walk, turned back to open the trunk for her. He moved the wicker basket aside and helped his wife maneuver the container into the trunk, smiling when he recognized the winter clothes they had decided to leave behind in Illinois.

"What's this in the basket?"

"Mom packed some stuff for us."

"Hannah had the same idea," Nancy said with a quiet laugh, and Ned looked over at her. Her eyes looked a little brighter, and as they walked back up to her father's front door, he reached over to take her hand, and she laced her fingers through his.

"Ned! Oh, I'm so glad you and Nancy decided to come back. The cookies will be ready in just a minute."

"I tried telling her we didn't need any, but it's like arguing with a brick wall," Nancy said softly, her lips curved up a little.

Hannah mock-scowled at her surrogate daughter. "You always need cookies, girl, and especially now. Look at you! Have they not heard of bread and pasta in California?"

"They have, they just don't agree with it," Ned told Hannah, and when he slipped his arm around Nancy's waist, she leaned her head against his shoulder.

He took a breath before he rested his cheek gently against the crown of her head.

He couldn't believe he had almost lost this, almost let her go.

\--

The road to Fox Lake was familiar to Nancy, and as soon as Ned set off, Nancy tucked her palms under her thighs, the cuffs of her long-sleeved sweater pulled over the heels of her hands. She was so cold, and when she shivered Ned glanced over at her, then turned the heat up. She looked down, smiling a little in gratitude.

She had been convinced that she would never see him again. It was hard to believe that he was truly beside her now, that they would be together, able to reconnect, just the two of them. No work, no emails, no calls, no nothing, for at least a few days. She couldn't remember the last time they had spent a stretch of more than a few hours that way.

She had thought he was gone. Even under the roaring grief, a small part of her had been glad that she wouldn't need to find a way to forgive him—and now she would. If this had any chance at all of working, she would have to find some way to try.

Ned cleared his throat. "Mom said she definitely wanted you to come by once we got back," he said, his tone light. "So you went by to see her?"

Nancy didn't hear any accusation in his voice, but she could sense the hurt in the question. "I didn't mean... She called me, and I was upset, and I needed someone to talk to. I just told her that we were going through a rough patch, not..." Nancy made a vague gesture, not wanting to say Carly's name.

God. Two weeks ago, she hadn't been happy, but at least then she hadn't had such a terrible mental image, of them twined together, his lips seeking hers—

Nancy closed her eyes tight, willing herself not to cry again. He was with her now. He had come back to her and left that whore behind, and at least that was something.

"You told her about the baby?"

Nancy glanced over at her husband, her gleaming eyes wide. "No. No, I didn't. Did she say something?"

"She made a lot of food for you, and made me promise to make sure you ate it, and to get vitamins for you if you needed them."

"I told her I thought I was coming down with the flu," Nancy said softly, brushing her hair back. "She must have figured out it was morning sickness. Maybe before I did."

Ned's voice was quieter with his next question. "Why didn't you tell me when you talked to me?"

Nancy swallowed hard. "Because I didn't want you to base your decision on it," she told him. "I didn't want you to come back to me just because I was pregnant, and then it would just be this—this weight between us. I didn't want you to think it was an obligation. And I wanted to tell you in person."

They traveled another few miles in silence. "So if I hadn't come to Chicago, you wouldn't have told me," he said, and his jaw was tight.

She had to be honest with him. They had already seen what lying would do.

"No, I wouldn't have."

"I would have found out, though. Once you—" Ned stopped, then, and glanced over at her, his face pale. "That appointment you cancelled this morning."

Nancy's hands clenched into fists under her thighs as she looked down. She hadn't necessarily been trying to keep it a secret, and nothing she had said on the phone had been that incriminating...

"Were you—were you going to..."

Nancy's nose was stuffed up with tears. "I was considering it," she said, and she had to force out every single word.

Ned glanced over at her again. " _What_?"

"I didn't want to raise this child alone, without you," she said, trying to keep her voice steady. "It was... an option."

"But you weren't even going to fucking _tell me_ you were pregnant? You weren't even going to..." Ned made an incredulous sound.

"I'm sorry," Nancy said angrily. "I'm sorry. After you told me you didn't want to have a child with such a spiteful angry bitch, I just wasn't sure how you were going to fucking react to the news, all right?"

Ned's palm slapped the steering wheel, and Nancy jumped a little. "I'm sorry," he said, his jaw tight again. "I wish to God I could take back every fucking thing I said. I didn't mean it. I didn't."

Nancy shook her head. "I wanted to believe that you would tell me to keep the baby," she said softly. "That you were ready to be a father. But, Ned... the way you were acting..."

"I'm sorry," he repeated. "I'll keep saying it until you start believing it."

Nancy shook her head again, reaching up to wipe her eyes. "It doesn't matter how many times you say it," she told him sadly. "I... I don't know how I'm ever going to be able to trust you again."

Ned pulled in a deep breath. "What are you saying?"

"I'm..." She made a soft frustrated sound. "I miss you. I miss you so much. I miss the person you were before California. And I know you don't see it, but you were at work all the time and I... I was sure that you were going to pick your fucking job over me. I was so sure of it. And I remember you telling me a long time ago that you could get a job anywhere—that you would be happy as long as we were together."

Ned was quiet for a long moment. "I remember," he said softly.

Nancy dry-washed her face with her palms. "Ned, do you want this? Do you want to be with me, here?"

"Yes," he said, immediately. "Yes, definitely. Yes. I want to be with you. I want to—I want to be the way we were again. And I know I fucked up..."

"I want you to prove it to me," she said, and grasped her knees hard, swallowing another wave of tears. "We need to go to counseling."

"You mean—marriage therapy?"

She nodded. "Yes. Ned, in eight months, we're going to be parents, and right now... right now I..." She trailed off, afraid to say it. "I need someone to tell me how to get past what happened, if we even can..."

Ned shook his head. "I know we can," he said, his voice firm. "I know we can. I have to believe that."

"And I want to believe that too, but I was so, so close to just..."

She trailed off, wiping her eyes. Fucking hormones. No wonder she felt dehydrated and sick all the time.

Ned reached for her hand, and she squeezed his. "Baby, I love you," he said. "I love you so much. I'm so sorry I did this; I'm so sorry I let myself forget how important you are to me. If I could take it all back, I would."

She took a deep breath. "So you'll go to therapy with me?"

He hesitated a moment, and Nancy frowned, but then he nodded. "If that's what you want, yes. Whatever it takes to prove it to you, I'll do, baby. I mean that with all my heart."

She squeezed his hand again. "I love you too," she whispered.

Nancy hadn't realized how much it would affect her to see the house at Fox Lake again. When they arrived Ned sent her inside, insisting that he would carry everything in, that she should relax now. The house was cold, so she went to the back door and pulled some firewood off the stack, arranging it in the fireplace. Ned brought in their suitcases and bags, the container full of winter clothes she had found at her father's house, the picnic basket and the cookies. He got the fire going while Nancy put the food away, and she marveled at everything Edith had packed for her. Her stomach was growling, so she tore open a sleeve of the saltines they had purchased at the local grocery store and cautiously ate a few. Mashed potatoes, chicken broth, and crackers were a hell of a diet after what she had been eating in California, but she would be grateful for anything she could keep down, after the past week.

They had bought regular soda, caffeine-free diet soda, tea bags, honey, orange juice and apple juice, regular and decaffeinated coffee, graham crackers, applesauce, anything at all that had looked like she might be able to keep it down. They had regular bread and seven-grain bread, two rotisserie chickens, chips and sandwich toppings, enough food that they could stay at the lake for two weeks without needing to leave.

And he had agreed to go to counseling with her.

As little as twenty-four hours before, she would have said this was impossible.

The refrigerator was fully stocked by the time she was finished. Ned came into the kitchen rubbing his hands together, and Nancy glanced up at his face, still feeling a little unsteady. She knew Ned was defensive, that they were both feeling a little shellshocked over everything, and she wasn't quite sure how to act around him.

"You hungry?"

Ned nodded. "It's okay, babe, I'll just make myself a sandwich. What do you want? I can heat something up for you."

"I think I'll try some mashed potatoes."

"Smooth or chunky?"

Her stomach growled. Nancy chuckled. "Your mom really was thorough, huh."

Ned nodded. "Yeah. And if you try any of this 'not hungry' business, I'll just call her and let her talk you down."

Nancy smiled. "Okay. I'll try chunky, then."

He had turned the heat on, and their suitcases weren't downstairs anymore. The house had been closed up for the off-season and the air was a little stale, and Nancy was still shivering despite the fire in the fireplace. She went upstairs to find a quilt, and Ned had left their suitcases there, since he wasn't sure where she would want to sleep. His parents claimed the large bedroom when they were there, and Nancy was still inclined to think of it as theirs. She opened one of the smaller ones, and stood in the doorway, her heart beating a little faster.

"Nan? It's ready."

She closed her eyes when she heard that nickname on his lips. "Be right down," she called back.

A moment later, she heard his footsteps on the stairs. He found her standing there, looking at the bare mattress, the sheets and quilts put away for the season, the blinds tightly closed.

"Nan?"

"Remember..." He gently slipped an arm around her waist, and she leaned against him, resting her head on his shoulder again. "Remember when we came here that summer and we slept here..."

"In the same bed for the first time," he finished, and kissed the crown of her head. "I couldn't believe you actually let me sleep with you."

"Or that we stopped at making out," she said, smiling.

"I was trying to be a gentleman." He stroked his hand up and down her side, against her hip. "We can sleep in here tonight, if you want."

She nodded. "I'd like that."

"Come on, sweetheart. Let's go eat before it gets cold."

She was relieved when she was able to eat most of her bowl of mashed potatoes without feeling too queasy, and afterward they curled up under a quilt on the couch, their feet up on the coffee table, the television off and the fire crackling to itself in the fireplace. Ned's parents kept a respectable library of movies at the house, since the television received all of three channels, but Nancy didn't want to waste this time with him on just watching television. He had his arm around her shoulders, and she was snuggled against him. His body felt so warm against hers.

She closed her eyes, a warm blush rising in her cheeks as she remembered the last body she had felt against her own.

"Do you want to stay up here until our house is ready?"

"Sure," Nancy murmured.

"I didn't know if you were... working, or anything...?"

Nancy shook her head. "I pretty much quit my job at the firm in L.A., told them I didn't expect to be back... and I haven't contacted my old boss yet." Nancy looked down. "I haven't done much of anything while I was here. Cried a lot."

Ned squeezed her a little tighter, his lips brushing the crown of her head. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

And it came out without her wanting to say it. "When you didn't find me here, when you thought I was staying at the Hyatt... I thought that meant you didn't want to find me."

Ned made a soft sound. "I thought you needed time to cool off," he said softly. "And I knew where you were—well, where your car was, anyway—and I thought... It doesn't matter, does it. But if you wanted me to track you down, why did you leave a false trail?"

"So I could get here before you found me and tried to talk me out of it."

"I didn't think I could talk you out of anything."

"I was hurt and angry. I guess I still am, a little." Nancy closed her eyes. "I thought you were with—her—and you weren't going to come back... that I'd just done exactly what she wanted, bowed out of the picture so she could have you all to herself."

Ned's hand stroked her arm, slowly. "I haven't seen her in days," he said softly. "I sent her a message and told her it's over, and I'm going to block her number so she can't contact me."

Nancy found to her annoyance that she was crying again, and dried her tears with the edge of the quilt. "Thank you," she whispered.

"Spending time with her was a colossal fucking mistake." Ned's voice was low and firm. "I regret that, so much. She isn't a tenth, a _hundredth_ , as good as you."

But that hadn't stopped him.

Nancy nestled against him, putting that thought out of her mind. What he had done, he had _done_. It was finished.

"Promise me," she said softly. "No matter how bad it gets, we won't do that. We won't turn to other people. We'll talk it out."

"We will," he agreed. "I promise."

She closed her eyes again. "You sound tired," she murmured.

Ned chuckled dryly. "I had maybe eight hours of sleep those last three days," he told her. "I was full of caffeine. Soda and coffee and energy drinks." He made a soft sound. "I haven't had anything to drink since then, either."

He said it quietly, and she didn't sense that he was looking for a compliment. "I'm glad," she whispered.

They fell asleep together, lulled by the sound of the fire as it slowly dwindled, warm under the quilt. They only woke once they were hungry again, and Ned heated up the pot roast and vegetables for his dinner. Nancy opted for the chicken noodle soup, and while she only was able to eat a few noodles and pieces of chicken, she drank all the broth and ate five crackers, with a small glass of orange juice. At dusk they bundled up and went for a walk along the lakeshore, their hands joined. In the late-fall chill it felt like they were entirely alone for miles around. In the warmer weather Nancy remembered games of volleyball, tanning on the shore, wading into the water and splashing her boyfriend before they chased each other. She remembered when they had visited with his parents after they were married, when she had put on that tiny hot-pink bikini and they had made love lazily on the opposite shore, their limbs entwined and slick from their swim, almost daring someone to discover them.

"You quit your job," Nancy said suddenly.

"Yeah," Ned said. "Walked into Lindsey's office and resigned effective immediately, yesterday morning."

"And they didn't freak out?"

"I took a few phone calls this morning while you were with Hannah. Told Heather to email me if there was an emergency, but otherwise I would be incommunicado." Ned gently swung her hand. "She... she kept trying to warn me that I was being such a goddamn fool. I wish I'd listened to her."

"I knew there was a reason I liked her," Nancy said lightly. "So what are you going to do now? See if you can get back on at your old place?"

Ned shook his head. "I don't think so. After all, I resigned from the California branch; I don't think they'll look too favorably on that." He sighed. "I could find a job at another firm. I could start my own firm."

"You could," she agreed. "It would take a lot to start your own place, though, wouldn't it?"

Ned shrugged a little. "It would be a lot of hard work, and I'd have to carve out a niche for myself. But I'd be able to make my own hours. And it wouldn't even necessarily have to be advertising." He ran his fingers through his hair. "I don't know. What do you think?"

"About what you should do?"

"Yeah." He swung her hand lightly again. "I value what you think, Nan."

She bit back another retort. He was being sincere; she could tell from his voice. "I think I'd talk to guys who had opened their own firms and see if they would do it all over again," she admitted. "See what they wish they'd done differently. Why reinvent the wheel?"

"That's a good idea," he said, and leaned down to kiss her cheek. "See, beautiful _and_ smart."

Nancy smiled at the feel of his lips against her skin. "Sometimes you're not so bad yourself," she murmured.

By the time they were ready to go to sleep, the house was warmer. Ned made sure the fire was entirely out and the doors locked before they went upstairs, and they brushed their teeth, washed their faces, and made up the bed together, piling three quilts onto the bed. Theirs was the only occupied house nearby, and she opened the blinds, letting the dim starlight in.

Ned turned on the bedside lamp before they took their clothes off. Nancy had pulled flannel pants and a long-sleeved henley out of their winter clothes to wear to bed, but she could feel her husband's gaze on her as she stood shivering in her underwear.

She crossed her arms over her chest. "Turn off the light," she said softly.

Ned shook his head, his brow furrowing a little as he crossed to her, reaching out to lightly touch her cheek. "Sweetheart," he whispered, his other hand drifting down her side, his fingertips tracing over the indentation of her ribs. "Oh, Nan..."

Nancy blushed a little as she looked down at herself. Even she had been able to tell from her reflection that she looked a little too thin; the shadows under her eyes and in her cheeks didn't help. Then she looked up at him. While his broad chest was still muscular, he looked different too. Thinner.

"Please turn the light off," she whispered. "Please."

Ned shook his head. "I want to see you."

Nancy blinked and sent a pair of tears down her cheeks. "I don't... I don't want you looking at me and wishing... that I looked like her..."

She choked and Ned pulled her into his arms. "Baby, I don't wish that at all. You're beautiful, so beautiful, and once you feel better and you're eating right again, you'll look better. But you... you were losing weight even before..."

She nodded. "Everyone out there was so thin... so glamorous, and I felt so..." She shook her head.

Ned cupped her cheek, reaching down to gently brush his lips against hers. "You were perfect, baby," he whispered. "And you will always be perfect to me."

Another pair of tears slipped down her cheeks as she tilted her head, accepting his kiss, trying to put the last time they had gone to bed together out of her mind. He was different now. She knew that. She had to believe it.

That fucking threesome. The fucking threesome he had wanted even before they had moved to California.

Ben's voice came back to her. If he wanted it, sooner or later... She just wasn't enough for him.

Ned kissed her ear and she shivered. "Talk to me," he whispered, his palm warm as it stroked her back.

She closed her eyes. "I feel like I'll never be enough for you," she whispered.

"Baby..." Ned picked her up, holding her tight, and carried her over to the bed as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "Baby, I swear, you are the only one for me, now and forever. The only one. And I will never, never forget that again."

"And you're the only one for me," she whispered, shivering before he laid her down on the newly made bed, and the sheets were cold against her mostly bare skin. Her chest felt tight with tears. "Always. I love you so, so much."

"And I love you."

She opened her legs to him before he moved over her, and she felt nervous as she gazed up at him. Given how lackluster their sex life had been for months now, she couldn't remember the last time she had come to bed eager; she was used to telling herself that they just needed to get pregnant, and now that wasn't the reason anymore. She was just making love to her husband.

And she had been so, so sure that she would never feel his arms around her again, never feel his lips against hers again...

She shivered a little and Ned reached down to pull the blankets up over him so she wasn't fully exposed. "Better?"

She nodded, reaching up and running her fingers through his hair, and when he leaned down to her, his hips snug against hers, and brushed the tip of his nose against her cheek as he nuzzled against her, she closed her eyes. He slipped his hands under her to unfasten her bra, then pulled it down her arms, and she shivered again as he settled against her, his skin so warm against hers.

"My beautiful girl," he said, his voice a rough whisper that sent another shiver down her spine. He cupped her breast, drawing his thumb back and forth over her tight nipple. "My only." He leaned down again, his lips brushing her ear. "I can't believe we're really having a baby. That I'll be a father. And, baby, I know you'll be a good mother. I know you will."

Her fingers tightened in his hair as her face crumpled, as she brought her legs up, shifting her hips under his. She tried to swallow her tears but she found herself crying anyway. God, it had hurt so much when he had said that to her, so fucking much.

"Oh, Nan, don't cry. Please... I'm sorry."

"Do you mean it?" she whispered, her voice shaking.

"Yes, sweetheart. Yes. I'm so sorry." He gently, deliberately stroked his fingertips over her belly, where the infinitesimal bundle of cells floated, that piece of both of them, and she shivered again. "I'm so fucking sorry."

He kept touching her, kept stroking her, as he nuzzled against her breasts, drawing her nipple into his mouth and lashing it with his tongue before he moved to the other, then planted a trail of feather-light kisses between her breasts, down to her belly button. He slipped her panties down and took off his own boxers, and she was relieved when she could feel his cock, hard against her belly, as he settled his hips between her own again.

At least she was still able to get him aroused. At least he hadn't fucking suggested that they put on porn again...

Nancy closed her eyes hard, willing herself to forget that terrible night had ever happened. Instead, she thought back to that first night they had spent in this bed, how his kiss had brought such a tingling awareness to her, how badly she had wanted to be this close to him. She would have died of complete mortification if he had slipped a hand under her tank top, if his touch had strayed to her tender breasts.

She ran her fingers through his hair again, guiding him down to her, her lips parting before they even brushed his. His tongue slipped into her mouth and she made a soft sound deep in her throat as his cock settled against the slit of her sex. He angled his hips and when the underside of his shaft brushed against the firm tip of her clit, she nipped at his lower lip, her inner flesh throbbing in anticipation.

Ned kissed her cheek as he rubbed against her again. "Do you want me like this? On top?"

She nodded twice. "Yes," she moaned softly, drawing her fingertips down the back of his neck, his shoulder blades. She wrapped her legs around his waist, savoring the feel of him moving against her, the way his weight pressed her into the mattress.

"I don't want to hurt you."

She turned her head, brushing her lips against his again. "It'll be okay," she whispered. "I need you... I need you so much..."

He kissed her deeply, his tongue plunging into her mouth as she tilted her hips under him, rocking to give him a good angle. He kissed her again, again, so sweetly, and she ran her fingers through his hair again, his hips snug between her open thighs.

She had almost let this happen with Ben. She had almost let a man other than her husband slide between her thighs, deep into her sex...

She shuddered when Ned moved back to run his fingers over the join of her thighs, over her sex, then reached up to angle his cock. He rubbed the head of his cock against her clit and she let out a soft cry, pushing her shoulders against the pillow as she arched under him.

Then he guided himself down, his cock hard and hot against the slick folds of her inner flesh, down until he was barely against the opening of her sex. She flushed, her lips parted, gazing up at him as he began to move inside her.

"Oh," she moaned, then sucked in a sharp breath as his thumb found her clit. "Oh God, _yes_ ," she cried out, rocking her hips against him.

"Mmmm," Ned sighed, surging when her nails dug into his back. "Yeah, baby... God, you feel so good. I love you."

"I love you," she whispered, tensing at the apex of his thrust, her inner flesh clenching tight against his cock, and he was so deep inside her, filling her completely. " _God_ ," she cried out, trembling as he pulled back and drove himself into her again.

"Like that?"

She nodded hard. "Yes, _yes!_ Oh God, oh _God_..." She cried out as he circled her clit.

"You can scream," he murmured as she undulated under him, and she could feel, could hear how wet she was for him as he moved inside her.

"Just keep... keep doing that," she panted, and she tipped her head back, angling her hips and crying out when his next thrust took him even deeper. She trembled, holding herself that way, and when he slid inside her again, still stroking her clit, pleasure and anticipation so intense they made her ache swept over her. Another cry escaped her. "Oh God, oh _God, oh!_ Oh God, _yes! Oh yes so good, baby..._ "

Her lashes fluttered as she cried out loudly, as he pushed his hips against hers, his hot, hard cock so gloriously big against her tight sex as he plunged into her. Her nails dug against the sheet, into his back, as she sobbed desperately, and she shuddered when his chest brushed against her tight nipples.

"Come for me," he whispered, and she screamed when he dragged his thumbnail over the tip of her clit, bucking under him. "Come for me, baby."

Her orgasm was tight against her belly, her sex tender and throbbing around his own, and with one last thrust she came, her hips canting against his. Her eyes rolled back as he rubbed her clit even harder, her screams so high and desperate they were soundless.

Ned collapsed with one more thrust, and he was buried deep between her thighs when he finally came, pulsing inside her as he spent himself. He supported his weight on his forearm to keep from crushing her, and she whimpered, still slowly rocking against him as she brought her chin down, blinking up at her husband. She felt so entirely sated, so spent that she didn't want to move. They were both panting for breath, and she slowly opened her legs, letting them fall open underneath him.

She touched his cheek and Ned opened his eyes, a soft smile curving his lips as he looked down at her.

"I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too," he whispered, then kissed her temple, her cheek, the tip of her nose. Their lips met again and she kissed him sweetly, her tongue sliding against his.

They lingered in each other's arms for a long moment, until Ned found the strength to push himself off her and find a tissue to wipe her inner thighs. He settled back under the covers with her, pulling her into his arms, and she kissed the hollow at the base of his throat as she nestled against him, both of them still naked.

She couldn't remember the last time she had felt so content or so safe in his arms. They weren't okay yet, not by a long shot, but she was just starting to believe that maybe they could be. Maybe. Maybe one day she would be able to look back on their time together in California as a nightmare. A terrible nightmare, but only a nightmare.

They had both started to lose themselves out there. Now they had eight months to find themselves again, to give their child a set of stable, loving parents.

But love had never been the problem, for her. She had loved him even when he had hurt her so damn deeply that she thought it would kill her. Her fear that he would meet someone else, though...

She kissed his chest. "I love you," she whispered against his skin. "I always will."

Ned made a soft noise, stroking her back. "Love you," he whispered, his voice soft with exhaustion. "And I always will."


End file.
